avidreader07
Joined 24th Jun, 2018 ·
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Haven't read it yet, but just looking at the description, I think this might be the first EQG clop I've seen featuring Flurry Heart, so you've already piqued my interest.
10698853
Now that I think about it, I may have had that thought before, myself.
Just don’t get your hopes too high before reading. It’ll probably feel a little forced near the ends of the chapters, and that’s because it is. I wrote the first half or more of each chapter as inspiration struck, but I kinda had to force myself to finish both chapters before the contest deadline, so all my effort to that point didn’t go to waste. Chapter 1 has got it worse, I think.
EDIT: A quick search has revealed that there are only 24 stories on this site that have both the Flurry Heart and EQG tags. And only 5 of them are rated M. And only one other has the porn tag, too. So this might actually be a first.
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I'd say there's a combination of reasons why Flurry EqG erotica didn't previously exist; her age being the biggest stumbling block. You've got Flurry waiting until college age to start having fun scenes, thankfully, but few authors want to go to that effort. Most would pick either the ponies or the existing adult humans.
Heck, I'm pretty sure Flurry isn't even a canonical EqG character. She's mere one who is presumed will exist later.
It's not out of the realm of possibility, as you've shown here, but it does take a combination of steps that are usually only taken separately.
10698956
As true as that may be, I’m still a little surprised that it’s so rare.
I think that this does at least manage to be good, even if it doesn’t achieve great. Simple premise, simple sex, fun all around. Both Shining and Cadance feel pretty in character, with Shining’s dorkiness and Cadance’s openness and care. Flurry is pretty basic, but given that she’s pretty much a blank slate to begin with, I can’t criticize that as much. In general though, I actually liked how the relationship here was portrayed. They all acted like actual mature adults, discussing what they were and weren’t okay with, actually explicitly mentioning safe sex, and the way Shining and Cadance showed their daughter the ropes. To that end, it does achieve some note for the “Found Out” part of the contest. Getting caught recording is a trope I’ve seen plenty of times before, but again, it feels very in character with Cadance. And the story doesn’t just end there, but rather we do get a reaction and conclusion. So it’s not just shoved in there as a gimmick to make the story suitable for the contest. On the other hand, the whole Santa thing does feel kind of forced and unnecessary. Outside of the title, it really has no impact. Overall, a perfectly fine story. Nothing too special out of the pack, but it definitely does have its merits.
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I’d noticed you commenting on all the other entries for this contest, and I was wondering when you were going to get around to mine. And thanks for the overall positive review of an admittedly sub-par story. The Santa thing was mostly a gimmick, I admit. My last contest entry was built entirely around song titles, so when I started thinking about this contest, my mind went to music first. And naturally, this was the first song that came to mind.
As far as Shining Armor was concerned, I wanted to keep him as the dork we all know and love, but it was just as important for me that he be A DAD, as much as a lover. Hence, the bits about safe sex and the tattoo. Also, I felt it would kinda accent his dorkiness, and give the whole piece a little more humor, to have him interrupt sex for a “dad moment.” And even though Cadance was the pervert the cloppy part of the fandom loves to paint her as, it was important to me that her pervert nature be built on a strong ethical base.
Plus, I usually like to add as much realism to my stories as I can, without having it get in the way of the story. I feel that tends to make it better.
10702610
Huh, I didn't realize anyone was watching my reviews. That's cool to know. But yeah, I'm definitely glad how you tried to keep the core of the characters intact. I totally agree about trying to add some realism, even in clop. Though I still think that the Santa song gimmick was kind of dumb, there is some saving grace if you're still willing to acknowledge that. And even if you feel the story is subpart, I stand by the opinion that it does have something to offer.