Twilight was invited by Sunset to visit her over the summer for study reasons. Adagio finds out Twilight is in their world again, along with Sunset, and needs to seek revenge on them both. When they are kidnapped on but Twilight's first night, the human five decide to seek help from the pony five. And along that, an Alternate Twilight is learning more and more about the secrets of Canterlot High...
WARNING: Spoilers from MLP: EQG: Rainbow Rocks inside! Read at your own risk!
[Reasons for genres: Comedy because of Sunset Shimmer moments, Adventure cause of portal stuffs, and obviously alternate universe and human.]
Chapters (4)
Looks great so far
I like it, very sweet interactions between Twilight and Sunset.
So far, so good. But a bit short. But it's okay. As long as you get the details.
The only thing I find wrong is how you explain how SS got the house. She doesn't HAVE any human parents!
1) Sunset Shimmer doesn't have any parents.
2) How does she earn money to keep a building, like the one you described, running. THere are a number of utility bills that need to be paid.
I like the story, but some of the information makes no sense, reasons stated above.
Please try to clear this up next chapter.
Wait, what?
Anyway, it's an interesting beginning, and I look forward to seeing where you take this!
5188841 yeah, I know. But everyone has a human counterpart in this world...I'll explain in chapter 2
5189357 this will be explained in chapter 2
5193719 okay... I'm holding you to that. BUT IF IT'S A LIE THEN I'M BRINGING ALL THE POWERS OF TARTARUS DOWN ON YOU ALONG WITH THE WRATH OF THE MOON.
But only if it's a lie.
Sooo it's from the POV of all three Dazzlings, yet you use the first person in some places?
5210890 It's Sonata's POV. It's sort of explaining how the dazzlings come back
Narcoleptic Shimmer needs to be a thing now.
Good job; rather quick, but I like the direction this is going!
Oh my gosh sunset shimmer, why!?
5229597 my thoughts exactly.
5229446 yeah,I must admit that chapter was a bit rushed.
5229728 On the other hand, I've seen much worse from some other fics, and it was more that I was just surprised at how quickly in-universe the Dazzlings managed to restore their power. Still, this seems like setup for greater things to come, so it's not really a problem.
5231239 Im explaining what happened with Adagios "psychic ability" lol
I'm with the others. Why would Sunset Shimmer have parents in the human world...?
The thing though! XO
5242588 Read the next chapter!
Omg I'm dieng of laughter from when sunset shimmer suddenly woke up imedatly started questioning everything screamed and fell back asleep omg :'D
5244312 IKR
(reads chapter title) At the beginning of Season 1, maybe. But she's AWESOME!
The story's okay, but it feels kinda rushed. Additionally, the story really needs an editor of some sort. Ignoring the typos, the paragraph spacing/indentation is completely erratic. In this chapter, for example, paragraphs 1 and 5 are indented, but 2 through 4 aren't. You can do it with or without the indentation, but you need to keep it consistent.
5295705 I need to ask for an editor badly. XD
Come on more please
5290198 have you sent mlp
5297345 dude,I have limited time because of school XD
5297960 can you tell me when there is more
5298006 Favorite the story and it will tell you when new chapters are released
5297347 ...Huh?
5299314 nothing
5352329 no,I just made this up XD
5356206 Okay, but I quite honestly thought it was a Rainbow Factory reference...
5358393 Lol XD I haven't read Rainbow Factory yet.
5359945
I thought it was just a song...
5360029 It's a song based on a fanfic
5360772
Oh... That makes sense...
Lol That was funny kinda confusing but funny. Hope they find Twi