She'd finished the books she'd bought, and now she was back on quests. Perhaps she ought to just do as many quests as possible at this point in the timeline, then buy books.
At any rate, several new quests had shown up after that last quest she completed. Mainly just yard chores.
First was a mare who needed some rocks in her yard removed. Second was a stallion who needed repairs to his rock wall, which she used the rocks she'd obtained from the previous quest for. The next needed the dead branches removed from her trees. The one after that needed a drainage ditch dug. The next needed under their porch cleared out.
The next was rocks again, but these were stuck deeper in the ground, although relatively fewer than the other quest for moving rocks. The seventh was cleaning out a garage. The eighth was cleaning out a shed. The ninth was bathroom cleaning. The tenth was organizing an attic. The eleventh was lawn-cutting, and the last was hedge-trimming.
Each quest awarded 25 exp, 25 bits, and 2 skill points. This caused her to reach level 4.
She'd had trouble with some of the heavy lifting (stupid rocks, she didn't even remember some of these houses being here before!) involved in these quests, so she put three Stat points into Str, and one each into Agi, Con, and Regen. Str 26, Int 37, Agi 35, Con 35, Will 28, Regen 35, Wis 27, Chr 29, Lck 27. HP 600, Shd 50, MP 701.
She used 8 of her 30 Skill points to get Combat, Resilience, and Positive Magic 20/1000. The descriptions changed again. For Combat,
'At 20/1000 or more, you have a decent skill level, not great, but okay.'
For Resilience,
'Now you really can take a hit pretty well, it's not like your body's made of lead, but you certainly take less damage than a normal person.'
And for Positive Magic, 'At 20/1000 or more you understand positive magic to about the level expected of unicorns in a regular school.'
This unlocked three new skills.
'Blade-wielding. 0/1000. Enhances skill with bladed weapons. At 0/1000 you don't have any more skill than someone who's never so much as held a butter knife before. Body Armour. 0/5. Blocks incoming damage, essentially the same as Resilience, but twice as effective. Magic Copying. 0/5. Allows you to copy a spell performed in your view. Higher levels allow you to replicate a spell that you didn't see the entirety of.'
She raised Body Armour and Magic Copying to 5/5 and Blade-wielding to 12/1000.
'At 10/1000 or more, you can't defend yourself against someone with training, but you can give most amateurs a challenge, not that you're guaranteed to win.'
It appeared she had had her physical set of combat skills decided for her. Ah well, she'd be getting a sword of some kind to supplement her magic. It only made sense, what with how many Avatars had been focused on using swords. She wouldn't want to be unable to use those Avatars because she didn't have any skill with a sword.
She also discovered that there was no upper limit on how many quests she could take at once by accepting multiple yardwork quests at once, and doing them by multitasking.
She was exploring the outskirts of town, when she came across a decidedly seedy-looking neighborhood. She got a quest pop-up, apparently from the environment itself.
'Cleanup the Crime. Take out 5 Thugs and one Thug Lieutenant and turn them in to the authorities.
Thugs. Bandits who are all part of a gang that currently still operates, but is slowly being worn down by the authorities.
Thug Lieutenants. One step up from the Thugs, they have command over them and are a tougher fight.'
She accepted, and the targets appeared on the mini-map. The Thugs weren't really a challenge, but the Thug Lieutenant had twice as much HP and actually had some technique behind his movements, so she had to put some effort into it. She got his sword as a drop.
Well, that took care of that problem, but she'd need to hide it somewhere later, she couldn't take it home with her. What would her parents think of a four year old with a sword?! ...She didn't want to think about it. Heck, she was a bit surprised that nopony seemed to notice.
The Thugs had rewarded 10 exp and 10 bits, while the Thug Lieutenant had awarded 15 of each. She conjured up a cloak to cover her face before giving the criminals to a patrol of Royal Guards, tied together with a card left behind saying, 'From a friend.' They'd apparently been wanted for some time, so the guards had taken them in.
