Twilight Sparkle walked through Ponyville waving to everypony she passed by on her way back to her castle. She, her former student Starlight Glimmer and her friend Sunburst were going to try a new spell that Starlight had found. It was a powerful one that would take at least four unicorns to cast but since she was an alicorn she and the two unicorns should be enough.
“Howdy, Twi!” A pony called out.
Twilight turned her head to see her friend Applejack, “Hey, Applejack!”
“So where ya going?” the earth pony asked.
“I’m going back to my castle to try out a spell Starlight found in the Canterlot library’s restricted section. Princess Celestia is letting us use it,” answered Twilight
Applejack started walking with the alicorn, “So what’s the spell do?”
Twilight shrugged, “Who knows.” The alicorn smiled, “It’s so exciting to have the chance to cast a spell that’s been lost and forgotten for hundreds of years!” she practically squealed.
Applejack chuckled, “Must be.”
“So what are you doing?” Twilight questioned.
Applejack replied saying, “Nothing really just out for a walk.”
Twilight turned her head slightly, “isn’t anypony selling Apples in the square?”
“Granny and Big Mac are taking care of that t’day” Applejack replied.
“Got it! So you wanna come along?”
The orange pony shrugged, “Sure!”
Twilight smiled and continued walking. After ten minutes or so, the mares saw a tall purple crystal building come into view. Once entering the castle, the pair made their way to the library.
Upon entering the library, a unicorn stallion greeted, “Oh Princess Twilight you’re back.” He turned to see the other pony, “And Applejack?”
“Yeah Twi and Ah ran into each other on her way back.” the earth pony stated. She took notice of a circle on the floor. She wasn’t exactly the savviest with magic so she didn’t question if it was necessary for the spell or not.
Starlight responded by saying, “So did Twilight tell you about what we’re doing?”
Twilight nodded, “Yep I did I told her everything.” The alicorn answered before asking, “So did you find anything else about the spell.”
Starlight shook her head, “No we couldn’t find anything.”
Sunburst confirmed what his friend said, “It may be even older than Equestria. But we don’t know for sure. Everything else, like it’s purpose and creator aren’t anywhere to be found.”
Twilight closed her eyes, “Hmmm, I wish we knew more about it. We could be on the verge of rediscovering unknown magic.”
Starlight gave a slight smirk, “Well we’re trying it out for a reason. We’ll never know what it does if we don’t.”
Twilight nodded, “You’re right. now let’s get to it!”
“Yeah let’s.” Starlight exclaimed.
The two unicorns following the alicorn, lit their horns allowing their magic flow into the circle on the floor. The floor started to have a pastel orange-red glow to it as the colours of magic mixed together as it stretched across the floor. Applejack let out a soft but audible, “Wow!” in amazement.
Twilight looked down at the expanding glow, her thoughts racing with all the different possibilities the spell could have, but still kept her concentration. Eventually, the light made it to the edge of the circle after which, the circle glowed white. Then it expanded even farther.
Twilight asked, “How are you two doing over there.”
“Alright. I think we’re getting close to-“ Starlight spoke before noticing the magic started to expand further. Then she felt a pressure change, enough to cause her head to jolt with an intense pain, “Urk, Aahhh!”
“Starlight! Are you- ahhh!” Sunburst exclaimed, also getting a strong throb through his head.
Twilight didn’t know what was going on, “Are you two alright?” Unlike the unicorns, the princess didn’t feel any pain. “L-let’s stop now!“ But they before they could stop, there was a sudden flash of light which blinded the ponies and the magic was released forcing Twilight back.
“AHHHHH WHAT’S HAPPENING!” Starlight and Sunburst shrieked in pain and terror.
Twilight was thrown off the ground and towards Applejack. The earth pony reacted, catching the alicorn. “Ooof!” she gasped softly. “Twilight are you ok!?” Applejack nearly shouted.
Twilight in a daze from being blinded and thrown back spoke without thinking, “Mom?”
Applejack was caught of guard at first but quickly shook it off, realizing her friend was in shock.
“AHHHHH!” The earth pony shot up, hearing a mare and stallion scream. She was barely able to make out Starlight and Sunburst before the light completely consumed them making it impossible to see. Only seconds later, the light expanded so much that all Applejack and Twilight could see was bright orange before their sight went black.
??? Later
Twilight felt her eyes twitch. The alicorn felt a soft surface against her back and a snug feeling around her flank. As she sat up lifting a hoof to her face and rubbing her eyes, she noticed it was a lot smaller than she remembered. In fact, it looked like the size of a foal’s. “Why-” she thought before speaking. “W-why is my hoof so smaww?” She covered her mouth realizing not only her broken speech, but her high pitched squeaky voice.
