Sunny Daze has so many questions. Why does she look so different from her friends? Who are her real parents? Are they still alive? If so, where are they? Why does she and Princess Celestia almost have the same cutie mark? She thinks she will never know, until now. Sunny and her friends are sent to Canterlot to have an overnight with the princess. Now she has even more questions than before. Join Sunny Daze on her amazing journey to find her real family.
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Alright Sunny I've read this and I can see that there is potential here, but as it stands that all it has. There are issues with this fic:
1) OC Alicorn: I don't have a problem with them but some get a mite twitchy when they pop up since they are seen as Mary Sues, add in the fact that your OC shares the same name as you then we get really paranoid.
2) Apparent Self-Insert: This tends to bug people more than the OC-Alicorn since it opens the story wide for Sues.
3)Formatting: I've notice that you aren't starting new paragraphs up when a new character speaks, you will want to change that. It makes it easier to read and easier to follow.
4) Chapter Length: So far with your four chapter I can see them combined into a single chapter, which will allow this to get past the minimal posting requirements.
There are probably more issues that I can't put to words but someone else may. There is potential here, but you have to work for it.
-Celestia's Paladin
I think this is going to be a pretty epic story! I just wish the chapters were longer.
But really, I can't wait for more!
2137370
1) Second the above.
2) A pony character's name should use standard spellings - Sunny Days, not 'Daze'. Pony names are made of real words describing things or concepts. (Daze is especially confusing because it is a real word, but doesn't really mean anything in combination with Sunny).
3) I notice you have this flagged as Adventure rather than Slice of Life. On the one hand, I'm confused because what I've read feels like Slice of Life (but maybe its going somewhere adventursome?). OTOH, I don't feel like you can legitimately write slice of life about an alicorn OC. Alicorn-ness is special, and Slice of Life about an OC Alicorn is fundamentally Mary Sue (there's no reason for the character to be an Alicorn except to make it extra special). Having an Alicorn OC is making a statement that the specialness is required to solve whatever the major plot point is, because otherwise its just gratuitous. This has to do with a corollary of the fundamental law of fanfiction, which goes something like 'if you make Frodo a Jedi, you have to give Sauron the Death Star'. The main character can only have special advantages insofar as the antagonist has at least as much if not more going for him.
4) You need to plan out your chapters better and what goes into them. Example, you've got maybe 1.5 chapters here. Chapter 1 should cover everything through the end of the Summer Sun Celebration. Basically, a chapter should cover in full a particular plot point (in this case, setting up the mystery of Celestia breaking down in tears when she meets Sunny Days). Try writing down all the major plot moments for your story in order. Each of those is a chapter. Get someone to help you with this if you need help.
2137629
And there are the other issues.
Ok guys, I understand you you are trying to help me, but it makes me really upset that you're criticizing my work, no offence. Look, I'm just a 13 year old. This isn't my best work. Plus, I already get enough criticism at school. I document my pain in the form of stories. I say that if you see yourself as a critic, I sugest that you don't continue reading this story before you say something that you will regret.
- SunnyDaze121
btw, some of this stuff happened to me, and some didn't. I'm not saying which is which.
2137629
There's actually a canon background pony called Sunny Daze. She ain't an alicorn though.