She got a reward of 50 exp/bits and 2 skill points. She raised her Blade-wielding to 14/1000 with the points. Then she got another quest from the environment.
'Clean Up the Streets. Take out 20 Thugs and turn them in.'
She accepted, and found it easy to wipe out the 20 Thugs with her new weapon working in tandem with her spells, the only time they'd posed a challenge was when 5 of them had ganged up on her. She took a few hits before she brought them down.
She'd even found a star in a gutter, and reached level 5. She also got 100 Exp/Bits and 3 Skill points from the quest reward. She dumped the Stat points into Str to increase the damage of her sword strikes as they were physical attacks. Str 32, Int 38, Agi 36, Con 36, Will 29, Regen 36, Wis 28, Chr 30, Lck 28. HP 620, Shd 50, MP 721.
She used the Skill points to raise Combat, Resilience, and Blade-wielding to 23/1000.
'At 20/1000 or more, you can hold your own against someone with training with blades, and fend off most rookies.'
Huh, it seemed that Blade-wielding wasn't going to divulge any new skills. Come to think of it, the few swordponies she'd seen in the Royal Guard (on the rare occasion she attended her brother's training exercises in either timeline) used technique, speed, and strength, not tricks, to fight. Though that might just have been because they were in the Royal Guard, and were therefore expected to be honorable.
Speaking of Royal Guards, a new quest appeared in the area. It's giver was a member of the Royal Guard, looking worried. That was a very bad sign, the Royal Guard was famous for being nigh emotionless in most situations.
"What's the problem?" she asked, keeping her hood up. She didn't want any awkward questions being asked about how she'd managed to take down adults, and she certainly didn't want her parents to hear about her activities. She loved them, but they were a tad overprotective.
Granted she was physically a filly at the moment, so any normal pony would be concerned, but considering she'd already died once, she didn't really see the problem. She wasn't suicidal, she just realized that she wasn't going to be dead for long if she was killed. Therefore, avoiding potentially lethal situations was pointless.
Besides, her tolerance for pain was way up there by now, and she hadn't exactly had a low threshold before, so she didn't see any point in being wrapped up in a blanket and locked in her room so her parents could keep her from getting hurt. That was why she was wearing this hooded cloak.
"Royal Guard business," the guard said stiffly.
"You look worried, perhaps I can help," Twilight tried again, hoping her Chr would convince him.
"Alright, if you must know, thanks to an unknown vigilante, we captured a member of a local gang of thieves who knew the location of their base. We sent a full patrol in, but they were supposed to report in 20 minutes ago," he said, glancing worriedly in what was presumably the direction the others had gone in.
'Save the Guards. Help the Royal Guards take out the base of the Thugs, defeating the 15 Thugs, 5 Thug Lieutenants, Thug Captain, and the Thug Boss.
Thug Captain. This Thug is far more skilled than the Lieutenants, and is a Boss, though he is actually one of the weakest of the Boss class.
Thug Boss. This Boss makes his Captain look tame, having approximately 50% more skill.'
She accepted, and the locale appeared on the mini-map.
"I'll go lend a hoof," she said, before running off in the direction at a speed that left the guard gaping.
"I don't know if I should try and go stop her," the guard said. Something had just told him to trust her, while logic argued against letting what was clearly a filly, based on her height and apparent body mass, go into a literal thieves' den. After a few seconds deliberation, he compromised and decided to call for backup.
Twilight found all the Thugs mentioned in the quest guarding the fallen Royal Guards. She swatted them aside long enough to get the guards out of harm's way, then fought them in earnest. She had skill and stamina, while they had numbers. In addition, if the fight took too long, the other members of the gang would come see what all the commotion was, and she'd be swarmed under by the much more skilled reinforcements.
She quickly took out the Thugs, as she was reviving the fallen guards with a healing spell she'd learned over the past week, and their aid turned it into a one-sided battle in her side's favor.