She looked around becoming aware of her surroundings. She noticed wooden bars next to her, “A-am I in a cwib?” She glanced around seeing toys all around her. She was definitely in a crib. Her expression darkened realizing what the soft snug feeling surrounding her flank could be. With everything else she knew what it was without having to look but she had to. It was as she expected. She was wearing a diaper and it wasn’t dry. “Wh-what gowing on. Why am I a foaw? Where am I?” The now foal looked around recognizing the room. She was in her castle; the purple walls, crystalline ceiling and lines of crystal in the corners were a giveaway.
She turned towards a sudden sound like a tired moan. “Where am ah?” It was Applejack. The earth pony looked around noticing she was in Twilight’s Castle. “Ah guess Twi put me in here after that spell went wrong.” The earth pony got out of the bed and walked over to the door. “Ah hope Starlight an’ Sunburst are ok.”
“Abbajack?” a voice called.
“Eh!?” Applejack looked around she could tell the voice was calling for her even with its broken speech. She turned around realizing there was a crib in the room, “Why’s that here?”
The voice spoke again, “Abbajack ovew hewe!”
Applejack quickly walked over to the crib. Upon reaching it she looked in and saw a purple alicorn foal that was a dead ringer for her friend Twilight. In fact, she looked exactly like her except for one small thing, “Tw-Twilight? Wh-why are ya a-“
Twilight jumped on the statement, “I don’ know!” The foal buried her face in her hooves.
Applejack reached in picking the foal up cradling her in her forehooves. “So ya don’t know how this happened?”
Twilight shook her head before putting a hoof under her chin and another on the forehoof.
Applejack seeing a foal in such deep thought couldn’t help but chuckle, a very audible one at that.
“Abbajack this iwsn’t funny!” Twilight glared but it only caused the earth pony to chuckle more.
Twilight pouted which again only got a chuckle. After a few seconds, Applejack composed herself, “Ok Ah’m done.”
Twilight gave a serious look which caused the earth pony to hold back another chuckle, “I tink dis is because of dat speww Stawwight, Sunbuwst an I cast.”
“Do ya think it gave ya those freckles too?” Applejack asked.
“Fweckwes wat fweckwes?” Twilight look up confused.
Applejack picked the foal up. Looking around she noticed a changing table and more importantly right now a mirror. She walked over holding Twilight up to it.
The small alicorn stared at her reflection noticing three small white dots positioned in a triangle shape next to her eye. Just like...
Twilight turned to Applejack but before she could say anything a familiar voice said, “Hey Applejack?”
Applejack and Twilight mentally sighed with relief. It was Fluttershy and the rest of their friends, “It sounded like you were talking to someone but there’s no one here but you.” Rarity said.
“Except for wittle Twiwight,” Fluttershy exclaimed, picking up the foal
Twilight grumbled at Fluttershy treating her like the baby she was, “Just cause I wook wike a foaw doesn’ mean you can tweat me wike one.”
All the yellow pegasus could hear was an unintelligible foal babbling which made her hug the little pony. “Oh you’re just the cutest! What were you trying to say?” she cooed. She then realized the foal’s diaper felt and smelled full. “Oh!” she chuckled, “Were you trying to say you need a diaper change?”
Twilight’s expression darkened realizing she hadn’t only peed herself but something much worse had happened. The most embarrassing thing that could happen had happened, “Come on!”
Fluttershy held the foal out towards to the orange earth pony, “Here! It only makes sense for her mama to change her.”
Applejack recoiled slightly though most of her shook was internal, “Mama? Ah, ain’t Twi’s Ma! Am Ah?” the earth thought remembering Twilight’s freckles that had appeared they were just like hers.
Twilight was just as shocked as Applejack. While Fluttershy passed her to Applejack, the alicorn’s thoughts strayed from the fact she’d messed her diaper. Fluttershy just called Applejack her ‘Mama’. If that meant she was Applejack’s daughter, then that would explain the freckles that had suddenly appeared on her face and why she and Applejack woke up in a room with a crib where she was lying right now a on change table. It had all the essentials for changing a foal, with a bag of diapers below and one already set on the table with wipes and baby powder. It was because somehow she’d become Applejack’s foal. It seemed that if the spell was behind this, it had changed a lot more than she’d first thought.
Applejack had just finished putting a fresh diaper on the foal’s bottom. Twilight felt a happy relief to be in a clean diaper but after that she started realizing what this situation meant, “Mommy, Daddy, Shiny, Fwuwy an Cadance dey‘we -“ tears started welling up in her little eyes as the painful truth fully struck like a lightning bolt, “Dey-dey’we not my famiwy!”
