Bubbly
Joined 7th Mar, 2013 ·
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Hmm... not bad for your first story so far.
It's well formatted, doesn't have many grammar mistakes (That I can see anyway), it has decent enough pacing, and it actually acknowledges the franchise it came from (like that bronchial surfactant).
However they are some parts that I didn't get. Like the mission is scrubbed (Or at least implied that it was scrubbed) after 25 minutes, I don't see why it would be scrubbed after so short a time on one picture showing three ponies and a cannon.
And the ODSTs did have an order to kill anything hostile, yet the main guy ignores the order even when it means running the other way I know they'd run out of ammo, but ODSTs are tough sons of bitchs they train a lot and can take on brutes if Halo 3 ODST is anything to go by.
Also I don't think ONI or anyone in the UNSC would let unknowns on their Aircraft especially after the natives just tried to kill them.
Over all I think it's not bad and I'll check out the other chapters tomorrow I just wanted to give my first impressions.
Have a nice night.
The poor pilot.
Dat grammar. Or lack thereof, anyway.
Pilot was priceless
Lol blind date set up and i bet its twis frist date evert on top of that.
Lolz
oni bastards lawl
It's always ONI's fault, isn't it?
That pilot..
2397650
What about the pilot?
Good chapter. However, the number of spelling/grammar mistakes IS TOO DAMN HIGH! It really gets distracting, and really can interrupt the flow and mood of a moment. Try proofreading your own work, and slowly. It may be meticulous and boring, but readers will appreciate the story much better. Good Luck!
damn it Celestia, why cant you just accept it?
the UNSC taking military control? ...thank you...
by the way, thank you for continuing your story. its really great.
keep it up, hope to see more soon
same as what ace had to say you are an excellent author and this story is worth it. so
it would of been a shame if you had permanently stopped writing this one.
Luna doesn't give two shits
Celestia is an ass.
Taylor wants Twilight to be happy.
Twilight wants Celestia to accept the fact.
Any more questions?
Saw it coming still funny but predictable.
Well honestly no one gives a shit.
well i hope they don't break up, i liked the whole relationship thing
just confirming, is Twilight using a sniper rifle?
also, Twilight is becoming less like herself and more like a marine
lastly, for this and the previous chapter. great work. all the drama, the tension in relationships, the cursing... that little revelation.
seriously, iv'e heard fandoms about Celestia having a crush on her on student...
granted, its funny, but also downright creepy. i mean come on! shes more than a thousand years old and Twilight's like... fifteen? with all due respect to those who like this, i'm just stating my opinion, its just a bit awkward to me.
anyways, keep it up, hope to see more soon.
Ace out
2559475
Sniper rifle? No. Ponies cant hold guns. You know the gun on the mantis in halo 4? The weapon platform is loosely based off that except smaller and lighter. And because she isn't "holding" it, she has greater accuracy with an automatic weapon than an marine with an assault rifle. So basically she's using a saw that has the fire rate if an assault rifle, but the accuracy of a DMR.
Hope that answers your question.
2559641
good to know. thank for the info
p.s. will Twi and Taylor get along and get together again?
2560403
Glad i could help.
Q:2
A: No comment
2562592
Honestly, at this point I could care less about the rating. I'm writing it for the people who actually enjoy reading it. And secondly, you're making yourself look like an ass (kind of). If you knew what is good for you, you wouldn't assume things.
2562648
I'd like to ask for better constructive criticism next time, and less assuming. Both of which you could use some work on. Oh and BTW, "You killed Twilight and you killed your story." That right there is assuming.
Now stop pestering me! I have better things to do at the moment than argue. Thank you.
meh, this one was okay. I think a little more dialogue between luna and herself like
"Sweet mother of...." for example
would be good. But all in all a good chapter.
everyone hates politics because of CORRUPTION LOL
Its probably good to consider what tense things are in.
Acceptable phrasings would be "I sprint towards one of the pelicans being loaded" or "I sprinted towards one of the pelicans that was loading"
The structure "are being loaded" is chock full of awkward.
The overall tense of the story should be consistently past or present.
Drove, since your story appears to be predominantly told in the past tense.
Mistakes like these make your story hard to read and detract from the events you are attempting to portray.
2602595
These wouldn't be problems if I could get an editor and keep one. But unfortunately for me the people of the editor group love to not respond to any request for an editor. Because of this, my story isn't as good as it Should be. As you may have seen on the announcement I had previously discontinued the story due to that very fact, but thanks to the awesome people who can over look such mistakes I continued making chapters. But when I get an editor every single chapter is going under a major overhaul grammar and tense wise. And sorry for the confusion, the story is supposed to be present tense but my English teacher loves to make us write past tense and I sometimes have a hard time going back and forth between the two, especially when I'm writing chapters at 10 pm and am exhausted from the day. I do try my best but sometimes things get over looked.