"Care to tell us who you are?" a guard asked her once they'd taken care of the Thugs.
"Not particularly, you should already realize I'm on your side against these guys. Before we go further, you should know that the Lieutenants are about three times as skilled, and there are five of them. I can only imagine what their Captain will be like, and let's not forget the Boss," she warned.
"Well, then you'll need our help. You might have saved us, but that doesn't mean you can take all the other ones down yourself." By some strange twist of fate, the apparent leader of this patrol was her brother. He'd already reached that rank in her original timeline, if her memory served her correctly. He would have achieved captaincy much sooner if not for a raid that was a half-failure... which was probably this one. This game/ the universe certainly had a twisted sense of humor.
She made absolutely sure not to be familiar with him, in address or tone. A random citizen informing her parents wasn't going to happen unless she did something completely insane. A member of the guard was fairly likely to inform her parents if she did anything even remotely dangerous. Her brother, pfft, she'd like to see him not tell them.
"Fine, but try not to get overwhelmed again," she said calmly. She was going out of her way to sound cold so he couldn't possibly connect her with his sister. She felt kind of bad about it, but she needed to get to the point where she could actually stand up against Chrysalis in a fight. She didn't want to sink to the level of a sneak attack, but she knew from experience that Chrysalis has no such compunctions, so getting good enough to protect herself and her friends was the only way to get this done.
From what she'd read, changeling society was virtually the polar opposite of Equestrian. The strong came out on top, and the weak, well, if they were lucky, they served under the winner, or were banished. The unlucky generally were left in a deadly location to die horribly, though nowadays this was only done to those who really made someone who reached the top mad; banishment was much more common.
He nodded, and they made their way down to the second level. She was able to keep three of their foes occupied, so the Royal Guards could gang up on the remaining two Lieutenants. Together they wiped the Thug Lieutenants out, though not without injuries, which she healed up before they went on.
The guards were probably impressed by her performance thus far, and so, didn't try to send her back before they entered the third level, which had the Thug Captain.
He turned out to be a changeling that threw conjured knives with skillful use of levitation. She was forced to cover the guards as much as possible while they all wore away at the changeling's HP of 200.
He was equivalent to a Blade-wielding skill level of 40, by her estimation of his close-quarter abilities, making her only slightly better than him due to her Combat skill and relatively high Str and Agi. She couldn't use Fireball against him or her (she really couldn't tell) because the guards were jumping around too much for it. She might accidentally hit one of them, otherwise she'd have ended this fight in the first minute. However, they eventually beat him, getting 25 exp/bits for it, and 3 Skill points she used to raise Combat, Resilience, and Blade-wielding to 24/1000.
"Well, what say we rest for a minute while I heal you all?" Twilight asked.
They agreed, she healed them up, and while they caught their breath, her MP and Shd recharged.
"Were you the one who gift-wrapped those members of this gang?" one asked, having some kind of epiphany.
She simply nodded, not seeing a problem with revealing it.
This caused some murmuring, but they quieted down pretty quickly. She had been instrumental in defeating the Thug Captain, so it wasn't unbelievable.
"I think it's about time we moved on," Shining Armor said.
"I concur," Twilight said. Right, all her bars had reached capacity.
They moved on to the final basement floor.
The room that served as the Thug Boss' living quarters was rather lavishly decorated, and a gryphon sat on a throne-like chair.
"I take it you've defeated the others," the Thug Boss said, rather unconcerned.
"Yes, and we'll be taking you in as well," Shining Armor said.
"Don't count your chicks before they hatch, even my Captain never stood a chance against me in a fight. And from the volume and length of the scuffle, he gave you quite a bit of trouble, so I think this will rather bore me," Thug Boss said, lazily unsheathing two blades from his back.
He moved so fast that Twilight barely blocked in time, so she almost wasn't able to keep the gryphon from skewering her brother.
"Well, aren't you a surprise," the gryphon said.