Applejack, ready to speak up about her confusion opened her mouth and was about to speak when a loud wail echoed through the castle and cut her off. Applejack tightened her grip on Twilight making sure not to drop the foal after the sudden outburst.
“What’s wrong?” Rarity asked with concern.
“Why’d ya jus start cryin’ Sugarcube?” Applejack looked down at the foal.
“Why did Twi just start crying,” Rainbow recovered from the sudden noise.
Fluttershy turned to Applejack, “She’s probably just hungry. Foals do that when they are.”
Rainbow pressing stated, “Yeah I know! But she’s never cried that loud for just being hungry.”
“Then maybe she has a stomach ache.” Rarity stated, “Has she seemed sick lately?”
Applejack turned her head away from the wailing foal, “Uhh well no. She’s been fine.”
“Maybe she just wants alone time with her mama?” Fluttershy stated. The pegasus turned to the earth pony trying to comfort the distressed foal, “I’m so jealous I hope I’ll be a mother someday”
“Ok!” Rarity nodded, “We’ll be in the throne room if you need us.”
The others left the room. In her confusion and being distracted by the tiny pony, who was now burying her face in the earth pony’s orange fur, Applejack completely forgot to question what was happening.
Applejack asked again, “Twilight, what’s wrong? Why’d ya just start cryin’?”
Twilight sniffled, her words were garbled by her sobs, “I wost my famiwy!”
“What’cha takin’ about ah’m sure they’re ok.” Applejack tried to reassure her.
“No, I mean! Fwuddewshy call you my mama, so iwf you‘wre my mama then my pawents awen’t my pawents, so Shiny Awmow iw’nt my big bwoddew, Cadance iwn’t my sistew in waw and Flwuwy isn’t my niece!” Twilight buried herself in Applejack’s coat again, this time clutching the orange pony tightly.
Applejack took a moment thinking of what the alicorn had said but before she did anything else she knew she had to calm down the foal first, “Shhhhh it’s ok Twilight don’ cry.” the earth pony murmured in the most soothing voice she could while rubbing the small pony’s back.
Twilight’s cries slowly changed to hiccups which changed to sniffles, then simply by fast deep breaths. But before long the alicorn calmed down and took notice of how comforting and warm Applejack’s voice, embrace and even her scent was. After realizing it something in her mind told her, “Mama hugging me! Me safe.” Twilight internally gasped at what she just thought, “N-no this is Applejack not my mom.”
Applejack brought the foal out in front of her still holding her, “Better?”
Twilight nodded.
Applejack smiled, “Good. So what should we do now?”
Twilight sighed, “I kwow you don’ wike wying but we have to hewe.”
Applejack’s eyes widened, “Twi we can’t ah’m sure if we just explain-“
Twilight interrupted, “Abbajack! Fwuddewshy call you my mama! Wainbow said ‘she’s nevew cwied wike tat fow just being hungwy’ wike I’ve been a foaw fow awhiwe and cwied in fwont of hew.”
Applejack instead of continuing, remembered how their friends didn’t react to Twilight being foal, almost like she’d always been one, “Are ya sure there isn’t some other way?”
“Abbajack I don’ want to etiew but we can’t take any wisks. What iwf you expwain an they tink you’we cwazy an I’m actuawy you’we daughtew an I’m taken fwom you! We wiww nevew get tings back to nowmaw. So pwease jus tiww we can figuwe out what’s going on.” Twilight explained.
“Ok!” Applejack nodded. She didn’t like the idea but Twilight was right. For the moment now they needed to blend in while they figured out what was going on.
Twilight looked up at her ‘mama’ saying “Wet’s go see ouw fwiends.”
Applejack nodded. After picking the foal up, she noticed something she hadn’t really paid attention to before. The pictures on the dresser were mostly familiar sans Twilight being foal in them. But two things stuck out. There were no pictures of Starlight or Sunburst, even in pictures that the earth pony knew they had been in. But the second thing shocked her so much she nearly dropped Twilight. In some pictures there were two very familiar ponies, “Wh-what but Ah’m an adult in this picture. How could-.”
Cute story so far I want to see more
I see more potential here than the Fluttershy one.
All I can say is that, so far, this story looks like it could have potential. Great work on the characterizations, exchanges and mystery build-up.
My guess is that the two figures that caused Applejack such shock were her parents, meaning they at least lived long enough to see her reach adulthood in this universe.
And, just be patient, Flutters. I'm pretty sure Discord will probably be providing you with at least one foal in a few years (:-D).
