Medical update: Hi, I'm Estee, And I'm An Idiot · 7:03pm June 19th
...well, if that title doesn't bring in some blog views...
*sigh*
Give me a few minutes. In terms of describing my own perceived stupidity, this is gonna be a rough one.
The urologist appointment was yesterday at 9:45 a.m. I got there Way Too Early. It's hard to gauge the distance-to-walking-speed factor, especially when I'm still physically recovering from a week without true meals.
(I allowed myself a half-walk this morning and was able to complete it, but was far too tired when it wrapped. But it still let me think of a few bits for the next Sick Little Ponies II short. And without that, I'd be in a lot more trouble.)
But you probably know the routine. First time at a new doctor: there's going to be paperwork to fill out. I have too much familiarity with the process. It's just that...
...other than eye exams, I haven't been to a physician's office for myself in --
-- years. Let's leave it at 'years'. I think I already freaked a few of you out enough.
The urologist office is a converted two-story house. From the outside, it looks almost strictly residential, with the exception of two biohazard boxes. Clear the door and it's a very professional operation. You can even have a copy of the Quran to read while you wait. I was tempted, but got distracted by a news story about Lego thieves. Later on, I noticed a book called The First Cell and made plans to look for a copy.
Lots of people. Chairs. All waiting. All... familiar. I just hadn't done it in a few years.
Not alone.
I filled out the paperwork. The bill was presented. $180, and I paid before I went in -- but my actual total wound up being higher: $210 spent. (Receipts have been posted to the chat server.) The reason: I was asked if I wanted some bloodwork. I haven't had a basic screening more than I've had anything else, and an extra thirty dollars felt like a very low price. It just came with its own fiasco, because I had to pay online and -- my tablet wouldn't load the lab's site. Neither would the phone. Not that I've tried to do anything with my phone very often, but... nothing came up, over and over, where the nurse could get it to load on hers. I finally asked to borrow her phone, then paid through it and ordered the software to forget everything I'd just done.
(When I got home and reached a larger screen, I finally figured out that I'd probably had a ,/. swap.)
I'm... going to skim past a lot of the appointment. Because I didn't think of something when I went in. I didn't pay for a consult-and-run. I paid for a normal meeting. And... I haven't been to a doctor of any kind in a long time, urology is directly tied into reproductive health, the physician wanted to check me for any damage and...
...it was professional. I know it was. But I'm still drawing the Curtain Of Mercy over the rest of that.
So... let's get to what you're waiting for. The kidney stone.
The urology office was able to pull my imaging from the hospital, and I also brought my visit summary paperwork with me. (The doctor was almost shocked that I'd thought to do that. Hey, I'm a semi-professional.) So he was able to tell me everything the E.R. had found. And he gave me some information which the emergency room doctors hadn't.
It changed everything.
It turned me into an utter moron.
I told you that the CAT scan found the kidney stone, because that's what the E.R. doctors told me.
They didn't tell me where they found it.
...
...it was in the bladder.
That last major burst of pain on Saturday... that was probably the stone managing to work its way out of the kidney.
I was trying to wait it out. That was the plan the whole time. Try to let my body take care of everything.
I should have stalled for another day.
One. More. @#$%ing. Day.
I shouldn't have gone to urgent care or the E.R. Shouldn't have asked for help. Shouldn't have cost other people money and time and stress. I should have just waited.
Nothing.
It was all for nothing...
...I am so @$#%ing stupid...
...I know. I'm looking at this through the sewage-tinted lenses of hindsight. I'm expecting myself to have acted on information I didn't actually have. There was no way I could have known. None.
But I still feel like a total waste. And that's not going away for a while.
So that's why I've had no kidney pain for the last couple of days. Stone ain't there no more. In fact, I'd give a short essay to know where it is, because I haven't exactly felt it enter the urinary tract either. When you've got a stone squeezing its way through there, you know. So it could be washing around in my bladder, unable to find the exit. There's a very small chance that it just... dissolved. Broke up on its own. But the doctor felt it could have passed through, and I don't really believe that. There would have been some sensation, right? Why wouldn't I get pain from the tract when so much was inflicted in the kidney? I had so much pain from my original stone...
