Rainbow Dash has finally won her chance at being near the Wonderbolts, having been accepted for a summer job as a track-builder for practice races. Little does she know, the Wonderbolts are much less heroic when they're at the Academy, and she's in way over her head.
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** This story was written when I was 15, and the quality and content reflect that. Please be aware that my position on topics contained within may have changed in the time between publishing and now, and I apologize for any offensive material that I may have condoned in my younger years. **
Chapters (2)
It's very good so far, I don't think I've ever seen this kind of take on the Wonderbolts or at least not on this scale.
You've got (I believe) every possible Wonderbolt in a single story. Which will prove to be both a blessing and a curse when writing an Episodic Story.
Having a large selection of characters means you can use anyone you want, when you want.
On the downside though, many characters will have to sit out for some chapters so you don't overload anyone.
2255203
I'm surprised you didn't claim 'first'
2255211
I'm would never do something like that.
Third
2325931
I promise, that's the only lengthy explanation. I had to define the base of each character, they'll be fleshed out later.
2255203>>2255211>>2325931>>2325973>>2255627 Hey guys...data.whicdn.com/images/9046513/tumblr_lk0ukvGj811qhvt9bo1_500_large.gif
Well that was fun.
Ah, this is awesome so far! I'm a sucker for the Wonderbolts but this is one of the better fics I've read about them. I look forward to new chapters!
Ooh, good, a story that gives more personality to the Wonderbolts!
Me likey.
A food fight? BOOYAH
You get an instant fave for Off-the-job-crazies
Hmm ... I like it! Cute, witty, all the good stuff.
Although, I think it would've been better to not to introduce the cast the way you have here. Info-dumps are practically a sin when it comes to writing, and most will tell you to avoid them as much as possible. It actually sounded more like a wiki bio than anything.
Letting the reader find out the characters personalities for themselves is a much more natural way than telling them what to think. This kind of an instance where the whole 'showing vs telling' thing is important to keep in mind.
All this isn't to say I didn't enjoy the story. It's just a tip for the future