“I knew I never should have let her out of the hospital,” said Nurse Redheart, sullenly looking at the barely breathing filly that lay in the adjacent hospital bed. She looked peaceful in contrast to the swarm of instruments attached to every inch of her body. “Or at least allow her to make a trip to the library like that. ”
Derpy Hooves also glanced at Dinky on the bed, the steadily beeping heart monitor reassuring her that the young pony was still alive. “We tried,” she said with a sigh, “but Twilight couldn’t help us.” ‘And nopony else can, either.’
“The only other option would have been to take her straight to Canterlot,” the nurse retorted. “I don’t think she would have survived, though.”
“I think she would,” the sad pegasus replied. “She probably can’t make it anymore, and it’s my fault for wasting her time.” The mailmare looked at the ground in defeat. She sat down, her head still lowered. ‘Why did we even try? I should have known that there was nothing Twilight could do. She’s just another pony after all.’ Her lips shook as she tried to be strong, cracking under the pressure. “Dinky’s probably going to die now, and it’s all my fault.” The kind nurse sitting next to her placed a single hoof on the pegasus’s shoulder in an attempt to console her. They both sat together for a couple of seconds, the mother shaking as she already started mourning her upcoming loss with silent tears.
“Now, stop fretting. We’re working on something to help Dinky.”
“What? What is it?” the sad mother responded, looking up at the nurse and wiping away her tears.
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” the frustrated nurse mumbled to herself. “A new type of medication we’re developing just for Dinky,” the hospital pony responded with a smile.
“What is it going to do? When is going to be ready?” Derpy inched closer to the nurse, practically begging her for more information. ‘Will it save her?’ The previous thought went unsaid as the pegasus almost started brushing up against her helper.
“We’re developing something to delay the effects of her broken horn,” Redheart responded. “We don’t know how it will be administered yet, and we don’t know how exactly how long it will take until it’s ready, but we’re hoping tomorrow morning or afternoon.”
Derpy sat back in defeat. “I hope she survives until then,” the sad mare responded, looking back at her little filly with teary eyes. The little filly looked so sad, her unchanging expression on her face still showing the discomfort from exerting herself earlier. Her now-clean coat and tail still required the work of a brush, although they had been washed off before departing to visit the princess’s prized pupil. The pegasus looked back at the nurse, her pained expression on her face begging for an answer. “She will survive until then, right?”
Nurse Redheart let out a huge sigh. “We can only hope.” The two of them both sat beside the hospital bed, staring at the injured little filly that lay on the bed. They both shared a moment together, two strangers both grieving for a single pony.
“I know that I was in the wrong for discharging Dinky early the first time, but I can let her leave a second time as long as she stays in bed while she’s gone,” said the nurse. “I know that she won’t do anything strenuous since you two aren’t going anywhere.”
‘Oh no, not this again.’ The sadder of the two mares quickly spun around. “But what about Princess Celestia? What if she does come here and we’re already gone?”
“If she does eventually come here to help, we’ll redirect her to your house. The hard part will be getting her to get to ponyville on time in the first place.”
Derpy sat for a moment, contemplating the decision. “But what if it takes too long to get to my house? What if the extra distance doesn’t let Dinky...” She choked, the thought not allowing her to continue.
The nurse knew exactly what Derpy meant. “Look, if she can get here in time all the way from Canterlot, then the extra distance to your house will be nothing at all,” she reassured.
The pegasus lifted her hoof to her face, giving her cheek a couple taps to assist in the decision-making process. She looked at the little filly on the bed, her frail frame and weak nature causing her to rethink her point-of-view. ‘For Dinky...’ she thought, turning back to the caretaker next to her. “Okay. It’s what Dinky would want. She’d be more comfortable in her own bed when she wakes up.”
Carrot Top barely managed to push the door to the house she shared with Dinky and Derpy as she stumbled into their living room, a basket of carrots in her mouth. “Never... again... market war.. with Apple family...” she breathed through a sore mouth from handling the long orange vegetables all day. The tired earth pony looked towards the kitchen table, expecting to see Derpy eating dinner like she normally did at this time. She was met with the company of absolutely nopony, the deserted room abnormally dark. ‘Where is she?’ The garden pony set down her basket on the table.