(No more blood in my urine, at least.)
Also, no !clink! of emergence. Even if you want to feel me this 3mm clog somehow got out in one piece without hurting me, the only way I'd miss the audio cue was if it went into the E.R's urine sample cup.
...I feel like a time bomb waiting to go off. If the stone is still present and gets into the urinary tract -- well, see the previous blog's 'giving birth' comparison. I will have several days of Extremely Bad Time. But at least once that's over, I'll know this stone is done.
I'm almost wishing for pain.
Told you I was an idiot.
The urologist and I talked for a while. Then he told me that he wants a followup. Back in six months. December. And because I'm not being squeezed into the appointment book, it won't be $180 next time. Ninety dollars.
I made the appointment. (I can always cancel.) So technically, I now have a doctor.
...probably not the best idea to treat a urologist as your primary...
...he just wants me on a lot of liquids for a while. There were no additional scrips or referrals. I was not sent for more imaging. So unless I keep that December appointment, his part is currently over, and did not lead to extra charges beyond the $30 for bloodwork.
I left his office. Walked to a fairly-nearby McDonald's, claimed a seat with accompanying air conditioning -- there's a heat wave on my coast -- opened the tablet, and spent thirty minutes kicking myself all around the chat server. By the time the first wave of self-loathing failed to fade, they had the lunch menu going. I've heard about the escalation in pricing for the chain as a whole, but -- I've only been there for the breakfast shift. It's also been years since I've had lunch at a McD's. Longer for dinner.
I saw that the double-cheeseburger 'value' meal had crossed the $10 line, realized that those who worked there could no longer afford to eat there, and slowly headed for home.
Then I entered Write Or Die mode.
Results were already linked above. I hope to post another short story on Friday.
(Listen to the wind. I just suggested a plan. Can you hear a deity laughing?)
I don't know how I feel. Other than stupid.
Physically? My jaw hurts. I jammed a gumline last night. It should pass. The kidney... quietly healing. But I don't know where the stone is. Future misery may await. And if it hits, from the stone, then I shouldn't try the E.R. again. (It's occurred to me that years as a caregiver probably gave me a desire to avoid the place where Bad Things Happen.)
Emotionally? See previous portion of blog. It's not going away for a while.
Fiscally...
Okay. Let's take it slowly.
As said, I currently have no immediate extra appointments ahead of me. There were no referrals or orders for additional radiology sessions. The urology bills were paid. (I'll get the lab results in my email.)
I have no true idea what's happening with the stone. Long days may lie ahead. I'll do what I can to write. I sort of have to. Rent, y'know.
I'm waiting on the emergency room bill. I still have no idea what it's going to be and accordingly, I will keep my Ko-Fi tip jar goal at 'medical expenses' until it comes in, just in case it's through several roofs and most of the stratosphere. Any additional tips go towards that. (And I once again want to thank those who paid for my idiocy, and say that I'm sorry.) When the total comes in, I'll tell you everything I can and then try to pay. There will be at least a little attempt to get the number down, but... I probably won't succeed. I may already have enough, too much, or never be able to assemble the amount. I don't know, and I can't until I see the results.
Once/if the bill is paid, we can talk about reinstating the Ponicon drive. (Should the bill somehow not show up by January 31st, I will be -- surprised?) If there's leftover medical funds, I will ask what the group wants me to do with them.
On an unrelated note, I still really need help in getting the cover art prints to Galacon's charity auction. Is anyone going? Because my time window for mailing it off to a carrier is closing fast.
You can tell me that I did the right thing by going to urgent care, and then the emergency room. That I couldn't have known. I was risking my health. I should be glad that it wasn't any worse.
You can tell me all that, and you're probably right.
But I'm still going to feel stupid.