"..." Twilight said nothing, giving no warning before using a trio of Fireballs against him at point-blank range.
She noticed that Thug Boss took significantly less damage than he should have. 500 HP should have dropped to 425, significantly less damage than a grunt but he was the leader. He was still at 480 though.
"My armor is fire-resistant," the gryphon explained, slowly forcing their deadlock to break. The guards were trying to hit him with their spears, but he was deflecting them with the other blade.
Twilight spammed regular Beam attacks, and cut his HP in half before he suddenly began taking far less damage, and dodging more frequently.
'Target is now Taking Opponent Seriously, small reduction to attack power, but a large increase to speed and defense.'
Were all her Bosses at the end of quests going to have weird status changes? She found him rather easier to hit, since her fighting style was focused more on maneuverability than brute force, but did only half her normal damage.
She spammed Beam where she could, and slashed at him when she saw an opening, but she'd have had much more trouble if the guards weren't drawing his attention and some of his attacks. However, once she fell behind on healing them, she was too busy dealing with the badly weakened gryphon to revive them.
Thug Boss had only 100 HP left, but he seemed to be enjoying himself.
"You know, I was under the impression that you ponies were weaklings, but you've been able to stand against me very well, and taken minimal wounds in the process. Not only that, but the wounds I've dealt don't even look as bad anymore, you have a healing factor don't you?" the gryphon asked.
Ah, yes, gryphons were renowned for loving a good fight, and she was certainly putting one up.
"I heal slightly more than three times faster than a normal pony if that's what you mean," she answered.
It took another 5 minutes, but she defeated him, just as reinforcements for the royal guards arrived. She'd been awarded 100 exp/bits and 15 Skill points for beating him. She raised Combat, Resilience, and Blade-wielding to 29/1000.
She explained the situation to the guards, healed the patrol she'd accompanied, and left before somepony decided to give her a more thorough interrogation. She was a terrible liar, Applejack was the only pony who trumped her in that respect.
She got 150 exp/bits and 6 Skill points for completing the quest, raising her level to 6. She dumped the points into Str and her somewhat neglected Positive Magic, respectively. Str 39, Int 39, Agi 37, Con 37, Will 30, Regen 37, Wis 29, Chr 31, Lck 29. HP 640, MP 744. Positive Magic. 32/1000. 'At 30/1000 or more you're about at the level of understanding expected of an adult unicorn.'
She'd gotten more than enough money and drops to get her new books.
*** Canterlot Palace: Throne Room ***
Celestia had asked Shining Armor to meet her so she could ask him some questions about what was in his report.
"I understand you had help with that raid on the thieves' base," Celestia said.
"Yes, your Highness. A cloaked filly with impressive combat skill helped us. To be honest, she was the only reason we were able to bring the leader in. Apparently she was the one to gift-wrap that first batch as well. Though something about her rubbed me the wrong way, and not just how young she must have been," Shining Armor said.
"Ah, that explains the good mood the gryphon was in, they only get like that after a good fight. While it is a bit worrying that a filly would get herself involved, she handled herself admirably according to your report. Therefore, while it is a good idea to keep an eye out for her, we can leave her be for now," Celestia said, before dismissing Shining Armor.
"Hm, I have to wonder, how did a filly get that proficient in combat?" Celestia mused aloud. She shook her head, so long as they didn't infringe upon each other's rights, and were happy, her subjects could do what they chose with their lives. She was not a god, no matter what the common pony might think. She couldn't just manipulate ponies lives like a puppeteer, and even if she was a god, it would still be wrong to decide their lives for them.
'Chapter Progress: 15 Quests completed. 500 exp to next level. 1 star found.'
"What on Equis? Who said that?" Celestia asked, having been certain she was alone a minute ago.
I love this, keep it up if possibly. Plus this combines two of my favorite things: RPG and MLP. (HA i made a small rhyme)
Only thing i can say... Awesome.
