- Member Since 23rd Feb, 2013
- offline last seen Yesterday
TittySparkles
TittySparkles is pretty based, writes great porn that I can rub one off to on a weekly basis, and she has no problem telling societies leftie rejects to fuck off. - Anonymous
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Cover Picture By Zajice, >Source<
4311435
Found that image without the signature in it. I can easily fix that.
hue
This is relevant to my interests.
Amount of fucks given when coming up with this title: 0.
Dat chapter title.
4311546
You've been a very Babs person, para. You have been breaking bad indeed.
Upvote for name alone.
4311441 In the description you mean younger right? Not older?
I should -NOT- have read this at work.
Totally gonna fap to this once my neckbones are done.
The mental image of Babs chewing bubble gum while taking a dick in the ass is like seeing God.
4312069 Sir! Do you have no morals? Anal with a muscular little semi-foal? You...
Damn. You make something I don't really care for hot. I can see how people consider you to be one of the best clop writers in the fandom. I need to study your sentence structure and word choices for future... uhh... 'use'. Yes.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/10/14/122874/full.png
Oh TittySparkles, your work is always a pleasure to read.
And these titles! Well done.
Delicious.
Simply delicious.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Can't contain my unf.
Titty's back! YUS!
What the fuck, guys. The feature box was clop-free until you came along. Wait, that's not it, do my eyes deceive me? Is that foalcon? You sick fucks have crossed the line. I can handle futa, I can handle anthro, but this is just too far.
You're all disgusting virgins; please remove yourselves from the internet.
4312596
You can handle futa? Are you certified? Professional futa cock handler!
Oh Cookie...you are truly amazing.
4312617
It has been three minutes.
three minutes
Confound you, Sir Hat.
4312638
You can confound me, but you won't stop the comedy!
Also, I'm gonna make something about an underaged colt getting sounded by a duck's creepy corkscrew dong while the duck get's sodomized by rarity's horn, just for you.
4312788
Careful, he'll handle your anthro futa if you're not careful!
4312596 i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8168518400/h296D13AE/
4312596 stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/4434927/nobody-cares-spongebob-o.gif
oi57.tinypic.com/29eoo5y.jpg
> TittySparkles climbs up my ass for writing Hot For Sister
> Then writes and posts shit like this
> Yeah...
4313152
I must admit, I don't know what Titty may have said about "Hot for Sister" but wasn't that humanized underage clop, and therefore against the rules of the site, which also makes that legally questionable (in countries that apparently can't separate fiction from reality) hence why the site doesn't allow it.
4312596
Can you shut up forever? Thank you.
4312617 seriously dude, same fight, same user, different fic. I'm not liking the small flame war going on here
4313152
On the other hand, Tittysparkles doesn't write about little human girls getting raped, unlike you. In her foalcon, we don't get the impression that she's salivating for the 8 year old across the street, whereas in yours...
4313152 Moth, you're such a whiny child. I love it.
4313278
Can't you guys just ban him?
4313278
Meh, just ignore him. He says this shit in any fic that holds the slightest hint of erotica. Even cute romance that isn't clop, he'll be there to complain about how gross it is to him.
Hmmm. This is really good inspiration. Thank you for this.
Do I have your permission to turn this into a comic in the near future? (I run a blog called Ask Fapplebloom that features all four crusaders. This kind of fits really well for something in the future.)
4312596
>stop liking what I don't like
>leave the internet
>virgins
Me thinks thou may need some new material, Cookie.
Ooo... hill filly butt sex... meh, close enough. She's related to Applebloom.
Definately the most powerful imagery in this is the bubble gum popping while Babs is getting popped in her filly bubble butt.
Never have I read smut on a train and felt the explosive desire to fap. Ok, there was that one time I was reading about post-mortem snowballing in 100 Days of Blueblood, but this was beyond compare simply because of anal. I swear, it turns me on more than Canadians are satisfied by horking down Timbits and coffee from Timmy's or even the glee of a raccoon breaking into a coon-proof trash can.
I like the little detail about narrowly remembering the lube. I dunno why I find those kind of moments funny.
That little sultry kiss on the stallions neck was such a turn on. Same thing with the anal kisses ^_^
4313257 Everyone loves a rebel though. I've been tempted for awhile to just write as many one shot humanized foalcon stories as I can and post them one by one under trash accounts to fuck with people. There is no fun in following the rules, shaking things up puts spice in life.