The door creaked behind Carrot Top, signaling the orange pony to turn around just as the door slammed shut entirely on its own. “Derpy?” she called out into the darkness, looking around to find a way to light her path. A fading beam of light streamed in through a crack in the drawn curtains, its thin streak falling directly on a nearby candle. Carrot Top lit it, delicately placing the handle into her mouth to carry it along with her. The flickering flame lit her way as she traversed the hallway leaving to the bedrooms, the far window also having its curtains drawn.
The garden pony shuffled her way into Dinky’s room, careful not to bump into the small nightstand right next to the door. She was greeted with the sight of Derpy sitting in small wooden chair alongside the filly’s bed, said filly laying under the covers. The pegasus’s eyes were closed with her head down, her hoof placed gently on the unconscious unicorn. A tear was collected in the corner of her eye, the grieving mare to preoccupied to wipe it away.
Carrot Top placed the candle onto the table next to her, never taking her eyes off of the pair of ponies in front of her. She opened her mouth to speak, hesitating at the thought of breaking the silence. The dim candle eerily cast shadows on the walls behind the ponies. The larger-than-life figures danced around, intimidating her even further. Carrot Top finally mustered up the courage to speak, her feeble voice weak from fright.
“What are you doing here?”
“I could be asking the same for you,” came the reply. Derpy sat still, unmoved from her position. Her eyes snapped open, boring holes into Carrot Top while her head remained down. “You normally never come into Dinky’s room.”
The earth pony took a step back, daunted by the scene in front of her. She gulped, almost too nervous to continue. “Well I just saw that you weren’t eating dinner like you normally do and...” Her voice trailed off as the two ponies locked eyes, one out of anger and the other out of fright.
“Leave.”
The verbal blow pushed Carrot Top back again, causing her to take another step back. “What? Why?”
“Dinky told me yesterday that you sent her to buy the milk,” Derpy said, shifting her weight off of the chair and onto her hooves, slowly raising to her full height. “I thought I told you to do it. Are you so insensitive that you had to make Dinky buy the milk, even though you’re the one who was complaining about how we ran out?”
The earth pony took another step back, looking away to break eye contact. “Well, about that...” she meekly said, laughing a nervous chuckle. She started ducking away to subtly leave the room. Carrot Top looked up again to find the normally caring pegasus still glaring at her. Her eyes went wide in fright and she froze in place. “I- I can explain.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to explain.”
“But there is! Trust me!”
“Oh? Then what is it?” The pegasus snapped, taking a challenging step towards her roommate.
Carrot Top’s entire body solidified, not knowing what to say to the changed mare. Endless thoughts streamed through her head at lightning speed. ‘Oh dear Celestia what do I say what do I do leave where do I go where can I go leave the room how do I escape run. Run away. Now.’
Without thinking, the orange earth pony turned around and galloped away for dear life, bumping the nightstand on the way out of the room. The burning candle on top of it fell out of its holder, suddenly angled tip-down. The previously held molten wax spilled onto the surface, making a mess that Derpy would have to clean later. A few drops remained in the cup formed in the top of the candle, though, and these dripped down onto the wick.
The tiny flame quickly extinguished, snuffed out by its own fuel in a puff of smoke.
Dinky Hooves rolled over in bed, finally waking from her exhaustion-induced coma. She slowly opened her sore eyes, willing herself to push through the invisible force that clamped them shut. The weak filly was immediately greeted by a large, yellow, furry mass that filled her vision. ‘What is that thing...?’ she slowly thoughtT, barely able to form coherent sentences in her own mind.
The young pony blinked a couple of times to clear her vision, but was surprised that the creature was growing tentacles, the spindly snakes dancing around her vision. Her eyes suddenly grew wide in fear and she tried pulling the blanket over her head, failing due to her weakened state.
The young pony kicked out her three good legs with all her might, trying to push herself back from the demented beast that lay ahead of her. What Dinky imagined was the greatest kick ever known to ponykind translated only to a gentle push in reality. The gentle bump barely touched the creature, its soft hair giving way to a harder core.