A delightful story so far. I'm very interested in seeing how this develops and the twists it might take. Thank you for writing such an amusing tale.
Amazingness! Thou hath surprised me with such a tale! Keep it up!
This is so beautiful... It deserves a /10
P.S.If my three moustaches don't appear, then it's not my fault
Well, on the plus side it's somewhat better than the majority of "game" fics I have encountered, mostly in HP and Naruto fandoms. While the text of the story is rather dry, there are few if any mistakes that I noticed and it remains somewhat consistent.
On the minus side it has the same main problem as the abovementioned fics - main character, in our case Twilight, is Twilight in name only. Little to no characterization, absolute willingness to accept whatever rules there suddenly are, and being more or less a player character instead of a person. Everyone being suddenly much more restricted by game logic in comparison to the "first playthrough" isn't a good thing either - problem with buying books, for example, was especially jarring when libraries are a thing and we are talking about Twilight here.
"Crossover" avatars at the beginning also didn't leave a good impression. But really, the one thing that fully destroyed my suspension of disbelief was Twilight picking that "Blade-wielding" skill and dumping a ton of points in it. Though, I guess that was predictable, what with overwhelming focus on swords in avatar list.
While I'd hesitate to call the story bad, it's bland. Though not that bad for one of the first stories if you really are 15 year old, I guess.
Well, dying generally shakes one's beliefs and if you'll recall in the first chapter. 'She wasn't looking for problems with a second chance.' Besides, she changed the Settings way back, that would have an effect on the game.
Sorry if it's actually bland though.
Also, Twilight's always been one for following the rules. ...Unless they make absolutely no sense, but the game does follow some logic.
This is... terrible. There's a vaguely interesting plot hiding underneath it, but there is more game exposition and listing of stats than actual story! It's not even ironically a video game. It's just... a video game for no benefit to the story. Plus it glosses over the non-combat missions! Did I say you could skip that cut scene? Don't you dare press (X)!
But seriously this is terrible. Either remove some of the game elements, or describe their effect instead of listing the numbers, or have Twilight surprised at the effects or something! It's like watching over the shoulder of someone playing a Zelda game for the fourth time who just barrels through the game without stopping to look around since they seen it already.
I've edited the first three chapters to make them less bland and explain a few things. Sorry fo the wait on chapter four.
This story speaks to my inner gamernerd, but I do share the concerns of the others that there's more stats and less flavor. The only real dialogue was between her and the gryphon boss here.
Also, is she saving offscreen? Because otherwise it seems like she's being extremely reckless by going into combat questing without saving her game.
I think everypony who'd see Twily fight would be gawking at her in amazement and acting like she was Batfilly.
This feels more like somebody telling me about their experience playing a game than a story about a character who has realized they are an avatar in a game... or even just watching a character in a game. At least then you're probably PLAYING the game and experiencing a narrative.
This can hardly even be called a narrative because there's barely any story... it's just listing off a bunch of numbers at me. It's like I'm talking to a friend outside the water cooler.
"Yeah, I beat the gym leader last night and raised my Charmelon up to level 28! It learned Fire Fang and its stats rose up by a whole two points each! It's got an attack of 108 now, which is phenomenal! I also taught it overheat with a TM and now there's nothing that can stop it 'cause it's five levels above all the other Pokemon in this area on average!"
That's what this story sounds like. Over and over. As a great big list. Going on for thousands of words. And I'm just sitting here confused. It feels like there's a good premise for a story here... something that should combine nerdy gaming flavor with "Mogworld" and Eakin's "Hard Reset," all blended together with MLP. It's an interesting concept, but the concept is never expanded upon and the only thing that is given is statistics.
I never liked statistics. I got a C in statistics.
(Also, if you're unaware, Mogworld is a novel by Yahtzee Croshaw about a character in an MMORPG who learns that he is a character in an MMORPG. It's an interesting read)
I'm not sure if I want to keep going. I WANT to read about this premise. It sounds super interesting, and I kinda want to see if anything I've previously brought up is touched on later... but it's very frustrating and if such a thing ever does show up, I'm worried that I'll get fed up with all the stat bs and quit before I actually get any interesting character or narrative out of this.