It's not you. It's the medical system. Learning that your healthy shouldn't be a cause of stress and regret.
You shouldn't even have to pay money to get your health looked over by a doctor, but this is America.
I'm glad things didn't get worse.
I do have a question, and I apologize if I'm straying from my lane, but does the hospital you went to offer some sort of financial aid?
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Because, in hindsight, we're all geniuses.
You did nothing wrong (YES, I'll keep on yelling that
!). you must stop this negative thinking... or do it properly with a bottle of vodka, a mirror, and a lot of self-loathing. That's how I do it 
.
I'm sorry the ER HCWs didn't give you the full information you needed. >< There was no need to let you worry like that.
Social bullies.
I'm so glad, though, that the stone isn't causing you any more danger. I'll cross appendages that you passed it in the ER while medicated. ^^
Just keep taking care of yourself as best as you can with the information you have. It's all any of us can do.
Can't stop, Won't stop.
Good to hear you're recovering. It's almost like someone's got a curse on you to absorb all their life's woes.
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This, so much this. People over here in the UK don't know how lucky we are to have an NHS funded by those who can afford it for the sake of those who can't.
You're not an idiot. The system is broken.
No you’re not stupid. You did what everyone was recommending.
I don't mean to distract from you, and hope that you get to put this behind you so you don't have to worry about it anymore. But I just wanted to point out something:
"I saw that the double-cheeseburger 'value' meal had crossed the $10 line, realized that those who worked there could no longer afford to eat there"
I don't know about your specific area, but in most of the U.S, most working class people can now afford to eat more McDonald's:
Fastest wage growth over the last four years among historically disadvantaged groups
Low-wage workers’ wages surged after decades of slow growth
https://www.epi.org/publication/swa-wages-2023
Working class wages have risen much faster then inflation since the pandemic. It's well off and rich people who have seen low wage growth.
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Right now, it looks like Trump & the GOP will win this election.
I'm calling it now.
"There is no problem so bad, the government can't make it worse." (Variously attributed.)
"The most frightening words in the English language are 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.'"
Ronald Reagan
You have nothing to feel stupid about and its not your fault the ER didn't give you complete information. Glad to hear you are recovering
There used to be a TV show called Hee Haw
One of their shticks was a song with the refrain
"Gloom, despair, and agony on me.
Deep dark depression, excessive misery.
If it weren't for bad luck
I'd have no luck at all.
Gloom, despair, and agony on me."
It could be your theme song!
Hey, you're unlikely to die from this & it likely will not take any expive treatments. That's your good luck quota for the foreseeable future.
Better be safe than sorry. I mean, it truly was a health emergency however you want to spin the angle on that.
As always, take care!
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And how many of those are actually getting hired?
Untrained labor is not worth trained labor. Mandating they be paid the same just breaks the economy. Companies switch to robots or just stop hiring altogether. And then no one has experience. The snowball grows from there.
You know who was good for minorities getting jobs and feeling like the world was working? Trump.
The whole world's on fire, also Estee's kidneys. There's nothing to be done at the moment for the first one. Get some lemon juice. Estee can make lemonade as medicine. That's what matters: Making things work better, and lemon juice dissolves kidney stones often helping to prevent them entirely.
Life gives you kidney stones? Make Lemonade.
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Lots of people are getting hired.
The unemployment rate is low:
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-02-03/us-job-gains-post-surprise-surge-jobless-rate-hits-53-year-low
The prime age workforce participation rate is high:
https://www.axios.com/2023/06/02/jobs-report-workers-prime-age-labor-force-participation
So lots of people are getting hired.
I didn't say anything about mandating higher wages, so not sure why you brought that up here. Ditto for Trump- I never mentioned him.
But since the topic of minimum wage was brought up:
"We also provide additional evidence on the role of state minimum wages. While MW strongly helped raise wages at the bottom 2015-2019 (lowering 90-10 inequality), this was less pronounced post 2020, when tightness reduced wage inequality more broadly."
https://twitter.com/arindube/status/1791886959927054829
Minimum wage increases were responsible for working class wage growth pre 2020, while post 2020 and post Trump high working class wage growth is driven by the good economy.