The unicorn kicked out again, barely grazing the thing a second time. She continued this frenzied “violence”, never budging a single inch under her struggle. She gave one final thrust, rolling the unidentified alien onto its side. All of its protrusions retracted into the core, turning back into nothing but a ball of hair again. ‘Success...’ she thought, the delusional filly imagining that she saved all of Equestria just by nudging this barbaric demon into submission.
Dinky stopped The hairy ball quickly righted itself, letting out a long, low moan as it did so. Dinky started to struggle away from the beast again, not being able to do so due to the massive weight of the blankets on top of her. During that time the beast managed to raise up to its full height, revealing itself as none other than Derpy Hooves.
The pegasus smacked her lips and rubbed her eyes, trying to escape from the fog that lingered around her head. She looked down to find her own daughter, lying on her own bed with her eyes wide open in fear. A gasp and a smile later, and Dinky was engulfed in a giant hug, not unlike the one she received the previous night.
“Dinky! You’re awake!” the excited mare exclaimed. She squeezed Dinky even tighter. “I was so worried that you weren’t going to wake up.” She let go of her daughter, still kneeling down over the bed and smiling to try to comfort her. She couldn’t help but feel sad for her daughter, the weak little filly was dying and nothing could be done about it.
Dinky looked up at her mom, unable to smile back; the small gesture was too much for her. A tear rolled down her cheek. “Why... wouldn’t I... wake up?” she slowly asked, choosing each words wisely to make sure her sentences made sense.
Derpy looked away from her daughter, unable to maintain eye contact with the sad little being in front of her. “It’s... complicated.”
Dinky, too, looked down and away from her mother’s face, although eye contact was already broken. “What’s complicated?”
Her mother looked back at the filly, since looking at her didn’t mean she had to look into her eyes. “It’s... your horn.”
Dinky looked back up at her mother, who chose to look away at that moment. “What about it?”
The mother took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly and contemplating what exactly she would tell her daughter, and what she wouldn’t. “Well, I don’t want to have to tell you this, and I should have told you last night in the hospital, but you won’t be able to use magic,” she explained, laying down the facts straight.
“I... know that... already,” said the weak filly.
“What? How?”
“Yesterday... At the hospital...” she said, her voice barely a whisper. She paused, not wanting to say her thoughts aloud to her mother, but knowing that she had to. “I’m dying.”
“No! No you’re not!” snapped Derpy. The mare stood back up, no longer crouching down. “Me and Nurse Redheart are going to fix you back up, and you’re going to be all right! I promise!”
Dinky’s eyes welled up, the trickle of tears slowly becoming a flowing stream. “Please don’t lie to me, mommy” she choked, staring deep into her mother’s eyes. Her lips quivered, trying to hold back the tears that pushed against her eyes and failing.
Derpy broke down, not being able to stay strong in front of the young pony anymore. She cried openly for the first time since she, too, was a filly, her tear output capable of washing out her daughter’s. She lunged towards her daughter, hugging her in a tight embrace that caused both ponies to cry even harder. “I’m so sorry,” wailed the mare. “I never wanted to lie to you, but I had to.”
Dinky didn’t respond, her thoughts already filled with those of sadness and her mouth too preoccupied with crying with her loving mother. They shared an eternity together, bawling their hearts out and not being afraid to hide it from one another. Their weeping slowly turned to sobbing, and then to sniffling as the two cried all their tears out, their reservoirs running low and trickling to a halt. The two ponies hesitantly separated, wanting to spend the rest of their lives in their previous position, but knowing all too well that it was impossible. They looked into each others’ eyes, smiling with tear-covered faces.
“Hungry...” Dinky quietly said, too tired from their previous fit to say anything else.
Derpy immediately perked up, rushing to the kitchen to fetch some food as soon as she realized what Dinky meant. She returned to to bedside with some of her roommate’s carrots to feed Dinky. The filly started eating the vegetables, chewing slowly to avoid choking while laying down.
The mother smiled as she watched her daughter eat peacefully. She cleared her throat, beginning to sing without any further beckoning required.
