avidreader07
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Well, that was weird. It was fun, though.
Although, it would have been nice to have seen what was going on in the rest of the herd while Babs and Carrot were shacking up.
10103273
Hopefully it was the kind of weird I was aiming for.
As for the rest of the herd, I considered it briefly, but decided to keep the focus on the Ritual Couple, since they were the focus of the story. Also felt like it’d get kinda repetitive, since it was all mindless rutting, and pretty vanilla, like Babs and Carrot. That, combined with the wordcount limit for the Dirty Little Contest, made me decide to limit myself to hinting at things, and let the readers imagine the details.
I love weird, sex ritual stuff like this. It's like, not even arousing or anything, just fascinating, like an anthropology study on some obscure tribe with strange courting rituals.
10103318
I think so, I mean, I liked it and wouldn't mind reading more.
10103435
That was almost exactly the reaction I was hoping for, so I'm glad at least one person had it.
Although the "not even arousing" bit worries me a little, since this is entered in two porn contests, after all.
10103616
It sounds like the right kind of weird, then. Unfortunately, I have no idea at all about what else I could do with this. No idea what other rituals might exist, or what they might be like. After all, while a fertility ritual just about has to involve sex, other things may not.
10103955
I'm not that into pony porn (though, thinking a bit more on it, the idea of getting in a ritual in which some random stallion is supposed to impregnate me is kinda hot)
Any chance you could expand on this and add in other tribes and rituals?! Like i got so caught up in the world you built I forgot the reason I came to read your story in the first place.
I would really like to see how the rest of your world behaves.
10213957
So caught up in the story, you forgot about the porn? That's probably just about the highest compliment a story like this could get! Thanks for that!
Unfortunately, as I said in an earlier comment, I have no idea where I could take this. Even if I didn’t limit myself to sex-related ideas. I briefly entertained some vague notions of Celestia ritually deflowering colts, and maybe fillies, in Canterlot, during the Summer Sun Celebration, and Luna doing the same during her equivalent celebration, but I couldn’t really think of any solid ideas. Especially since I kinda got stuck on the idea of the Winter Solstice being the New Year’s Eve, so I have trouble justifying making it two separate holidays, with two separate themes.
Unless…Maybe…New Years can be the celebration of the day the princesses, Harmony bless them, first arrived/took over. Maybe make it a settlement-wide, mixed-tribal ritual. I’ll have to play with this idea a bit, and maybe—just maybe—if the Muse allows, I’ll be able to work something up.
I probably won’t be that lucky, though.
10214003
If the start of a new year is marked by the anniversary of the princess, Harmony bless them, taking rule then you could factor in an eclipse to signify the over taking of the old. I would personally throw in a night time market like you would see in a Japanese New Years festival with specialty foods and items.
May-haps there could be a story of a young Ritualist in training and you could use them as the conduit for the reader’s ignorance.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Pretty hot, even though the actual clop part was only a small part of the fic.
-Takes a while to get where it's going, but very good once it finally gets there.
-Huge bold text is overkill.
-All this mysterious stuff is causing more confusion than mystery. Where's the conflict, what are the stakes?
-But the ritualism leading to the more feral horse mating was worthwhile.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 90/100
Allure: 89/100
Enticement: 80/100
Immersion: 90/100
Prose Quality: 91/100
Total Score: 440/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
10255894
The huge bold text was supposed to show how deep the ritualist’s call went, and how hard it hit them. It was the best way I could think of to do it. Maybe I could’ve settled for making the text only one size bigger, but I think it’s better as is. I’m not sure what mysterious stuff you’re talking about. I thought I’d made everything fairly clear.