A frantic call echoed against the wooden walls, but everything fell on deaf ears. Pharynx had slammed the door so hard that it was ringing in his head, not that he cared.
Stupid, he hissed inwardly. Stupid pegasus, stupid Princess...stupid rules. Everything here is dumb.
When did I agree to this?
Pharynx shook his head, pressing his carapace to the door. He hoped his weight would be enough to block out potential intruders. Feelings of uneasiness made living in his chitin uncomfortable, almost as if his chitin was about to shed.
It wasn’t.
He knew that.
I want to go home.
It was selfish of him to wish that, but he couldn’t shake it off. He looked over towards the opened window, wanting to drag his hooves towards it and jump out. Then he was free to go back.
I can’t go back, Pharynx remembered, his hooves staying put. She’d kill me...us, if we ever returned.
An image of his little brother flashed in his head, and he sighed heavily.
Thorax still needs me, he stated, though a bit shakily. I’d put us both in danger if I leave. I don’t want that.
I...I shouldn’t...want that.
He barely had time to register the searing horror when a soft knock echoed on the door. Pharynx stiffened, forcefully pushing harder against the wood.
“Go away,” he hissed.
“It’s just me,” Thorax's soft voice was muffled by the barrier, but Pharynx could feel the concern that laced his words and emotion. “Can I come in...?”
“No.”
“Pharynx-“
“No.”
“Please?”
Biting his lower lip, he growled. “Fine.”
He wanted to say ‘no’ a third time—he was already feeling himself cracking under his worries and stress, he didn’t need his brother to see him break any further. It would be an embarrassment to everyone involved, especially himself.
But...he couldn’t bring himself to shut out his own sibling.
His airways tightened as he pulled the doorknob, his eyes meeting with cyan ones on the other side of the barrier. “Only you.”
Thorax gave a strained smile, stepping into the room. His hooves immediately flew out towards the older changeling, examining Pharynx with great concern. He sighed, letting it happen.
“Pharynx,” he started, pushing against his shoulder plates gently. “I don’t ask, usually. You’d give me answers like ‘I’m fine’ or you get defensive. Either way, I don’t pry, because I believe you...most of the time.”
Pharynx scoffed, slightly offended.
Thorax kept a firm gaze. “You aren’t going to give me that excuse right now. What is wrong?”
“I’d thought it’d be obvious,” Pharynx said drily, rolling his eyes. “Tell me, what do you think?”
“I think something is wrong, is what I think,” Thorax returned the dry remark. Pharynx winced, sitting back on his haunches.
“...I don’t want to answer...”
The smaller nymph frowned, his crest pulsating against his neck. “Pharynx, I need to know what is going on. You aren’t like this. You’ve been...jittery for the past few days, and I haven’t seen you panic this much before.”
Pharynx curled up slightly, tucking his hooves underneath his chest. His tail brushed itself into a crescent shape, twitching every so often.
It wasn’t often that he would be pushed into such a corner. When it came to talking, he managed to always leave the conversation prematurely.
“...why do you care, all of a sudden?” he mumbled, looking away from his sibling.
“You are my brother, I love you, and you don’t usually act this way? Just things off the top of my head, I can keep going if you’d like.“
Pharynx glared at Thorax, but the words he spewed out did not match the expression that went along with it. Instead of a light tease—something that would be uncommon but not unwelcome from Thorax—he saw...sadness? Concern? Sympathy?
He didn’t want it.
“No, I don’t want to hear the rest,” he hissed quietly.
“Okay.” Thorax nodded. “Now, telling me what is wrong.”
“It’s...stupid, really dumb. I’m just...overreacting. It’ll be...fine,” Pharynx struggled to get the words out, feeling his lungs cave into themselves. He tapped his hooves against the ground, a awfully familiar feeling filling his stomach.
He tried his best to keep it down.
Thorax frowned. “Pharynx-“
“No. I’m fine.”
“You’re not. Stop lying to me.”
Pharynx winced. Had Thorax always been this blunt? He was perceptive, yes, but the older changeling could not remember a time where his timid sibling had even spoken so harshly. Was harshly even the right word?
Thorax shook his shoulders, redirecting the purple changeling’s attention back to the real world. “Please, Pharynx, I hate seeing you like this!”
Pharynx found himself cracking even further. He opened his mouth, but no words escaped. His throat closed up, tighten to the point where it threatened to suffocate him. He shook slightly, pressure building up around his eyes.
