Session 25 - I Will Never Feel Alone
Far away from the hustle and bustle of Canterlot was the town of Hayslee. Nestled away into its own quiet little corner of nowhere, and bordered by steep cliffs and mountainsides. Only a single road stretched to the south. Hayslee’s isolation shielded it from many happenings of the outside world.
It had come as a surprise to everypony when the town’s newest and strangest residents moved in. There was no explanation as to where they had come from, or why they’d sough out such an isolated place. Even less explicable was their bizarre and frightening appearance.
The ponies of Hayslee weren’t a judgmental lot, though. They were willing to give the strangers a chance. The larger of the two, Stitch, wore a full-body suit of sack cloth. She told the villagers she had no skin underneath, and they had no reason to doubt her. The only openings in the suit were two eye-holes, and a hole for her unicorn horn.
Stitch was always smiling, because a smile had been embroidered into her face with yarn. She had no eyes. Only mysterious red lights that hovered in her eye sockets, like hot coals on a dark night. Her voice had a warped, disturbing sound to it. But in spite of her terrifying appearance and even more terrifying voice, she was as friendly as anypony else in Hayslee.
Stitch offered her services as a doctor, and proved to be quite a good one. She had particular skill with sutures, but that wasn’t her only talent. With a small library of medical texts, she could easily figure out how to solve any problem she didn’t recognize right off the bat.
Stitch’s companion was little more than a talking skill, the unfortunate result of a run-in with some hungry diamond dogs. Like Stitch, she lacked eyes, and instead had the same specks of red light in her eye sockets. She called herself Red Eye. When she first arrived in town, she would only speak if spoken to, and never initiated conversations with the townsfolk.
Stitch brought Red Eye along for walks through town every so often. Red Eye got past her shyness a little at a time, and grew accustomed to making small talk with her neighbors. It took time to get her talking, but once somepony did, they found she was full of stories to tell. The places she’d seen, the ponies she’d known, the things that had happened to her and Stitch.
The Hayslee ponies grew to accept and appreciate their new residents within just a few short months. So it came as a surprise to Stitch when she headed home from the clinic to find a crowd of ponies barring her path.
Such situations had always ended badly before. Terribly, even. Every single time. However, these ponies weren’t brandishing weapons. They were even smiling. Stitch suppressed her panic reflex and came closer.
“Stitch, we noticed you’re starting to show some wear and tear,” said Rosemary. “So, a bunch of us got together and made you a quilt.”
The unicorns in the crowd used their magic to lift and unfold a quilt, holding it open by its corners for Stitch to see. No two squares were the same. Fabrics, colors, and patterns differed across the entire work. Some squares had images or short messages embroidered. One in particular said ‘Welcome to Hayslee’. If Stitch had tear ducts, she’d have cried.
“There’s a little something from each of us in this quilt,” said Whisperwind.
“We’d be honored if you wore it,” said Midnight Oil.
“I-I’m touched! Thank you, all of you,” said Stitch. “I’ll sew it into a suit right away!”
Stitch accepted the quilt and draped it across her back, folded over once so the edges didn’t drag on the ground. The crowd of ponies cleared a path for Stitch. She walked through, offering thanks to each pony she passed.
Inside, Red Eye stared at the door. Sometimes she went to work with Stitch, but not always. She valued her solitude, but the soul-crushing boredom of being just a skull made her pine for Stitch to return. Stitch finally did return, proudly strolling through the door with a quilt on her back.
“Oh my, what a lovely quilt,” said Red Eye. “Where did you get it?”
“Our neighbors made it,” said Stitch. “They wanted to make us feel more at home.”
“That’s so thoughtful! The ponies here really do like us, don’t they?”
“They do. After all this time, we’ve finally found a place we can call home.”
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So... is this it? Is the story complete now?
And to think,
TimpaniStitch andFluttershyRed Eye finally did find a place to call home!3772867 Just one?
3772980 But die she did.
3773481 Yup. That's the end. Session 25 is meant to be an epilogue; I initially planned to end the story with session 24 and leave their fate ambiguous, but later decided to end on a high note.
I also thought up a super-dark alternate ending, but a friend of mine talked me out of writing it.
3773228 That normally means keep out.
Wow. To tell the truth, I didn't cry until I finished that last chapter, when it all crashed on my head with the conclusion. The friends that Fluttershy thought would stick together no matter what happens just completely cut her out and didn't try to see reason, even if the PRINCESS told them it was her. They didn't even talk to the poor pegasus, so Fluttershy lost everything and gained something else...
I loved the story and it had amazing concepts.
Perhaps I should study up on lychs to understand them better.
3775814 Thank you for the comment! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
This is a really good story. Although I have two complaints:
One, it feels a bit to short, and the passage of time was a little off putting.
