After her face and body are permanently scarred, Rarity seals herself off in her room with the lights off and drapes drawn, too disgusted by her own appearance to be seen. The only comfort she has comes in the form of daily visits from Spike, though she keeps the room dark to hide her deformities from the baby dragon. Can he convince her that she has nothing to fear; that her beauty is not limited to what she looks like?
My entry for the Feature Box Crusaders' Contest due on March 20th.
Thanks to BubblepipeWrangler for the initial story idea, and the help writing and editing it.
Additional thanks to: Twi-Guy and Featherprop for their help with the editing.
Chapters (1)
Omg, this sounds like an adorable story that will obviously get featured. Will totally read later.
2275030
Sweet, I hope you like it.
Where do I start with this, I mean you have Rarity do by far the most courage's thing anypony can do, her reaction to her scars is realistic of what most people would react (although by the way you describe the scares, I automatically think of Two-Face), and you had Rarity realize that it is not what is on the outside, but on the inside. If this story doesn't get featured, I will be surprised.
2275103
I hope you're right on that. Thanks for the fave, by the way
If this doesn't get featured, I'll eat my hat. It doesn't look very tasty but I'll do it
But seriously, this was a very well written story. It was very believable too, with how both Spike and Rarity reacted to this accident. I keep clicking the upvote button but sadly it only registered one click.
EDIT: Seems like my hat is safe
Take all my feels!!!!!!!
mralphafreak.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/parks-recreation-301-2.jpg
2275435
+1 for the Rob Lowe pic
I loved this fimfic. Probably so far my top fav. of Sparity fanfictions. Spike truly does love Rarity, no matter how she would look, she loves her for her character, heart,and inner beauty. Awesome fimfic!
Knowing what we do about Spike, it's ridiculously easy to accept every decision he makes throughout (not to mention the Ponyvillians' acceptance). Rarity, on the other hand, would most likely get used to her new state a little quicker. She is a drama queen and she may be somewhat superficial, but she has more depth than what the show sometimes gives her credit for. Still, I can roll with it for the sake of the story's drama, which is fantastic. I'm really only leaving this comment to help push it toward the feature box (just in case it needs help getting there).
My first time attempting small amounts of critique, please excuse any fumbling.
This was a good story, which makes it slightly disappointing that there were quite a few punctuation errors amongst other things. Then again, it's fanfiction, so maybe no one cares about that. But it really makes me want to edit it. Ah, well, it's already posted and I doubt you'd appreciate that at this point.
The doctor was...rather blunt, almost insensitively so. As an individual trying to carve a path through the medical field, and who does have many experiences watching such events unfold, I find it a bit distasteful, since these situations have to be handled much more delicately. Of course, it could just be the particular doctor, who just handles his practices like so.
The dialogue occasionally felt sort of wooden. It's by no means bad, but sometimes there were some awkward words the characters used that felt a tad out of place. It's as if you wanted to concentrate all the brilliant subtleties solely within the interactions between Rarity and Spike. For instance, the very first segment of the story before the flashback was probably my favorite. It gave us a scene, without characters having to expound on the situation, such as when Twilight finally showed up and they walked out into public.
The romance. Heaven knows I'm all for Sparity, but, it felt slightly forced. The songs were an excellent touch and the moments between them were genuine, but Rarity's reciprocal feelings seemed a bit too convenient. This story gave off a vibe that suggested it would thrive mostly on subtleties and many palpable words unsaid, and the romance would work better if it was like that. Spike being able to look past any physical imperfections of the mare of his devotion is within his genuine character, and Rarity's utter appreciation for his dedication is natural as well, but her returning that affection came off too quickly. Moments between them in the hospital were much better than the last parts where their budding romance came to fruition. I feel that it would have spoken more volumes if their possible romance was more hinted at, rather than just exposed. The song certainly could've helped that along nicely.
The above points addressed are my foremost issues with the story. There are some other miscellaneous concerns I have, but I'd rather not bore you with those. All in all, I suspect this story would make the featured box, and it would be well deserving. If you actually read through the above pack of junk, thank you for your time.
I find it a bit ironic that Rarity ends up scarred for life saving a dragon with fire proof scales.
Congrats on the featured.
Goddamnit really really good...a great story just like that cant think of anything to point out really
good freaking joob
That was, pretty much, the swetest Rarity/Spike fic I have ever read. Da feels!!!!