Don't listen to what some of the comments are saying, we're only three chapters in and can tell you're just trying to put in some build up, yet people are criticizing it like it's half way done. I withhold my judgment until we see what you have planned.
Edit: credit where credit is due, I absolutely love how you had Celestia act in-character instead of massively OOC like most fics do with her. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see a non-troll/mol/tyrant/etc. Celestia in a story like this. So, thank you for keeping her true to the show.
4568995
How in the world can the author ever improve if no one ever points out the issues in their story? And to say that this story does not have a bunch of issues right now is just being dishonest to the author.
As for the chapter, well...
I'm kind of surprised that no one really seemed to react to a four year old child beating entire gangs that apparently would have beaten a team of royal guards. Also, that fight had the most anti climactic end I've ever seen. It just ends. That's it.
Also, I'm starting to think that you probably haven't really considered how large some of the numbers you're using are. For example:
Now, compare that to this:
As you might be able to tell, there are several (major) issues here. First, the jump in skill level is too great over such a short amount of points (considering how quickly she gains points). Think about it; this is saying that, by using 10 points, she went from an ordinary school level unicorn, to the magical understanding of a fully adult unicorn. That's 10 points. Now, consider how quickly she gets points. At the start of the chapter, we see that completing quests which amount to nothing more than chores gives out 2 points to use, and she can get a bunch of these done in rapid succession. Do you see the problem now? You're basically saying that, not only can she make that jump in knowledge in only 10 points (actually, why should she need to? Doesn't she already have adult knowledge from her first life?), but she can get the points needed for that jump in most likely a few minutes.
That leads to the second major issue with the leveling. Again, 30/1000 has adult understanding. I want you to say that out loud to yourself. 30/1000, gives adult understanding. 30/ 1000 (one thousand) gives adult understanding. Do you see the issue? Yeah, if 30 has adult understanding and is also a major jump over 20, then what does a rank of 100 give? 500? 1000? Is Twilight basically magic incarnate at level 100 or something?
OK, this could be going in an interesting direction. I wonder why Celestia heard that, yet was confused by it. Is she DMing this game but forgot all about it for some reason?
I'm assuming that's if the weak challenge the strong. Otherwise they'd have less of a food issue and there would be banished Changelings absolutely EVERYWHERE unless they groped together outside of the main hive. Unless of course Chryssi put a stop to that for the purpose of bolstering her forces.
Of course, the information she read could be wrong. What better way to make a potential enemy underestimate you than spreading incorrect information?
Mm...I'm seeing more what that other guy was talking about now. This needs to have more story and less sum-up. It's a good idea, it's just more like you're planning out a DND MLP scenario and posting it as a fic. It's still entertaining, but I have to say that so far I've found the first chapter more entertaining than most of the rest of what I've read so far.
I'm interested to see how this turns out in the long run. Perhaps Discord having some long overdue fun with Twilight? Something Matrix-esque? Well, only one way to find out! *clicks next chapter*
4576502 At Positive Magic 1000/1000 Twilight will become Gandalf.
Mayhew's Log: Aquesting We Will Go... ... I would play this game. Hear that Hasbro? I will give you all the money if you make this game... it doesn't even need all the alternate universes. Though I will admit that I am surprisefd that Twi has yet to encounter that ever popular enemy known as the giant rat... Oh well! Allons y!
Hm. Still very interesting, but okay, the jumps between your skill levels are way too large, given that you're working in 10s of 1000, not 10/100. If 20 is average proficiency of a child and 30 is average proficiency of an adult... what's 60 supposed to be? 130? 480? You're making these way, way too huge; you're not giving yourself space at the higher levels, even if you start going by 50s after a certain point.