And, of course, we have to wonder who Twilight's NEW father is. Among the possible but VERY unlikely would be Discord (pretty much the only way THIS one could happen would be if Fluttershy truly and completely rejected him, Applejack tried to comfort him and one thing led to another [though Discord DOES have enough power where his genes would provide a good explanation of how Twilight could be an alicorn AS A BABY]), Shining Armor (this one would indicate Shiny was weak enough to cheat on Cadance with Applejack [though it WOULD mean her old family WAS still her family; just in a different manner]), one of the Flim-Flam Brothers (I VERY seriously doubt Applejack would let either one of them get THAT close to her) or an adult (by pony standards) Spike
Sorry about that. Got a little carried away (understatement, I must admit).
Anyway, I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this.
This has the same idea as Fluttershy’s foal where Twilight was born before Nightmare Moon returned so Discord would have still been a statue and she wouldn’t have met the others yet.
I don’t quite know what I’ll do with Twi’s new father but I’m kind of leaning towards him being some random stallion who doesn’t appear in the story for one reason or another
I think that Shining Armor should be the father, so that Twilight would still have connections to her old family, but not in the same way as she used to. That's just my opinion.
9045059
Fair enough. Thanks for pointing that out. I kind of figured it was unlikely anyway.
9050142
Yeah, but then we would have to explain either Shining cheating on Cadance with Applejack or Cadance leaving Shining for another stallion at some point before he met Applejack.
Unless, in this universe, Shining and Cadance NEVER became more than friends and Cadance ended up falling in love with and eventually marrying someone else. I mean, yeah, it would still be a one-night-stand but at least there would be no infidelity involved.
9050230
Maybe Shining Armour and Cadence were only friends when Applejack had Twilight, and then they started a relationship later on, possibly without knowing about Twilight because it was a one-night-stand
9050324
Okay. Yeah. I suppose that IS quite possible too.
I'm a little curious to know who the dad is in this alternate world.
so it was updated without a new chapter
9078574
No I accidentally hit publish on a new chapter without it being finished
9078578
ahh okay that explains it still i like the start
That look on AJ's face concerns me.
It concerns me greatly.
9078865
Was the base I could find
9078870
It's OK, just makes me nervous.
can't want this looks like it'll be a good one :)
9082824
Thanks
Are you gonna update the story soon?
9089571
I’m working on it I have 1097 words on the second chapter right now
9078865
I do not blame you
When wil the next chaper go live? I love the story so far.
9127452
I’m working on it
9127787
How long until the next chapter is ready?.
9331294
I’m having some trouble getting to the point where I could get through I have ideas though I’ll try to get the next chapter out before 2019
9331371
I see, I’ll and wait and see how it turn out.
But in the meantime, Applejack will raised Twilight Sparkle, things will be different for the apple family.
Please don't be a one and done
9425221
I’m trying
9425239
If you need help I will gladly lend assistance
9425242
Sure I’d be glad to accept that just message me
Well, first, I'm flattered I inspired you to write this.
Though I noticed a few things you may want to work on. First is the regular use of putting the "pony said" parts before the sentences. Constantly doing it can get very distracting.
Second is the severe lack of , in the sentences, making them run on without pause, even after switching to another sentence altogether.
Third is the, if I'm perfectly honest, forced way the spell happens. Twilight discovers an unheard of spell and just decides to cast it to see what happens, without taking any precautions whatsoever?
There's also a few odd choices of lines that say the opposite of what you mean or are overly redundant.
2 examples below
Number 1
Twilight smiled and continued walking back to her castle after ten or so minutes of walking the mares saw a tall purple crystal building come into view. They entered the castle and made their way to the library.
No breaks in the sentences and overly establishing something that doesn't need so much explanation.
Number 2
Twilight’s expression darkened realizing she hadn’t just peed herself the most embarrassing thing that could happen had happened, “Come on!”
So, it says she hadn't just peed herself but everything after plays as if she has.
Anyway, that's my two bits on the beginning. Hope I wasn't being too critical.
Am interested to see where else this will go and hope it gets better the further in I go.
Have a nice day and happy writing
9631646
Admittedly I do use that a a lot I’ve been trying to turn back on it
Yeah I’m not the best with commas although I feel I’ve been getting better lately. I’ll see if I can have someone check over it.
All I can say is fair enough. I tried to explain it but didn’t work out as well it could have
I’ll look at your two examples and see what I can do with them
Thanks for the critique I greatly appreciate it and the detail
Y’all mind if I self-insert myself as Twilight?
I’m bored.
9683701
Why not! Go right ahead
I fear an uwu is among us...
We are doomed
No one is safe
fowows stowy uwu
If this wasn't so canon to how Twilight treats new spells I'd be all over this. What do you mean you're going to cast a spell with no clue as to what it does??!!
LOL
such a lovely first chapter, even when a spell backfiwes eep!