In a final attempt to coax the older nymph out of his panic, Thorax nudged Pharynx’s cheek with his own. He vibrated, a soothing thrill echoing from the back of his throat.
…and that’s when Pharynx couldn’t hide it anymore.
“I can’t do this,” he rasped. “Too much is happening. I don’t want to have to leave this place…e-especially not with th-,” he gulped, cutting himself off. “…w-why aren’t you the scared one? It’s like you aren’t the same Thorax…that should be good news...why am I'm not happy about it? I can’t handle being outside, let alone going to a school…I can’t disguise myself, I-I can’t go anywhere with being constantly watched…what is wrong with me these last several days? I’m not panicky…I s-shouldn’t be…that’s your job—!”
His words became a downward spiral. Not only did fear consume him, so did his anger. “How can you think a-any of this is fine? Oh, that’s right, you don’t know anything! You live in constant ignorance, blissfully unaware of most things pony-related. When you learn something, you like it! When I do, I can only think about how awful things will turn out! Isn’t that wonderful?” Pharynx found himself actively crying at this point. He pushed Thorax with one hoof, shaking violently. “T-this ‘Princess’, whoever she is, makes it clear that she doesn’t like us. You heard her letter. She clearly doesn’t want us here. If we…I make a mistake…might as be a war criminal while I’m at it!”
He laughed, coughing and sputtering as everything began to pile onto itself. Tremors passed through his chitin, shaking the already unstable nymph. Unrelenting anxiety, shame, and frustration constricted him from all sides, piercing his skull as another migraine overtook him.
He was drowning.
“Oh slimes,” Thorax cursed in a panic. “Pharynx clam down, you're going to make yourself sick—“
“Shut up!” Pharynx cried, another spike of pain flaring at his temples. He shoved his little brother away, his claws extending and retracting at random intervals. “P-please…just…I-I can’t…shut up…!”
The purple changeling knew he was upset, but he hadn’t anticipated such a breakdown. Tears burned down his chitin, and Pharynx wiped them away roughly. He had never felt so pathetic in his life.
When he managed to catch his breath, he felt warm hooves wrap around his neck. He whimpered slightly, fighting his instinct to rub up against Thorax's chin.
His younger brother gave a shaky sigh. “…do you feel any b-better?” he asked, his voice tight. Pharynx didn’t answer. Instead, he let himself be hugged for quite a while, slowly regaining the ability to breathe properly.
Slowly, he pried himself from Thorax’s chest. He looked up, immediately freezing when he saw a claw-like cut across the cyan nymph’s cheek. Thorax, while he smiled, looked like he was recovering from a shock.
“I did that…didn’t I?” Pharynx whispered, dread filling his voice.
Thorax neither confirmed nor denied the accusation. “N-not important right now.”
“But—“
“I’m glad you could tell me.” Thorax cut him off with a soft beam, before wince and placing a hoof on his cut. Pharynx instantly felt the guilt eat at him. “I know it’s a bit scary since this is all new…but I’m sure things will be better. Your going to be okay.”
“You can’t just say that…”
“I can! You know why?” Thorax's tone became serious, and Pharynx looked away. “You're my brother. I know you can. Maybe it’ll take a little bit, but you always make it through. I don’t think I would be here if it weren’t for you!”
“No. No, you wouldn’t.”
Thorax smiled at that for some reason.
The purple changeling curled up tighter. “…what about the other ponies?… I don’t like them as it is…”
“Being a recluse doesn’t sound any better,” Thorax pointed out. “Like it or not, you will have to at some point. Keeping yourself here hasn’t been doing much good.”
Pharynx huffed, wiping drying tears away. “…I-I’ve been fine-“
“No. I’m not taking that answer.” His younger brother frowned, and the purple nymph winced. “You weren’t fine.”
Pharynx dipped his head into his front hooves. It was jarring to hear Thorax so…confident…and straightforward. He felt sadness pull at his emotions.
He was growing tired of this…
“…I still don’t like the idea of going outside…” he admitted after a while, hoping to distract himself. Thorax nodded, tilting his head to and fro as he thought.
“The Princess said to not disguise yourself when no one is around,” Thorax noted. “If me or Fluttershy sees you doing it, that doesn’t break the rules.” He placed his hoof against Pharynx’s in an effort to comfort the upset changeling. He felt warmer…
“…it’s not a perfect solution…” Pharynx murmured.