Two, you didn't include Aisu-isme's sketches in the chapters.
Not saying I didn't love it, just that there could have been more.
I really liked the lich lore you used, pretty unique in the whole undead pony fics.
3781172 While writing, I was actually worried it would drag on too long, but shortness is one of the biggest complaints I'm seeing so I guess I was a little too concise XD
The passage of time is definitely a problem. I wanted to point out that time had passed without a straight-up info dump, but I don't think I touched on it enough. I made a timeline as a guide for myself. Perhaps I should release it online.
Also, I'm not sure if I can attach pictures to individual chapters? The PDF, Kindle, and tumblr versions of Red Eye are linked in the description, and all of those include Aisu's illustrations. She did some really fantastic work on this project, and that's part of the reason I put off posting a text-only version for so long.
One of the things about a story of this caliber, it would be much better if it was more in the 100K to 200K word range. Readers like to read. Readers like long stories, this would also fix your time line issue.
My suggestion for the FIMfic chapters would be to store a copy of each picture in your DA "sta.sh" then using the image insert button provided in the edit chapter screen, place the pictures in the appropriate places with in the story like so:
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2014/006/2/3/dressing_a_corpse_by_aisu_isme-d717csf.png
(In the story the picture will not have a link to click, but you'd have to give it a try to see what I mean.)
And this story should have an AU tag and maybe a Tragedy tag.
Also if your up to it, I have quite the few ideas for a possible sequel if your interested in expanding upon your story's world.
3782715 I didn't even notice the image button when uploading the text. Huh. I'll get around to adding pictures some time this week, thanks for pointing that out!
As for tagging, I will add the AU tag. I considered tragedy, but I wasn't sure if I should use it given I worked in a happy ending.
I'd love to hear your ideas for a sequel. I have an idea for a prequel, myself, but I'm not sure if I'll actually write it as it focuses on Varinia, who is an unsympathetic character by design.
3782762 And I think if you were to do a rewrite, don't change anything, just add to what you have. I'd suggest following the various ships with a lot more detail. Most notably would be to watch the CMC grow up more slowly.
And maybe expand your chapters to roughly 5K to 10K words each.
Also a romance tag wouldn't be out of place here.
This was a tough fic to read. First we have Apple Bloom attacked and the ponies discover it's a mysterious creature. Then Celestia sends Fluttershy to try and reform the creature (as in "Keep Calm and Flutter On"), but it results in the creature dying and Flutters the new monster!
I liked how the story also details the relationships between Apple Bloom and Scoots, as well as Twilight and Rainbow Dash (though you could have spent more detail on that). And I was really disturbed at how the rest of the Mane 6 turned on Flutters when they discovered that she was the new monster's vessel. At least Celestia consoles her when she meets Red Eye/Fluttershy face to face.
Near the end of the story, Sweetie Belle's daughter (who has a talent for sewing) finds Red Eye and tries to help her and they run off together. The notion of Flutters all sewn up like you do at the end was a little disturbing, but I was glad that they finally found a home. Perhaps you could do a sequel when Red Eye finally passes on and Sweetie Belle's daughter returns to Ponyville and tries to reconcile herself with the town's rejection of her friend. Just a suggestion.
I re-read the story and I had some of my recollections wrong. Like Timpani (Sweetie Belle's daughter), after she runs off with Red Eye/Flutters, is ultimately killed by Red Eye when she kisses her but is re-animated. That missed my notice the first time around, but I felt so bad for Flutters in this story. But now I realize that Flutters was killed in that forest fire and was re-animated as the monster that eliminated herself earlier in the story. It would have been better if Flutters had simply passed away, but that would have been a different story.
Tragic though this story is, I really liked the love story between Scoots and Apple Bloom as well as between Dash and Twilight. I know same-sex relationships aren't everyone's cup of Earl Grey, but it was your way of showing that life goes on in the midst of tragedy. It was sad of Twilight to pass away though. Hopefully, Spike will be waiting for her in the next world.
Perhaps you could do a sequel, not necessarily more misadventures with Red Eye and Stitch/Timpani, but what happens in Ponyville after the events of this story. Like how Dash copes with the demise of Twilight, or how Sweetie Belle deals with her missing daughter. Just a suggestion.
Well, anyway, I hope you would pardon my double-dipping in the review department.
3784045 Thank you for the comments! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
I don't know if I'll do a sequel, at least not right away, but I do really like the idea you have there. Dash dealing with the death of Twilight Sparkle. Rarity, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo trying to console Sweetie Belle after Timpani runs away. Red Streak growing up. Life in Ponyville slowly getting back to normal, in Red Eye's absence.
This fic is amazing.
This is hooves down the best fic I've read all year. This needs a sequel though. I don't really care what it is, wether its a side fic or a direct continuation, even 100 years later that mite be interesting.