Well, I read this and came. It would have been awesome if the stallion came in her mouth and Babs' blew a cum and gum bubble, popped it, and the stallion licked the cum bubble gum off of Babs' face and snowballed it with her.
This isn't the first story of yours I've opted to "Read Later"... but this IS the first one I've bothered to actually read, so yeah! Read, Proofread, and Review!
To locate errors I find, go to edit the document, and use Ctrl+F to open the search bar, copy what I have in quotes, and paste it in the search bar. Easy-peasy. Lemon-squeezy. Hopin' anal doesn't make 'ya queasy.
… “Surprisingly for a brothel” – It said in the previous paragraph that it was his first time in one. Consider clarifying this as “Surprisingly, from what he was expecting for a brothel”.
… “continueing to let” – ‘continueing’ should be ‘continuing’.
… “a mature pony” – ‘mature’ is often associated with ‘old’ as opposed to ‘young adult’. Consider a means of rephrasing this to suit what you actually mean.
… “for very young looking” – Place a hyphen between ‘young’ and ‘looking’.
… “interest in older looking” – Place a hyphen between ‘older’ and ‘looking’.
… “him.The mare” – Place a space between the period and ‘The’.
… “nearly matching the color intensity of a 'bad apple'” – Who the heck would look at someone’s skin – Or in this case coat – color, and compare it to a bad apple as opposed to, say, a color of light dirt or a tree or something much more comparable?
… “her two toned” – Place a hyphen between ‘two’ and ‘toned’.
… “very well groomed” – Place a hyphen between ‘well’ and ‘groomed’.
… “look."What's” – Place a space between the period and the quotation mark.
… “twitchy and nervous” – Change “nervous” to something else, since she described him as nervous already in this paragraph.
… “in front the seated” – Place ‘of’ between ‘front’ and ‘the’.
… “Kinda like a fillyphile” – So you used “pedophile” earlier, but “fillyphile” now? Consider changing the earlier term to match this one, so as to keep the terms consistent.
… “being.. uh,” – Place a third period in the ellipsis: There’s only two, there should be three.
… “being called a pedophile” – Fillyphile, by her, anyway.
… “How much it is going” – Swap ‘is’ and ‘it’.
… “ya fifty bits."” – The period should be a question mark, since she did say “how” in the previous sentence, making this one continued as a question rather than a statement.
… “the stallion to 'you know you want this butt'” – Remove ‘to’.
… “most dom's seem” – It would actually be ‘doms’, not ‘dom’s’.
… “of her mane..” – Given this is the narrator, the second period is likely an error. Remove it.
… “in hopes an answer” – Place ‘that’ between ‘hopes’ and ‘an’.
… “a deep long breath.” – Place a comma between ‘deep’ and ‘long’.
… “I’m second guessing” – Place a hyphen between ‘second’ and ‘guessing’.
… “Closing to kiss” – Place ‘in’ between ‘Closing’ and ‘to’.
… “a bit off putting” – Place a hyphen between ‘off’ and ‘putting’.
… “love it deserves then” – Place a comma between ‘deserves’ and ‘then’.
… “until he found her lower” – This is Babs’ POV, so ‘he’ should be ‘she’.
… “nearby bed side” – ‘bed’ and ‘side’ should be one word: ‘bedside’.
… “that night stand for” – ‘night’ and ‘stand’ should be one word: ‘nightstand’.
… “a brown night stand” – See above.
… “a lone half full” – Place a comma between ‘lone’ and ‘half’, and place a hyphen between ‘half’ and ‘full’.
… “and directing it” – ‘directing’ should be ‘directed’.
… “stopping for a second, snorting” – Either ‘stopping’ or ‘snorting’ should be in the past tense, so ‘stopped’ or ‘snorted’, respectively, but only one needs to be changed. Dealer’s choice.
… “and his erection simply still hard.” – Remove ‘simply’.
… “stallion’s still hard” – Place a hyphen between ‘still’ and ‘hard’.
… “Twenty five bits” – Place a hyphen between ‘Twenty’ and ‘five’.
… “felt. It” – There’s two spaces between the period and ‘It’. Remove one.
… “of a innocent” – ‘a’ should be ‘an’.
… “a sex starved mare” – Place a hyphen between ‘sex’ and ‘starved’.
… “body half way” – ‘half’ and ‘way’ should be one word: ‘halfway’.
… “it would have made” – Shorten ‘would’ and ‘have’ into ‘would’ve’.
… “could do what start” – ‘what’ should be ‘was’.
… “that a orgasm” – ‘a’ should be ‘an’.