Also, minimum wage increases don't typically negatively affect employment in the long run:
"The government asked Professor Arindrajit Dube to consider international evidence on the impacts of minimum wages and the implications for UK policy.
Professor Dube’s report reviews the international evidence on the impacts of minimum wages, as well as recent research documenting the impact of the National Living Wage (NLW) in the UK. The report finds that, overall, the most up to date body of research from US, UK and other developed countries points to a very muted effect of minimum wages on employment, while significantly increasing the earnings of low paid workers. Importantly, this was found to be the case even for the most recent ambitious policies."
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/impacts-of-minimum-wages-review-of-the-international-evidence
Minimum wage increases typically don't negatively affect employment rates in the long run.
Good advice for Estee there. Apologies for the unrelated discussion in your post, Estee.
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This. All your worries only make sense if you assume that it's reasonable to put people into debt to not die of preventable ailments. Health should never be a luxury. You made the call to go, because at the time, the unknown potentially included Death. You turned out fine, this time. That is a good thing. And now you, and we, know that you're all right.
I'm glad you're ok, and wish you a dissolved kidney stone.
As others have said it is not you it is the system. It is so so so very stupid that our health is considered a commodity to have a price on. Capitalism at its finest.
Oh well, "This too shall pass." as the saying goes, more than one meaning in this case.
Hope you have the trouble over and done soon and that all your lab results come back without any issues. Or, rather, that any issues are things easy enough to fix, like eating more or eating the right things.
Now if you'll excuse me I need to go and chop some apples so I will actually eat them like my doctor wants me too.
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Stuff like this is why voting an obvious lunatic into power sounded like a good idea. It wasn't, because the checks and balances built into the system meant the most he could do was cripple the response to a disaster, but it looked like it might be to people who didn't know that.
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A surprisingly insightful man on occasion, Regan.
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To be honest, I primarily blame the French First Republic and kakistocracy. The former is a rather complicated topic of history which would take an essay or even dissertation to lay out properly, but the latter ('rule by the worst') is just the inevitable outcome of any stable system due to human nature. It's how civilisations have collapsed throughout history, swiftly or slowly.
In short, the purer the ideology of governance, the quicker it breaks down into kakistocracy because ideology is not pragmatic and in an extreme case there is nobody left with an outside perspective or motive to pull the brakes. Relying on Cincinnatus to save the day from within is akin to rolling a d20 every generation and hoping you get a nat 20 at least half the time.
The best defence is a multi-layered approach blending several different forms of governance covering one another's weaknesses which all need to be corrupted to truly break things, and proactive membership of each willing to root out kakistocratic rot in the others driven by strong ethics.
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Your apology is disingenuous. You don't get to keep up the argument AND make serious apology about having one. I can do a Truce, but as you were the first to speak you should be the first to relent, if you were being fair.
As it is, I'm heading out.
Shortly, That's exactly what a minimum wage is, a MANDATE on the minimum of wages. And in the "long term" inflation and wages creep up which resets the inequality of the market PRICE of unskilled labor to skilled labor to that somewhat more approximating it's VALUE. More women working, which the article states as a positive, does not mean the economy is doing well. It means that the population implosion is going to be worse.
I wish I had a better way to do this, but people are fine shouting for their side, but the moment you bring a different political stance to the table you have an "argument" because there is DISSENT, and how dare anyone not have the same political views as most of the support of this one particularly awesome person/thing.
There's no way to win peace with politics. It destroys everything.
I'm done here. I'm never gonna win with this lot. I'm never able to be nice, only good or at least fair when other people arent. The Sea and All the Little Fishes would be good reading for you lot. As for me, I'll still be reading, making my way through the backlog, and if I'm ever in a financial situation not on the precipice of disaster myself I'll kick some bits this way, but I'll be rooting in silence from now on, as I was.