One thing though....
I think there's a "she" missing there^^
...
Take my star.
Just... Take it.
2275909
Fixed. Thanks for the heads up there.
As the Sniper would say, "Here's a touching story". And I mean that without any irony.
But even so, I can't help but shake the feeling that Rarity could have gotten over the whole "woe is me" thing a lot quicker and easier (but probably not healthier) if somepony had pointed out to her that she could simply hide her scars behind a perfectly fabulous garment-and-mask combo, sort of like the Phantom of the Opera. Heck, such an ensemble might make her more popular with the fashion world (
"My vord! Ze romantic tragedy of it all! Ze mystique! Ze magicks!"), and Rarity would doubtless have hours of fun from designing new, dazzling "faces" for herself.
Of course, that's the easy way out, and Rarity would of course still be denying her "hideous" side instead of accepting it, so this is probably the better way to go about it.
2275677
Magic fire is probably less dragon-friendly, although I'll admit that I puzzled over that for a minute, too.
2275677>>2276037
That was something I had problems with, until some of my followers suggested magic fire. However, when I wrote this I tried to put an emphasis on the dangers that the debris posed rather than the actual fire itself. Like Rarity shields Spike from the debris out of instinct (not really the fire) before she get burned.
This was probably the most difficult thing to write because I wasn't sure how I could make the idea of Spike being in mortal danger from a fire believable. Then BubblePipeWrangler, being the awesome guy he is, suggested having the fire cause hallucinations, which would make Spike to freaked out to leave and make him vulnerable to the collapsing ceiling.
At least that was my intent, I hope that made sense.
2276032 very very welcome^^
So, twilight didn't even said sorry for almost killing both of her friends? Not even guilty? I can't help but feel rage towards that "princess" what a bitch :|
that was beautiful.
it is a shame that i hate the scenario of luna walking into peoples dreams uninvited (bugs the fuck out of me for some reason)
but not even that can make me not love this beautiful thing you have created here.
thanks for creating it
! tear was shed during this story, seriously punctured my heart.
Oh, and I just could not stop imagining Rarity's face being Harvey Dent's in the ER.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-rvyhQJ9YJmA/UGNxVX5x8rI/AAAAAAAALP0/5gLHlYzYBOY/s1600/two_face.jpg
Like Seriously
Beautiful. There are no other words to describe this.
Tears were shed. and guess what?
FEATURED!
2276185 I never understood that in that movie, they should of at least covered up the whole into his mouth and wrapped it further along with skin graphs.
Very sad yet uplifting by the end. Very well written, and I can see how Rarity may come across as somehow instantly being in love with Spike; but I would better guess that she always deemed him as a good friend and the fact Spike didn't care what she looked like/ worried about her played a large part in her transition into love.
Rarity does have 1 advantage though, Twilight is very good with magic so at the very least she may be able to get some of her fur back and what not overtime.
You depict the characters so perfectly!
Absolutely wonderful!
2276107 I have to agree. I see the point -- engineer a situation where Rarity and Spike are ultimately forced to confront their feelings for each other -- but the methods, which involve mistakes of at least two other significant characters (Twilight for writing a lot, and Celestia for issuing her a faulty device), leave some of the character reactions to be desired. The first time that Twilight sees Rarity, it's unabashedly to chastise her for her behavior towards Spike? I'd think she (and the other Mane Six, and perhaps also Celestia) would want to get in to see Rarity as badly as Spike would. I'd say it smacks of lazy writing, but because I can tell that this was always intended to be a Rarity/Spike story, it strikes me instead as a setup not carefully thought out. If it had been a total accident, or even the fault of Spike's cooking (which, after "Spike at Your Service", I would find believable), the reactions of other characters here might make more sense (though I'd still expect Rarity's friends to make greater efforts to see her). As it is, the setup doesn't work.
Outside of that, it's not badly written, it just feels a little formulaic. I like your song lyrics, though.
2276076
Yeah, I got what you were going for. Still ironic.
Edit: 2276468 Also, I agree with you, it seems really unnatural and out of character that Spike is the only one making an effort to cheer up Rarity by coming to visit her all the time, and not any of the other girls or her own family or anything else. I get that it's supposed to be a shipping story so that's supposed to be incentive for Rarity to develop feelings for Spike, but it feels a little forced when it's just him showing concern for her. At least in that other story I talked about they were all trying, it's just that Applejack was being the most stubborn about not letting Rarity hide herself away.
