Derpy Hooves is a normal Pegasus, living in a small house with her daughter, Dinky and her room mate, Carrot Top. One day, her life gets flipped upside down after she witnesses her daughter getting caught in a serious accident.
Chapters (6)
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WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dinkkkyyyy nooooooo! *Cries!*
Oh, no. Please. Please. Please do not die. Please.
Powerful, tracking this!
Why'd you go make me shed manly tears? I'm allergic to manly tears.
Now THIS is an intense story! I like it!
Well, I don't like Dinky being hit badly.
I'm not happy about it. I'm just saying the writing is very gripping.
The writer is very talented, Apple Bloom. The story should continue.
Fine, I really, really hope Dinky Hooves gets better. Happy now?
Oh, now what's wrong with you, Rarity?
omg that is so touching you brilliant writer
Definitely tracking this! Dinky~ T-T
Loving it so far, even though I usually hate this stuff.
order of emotions as i read:
MOAR!!!!!!
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/482/template.jpg
166480>>166528>>166536>>166608>>166703>>166733>>166860>>166864
lol this wasn't even meant to be the sad part yet.
166891
Not sure if "oh god it's so horrible just stop writing now" or "oh god it's so sad"
Also, I submitted this to EqD 2 days ago and it got rejected because the pre-readers pretty much can't handle any gore at all. The omnibus says that Grimdark is written way too much, but I can never find any gore-ridden stories anywhere on their site.
Also, if you liked the story check out the deviation that inspired me!
im sorry. i like the story, but i do have a few things to add.
i couldn't feel the impact of this, sad as it may be, it seemed too rushed, there was no suspense, it just happened.
though this is a nice story, ill keep an eye on it
Manly tears have been shed for Dinky
167024 Same here, same here.
166904
It's Oh God it's so sad
166926
Yeah, I know. When I was writing this I was like "this is the best fic ever written!" but after I reread it, I started having doubts about how good it was. It wasn't until it was rejected from EqD that I realized that there were many flaws in it, but I decided to post it here anyways. I can see what you're saying, but this is my first fic and I never thought about how hard it actually is to write. I was going to rewrite it, adding suspense before the accident and completely cutting out the gore aspect, but that wasn't how I liked it and gave up on an EqD post.
Also, like I said in a previous comment, this isn't even supposed to be the sad part.
I must save dinky healing cannon (look you can hate me for this comment but I don't care I've been posting way to many cannon comments to care so) HEALING CANNON
Arming the Orbital Healing Cannon...
Target Acquired: Dinky Doo, Unicorn pony
Coordinates locked; 088-5283-22/3
Main battery at full capacity...
Firing sequence initiated.
"May the Sisters have save her soul."
FIRE!
I'm not sad... I'm FURIOUS!!! GODDAMNED CARROT TOP!
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQxoXFce4rJxZaJWzeMlB1T82SsF2Uh2iHjbyEYDXzrGU_mvxIZ
167094
Lol i'm not the only one to realize that this is Carrot Top's fault. While deciding whether or not to add a grimdark tag to this, I thought that in an alternate ending Derpy could go on a killing spree, first killing Carrot Top and not stopping afterwards. I quickly scrapped the idea.
Oh god... I don't know if there are any parents here ( I kinda doubt it), but holy shit...
That has to be the absolute worst fear of any parent. I mean, the one thing in your life that gives it any meaning, the one thing you would sacrifice your own life to protect... And it could be taken away from you forever...
...
I don't think I want to be a parent when I'm older...
And Erccre, if you let Dinky die, I will hunt you. I will come for you, and I will... Ask you for a box of tissues.
And they call Derpy slow-witted with an idiot like Carrot Top around? Jiminy Crewcuts, what's wrong with them??
has anypony ever told you her real name is Ditzy Doo and not Derpy Hooves
167162
167238
Wait, what?
167257
When I originally wrote this, the characters' names wear Ditzy and Dinky Doo, but then this happened.
