A soldier has arrived in Equestria after being betrayed by his own military. He harbors much hatred after knowing his own comrades and friends have betrayed him. He begins to slowly let go of his hatred as he spends time with the peaceful ponies.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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twilight
awesome story. keep in mind he's a badass super soldier and make his character correspond to that as well.
(“I will not let you consume me foul beast. You can taunt me and even threaten me but you will never be able to get me to agree to your terms. I will live happily here with my new friends and I will be able to keep everyone safe from what I used to be. I can change no matter what it takes and no matter how long it takes. You will be nothing and always that so you are just better off leaving me alone and never bothering me again.”)
his character is a little off here buddy. remember, he's a soldier, not your typical citizen.
Rarity!
3366962
I will say yes that he is out of character. But I will also mention that it is also for the giant drop that will happen to get him to snap. Although I will not say what will cause that to happen.
lyre and like i said add spitfire and lightning dust. but seriously lyra first then octavia then viynl then trixie then the others
3369586
I looked over my notes and saw that I can add Spitfire and Lightning Dust. Now just comes the fun part when the show up.
3369605![:rainbowkiss:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png)
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awesome but i have an idea. how about he meets them when he saving their lives. idk what from but i am sure you can figure it out also when is the next chapter going to be out.
3369625
Halfway finished with it so hopefully tomorrow.
3369657 yahoo![:rainbowkiss:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png)
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I don't understand what the problem with saying Everybody is.... if there are several BODIES in the room, then everybody would technically be correct... if i was him i would have told Pinkie Pie to STFU.
That's a loooooooot of marefriends.![:pinkiegasp:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiegasp.png)
rainbow dash
Well things escalated quickly let's see how this turns out.![:moustache:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/moustache.png)
I've read two chapters now and while it's not bad it could use some polishing. Some of what is written is redundant and (this seems to be a bane to almost all HIE fics) James is perfectly alright with this. Also just based on what he has accomplished militarily and the time frame of his past relationship it seems like he should be older.
Gotta hate the run-on sentences,PLZ USE PUNTUATION! Other than that it's great!
its too rushed. why were they immediately friendly to him?
Jesus. You do not believe in commas do you? I think I saw like 3 commas in this whole chapter, even though there needed to be a lot more. Also, work on your sentence structure. You use 'and' multiple times in one sentence, which creates a lot of run-ons.
Grammar needs some work. *cough cough* commas! *cough*![:facehoof:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/facehoof.png)
It's an ok story otherwise.
he's taking the new universe thing a bit to well
Hold the fuck up for a sec. How are they his friends? Rainbow and Apples are racist, Pinkie is a bit h for word, even though she makes some up, and all of them just imprisoned him.
Okay put the brakes on, this story has is titled "Do I Belong" which has some HUGE similarities to the story "Somewhere I Belong" and by similarities I mean straight copied, basically a few words have changed but the basic conversation between the character is the same, how James exited the hospital room is the same, etc; regardless, I'm just stating this and not try to accuse either you or the other author of copying bease I don't know which story was written first.. either way I'm going to read it. I'm just saying you know.![:rainbowkiss:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png)
Ok.. Ya killed it.. Sorry dude.. You need to not plagiarize.. Come up with something new, fresh! Not a copy-paste with minor revisions.. Grammar is literally non-existant as run-on sentances are rampant. Story is interesting, (could salvage it as an idea) but is rushed as all hell. Back to the drawing board with you!![:fluttershyouch:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/fluttershyouch.png)
I have a message for Pinkamena Diana Pie back the fuck off you fucking Speciesist grammar nazi. He is not a pony and thus every time you use everypony instead of everyone you are excluding him from the group as HE IS NOT A PONY!!!!! I hate it when people use pinks to change a characters grammar when our grammar is the most politically correct form and don't they have other species on equus if so do those species have their own form of everyone like the ponies do if so then the ponies should be more accepting of his grammar and if not and they use everyone then the ponies are flat out speciesist.
The things I Find wrong are A. The racism B. The really fast paced rushing C. No really reason to explain the calmness he is feeling and D. No way they are friends already and he should have been more hesitant wandering the questions
To go from "I'm a specialist in the army." to "THOU WILL NOT CONSUME ME, FOUL BEAST!!" in just 2 chapters. Nah bro, just nah.![:ajbemused:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/ajbemused.png)
First you got the everypony and everyone wrong, James should be correcting them because there are more than one sentient species in their planet.
Second, I don’t know what kind of bizarre and twisted idea of friendship you have but what James and the main bitch have is not friendship.
Third what kind of soldier is so submissive and beta? Why would he be such a push over, by how you write this he sounds like a male fluttershy.
10106182
You're actually wrong on your first point, and I'll leave it at that. As for the other two, honestly didn't give much thought to any of it because I was writing this as just an off thing to test a lot of things for myself.
It sounds like many of the other comments are upset with how the main character acts while being portrayed as an elite soldier. Most people fail to understand that they are going off of a biased view that all soldiers are cookie cutter similar. The fact that there are soldiers who enjoy mlp is a testament to the fact that every soldier is not a carbon copy of the one next to them. It's the events in a soldiers life that shape them to have the physical and psychiatric traits that they do. His character could be part of a tank crew and still like to browse clothing stores and that would be fine! To shorten my point its his character and it can act however it pleases.
10106647
Actually he's right, the main character is not a pony and shouldn't be forced to say anypony, everypony and stuff like that because it is actually an incredibly large case of speciesism as it doesn't involve any of the other sentient species in My Little Pony.
I know it's just a play on words for the show, but realistically it would and will be taken as if the ponies are saying they are the superior species of Equis.
Ps:Why so lazy as to just say he's wrong and say you'll leave it at that. I find that immensely lazy and incredibly rude plus you're not backing your point at all. (And please don't try to use the point that the ponies don't see it that way. As even if they don't mean it that way they're still doing it no matter how unintentional.)