I guess it's good you lampshaded that yeah, everyone's reacting all wrong, but it doesn't change the fact that Equestria was previously realistic in terms of reactions in her past life, and that she is completely out of character for having gone 'oh, okay, I'm a PC, let's forget about the magic of friendship and start doing quests/killing things for EXP'. She isn't just trying it, testing out how her new life works; she dives right into it like everything that happened in her past life never happened. It is incredibly jarring how everything is about calculations and numbers now, even dialogue, and her stats are changing so quickly that they're starting to become meaningless. I am very convinced that there is a 'Realism Mode' for slower but more immersive gameplay that Twilight has somehow turned off.
I also note that Twilight's pretty much given up on intelligence and is switching to a combat build? Not that intelligence matters much, if she's already operating off past lives' knowledge; her own intelligence seems separate from her stats. She didn't seem to become 180% smarter after she died. Actually, I'm not really seeing any sign that she's even Twilight at this point. She's just... a video game character being played by somebody who is not immersed in the game.
I suppose that Shining Armor and Celestia are allowed to react to her age and nobody else is because they're important NPCs...? But still, there's a weird double standard going on that I really don't like. A cloak isn't going to hide her height. You really should have had there be an arbitrary timeskip until she's an older age, like most games do, with the reason being that she's already gone through this once, and that she has the option to skip a certain portion of her life (probably after becoming Celestia's student); this would let you jump ahead into the action you want to do now. If the game has an early-life filly mode, she should be limited to the quests like helping tourists and doing lawns. Combat skills should be locked in child mode, and she shouldn't be able to access that kind of thing early on (and if she does encounter danger by going into the wrong places, she should be helpless.) Seriously, why the fuck is the game giving her quests to take out a crime boss when she's four years old? And why does barely anyone seem to care? She's supposed to be a filly, for Celestia's sake. Either have everyone acknowledge it and be realistic, or nobody acknowledge it because they're NPCs. Pick one standard and go with it; the current thing just feels wrong.
I don't want to keep harping on your story, but as I said earlier, it's a brilliant idea hampered by lackluster execution. I want to see and enjoy how this turns out, but I'm raising so many eyebrows at how this fic is working, and the narrative itself is... poor. :x
4568756 This comment in a nutshell. Maybe this fic will improve in the next seven chapters, but even if it does, these first chapters need a rewrite. This story has so much potential, and the writing isn't bad, but it's not good either. It's fixable. If there was no hope, I'd just silently walk away.
Does the end part show what she has gained in each chapter or what she has total? I ask this because it says she has 1 star, when she has found 2.
4709115 a little late but just the chapter.
Curse....you...must sleep...two hours past sleep time...I'm off work tonight...screw sleep.
I can relate.
Filly Twilight is OP...
Also, this is far too technical. You should figure out a way to reflect Twilight becoming stronger (at a reasonable pace, agreeing with Laluzi) without bashing us with numbers and statistics.
5276898 here here use spells to proc beam then SPAM SPAM LIKE THERES NO POINT IN LIVING OTHER THEN TO SPAM A PROCED BEAM
Typo (I skipped those already mentioned):
Its
Twilight is learning the value of danmaku. I'm so proud of her!
I sure as hell hope she attempts to act at least partially the same way around Celestia this time, at least until she meets the rest of the mane six. Wouldn’t want to change the timeline to the point of making Twi not be Celly’s student.
You might want to save anyway.
She is so a god, based on that remark alone.
You're not foolin' anybody, sweetheart!
ALSO:
SAVE YOUR GODDAMN GAME.
Is the update cumulative? If so, wouldn't that be "2 stars found."?
She will tell pinky everything...
Pinky already knows everything!
The game/Universe
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no fue el juego... porque Twilight dijo que no era la voz del juego... a menos de que... o Sea el universo (algo obvio por lo del "The gamer") o algun Admin (algo que pienso que seria mas poderoso que un verdadero dios)