“You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine...”
“Any news on the princess?”
“Nothing. We haven’t heard back from her yet.”
Derpy looked away from the nurse. She summoned up the courage to speak out again, willing herself not to crack under the sadness that weighed her down. “I don’t think she’s going to come.” She nervously toyed with the flaps that sealed her saddlebags shut with her wings, picking at the seams and ruffling the corners as they both sat anxiously.
Nurse Redheart sighed, accepting the fact that their all-powerful leader wasn’t going to help. “I don’t think so, either.”
They both sat still in the middle of the waiting room, neither wanting to break the silence. They both shuffled their hooves to pass the time during the awkward pause in conversation.
“Hold on right here,” Nurse Redheart suddenly said, Finally remembering the thing she wanted to give Derpy. She quickly cantered over to a back room, one that wasn’t visible to the pegasus. Derpy heard the noise of what seemed to be hollow glass-on-glass before a cabinet shutting, and the nurse returned to the front of the pegasus in a normal trot. Several small, clear vials were placed in her mouth alongside a syringe.
“Is that it? Is that the medicine?” asked Derpy.
Nurse Redheart leaned forward and deposited the objects on a small magazine-covered table next to her. “Yup,” she said, slowly backing away from the vials as if moving too fast will make them spontaneously combust.. “It’s mostly untested, though.”
“Untested?” Derpy asked with a horrified expression on her face.
“Well, we tested it a little bit,” she said. “We know that it won’t harm anypony, a couple of trials have already tested that, but we haven’t tested it on a unicorn with a broken horn yet, so we’re not entirely certain that it will work.”
Derpy leaned towards the unmarked bottles, studying them with all her might. There was nothing peculiar about them, the crystal vials revealing an almost water-like liquid inside. They sloshed around like water, except that they clung to the sides instead of forming small drops. “I dunno,” she finally said, lifting her head and looking at the nurse. “It seems awfully dangerous. What if there’s long-term effects?”
Nurse Redheart nervously chuckled. “Well, what other options are there?” She took up the clear vials and put them in Derpy’s saddlebags, gingerly placing the syringe and several spare needles alongside them. “If there are long term effects, at least she’ll live longer than she will if she doesn’t take the medicine.”
Derpy looked away, contemplating what little options she had. “But Dinky doesn’t like needles. What if she refuses to take it?”
“Give it to her when she’s sleeping,” the hospital pony replied, putting a couple small pieces of cloth between the glass ampoules so they wouldn’t break in transport. “You know how to use a needle, right?”
“Yeah, the last time Dinky broke her leg I had to keep injecting it with antibiotics to keep it from getting infected,” the grey pony acknowledged. She rubbed her left foreleg with her right, nervous about having to do such a thing to her daughter again.
“Well, this time you have to inject one of her forelegs instead of one of her back legs. You might want to alternate legs to keep the soreness down,” the nurse reassured. “The only other issue I can see right now is that Dinky might build up an immunity to it, and if she does, we might have to start increasing her dosage.” Nurse Redheart stepped back from Derpy’s saddlebag, satisfied with her work of protecting the previous cargo. “Just make sure you consult me first.”
The pegasus still looked nervous, the fact that the medicine was untested making her rethink her decision on giving Dinky the medicine. ‘If I don’t give this to her, she’ll die,’ she thought, suddenly switching her viewpoint on the whole thing.“Well, I guess it’s okay. Sure. We’ll take it.”
First
Amazing chapter! I really hope Dinky makes it. And I want to see punishment for what Carrot Top did
Must resist urge to cry....
This is a sad story! Can't wait for the next chapter!
I really hope Dinky doesn't die.
please let her make it. oh Celestia let her live!!!!
Oh Celestia, it's My Little Dashy all over again! Must... resist...manly...tears.....BWAAAAA
Very good update. Hope to see more soon.
289462 u no aloud be first u author also if dinky die you die
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-manly-tears.jpg
I'm bucking sad.
If it wasn't for Carrot Top being Irresponsible Dinky wouldn't be dying now.