167264
Most of what's wrong here is that Carrot Top suffered severe brain failure directly after kidding Derpy about being slow. It's sort of hard to see that as being anything other than her being the real moron here.
with a *rat* and *tat* a *ratta tat tat* the towns rough music is comin of that Carrot Topped brat.
Oh god.. that last sentence actually hurt.
P.S. Screw you Carrot Top... SCREW YOU
Wow.
First, The Ballad of Derpy Hooves and now this?
Why do we hate on Derpy so?
manly tears were shed.
Hardly enough buildup and really just aims to tug at the heartstrings. Going into that much detail about what happened to Dinky may have had no effect on me, but I can see how it might make some queazy. Also, I don't like how Carrot Top goes from teasing to just straight-out agressively insulting.
167487 Manly tears were shed for both Derpy and Dinky....But only hate has been spread to Carrot Top, who mysteriously disappeared last night
167582
There wasn't supposed to be much of a buildup: it was supposed to be a shock, but the description gives it away, and there's no way to otherwise word the description without it being too vague. If I did rewrite it, I would have added more suspense because the reader already knows what's going to happen. On the topic of Carrot Top, I was trying to make Carrot Top an unlikable character because she's the reason why Dinky goes out and buys milk, and I realize that it went a little too far. The first draft actually had Derpy being the one going directly to insults, but that was counter-productive.
Also, sadfics don't have that much effect on me, either.
Awesome story! :) Tracking
EDIT : Just so you dont misunderstand me, it is sad, it is tragic. But that is one of the reasons I like it. I like to read intense story, which I can then mark as an awesome story :) . I just hope that Dinky will be okay
NOOOO poor Dinky!
166904
YET?!
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTrqgXauDsFUY9uPyAHi1Cx7S-TGssmyJ--4cQETao6uxX77xgmbg remember the good time to pull through the bad derpy
A wild "dark" tag appeared! *queue pokemon battle music*
Seriously, I dunno whether a mod added it or I accidentally checked it while changing the description, but it's staying since I was debating whether or not to put it on anyways.
167865
I don't think that Carrot Top was trying to make Dinky suffer, even though she was a bit mean. It could just be that Dinky disobeyed the orders of her mother and decided to ask Carrot Top to buy the milk. Nopony probably anticipated a filly getting run over.
I'll track this.
167264... Must everyone comfrom to canon!? GEEZ!
This pretty much sums up my reaction.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBCURs6zQDI
168193
Meh, I thought that "Dinky Doo" sounded better than "Dinky Hooves", but EqD requires the use of canon in naming, so I had to change it to submit.
I must say, It's not bad. Not real great, but still pretty good.
I'll be keeping my eye on this one. Don't worry about the writing to much either. You've already grown after mentioning that you've proofread this after you posted and learned some more. Just pace yourself, proofread, and I really think this will become a very good read. I'm going to be watching this.
168499
Yeah, the problem lies within the proofreading. I really don't like reading my own work because i think it's absolutely terrible, so I tend to look at it sentence by sentence and not read it as a whole. My two pre-readers thought it was good, but they're not looking at it through the eyes of the author (me), so they don't think about every single flaw as critically as the author (I) does. I'm still wondering how it got so many views as it did even though (through my eyes now) it came out pretty bad. Some people like my style, though. Meh.
166904 THIS ISN'T THE SAD PART?! How is a poor little filly getting run over NOT the sad part?!
Great story by the way.
Breaking a unicorn's horn... you do know that is nearly fatal, right? Not as immediately fatal as removing it, but pretty darn close.
So...i'll assume no, but is this the only chapter?
Really though, good job. I thought as if the details were pitch-perfect, and that you made Derpy seem some-what intellectual, and very caring. You also gave a reason why her eyes were always crossed. good job
168905
(I bucking love using this emoticon)
168960
Nope. It says "incomplete" at the bottom (which I never knew existed before I made this account). I tried making Derpy seem somewhat intellectual like you said, but still slow-minded through the argument. My EqD pre-reader thought the argument was pointless, and I did not have enough justification for almost everything in the story. The masses believe otherwise.
The single tear cliche killed it for me
The rest, though, was well-written. You did a good job of showing and not telling. Well done.