Thanks for the input.
The pilot probably had a "Well... Feck" expression on his visage...
Why did you have the guy do shitty math estimates to figure the population of the unsc to the ponies? It's pointless and akward, just use a number.
2695603
*Shrugs shoulders* I don't know. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Looking back on it I can see where you're coming from. I really should go back and edit these chapters......
Normaly i hate lie ... but right now i'm happy to know twilight is ok... at least physically.
Hey! Don't dis the ODST battle armor! It looks awesome! At least the armor from Halo 3: ODST does...
By the way, response to a sergeant is "Yes, Sergeant" or silence (for a "no"). This is because having a bunch of people saying "yes" to a question while a bunch of others say "no" at the same time is...well.. messy and defeats the point of asking a question.
Sergeants will tear you a new one if you call the "sir". After all, they're not officers, they work for a living (no offense :D). Oh, and don't salute a sergeant.
Oh noes! He killed two royal guard who tried to murder him with a cannon! Oh the horror!
I hate it when stuff like that happens. In many fics the ponies are soooo self righteous despite the fact that they are the ones who attack first, unprovoked, without attempting to communicate, with lethal force. It's just that we humans are better at it than them so we avoid their attempts to kill us and we kill them first.
I don't think Celestia and Luna raise and lower the sun and moon. I think that they misunderstood the meaning of their cutie marks. They're real powers are that they are enhanced and use abilities related to their mark. Such as Celestia being able to form a "sunbeam" attack or something.
Well, in crossovers anyway. In straight fics I'd say that they do move the sun and moon, but that the sun and moon are the same size, are very small, but extremely close to the planet. Either that or in straight they rotate the planet, instead.
By the way, those articles of human-pony relations strikes me as very... Imperium-esque.
Well, no one could ever accuse Celestia of being competent, tolerant, understanding, intelligent, wise, or half-way decent.
To be fair, I can understand why McClain did what he did with the Flood. You can't expect ONI to not study it and try to find a way to cure it. They know now (from the novels) that the Spartan I (ORION Project) augmentations does give immunity to Flood infection, but it has an extremely low survival rate for that augmentation process. Determining whether or not pony magic would fight off the infection, or even cure those infected, was vitally important.
I can't hold that against them. At least even ONI knows better than to attempt to weaponize the Flood. The knowledge that ancient humans and Forerunners were crushed by the parasite probably contributes to that decision.
I notice that you let a lot of stuff go that the military would never allow. Like that marine holding a gun on an ODST and attacking a guest. He would normally be kept in prison for life. Given it is a time of war, he would be given a quick trial by a board of officers (like ship captains) and then executed. His two cronies would be given a dishonorable discharge. That would pretty much black list them for life. NO ONE will hire someone with a dishonorable discharge on their record. Even criminal groups would be hesitant since it means that person is a load of trouble that they probably won't want to deal with and would likely cost them far more than they would gain.
2490754
My question is why Celestia and now Luna thinks that a person, or even species, that seeks to do nothing more than protect those they care about no matter the cost to themselves counts as being a "threat" to the ponies' health?
"Oooo! You're kind willingly suffers and dies in terrible battlefields for the sole reason of protecting people you have never, and never will know? You're such a horrible person and I'm going to keep my friends away from you lest you do something drastic like save them at the cost of your own life!"
Ponies....just stop being effing ELDAR! They have that same retarded outlook.
A=!and
Otherwise, looks great!
Why do people keep writing these?
3341097
I started this what, a year ago? Almost. (Yes, I know it say march of 2013 but I started writing this before December of 2012) I'm not even bothering to check, but I decided to finish it. It's been on hiatus for months so sorry to disappoint you for having added another Halo crossover almost a year ago. The other one wasn't even my idea to begin with, and yes, I do plan on finishing that one too. So like I said, sorry for your inconvenience with my story choice.
3342061
Even in 2012 there were entirely too many Halo crossovers. It was complete saturation. Basically, every idea for a Halo MLP crossover seems to have been done to death.
3342265
Well if that's what you think then what's the point you coming here and commenting? You know you could have just completely passed this story over. No one forced you to look at this page.
3342334
Well I was genuinely curious, but your response to criticism has been to get snippy and passive aggressive.
Who knows, maybe the next author of a Halo crossover will be more informative. I'll only have to wait 10 minutes to find out.
3342471
'why do people keep writing these' doesn't seem like genuinely curious statement.
3342560
"Why" is a question, you know.
3342690
Your question doesn't seem genuinely curious.