Interesting you're steadily getting better in your writing, 2nd person with omniscient knowledge is sometime hard to make sense of it as the point of view shifts from the protagonist to 3rd person in knowing what other's are actually thinking. The occasional annoying part is when you present a character that the protagonist just met and skip on a proper description or impression of how they looks like to him especially established characters from the show; even if we know them from the show it's can be a bit jarring like Carrot Cake or Miss Cheerilee which we are just told who they are with nothing to go one. Still you're getting better, so keep it up.
Twilight really needs to chill out. For one he should be mad at the ponies pilling the chariot, they nearly ran him over. Telling him he isn't allowed to be mad about someone nearly causing him an injury is screwed up. Not to mention its starting to seem like she's just trying to get him to conform to what she expects, rather than taking him in.
Interesting you're steadily getting better in your writing, 2nd person with omniscient knowledge is sometime hard to make sense of it as the point of view shifts from the protagonist to 3rd person in knowing what other's are actually thinking. The occasional annoying part is when you present a character that the protagonist just met and skip on a proper description or impression of how they looks like to him especially established characters from the show; even if we know them from the show it's can be a bit jarring like Carrot Cake or Miss Cheerilee which we are just told who they are with nothing to go one. Still you're getting better, so keep it up.
8982888
Thank you, I will keep on trying!
Twilight really needs to chill out. For one he should be mad at the ponies pilling the chariot, they nearly ran him over. Telling him he isn't allowed to be mad about someone nearly causing him an injury is screwed up. Not to mention its starting to seem like she's just trying to get him to conform to what she expects, rather than taking him in.