This is a good start for a first fic. Good job so far. Personally I felt that your introduction to the world was well done. Don't feel that you have to explain everything in your stories. Most Steven King stories never ever explain where the evil came from or even why the evil thing is doing what it is doing. As you can clearly see, this does not harm his book sales.
You have to remember when reading comments, that there are some bad habits that have cropped up over time in the stories here. Some readers see these bad habits as normal and become uncomfortable when they don't see them in a story. One common bad habit is going in-depth explaining the humans back story and exactly how it got to Equestria. This is seldom necessary to the story, and many veteran readers simply skip ahead without reading it. The reason for this is these backstories are often so cookie cutter and generic, its pointless to read.
The second bad habit is the human reacting in pants pissing terror on first contact with ponies. Another completely ridiculous idea. In most head cannons, ponies are the size of a large dog, with their heads reaching around crotch level, they are also pastel colored ponies with technicolor hair. No sane person would be the least afraid of these.
8916743 The reason I didn't feel the necessity to do all that is because in almost every human to MLP story, they write how their afraid and how they react.. it feels overused in a sense.
I feel like since it's not something like Fallout were there is death everywhere that he should react like this, just from seeing the color pastel ponies.. your opinion should change, clearly, not dangerous if they aren't holding weapons or some sort of slave around... too cheery.
8916822 And thanks, I've done my reading of fanfics for awhile now... And sure, maybe it isn't as expected by the good writers, but I feel that I did pretty well... sure it's slightly short.. but what do you expect? I felt a small introduction to the story was needed, eventually things will change. Who knows? My writing and thinking might change over the weeks. But thanks for the positivity! Really cheers me up!
A bit of an awkward read, I'd recommend that you get someone to pre-read it for you and maybe help you with some editing to catch mistakes. I also felt that it was a little rushed because it immediately went from the main character appearing to him learning a small portion of his powers, to him meeting a couple of the main characters.
I feel like that could have been expanded on, instead of just jamming it right there in the start of the story to give some buildup.
All in all, a very good first story so far with an interesting concept but I'd recommend to have someone look over editing to catch some pesky misspellings (I suck at spelling). I'm gonna watch this and see where it goes.
"My goodness Twilight, he's just so adorable and cute and small, he has the look of Discord but he's a filly, and he looks terrified. I don't think that's Discord, Twilight." The yellow one says as the purple ones face twisted into curiosity, it was a little offsettling.
This is a good start for a first fic. Good job so far. Personally I felt that your introduction to the world was well done. Don't feel that you have to explain everything in your stories. Most Steven King stories never ever explain where the evil came from or even why the evil thing is doing what it is doing. As you can clearly see, this does not harm his book sales.
You have to remember when reading comments, that there are some bad habits that have cropped up over time in the stories here. Some readers see these bad habits as normal and become uncomfortable when they don't see them in a story. One common bad habit is going in-depth explaining the humans back story and exactly how it got to Equestria. This is seldom necessary to the story, and many veteran readers simply skip ahead without reading it. The reason for this is these backstories are often so cookie cutter and generic, its pointless to read.
The second bad habit is the human reacting in pants pissing terror on first contact with ponies. Another completely ridiculous idea. In most head cannons, ponies are the size of a large dog, with their heads reaching around crotch level, they are also pastel colored ponies with technicolor hair. No sane person would be the least afraid of these.
So try to take comments with a grain of salt.
Again, good start, I hope to see more.
The Monk
8916743
The reason I didn't feel the necessity to do all that is because in almost every human to MLP story, they write how their afraid and how they react.. it feels overused in a sense.
I feel like since it's not something like Fallout were there is death everywhere that he should react like this, just from seeing the color pastel ponies.. your opinion should change, clearly, not dangerous if they aren't holding weapons or some sort of slave around... too cheery.
8916822
And thanks, I've done my reading of fanfics for awhile now... And sure, maybe it isn't as expected by the good writers, but I feel that I did pretty well... sure it's slightly short.. but what do you expect? I felt a small introduction to the story was needed, eventually things will change. Who knows? My writing and thinking might change over the weeks. But thanks for the positivity! Really cheers me up!
A bit of an awkward read, I'd recommend that you get someone to pre-read it for you and maybe help you with some editing to catch mistakes. I also felt that it was a little rushed because it immediately went from the main character appearing to him learning a small portion of his powers, to him meeting a couple of the main characters.
I feel like that could have been expanded on, instead of just jamming it right there in the start of the story to give some buildup.
All in all, a very good first story so far with an interesting concept but I'd recommend to have someone look over editing to catch some pesky misspellings (I suck at spelling). I'm gonna watch this and see where it goes.
"filly"?