“You don’t have to like it,” Thorax reasoned, smiling softly. His fanged grin shown brightly, lifting the slightly-less-distressed nymph from his overwhelming emotions, if only for a little bit. “You just need to effort to try…okay?”
The nymph tried to hold eye contact with his brother, but his gaze always flickered to the bleeding gash in Thorax’s face. He wanted to be hopeful, hoping his brother would be right.
That cut, however, taunted him, tainting his mind with doubt.
Look at what I did…
Do you I deserve this?
I’m going to mess up.
It’s not worth it…
It’s…I’m…not worth it…
“Please, Pharynx?” Thorax smiled, holding Pharynx’s hoof gently. Sparks of worry and excitement washed over him, and his thoughts became quiet.
He sighed. “…only for you…”
Dammit!! NOw im crying!!
Once more, this is some really good work on the exchange, characterizations and future chapter set-up. I really enjoyed Thorax showing Pharynx how much he truly cares and Pharynx admitting how scared he is about going back out and encountering all those ponies. And I also appreciated Thorax trying to come up with a good compromise to allow Pharynx to disguise himself without breaking Celestia's rules).
At any rate, certainly looking forward to more of this.
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... Yes. Yes it is. You have foreign or unknown children existing in your country and you don't provide an education? Are you real? Do you even know what one of the primary functions of a social worker is?
Could you imagine if the situation were humanized?
,
What's a Peruvian? Do they bite people? Can they explode things with their mind? Do they know how to count? Or that ripping heads off is not a socially acceptable way of greeting?
Said every kid ever.
YEAH. If they fk it all up! Why do you think orphans get educations? (or supposed to be anyway)
Overtly cautious if anything. Almost overwhelmingly so. Have you ever been put into a leadership or management position in your entire life? And I mean actual leadership or management.
Historical bias is a thing for a reason. Pretty sure real life, the gods of fictions, RPGs, liches, long lived creatures and societies and more have that sort of thing down pat.
Edit: Do you even know what
means?
I would hope so, then in that case you should also be aware of the difference between a refugee, an asylum seeker, and a runaway in the context of children and the situation regarding their reasoning, as there are legal implications depending on the terminology.
Awww pharynx so he finally open up how he feels about this whole situation I mean it's no brainer but at least he finally said something and like I said pharynx thorax is going to help you get through this you're not alone buddy I know it's going to be very scary that ponies will think of you guys but I'm sure it will be okay that was pretty emotional and he poured his heart out how he feels about this whole situation so I wonder how they're going to do now I guess we'll find out next time and pharynx really needs a hug 64.media.tumblr.com/56057f23b9ef356959bbcdd4bf4e6da7/tumblr_pqr4a5Sp4S1uxrdrq_500.gifv
Wow, only five and Pharynx is having self-deprecating thoughts. Get that ling a therapist!
Yikes. Poor Pharynx.
Props to Thorax for trying to help him though.
Aww! Poor little Pharynx! Give him the biggest hug from me, he deserves it!
And I too, have cried while writing (or reading), I think it usually means that you're just really attached to the character and don't want to see bad things happen to them (but, you know, they have to for the character to grow)
poor Pharynx he needs comfort hugs and lots of of it.
tho hopefully the CMC will befriend him and Thorax at school (if they end up in the same class)
Well, at least he started talking to someone about what's troubling him. Now he might get some actual help (or at least an attempt of help) even if he clams up in shame for a while
Thorax, please hug him some more, will ya?
Don’t worry with how 2020 was anger and anxiety was in the top google searches here at HQ...
I mean I’m sure a lot of people was searching such things.
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We never said that providing education should NEVER happen, just that it's way too fast. And believe you me, a social worker would not immediately place a lost child into school.
Leadership, you say? I wouldn't take a new hire and say, oh by the way, your weekly status report is due tomorrow, better get those tickets in order, oh, and why haven't you met quota? Training is a thing you know. You don't throw nubes into the fray unless you're a purposefully vindictive nincompoop.
Actually, it feels like you're arguing our point: you don't throw biting head-exploding foreigners into the public, which in this case is (or will be) a school, which is not prepared in any way to handle biting head-exploders. You take it step at a time, not trial-by-fire-oh -but-we-expect-you-to-fail-so-we-can-point-and-say-I-told-you-so.