2276485
If you figure out the title, let me know. Maybe I read it before and subconsciously got the idea from it. I don't remember reading many, if any, Rarijack stories but I'd rather be safe than sorry.
2276485
Though the original idea for this story was given to me by BubblepipeWrangler.
2276468>>2276485
Yeah that's a good point. I'll change that bit up now so it's more logical (have her friends visit her in addition to Spike).
EDIT: I just added some more. I'll work on improving this story further down the line. Thanks for the pointers.
Wonderful. Simply wonderful.
2276496 I finally found it in my saves, it kinda threw me off since it's actually just one chapter in a multistory compilation by Donny's Boy. The chapter that reminded me of this story is A Certain Rare Beauty. It's even shorter than this since it's just a vignette but yeah, pretty similar idea.
I think it'll really help the story if you do that (add the other girls and stuff more I mean).
I am surprised that anyone would have disliked this story.
The lyrics, are those your creation?
2276762
Yeah, just sort of cheesy stuff I came up with. It's nothing special or too original.
2276773 I've written a few songs before
2276785
Really? That's really cool.
2276799 Here's one...
Memories Of What Is Lost
Remembering the times
The times we laughed
The times we cried
Dreams of times
When we shared love
And we shared the pain
How could I have known
That the choices that I made
Would lead me down a darkened path
That lead to emptiness and shame
Why cant I turn back the clock
Why cant I change the past
To recapture what we had
To reclaim a love I disdained
Views of the new you
Bring back the things I miss
And now that I no longer have you
My world is empty without bliss
Seeing your happiness
I should be glad for you
Seeing you with him
It tears my heart in two
What I did had a terrible cost
And now I must live knowing what I have lost
I need to turn back the clock
I need to change the past
I need to learn to let go
I need to learn to say goodbye
Those were some good feels.
The songs were incredible. I'm gonna steal those verses for my own use. Mwhahaha!
On a serious note, I enjoyed the characterization of Rarity, and her reaction felt very natural to me.
Although, it has been stated before, I felt that the rest of the elements were lacking appearance or felt out of character for the simple fact they were absent in the process of her psychological recovery.
Also, I was expecting Twilight to go in a crippling depression because she was the source of all this.
Despite some of those facts that made little sense, I enjoyed this very much.
Thank you for the amazing read.
That was...fantastic.
The emotions felt very real and that just made the whole thing wonderful.
I give it five moustaches.
2276698
Huh, you know I actually think I might have checked that story out a while back. It seems familiar. I'm not sure if it played any role in my writing this story, but I'll promote it in a blog to be safe. I'm sort of neurotic like that.
2276905
Thanks.
P.S. love the username. I have to see that movie again.
2275030 Your prediction was correct. Now what are the next lottery's numbers going to be?
awww I wished it never ended
this is the BEST POSSIBLE THING I ever read. I mean, it's the most heartwarming story I ever read, rly.
You even made possible, during reading the story, I stopped thinking Rarity needed to recover her original appeareance to make it a complete happy ending. I mean when she accepted her new being, I also did. It's weird, I don't know why, but I was hoping she could recover her original look until that happened in the story, and at the end it didn't mattered at all. I don't know why, but that is how it is. So yeah, you use to think you're a good person and you don't discriminate others for how they look, but then you come to read a story like this one you wrote and notice you're not as good as you thought and all you had were they good intentions, because not even you do what you think it should be done: to love people for what they'rein their insides. Why I say this? Because I rly wanted Rarity to be able to be the one she was before the incident, I thought "my gosh, what happened to her because of her generous act, she'll remain like that the rest of her life, how the Princecess can't do anything for her?" or sort, and then, when she ahd that dream and accepted her new self, I also did. And at the end i truly thought this was a perfect ending, without what I thought it would be. Well i don't know what else to say, but congratulations for writing such an amazing story. Rly.
heck this story should be an obligatory read for children, and I have to read it to my daughter once of these days. I will really do.
Loved it. Was still waiting for Rarity to pull some sort half cloak or lovely half dress like anime characters wear when they want to cover half of themselves. Probably out off place since this isn't a comedy.
How would you feel about an honest critique?
Amazing idea! I love Spike and Rarity fics.