Some story writer
Joined 16th Jun, 2013 ·
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The pace seems really rushed and your writing style is weird as hell. Grammer is ok, mistakes here and there but, nothing bad. But, what the hell is up with the '0' when you write Everyp0ny? That throws me off.
You also need to explain things better. Like, did Vinyl give back your music player? What did Dashs house look like?
Despite what that Asshat said, yeah it's an overused concept, but the story can be good. I personally like these kind of stories and look forward to read the new ones that people write. I wonder if he even read it?
All in all, your stories pretty strange, and off putting, but it's not 'thumbs down' material. I want more to see how it plays out. The ponies strange acceptance to 'me' is sketchy.
The reason I used the everyp0ny thing was because I saw it in alot of stories so i thought it was the new thing that people were doing sorry about throwing you off
Thanks for giving me your oppinion ill work on the story a bit more
Get a fucking editor. Otherwise, good story! Thumbs up and in read later.
More!!!!
Thank you all for your advice I will remember all of it. Also thank you all for atleast giving me a little credit on my first story
>all dat
No.
Just a bit of improv advice, when somebody different is talking, start a new paragraph for it.
Currently it's like this:
"Guy 1's line" "Guy 2's line"
Where it should go:
"Guy 1's line"
"Guy 2's line"
Hope this'll help you a bit! =)
Just noticed a spelling mistake.
You typed 'Science' but it's meant to be 'Since'
cue shitstorm of horny ponies and hilarity in 3..2...1.... bring it on
Needs, DESPERATELY NEEDS, an editor. Overall good job though
Dude the faint part was funny as hell.
2747763
agreed
blitz's brain thinks like mine
thanks guys if I had any money i'd getcha a beer
and just for that. I'll write another chapter
2747858 what's with password dude I'm 21 those things are annoying on chapter 5 .
2749620
my bad I was half sleep when I did that
I loved writing that clop scene
2752094 Too short...
2737022
pffffffffffffffffffff fuck dat shit i like everything in dis story more than likely because i don't pay attention or anything but what ever then she said :chase you can't make a dishwasher that wash's dish's with wub's. then i was like :Fuck dat i'm vinyl scratch!! *then goes to work place to make a wub dishwasher*
hmm this is almost the same thing that happend to me only it was... longer and more... lasting ehhm! forget that i ever said that! meh you already know but still lol yes there's a portal but tis mine i share it with very few i'll tell location later but there are other's watching us so i'll PM the portal sight then not now though
Just started reading this story and let me say, this a real great story, I like the fact that you made his mind audibal, but 3A is right a little too short, still great story 4.999999/5 (due to the short chapters)
OH MY FÛCKING GOD I JUST MIGHT DIE FROM THIS ONE.
Thank you all so much! I try my ass off for you guys!
yay new chapter I wonder what's next
oh snap, 'lestia is gonna get angry.
Was not expecting this.....but it was not unwelcome
I just have to say this story is confusing! I don't know if I can read this anymore. It just jump around to much to make it understandabol.
Dragonfox
Somewhat short, maybe a little confusing to me, but I LOVED IT!!!
Very straight forward. First question is about his teeth and Is a celebrity the moment he eats a steak. Huh?
I don't think I understand this chapter.
4775125 Your lucky I don't understand any of the chapters.
2771469
Well... That just happened.