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I...don’t know if me writing that chapter was a good idea now...
Back to the chapter itself, Pharynx was so lucky to have a trusted individual to ground him. As touching it might have been for Fluttershy to try and comfort him, Thorax makes more sense.
All said, this breakdown was rather mild. If Pharynx continues holding these insecurities the next one will be worse, but at least it's a start. Very obviously he still does not feel safe or secure, and we're not sure what Fluttershy can really do to help him make her home that safe space.
Maybe pushing him outside will help the correlation, but since he's already made that determination that outside is worse than inside, perhaps it will just take time...
10643230
It's fine, just frustrating. When all is said and done Celestia has logically done the best thing for her ponies, but perhaps it shows how fearful she is at the danger these children could represent instead of what they demonstrate. Nobody is perfect, and she's known to have made some really bad spot decisions in the past, but it just feels like she's trying to set them up for failure and that's not, for lack of a better word at the moment, very harmonic.
Honestly, re-reading Celestia's letter, it could be Fluttershy that is unintentionally pushing the timetables. Celestia didn't actually state that they should be immediately enrolled in school, that was just a vibe we picked up at some point. Actually, that could be a good plot point if Fluttershy realizes how distressing this has made them and seeks to clarify her understanding.
The level of anxiety leading to the self-dislike getting WAY too close to self-hate makes me wonder what it was in the timeline where they stayed at the hive that led Pharynx to become more well-adjusted.
Unless he was just better at putting on the mask while they were unreformed.
As someone who once actually barricaded her door because she was too afraid to go outside, let alone to school, this chapter hit hard. Good job.
I would list this as Breakdown #2. The party should be considered a separate breakdown.
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That means that you're creating a really good story.
I came seeking cute Mamashy fluff. Alas, this isn’t that. This is Fluttershy being steamrolled left and right by oddly callous friends and Celestia at the more bull-headed end of the spectrum she tends to get written on, all while the usually competent and confident bugbro suffers from a mental breakdown for reasons that don’t seem sufficient. There may be more going on to cause that, but we don’t get to see it because the bugbros’ backstory never gets revealed to Flutters (yet) and so it’s just frustratingly vague impressions from reading between the lines, and they’ve still not gotten close enough to Flutters for said cute Mamashy to really begin to show up. Thorax is very in character, but not old enough and learned enough in the Way of Pone to carry the plot yet.
Alas, it seems the author really did mean it when they picked that drama tag. That’s very front and center to this fic. If that’s what you’re looking for, then you may enjoy this fic.
10643800
This. A story that provokes meaningful discussion and exchange of thought of any kind is a good story.
10644229
Sorry that this isn’t exactly what you where looking for, I hope you do find what you wanted!
I'm torn. In one hand, I should be exited for whacky, Invader Zim style shenanigans. On the other hand, I just want pharynx to be happy. Luckily he still has Thorax as an emotional anchor...
Oh no you're going to separate them just when Pharynx starts to feel more comfortable with leaning on his little brother for emotional stability and it's going to hurt a lot right?
On the seventh chapter. I keep falling behind from your frequent updates! But I'm thankful for that. It's like a shonen anime for ponies—I can never get caught up.
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Because as soon as I saw that line, I had a feeling you were inspired by it because that story popularized, if not invented, the idea of Latin being the natural language of the changelings.
Grief is the Price We Pay has become an inspirational center. This (your story) is the second or third story I have read that had taken inspiration from it. It's impressive, I got to say. :D
This new cover art is way too stylish and awesome omg
10705934
Thanks!
I do not want to come across as rude or impatiant because you write in some of your time, but have you started the next chapter?
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Well, yes, but technically no. I’m taking a hiatus so I can outline my story properly. It’s taking...a while...
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I guess I understand you should take your time to get it right, honestly I was not expecting a reply so soon.
Ah, buggos. If only you knew the benefits of communication. Granted, so very few of us do. Is hard, yes. It's going to be interesting seeing this pair forced into a social environment. Especially one of children. This could go very well, or very very bad. Looking forward to finding out!
Oh hey you got a new picture nice man
10709025
Huh
Part of me wondered if I was too slow with the pacing, but maybe not-
Oh ok so you're taking a break from your story that's fine take your time
He's probably more annoyed that you called him an FBI agent instead of a DHS agent (department of Homeland security)