The pace seems really rushed and your writing style is weird as hell. Grammer is ok, mistakes here and there but, nothing bad. But, what the hell is up with the '0' when you write Everyp0ny? That throws me off. You also need to explain things better. Like, did Vinyl give back your music player? What did Dashs house look like? Despite what that Asshat said, yeah it's an overused concept, but the story can be good. I personally like these kind of stories and look forward to read the new ones that people write. I wonder if he even read it? All in all, your stories pretty strange, and off putting, but it's not 'thumbs down' material. I want more to see how it plays out. The ponies strange acceptance to 'me' is sketchy.
The reason I used the everyp0ny thing was because I saw it in alot of stories so i thought it was the new thing that people were doing sorry about throwing you off
2737022 pffffffffffffffffffff fuck dat shit i like everything in dis story more than likely because i don't pay attention or anything but what ever then she said :chase you can't make a dishwasher that wash's dish's with wub's. then i was like :Fuck dat i'm vinyl scratch!! *then goes to work place to make a wub dishwasher*
The pace seems really rushed and your writing style is weird as hell. Grammer is ok, mistakes here and there but, nothing bad. But, what the hell is up with the '0' when you write Everyp0ny? That throws me off.
You also need to explain things better. Like, did Vinyl give back your music player? What did Dashs house look like?
Despite what that Asshat said, yeah it's an overused concept, but the story can be good. I personally like these kind of stories and look forward to read the new ones that people write. I wonder if he even read it?
All in all, your stories pretty strange, and off putting, but it's not 'thumbs down' material. I want more to see how it plays out. The ponies strange acceptance to 'me' is sketchy.
The reason I used the everyp0ny thing was because I saw it in alot of stories so i thought it was the new thing that people were doing sorry about throwing you off
Thanks for giving me your oppinion ill work on the story a bit more
Just a bit of improv advice, when somebody different is talking, start a new paragraph for it.
Currently it's like this:
"Guy 1's line" "Guy 2's line"
Where it should go:
"Guy 1's line"
"Guy 2's line"
Hope this'll help you a bit! =)
2737022
pffffffffffffffffffff fuck dat shit i like everything in dis story more than likely because i don't pay attention or anything but what ever then she said :chase you can't make a dishwasher that wash's dish's with wub's. then i was like :Fuck dat i'm vinyl scratch!! *then goes to work place to make a wub dishwasher*