And if weren't for the idiot Apple family and their mercenary nature, Carrot Top wouldn't have been distracted. It's as much AJ's fault this happened as it is hers.
I feel sorry for Carrot top. I was in a situation not unlike this once. The guilt is overwhelming, even if they survive
O, such sadness.
If this stress keeps up on poor Derpy, she is likely to catch a cold.
This is one roller coaster of a story.
And this one ends with a chance of hope?
Something is going to go wrong with that... I can just feel it....
Or that is my old man bones acting up again.
Rrghh... The chapter was titled "Dawn"...
But I don't see any light right now...
Argh, where's Celestia, gorramit?!
290595 Huh? You mean something like that happened to you, once?
Now I'm intrigued. Care to tell? If you want to, I mean; you don't have to if you don't want...
DINKY DON'T BUCKING DIE ON ME! NONONONONONONONONONO
289501
I kind of went off-track when I made my decision to not end it at chapter 3, so even I don't know if CT will be punished
289681
I can be first if i WANT TO.
290384
I noticed only a couple of people got that in the first 2 chapters. I tried bringing this to light in this update.
290464
Meh, what I tried to convey with the "Market war" is that it isn't an everyday thing. It's just a reason for CT to get home late, but people seem to be misconstruing this.
290595
Care to share?
290596
I know that it's a rollercoaster. If it wasn't it would be boring to read.
290970
Thank you kind sir/madam
291768
The chapter titles are something that I thought up while writing the first draft on chapter 1. I admit, it wasn't working very well, but they fit much better now that I extended the fic.
292518 to bad for you you author I Alicorn so I give cutie mark crusaders magic us ro dah necklaces CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DOVAHKIIN! FUS RO DA!
292518 I'll help you write a punishment for her...
289462 22nd!
292518 So true. A part of me wants to know if this will have a happy ending or not, while another part doesn't want to know so that it can enjoy this emotion rollercoaster to its fullest. Don't ask about the rest, it just gets confusing from here on out to try and understand.
293079 My little Dashie? I haven't read that one yet. I have heard on how sad it is, and that makes me too worried to read it....
293276 23rd.
291786 It was a few years ago, when I was still living In Paris. I was staying with my friend Hamelin after I got kicked out of my apartment, he had A young son, a nice kid called Astor. Astor had issues with concentration, very serious issues with concentration. One day, Hamelin asked me to take his son out to see the Arc de Triomphe, we were about to go into the tunnel leading to the Arc de Triomphe when I say a street performer, I asked Astor if he wanted to watch the street performer and he agreed. He always liked street performers...
He got bored halfway through the performance and sneaked off, Once the performance was finished I looked down to ask Astor If he wanted some money to pay the man. Astor was gone. I called Hamelin, he got let out of work to help me look for his son. We spent the entire day looking. Then we got a call from a police officer. They found Astor, he had been hit by a truck. I met the truck driver, he was absolutley beside himself with grief, So was Hamelin, he never blamed me for what happened, but I still blamed myself, I still do. I remember what Hamelin told me after the accident
"Nikolaev, you can't blame yourself for this, I know you probably already are and I know why. But it wasn't your fault, you know how distracted Astor could get. You couldn't have known he would run off like that. I don't blame you, don't blame yourself. your better than that"
I said goodbye to my friends and then packed up and moved to Melbourne, which has been my home ever since. I can't go back to Paris, there are to many memories there.
and now you know.
I need a fucking drink...
I can go into greater detail if you want, but that is all I will post for you for know, I don't want to depress you with the details.
I need a god damn drink
294121 Oh, Hell's Bells... I am so sorry. I didn't want to bring up any memories like that... And, if you don't want to post more, don't. If you want to, go right ahead, but I'm not forcing anything.
My sympathies go to you, really. And while it may not be my duty to say; your friend is right: Our minds will most likely whisper "what if"s, and "You should have"s after situations we wish had gone differently. But from what I can tell, it really wasn't your fault at all. People can't live their lives full of guilt. Sorry if I'm drawing this out or saying things that aren't necessary, it's just... Shit, the world can be cruel...