... I personally want to see some interaction between the two liches and the princesses (both Celestia and Luna). I think that would be interesting
4028689 Thank you for the comment, I'm glad you liked it! I do have a few ideas on expanding the story. I've kind of been in a slump lately, so I don't know when I'll get back to writing, but I can give you an idea of what I'll be doing.
Re: Red Eye - A big edit/partial rewrite based on feedback I've received. I got some bad advice before starting this project, and it ended up being less awesome than it could have been because of that. Re: Red Eye will extend most scenes, and add new scenes to some sessions.
Goddess of Despair - A prequel that begins 1000 years in the past. This story will be all about Varinia, detailing her rise to power and eventual fall. I intend to incorporate a lot of show-canon backstory into this as well. Cygnus, who was only briefly mentioned in Red Eye, will have a prominent role in Goddess of Despair. Celestia, Luna, and Discord are also major characters. I can PM you a full synopsis of what I have in mind for this, if you don't mind spoilers.
Separate Ways - A set of short fics exploring various "what ifs". I thought up an ultra-dark alternate ending to Red Eye, and that idea inspired me to think up alternates to several major plot points. I don't know for sure that I'll write this, but it's a fun idea to toy with.
Untitled Sequel - A short story detailing life in Ponyville after Red Eye and Timpani leave, with Red Streak as the main character. I'm not sure I'll write this, either.
4047225
I'm getting u really like zombieshy :3
4179762 I'm guessing you really like Fluttershy. Work on you grammar, please.
4180886
No I'm just saying I'm yes I do have a potty mouth most of the time srry if I offend u
Forgive me pls?
And hmmm yes I do love flutters
4180934 It fine.
4180954 yay!
This entire story deserves a...
i.imgur.com/oeXuQzt.gif
Liked, Faved, Followed.
This was a wonderful story it had a little bit of everything which is very rare, but in saying this I found some parts very.....disturbing.
4382799 What is that from?
4552423
1. I did not write this fic myself, a "non-brony" did.
2. I know there are a lot of holes in this fic, but I personally am a terrible writer.
4579108 I know where you're coming from. But it seems no one seems to notice the part in the description that says I did not write this.
4579764 It's weird how the real criticism didn't come along until after I passed the story to you.
4583220 That's just the power of the follow count. I follow a lot of people.
4583256 In retrospect, I really should have written a short story in which Fluttershy unknowingly dies and resurrects, a sequel in which she's discovered as a lich and driven from Ponyville, a second sequel in which she returns to Ponyville and eventually runs away with Timpani, a third sequel in which Red Eye accidentally kills Timpani, and then an epilogue to cap it off.
You know, as opposed to a sprawling novella filled with huge gaps in which nothing at all happens, and shipping-flavored filler fluff. I fudged the bucket on that one.
4583358 You are completely welcome to try again with a complete re-write.
4583364 I'm sorry, but that won't happen. I've forbidden myself from writing, drawing, commissioning*, or re-blogging any content related to MLP, or any other shows, movies, games, etc. designed for children. The only fan work I allow myself to create now has to be based on shows rated TV-MA (with exceptions for TV-14 shows clearly intended for adults; some episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force are rated TV-14, for example), movies rated R or higher, and video games rated M or AO.
I apologize for leaving you with such a mess of a story, but it's not my story anymore.
*The no commissions rule extends to buying fan-made merchandise: comics, stickers, pillows, plushies, etc. I can only buy officially licensed merch.
8/10, amazing story.
The overall story is a great read, and the idea is original. I cried at many parts of the story, notably the parts of Apple Jack and Twilight turning on her, and at when she showed at Twilight's funeral.
Though, I felt that it had a lot of shipping that interrupted what the main idea is supposed to be about.
Also, I feel that it should have been, to an extent, longer.
Good job!
Given the whole shipping in this story, it really should have been obvious, but I sure as hell still didn't expect this to turn into lesbian necrophiliac romance.
4583384 Why?
This is one weird fic. The pictures are gone, the story is everywhere, and I didn't like the ending to much. But, Celestia is still wise, Twilight got some punishment and died, the concept is cool, and the 'background' stories are a decent distraction that ended with a new character.
All in all, what's with Fluttershy being a skull?
7956653 I'm not the original author as stated in the description, but as afar as Flutters, that part is a long time later, and parts have gone missing over time.
i really like this story👍
8974855
Well, yeah, I didn't think Fluttershy or Timpani was aware that Timpani cursed herself, but... well, yeah, as said earlier, now Fluttershy and Timpani can enjoy each other FOREEEEEEVER!
She's just a skull now? Is she eventually going to get a body again?
All in all I'm glad Fluttershy and Timpani finally found a place where they can belong. And Fluttershy doesn't have to be alone anymore.