Twilight Regrets Making An Anonymous Message Board

by SparklingTwilight

oh dear,

I, Twilight Sparkle, friendship student, am foremost a magical researcher. Thus, I developed a wonderful tool to help inculcate friendship!

"What is it, Twilight?" my predominantly pink pony palfriend asked.

"I am getting to that point. This message board--" I pointed to a wooden board. "Is where ponies can anonymously post anything--such as polite criticism since we all needed to learn something after not listening to Fluttershy's insight about that difficult dragon. And! And, we can add messages of support or cute pictures. It's anonymous because anypony within a radius forgets who they saw come and go when they leave the region. I've also countered telescopes, binoculars, flying ponies, et cetera."

"Darling, what if anypony writes down what one sees?" my business-minded friend, Rarity, asked.

"I've got that covered too! Let's test it."

Fluttershy asked, "It's anonymous? Completely?"

"Indeed," I responded.

The first completely anonymous note, preserved for posterity was: >>ponies... um, you should treat animals with more respect and love and care. i'll... provide details later.

Certainly, this project will be a grand success!

Twilight Sparkle's research notes after this point become spotty. I supplemented. --Starlight.

Given background materials, I conclude the opening author is heroic and timid Fluttershy.

>>I agree, anon!

Slanting writing. No clue as to identity.

>>What doe anon mean?

The less said about that atrocious hoofwriting, the better.

>>Anon means anonymous, Darling. We do not know which pony is saying anything, Rainbow Dash.

>>How'd yu know? I not Rainbow Dash

That response was probably Rainbow Dash.

>>Your hoofwriting, not-Rainbow Dash.

>>Why r u mean?

Rainbow Dash again.

>>I'll give you hugs!

Pinkie Pie, probably, since she drew an image of a flag with her face on it.

>>Pinkieflag? Pinkie Pie?

>>I's not not pinkie pie.

Definitely Pinkie. This time with intentional misspellings.

>>Don't dox yourself.

>>What?

>>Drop documentary evidence, like saying who you are.

>>Sounds like something Twilight Sparkle would say...

Indeed.

>>Doxx or Dox or Docs?

>>Just read what I already wrote!

>>What?

>>I wrote it before.

>>Wrote what?

>>Dix, Darling. Twilight, just write it again, Dear. It would save time.

>>Oh Dear, Darlings, I seem to have smudged the letter.

Rarity, serial-abuser of 'Darling' and 'Dear', double-posted.

>>I can write without misteaks better than you

Alas, Rainbow Dash.

>>Sorry, Darling. If one looks again, one may find the contrary.

>>Change the subject!

>>Dix pics?

>>(Sketch of a stallion's privates, drawn in smudged charcoal, accompanied by a picture of Pinkie. |.... Really, Twilight?

>>No. Dox. Doxxing.

>>butt we can post pictures? cute ones?

>>Yes.

>>Pinkie. That's disgusting.

>>I not pinky.

>>Darn it, then don't use her picture.

The countryism suggests Applejack was expressing herself.

>>Sorry.

>>Darling, don't draw my portrait either.

>>You're writing the accent?

>>That has to be Pinkie Pie.

>>Why? Anypony could be drawing these lovingly--expertly illustrated pictures

>>Because, Darling, she keeps circling beyond the forgetfulness radius to enter the message board. She's using masking tape and a Trojan horse proxy piñata to move around.

>>Please, Girls, don't speculate about identities. We need to remember what brings us together. Let's talk about something everypony can enjoy, like books. Manga has been trending lately. Especially Sometimes I'm Reincarnated as a Prench Maid But Other Times I'm Actually the Villain.

>>Mango whatsit?

>>Manga.

>>Mane-ga?

>>Cartoon pictures.

>>Like tha' Sunday sometimes-funnies?

>>Not exactly.

>>Then, not cartoons?

>>I wish I had an example. Cartoons for adults.

>>(A clearly book-removed picture of an elegant mare lifting her tail.)

>>That was missing from page 96 of volume 1! I had to take the book out of circulation due to the damage! And then I had to remove other books in the series so ponies wouldn't be confused and start mid-way through!

>>Manga's porn?

>>sorry.

>>Just hentai.

>>Hogtie? That's illegal Twilight. And they find good truffles even off-leash.

>>Y'all can totally see inside her hoo-ha.

>>i thought it was artistic. and we're all girls.

>>She probably uses her hogtie for... intimate play.

>>It's a LIBRARY! We have an adults section.

>>U never tol me about adult sexion! Show me adult sex next time!

>>Dashie, language.

>>SecTION! I used abbreviations!

>>Girls! Anypony can see this board. It's public.

>>oh,

>>I for one think this portrayal of anatomy is artistic rather than pornographic.

>>I wouldn't want Apple Bloom lookin' at that hussy and gettin' ideas afore she's old enough.

>>Come now, Dear, it's perfectly natural. Canterlot museums are far more explicit.

>>Baaaad!

>>I'm a good anon!

>>Can I get sum good mangos?

>>Dash!

>>It's in the adult section because it's pornographic.

>>That mango porn's stickin' to the board, y'all.

>>It's magically adhered. It'll come unglued in a few days so the board will not run out of space. I could alter the spell to take items down earlier for editing, though.

>>Hay! I can copy the picture.

>>Yes!

>>(Picture altered to include a grinning picture of Pinkie Pie.)

>>(Picture altered to include elegantly drawn stallion's privates sliding against the mare.)

>>THAT is pornographic, Twilight, Darling. The previous image is art.

>>My artwork? Daaawww, thanks!

>>dashie!

>>Wan't me!

>>Not the rogue Pinkie-work not-Rainbow-Dash! Were we not supposed to reveal identities?

>>I wasn't accusing Rainbow Dash!

>>it was me.

>>Raindew Dish! Don hide yor artistic talent.

>>STOP IMPERSONATING ME!

>>Silly, I'm not impersonating if I'm asking you a question.

>>Only I an Applejack misspell! Penmouthship's hard!

>>Rarity misspelled something as well.

>>im so sorry.

I just wanted to create something beautiful and cute and fun so we could provide polite criticism or words of encouragement. Instead... everypony is fighting.

Twilight mentioned she'd automatically have these contents destroyed, so why was I able to read them?

Addenda: Twilight confirmed my concern. She speculates one of her inventions copied these notes from the board as a fallback against literary destruction. I am going to burn them. If you somehow find this text... please do not share. It's embarrassing what some ponies do when they think they're anonymous--it can be harmful to friendship. To pun a Buckball analogy, rather than being a hit--anonymity's really an anon-a-miss.

Author's Note:

This concept occurred to me the day after the dialogue-only contest ended.

The author of this work does not necessarily endorse Starlight's opinion.

Hello anons from /mlp/.

Comments

[Golden Tassel]

What a delightful farce! =D

> Twilight uses a memory-erasing spell

You know, I'm beginning to think there's a whole genre of "Twilight's disastrously misapplied magic" stories to tell. From out-of-control snowplows to closed time-like curves, if Twilight's had the opportunity to metaphorically swat a mosquito with a cannon, by Celestia's beard, I'm sure she's done it. Probably on purpose at least half the time too...

[owlicious]

I got quite a few laughs out of that

[SparklingTwilight]

11937685
Thank you, both.

11937636

I am sure there is. In fact, this is at least the second story of mine where Twilight uses one of those. And now this sort of makes me want to write the mosquito/cannon story.

[Moosetasm]

Feghoot get.