295294 Don't feel bad about dredging this back up, I has been squatting in the back of my mind for a while.
292546
I admit, I lol'd
292631
I'll keep that in mind.
293079
I didn't think MLD was that sad. I still don't see why it was (and is still) so overhyped.
293117
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
293847
Like I said, overhyped. It's constantly on the front page because so many people are reading it at the same time, all the time.
294118
I admit, all the lawlz from unicolts's comment were washed down the drain when I read this. I teared up. There's no need to add any more detail, unless you want to.
296120 I came up with it because in one of my stories I have a character that's a alicorn and that's what was going to happen to a few characters that pissed me off
edit the character hurt the cutie mark crusaders that was the revenge launch them into a cage no better team ice blasting off again(check my story it will make more sense)
296120 Give me the word and we'll brainstorm together
296120 To be fair my story is not entirley truthful, the reason my friend Hamelin tried to tell me it wasn't my fault is because after the accident I was so overwhelmed with guilt I tried to hang myself.
Hamelin was not a sympathetic to me as I made him out to be. at least not initally. He gave me the talk about a week after the accident. I was so wracked with guilt over what had happened that I was left almost perpetually contemplating suicide, It did not help that most of my friends distanced themselves from me after the accident, I do not blame them.
After an entire week and a half of contemplation I had finally decided to do it. I had decided to shoot myself. I stole Hamelin's gun. wrote up a note and everything. I trudged off to the bathroom to end it. I nearly succeeded, I would have if Hamelin hadn't been let off of work early.
He entered the house quitetly, because as much as he had hated me all week long, he figured I had been drinking all day long (I call myself VodkaMeister for a reason). He was so quite I didn't even notice he was home. I was about to place the revolver in my mouth when He opened the door. I was so suprised that I dropped the gun he just stared at me for what seemed like forever.
After he overcame his shock that his best friend and room mate had been about to kill himself he punched me in the mouth. yelled at me for being so stupid and I yelled that he didn't care about me, and that he shouldn't because I am a terrible person who deserved to die. Then, once we had both calmed down we had the talk. I should probably have added this earlier but then you would have had to read a wall of text and no one likes that.
I will now take time to beg you not to kill dinky. For both Carrot top and Ditzy's sake.
and for those of you demanding Carrot top get punished for what happend. shut up. I have been a situation like hers. I nearly shot myself in the head. the sheer guilt is punishment enough, don't you agree?
296120 O, really? Not that sad? Hmmm.... Well I have read It takes a village. That was an amazing story. And you are pulling levels of emotion that come close to that story.
Although, if you do cause Dinky to die in this story, I will be mad at you for awhile. I will even GLARE at my screen as hard as I can to try and get it through.
But I will get over it, and applaud you for an amazing story, just remember, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
And the sadness ensued right now even further...DAMMIT. Still my feelings for this story are awesome...because they make me sad. Dude you manage to convey it like a freaking BOSS and I don't know how. Well maybe because I would never do this kind of fics myself heh. That aside, I really hope Dinky manages to survive, or that Celestia (or hell even Luna or Twilight) comes in and helps, or that forgiveness comes to Carrot Top (even though she caused the action in a bastardly way, she did not want something to happen to Dinky). But whatever floats your boat here's to hoping the choices will be done in the best interest of the story (though if they manage to match my own then great). Great story dude. Keep it coming. Here I will read until the end.
296140
...what?
296259
296938
I didn't find it very sad until I read the last lines. Then I was sad for wasting so much time on such an overhyped fic.
297539 297564
I think this is the 3rd time I've said this, but now even I don't know where this fic is going. I'll have to keep brainstorming ideas for it to end correctly by chapter 5. Also, you have all my tears.
297716
>Looks up fic
>148k words
LOLNOPE.avi
299772
Personally, I think this was the worst chapter. I don't like how it came out, especially with the redundant nature of the scene where Dinky wakes up in regards to what their eyes are doing. I also didn't think that this chapter was very sad, but the readers think otherwise.