I hope you get better Estee. You're a bundle of nerves at all hours and that does hell for renal function. Lemonade is just the simplest thing I have to suggest. It's like chamomile for stress: It helps, but it's a poor balm to curing the core issue. Long walks are good for spiraling in mentally but you get tired so it can even out and sometimes things do get worked out in the end with careful mental dissection. Thinking enough CAN work. Meditation is the only clear tool I've got, breath-focused mindfulness style, that I've ever found to help with stress and it takes time to work. You actually have to DO it.
And that's not well wishes. That's some rando "prescribing" old remedies and headology, and I'm no Esme. Still, I've used both and they wont hurt you. I really do hope you feel better. Good luck.
Peace.
Okay, so why did two people have a political argument in the comments section of Estee's health report blog post? This ain't the best place for that.
Anyway, you're not being stupid, Estee.
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???
I just wanted to apologize to Estee for an off topic discussion and didn't mention anything or wanted to imply anything about a truce- this is a polite discussion, not a war. I don't see how that's disingenuous.
The empirical evidence posted above doesn't show any negative long term effects on unemployment from higher minimum wages: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/impacts-of-minimum-wages-review-of-the-international-evidence
If there was an effect, economists would have seen it already.
I'm not saying "how dare" or anything like that. I'm just posting facts and reasoning in favor of my argument. We disagree and that's fine.
I don't have anything to add to your get well advice for Estee, so thanks for posting it and for the discussion. Apologies to Estee again for the off topic discussion, and get well soon!
It may be true that if you had waited the visit could have been prevented and money saved... hindsight is 20/20, foresight is a foggy blur.
Alternate scenario (from a friend over here)
He thought he just had the flu... three weeks later and a first trip to the GP for ABs and no better.
Second trip, bloodwork taken. 12:30am that night he gets a call from the Base Hospital 3 hours away telling him to get there ASAP.
He decides to drive the 3 hour trip on his own. Gets there and is almost too weak to walk from the car to the entry. He gives his name and long story shorter... he ends up transferred to the Royal Melbourne to be stabilised to await a stem cell transplant (rated less than a 10% chance of survival due to his state) and it is then over a year before he gets home again. If he had waited any longer he would definitely have died within a day or two. That was almost 10 years ago... 10 years and more he almost lost by waiting too long. That was not due to cost (under Medicare his whole stay and meds capped out at $695 per year and each year since)... he simply just did not think it was that bad.
Take care and glad you are feeling better now. I know we will not make you feel less guilty, but we do prefer a safe and alive Estee. This means money spent to know it was actually a stone and that you don't have a lodged kidney stone anymore is money fairly spent.
You could perhaps get a story idea from G.S. Brindley's 1983 Worst Urology Conference Presentation Ever, described here on pages 6-7. https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/j.1464-410X.2005.05797.x
The difference between guessing on the state of your health and knowing is about as significant as the difference between zero and one. As another poster correctly points out, prior to your visit, your ailment could have had many possible outcomes, including death. Let us be thankful that hindsight is 20/20 and it turned out to be a kidney stone.
I went through something similar back in... 2013? Massive pain, no obvious cause. Thought about waiting it out, but for the side it was on my two options were 1) kidney stone 2) appendix. And I have a family history of organs just deciding to not cooperate, so... At the time, I felt the exact same way you do now. Should have waited it out, would have been fine. Funny noise in the toilet in a few days would have made for a good story.
But if I was wrong, I'd be dead, because I lived alone and nobody would have heard me scream. So there's that.
I was also uninsured (#America). I won't scare you with the digits, but I will say that now, more than a decade down the line, I lean more toward the "glad I didn't risk the exploding organ" side of things.
On the bright side, as I recall, the drop from kidney to bladder was the worst part. Mind, the pass through the bladder on out isn't a picnic, but it was a damned sight better than the first trek.