Hmm... It could use some touch ups, and make the story even more sad

7825199 welp long story short dash commited suside and the readers (u) found out that she died pregnant

7828656 oh really? Would you kindly send it to me here so I may liten to it?

[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4TAXeUN6gd4]

7833966 it dosen't work

Sorry try this one
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4TAXeUN6gd4

7833998 it worked and I listened to it and DAMN that was deep I loved it ty for showing me this

Try this one also No More Love By Shinedown

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bgx8AObaysE

7834089 not bad

Hurt
Johnny Cash
Lyrics
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

7886874 Wow but what's this for?

I saw the tear-jerking trailer for Logan and thought back to this...

7888898 Oh Ok

This could use lots of work with paragraphs, and I looked and saw it was the only story you had so far. It's a cool story. [Did I just say that about a fanfic like this? Eh. ] As I said, it could use work, but good nonetheless. Nice ending, for something like this. :)

7907021 Oh really thank you for taking time to read it and put it in your fave

You're welcome. :) I think the ending was cool yet sad. I can't wait to read more from you!

7909564 Don't worry you will

Great poem!

7922974 all credits go to him

7923076
To whom?

7923143 to sucidal

Huh, this isn't that bad actually! I'm a new writer, but I am picky on how a story moves, even if I write stuff the same way. That's why my English teacher doesn't like me... (Ha! He does, just that complicated student and teacher hate and love. I have that relationship with all my teachers! Help me, I'm going crazy again, aren't I? () Anyways, the grammar could use work, and I really actually enjoyed this. Weird fun fact: I hate writing gore or sex. I just can't do it. So whenever I read anything that hints to it, like your story, I actually like it!
Oh, and I'm sorry for what happened with your mom. We can all just keep moving forward!

7969444 Wow Thank you for liking my story it was kindda hard to do that to mom but that means it's not that bad

Did you delete all the negative comments?

7996194 No I didn't only the ones that are really disrespectful

Checked back on this and my,my,my,A lot of people hates it! But really please mind telling me where did I go wrong. Don't you like it 'cuz DAsh killed herself? or because it's sucide story? is it horribly written? COME ON PONIES I NEED ANSWERS HERE!!! How do you expect me to write better stories if you guys don't help me? So I hope I get some replies here.
P.S.:Don't be rude please but other than that feel free to express your thoughts

Looking at this briefly I will say I already see a lot in the way of grammartical errors. Like, a lot. If you wanted we could open up a google docs together and I could point out errors and teach you what's wrong and why.

Detail is another thing missing. After noticing a lack of grammar I scrolled through the rest and noticed not much in the way of actually paragraphs. Just looking at it seems kinda off kilter.

Surprisingly though all I see in the comments are positive comments or...deleted comments. Adding that into the above points I find myself giving this a thumbs down

8049172 Thanks for you're comment don't worry the deleted comments are comments that are dissrespectful And I'm just a immature writer and I'll take up on you're offer...that is if you're still up to it.

8049450
Yes. I personally enjoy this. Editing that is. Only on occasion though.

Would you prefer if I went through and edited things myself and then showed it to you or would you like it if we went through it together so it's a better learning experience

8051073 the latter would be nice

It seems all of the criticisms have been removed. Followed by you claiming them to be "Disrespectful."

I'm going to go ahead and let you know that by deleting comments and criticisms isn't going to get you any respect here. If anything, it'll keep people from reading your stories.

8114397 Like I said to Dusk Writter, all the comments that are deleted are not criticisims. They were very disrispectful and I may or may not have fought with someone here in this story. But rest asured thall I don't delete criticisims. And with other saying I'm dissrespectful, al, I can say is,please know both sides of the story before accusing me of something ok? I am trying to keep all of my commets civil and I don't want any trouble. But if yo u are refering to Sour Sweets,then please ask me what happened before you start yo feed me accusations ok and I am sorry if I have offended you in any way.

8218312
It's really good tho!
I think others don't really like to read sad stuff....
But that doesn't mean they should dislike it

8218877
I know. But I don’t let that discourage me. even if I know people don’t like it,I still managed to write a sequel to the story. I’ll hopefully get the epilogue done by the end of this month or early august. It’s gonna be a doozy. But more or less the sequel is done thanks for your kind words.

Well DAMN do you hate my story!😂😂 70 Dislikes? That's gotta be a new recordrd!