299961 read a new beginning by unicolt my comment will make more sense
299961 Well the sad part does come from the fact that Derpy is running out of time, and that every goddamn thing isn't going the way she wants, plus the now recent thing with Carrot Top. That does add a sad thing and a lot of emotional pressure to the readers and make them hope for more (myself included). Also this chapter was NOT bad, okay? While not the most sad (this could be why you don't think it was sad enough. Not a lot beats the sadness of seeing a mother see their child run over by an out of control carriage and then knowing that she will die), this WAS sad for us. or at least me. Regardless don't say it was bad. Cause it wasn't. If the comments don't tell you anything then nothing will. Anyway I also forgot to ask you. Don't you think the story would have ended way too soon had you ended it on tis chapter? Hell I kinda would have thought that you rushed the story or something. But that may be just me. i don't know. Regardless do tell if you can. I am intrigued far more to your story than I think I let on.
299976
I might just read it, but it has 10k words and I'm not feeling like starting a new fic right now. I might over spring break.
300022
I never really thought about it that way. Thanks. Also, yeah, I felt like the story was ending too abruptly. I felt that it was way too early in the story for it to end the way it was going to, and that it wouldn't make much sense. You should have read the very first version of the fic, it told pretty much the entire story in less than 3k words and ends with Dinky dying in the hospital on the first night.
300161You're welcome. I'm glad I made a doubt in your mind dissapear. Also I'm glad you saw it too. In fact if you ever feel the need too, re-write the whole thing. It might make you feel better (or not. Since I have just started my own fic not too long ago, I wouldn't know about this. However it is your choice of course). Also don't worry. Type as much as you need in as much time and chapters you think you need. Last thing we need is an anticlimax out of freaking nowhere with all that sadness and naileating moment stuff with something like that first version. But don't fret. We sometimes right something we think it's good, and 5 seconds later we realize how bad it is (or how short in your case) and find ourselves headdesking, torturing our poor foreheads (and to this I quote something out of Wolokai's Leap of Faith series from the Rainbow vs Wild story (which i recommend reading if you haven't read said series), "Don't hate the forehead, it's not it's fault. Love the forehead, love the forehead"), and then our minds trying to find a way to make it better/longer/etc.. I so far had to do it once...and my mind and head didn't appreciate it. Regardless don't worry about that. Wow I think I may be overtalking to much to someone who may already know this kind of stuff. Sorry if I seem a little like a teacher here. Don't want to do and repeat something you already know. In any case, do what you want/must/need. That is how it is supposed to work, no?. However if you use the comments to help you then even better, To me, a good story is based on the author and their readers. A good combination of ideas and imagination. I think I already said enough. Sorry.
299961 Scared by the number of words? Well, long reads aren't for everypony. Too bad, it is one of the more heart touching stories I have read so far.
300523
I doubt I'll rewrite the whole thing. I'd rather move onto other projects than redo something that's already done. If I rewrite it, most of the people that will read it have already read this version before, and I feel like it's a waste of time to read it again, told in a new way. Also, I might just make this in 6 chapter instead of 5. I know I keep extending it, but there's still so many scenes to write if I'm going to end it the way I've been thinking about lately. Also, you're not overtalking. I'd rather read a long, thought out comment than one that isn't very clear.
301250
Yeah, I hate long reads. I'd rather jump in from the beginning and come along for the ride while new chapter keep coming out.
304381 I see. Well, like I said, do you want to do. After all rewriting the whole thing IS tiring (and the move on to newer projects is also a good reason). Dude, don't worry about extending it. Hell, if you want make it a 500,000 words story. Put everything you feel you want to put in (there is also the fact, that you must what you WANTED. If you didn't put everything you wanted, unless it was a change, then it isn't really the best you could have done). Also, no problem. Unless I go into "OMG Awesome" mode, which i do very often with the combining of a thoughtful comment, then I think I aways do that.
304381 Well, as I said before, the long reads aren't for everypony. It all comes down to personal tastes and such. I won't shun you for not wanting to read a long story. And there are plenty of great short stories all around this wonderful site, and even a bunch of fabulous medium length stories as well. You read what you like. I just happen to like the wide variety in styles and such.
I can still hear Dinky.
It's very depressing.
Poor Dinks