… “rolled her body to the slide” – ‘slide’ should be ‘side’… How did you even MAKE that error?
Well, the proofreading is complete, so now time for the review. There’s not much to this, but seeing as how this is the first fic of yours I’ve reviewed, I’ll go easy on ‘ya.
… I’m just playin’.
The plot itself was rather simple, so I guess I can’t criticize it much. “Guy goes to a brothel because he has “special requests” which he fears in having them, and in turn himself, be socially criticized.” Alright, nothing out of turn there, it basically leaves the story there and the rest is straight-up filly-anal-pleasure.
Next up is character, and ohhh boy this wasn’t your strong suit. This isn’t my first Babs fic, or even my first Babs fic where she takes it in the ass by a random guy she more-or-less just met (though this IS the first where she’s a filly still, so… that accounts for… something?). What this IS, is some rather poor use of Babs. I honestly was able to picture Scootaloo halfway through the story because she more or less drops her accent but keeps her attitude (mostly) there. As such, I shall refer, to you, the comment made by a commenter in the other Babs Seed-fic, to keep in mind when attempting to produce semi-accurate (and rather ridiculous) Babs Seed anal dialogue:
Okay, that’s that. To sum it up, you gave the stallion no name (which is a step up from calling him ‘Anon’ in my book, so props for that), you honestly could’ve used the name of some other bad-news filly… Hell, maybe even a filly outright named “Bad News”, I dunno, but if you’re gonna go with Babs Seed and leave the other character without a discerning personality, don’t just drop Babs’ personality during the fic: She’s really runnin’ a one-pony race at that point for the readers, so we should still feel like she’s there… even mentioning her mane and coat-colors a few times would’ve improved this greatly… or her eyes, if you wanted this to seem more sensual…
This brings up your attention to detail. I was sort’ve hoping for more with the gum, but you used it well. I was expecting some descriptions of how the bed felt considering that’s where most of the story found itself, but I’ll let it slide. What I DO feel like pointing out, though, is having a stallion who has a fixation for fillies and butts, yet he seldom seems to indulge in her size in his descriptions of her while sticking his dick up her ass. Given her personality trait of moving hair from her eyes, I expected a little bit more of that, especially with the scene of her riding him, but was mostly surprised with how little he seemed to genuinely indulge in a fetish he paid fifty bits to go through with. It mostly described her butt, rather than whose butt it was, which was what you chose to describe as his fixation, early in the story, so have him fixated on it.
All-in-all? This could’ve been much better if you gave it more attention... but then again, if you’re just looking to please the “filly-buttfucking”-reader demographic, then heck, I guess you succeeded at that much… Of course, if you wanted to write a story with more, well, story to it… start with some building some character that’s built to last longer than the first orgasm.
4313152 Pedophilia is only ok when it includes bestiality or xenophilia
isn't it totally obvious
4313550
Oddly enough that blog held lots of inspiration for this story so go right ahead!
You're like a crippled puppy. You should be taken out back and shot, but I can't stop loving you.
4314120
4313550
Wha...?
I was actually under the impression that this story was already some sort of collab between you two.
I rather like Fapplebloom. I remember first hearing about it through Bronystorys posting a blog with EqG Twi putting half her body through the mirror portal and being spit roast between humanized and regular Flash Sentry.
Here`s Anthony! (
)
Anyway, since it`s my unofficial job to read Clopfics and review/judge them, this is no exception. Onwards!
+ Pulled me in by the Title
+ "Interesting" cover image
+ Good grammar, spelling, and punctuations
+ Not a lot of Babs Seed Clopfic, so originality
- Not a lot of involvement with the gum
-/+ Making me read more of your stories
Well, good job! It was enjoyable, and entertaining. Nice use of the Anon involvement, even knowing that Anon is usually a Human. Kinkiness? Can`t tell if that`s kinkiness or you have a really sick mind. I`ll hold onto that. On to the other comments!
4311846 That`s not something you announce to an audience of people, now is it?
4312596 You pop on every single Clopfic and I`m tired of you. If your over the age of 18, then you have the right to "Freedom Of Speech", as said in the "First Amendment". I don`t think that applies to you though, and you even had a moderator tell you to shut up, that`s impressive. You probably been told this multiple times, but please Shut the Fock up!
4313152 Don`t know you, bye
4313938 You have a sick, sick, sick, sick mind... And I admire you for it. (
)
Anyway, 9.5/10
4313278 images.entertainment.ie/images_content/200X200/NicCage.jpg
Thank you Based Strazsa.