Applejack gulped down a mug of willow bark tea and cricked her neck. By the time she'd shifted the load to Big Mac, she'd been seeing cabbages shaped like Princess Luna and horrible dancing teeth, and spiders had started a party under her skin. Big Mac had told her he'd barely been able to restrain her until the second bad trip passed. She left the picnic table, trotted over, and nudged open the barn door.
“What time is it?” the creature groaned. It shook its head and rubbed his eyes. “Where am I?”
“It's a quarter past, and you’re in my barn. Relax. You’re safe now, and I dropped off the timber wolf cub with its parents.” Applejack spoke in the level tone she used on startled cattle.
“No!” The thing shouted. It jerked into a sitting position and grabbed the wall for support. “I’ve got to catch—I need to make…my train leaves soon.” The creature balanced itself on two trembling legs and panted. It stared at Applejack.
“Easy there,” Applejack said, backing up a little and resting her tail against a hammer. “Somehow I reckon you’re not talking about the Friendship Express.”
The creature pinched its arm. “I think I’m not in New Jersey anymore, Toto,” it said.
“Toto? I’m Applejack,” she said slowly. This creature wasn’t making sense. “How’d you get all the way her from Neigh Jersey?”
The creature bit it’s lip and burst out laughing. “Hi Applejack, I’m Jamal Freeman!”
“Did I say something funny?” Applejack said. She gripped the hammer firmly and tried not to rear up.
“You’re Applejack!” the thing gasped between bursts of hysteria. “This is Sweet Apple Acres, and I’m on the farm with Applejack and Apple Bloom and Big Mac and Granny Smith!”
Applejack lifted her hammer and snorted. “Jess how d’you know all ‘bout my family, Jamal Freeman who just popped in from Neigh Jersey by way of the Celestia-damned Everfree Forest?” Most of the things that came out of the Everfree Forest were hostile. This could be some sort of deformed changeling, or a stunted diamond dog, but she didn’t like the idea of any two-legged freak prowling around unseen after her sister. “I’m pretty sure they’d tell me if they crossed paths with somebody like yerself. “
Jamal Freeman waved his claws in front of himself. “They wouldn’t have mentioned me. I’ve just heard of them, I haven’t met anyone here. I’ve never been here before.” He choked up a little. “It’s okay, I’m a dad,” he murmured. “I’m not a threat.” His voice cracked. “I’m just…lost. Very very lost.”
Applejack tilted her head to one side, then another. He didn’t look ready to bolt or attack. Those stubby claws wouldn’t be able to cut butter, much less break skin. His fangs were pretty tiny, and he couldn’t move too fast on those two awkward legs.
“Why don’t you sit down for a sec, I’ll bring ya something to drink, and you can start over from the beginning.”
Jamal Freeman nodded and collapsed onto the bales of hay. Applejack fetched him some watered-down hard cider. He drank it very slowly and sighed.
“Thank you,” he said.
“Least I could do,” Applejack said. “Now, if you feel up to it, could you tell me how you got here, where you’re from, and what you are?”
He nodded and rubbed his mouth. “You’ve seen plays, right?”
Erm, did you publish this by accident? Between the more frequent than normal errors, short length, and inconsistency with previous chapters in the use of linebreaks, I'm given the impression that this is just a draft.
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Whoops! I forgot to fix the spacing when I transferred this chapter. As for the length, I recently discovered that I could post smaller chapters on here. I'd previously been doubling them up to meet the 1k word length requirement.
2176353 the 1k requirment is only for when submitting a story for moderation. Individual chapters can be any length.
I sense trouble brewing when Applejack mentions this to Twilight and Rarity.
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Huh. I kinda prefer the longer length, gives me more time to get immersed, but I guess that explains it.
On the topic of the chapter itself, my initial reading had me under the belief that Applejack was still suffering from hallucinations, and that the crampt and error-prone text was made to emphasize that, though that didn't really pan out. You've done enough to make the point that this human is going to just be straight up-front about his knowledge from fiction; since you stopped the chapter right as he began that explanation, I get the impression that you plan on skipping over the explicit discussion of that topic, and I'm oddly okay with this.
Maybe it's just the giant stack of HiE fics I've already read leaving me bored with that inevitable explanation scene, or maybe it's more that as a brony I don't actually need any exposition about why a human would know Applejack by name without meeting her(durr), but I find myself thinking that using an outside(literally, outside the barn) perspective on the reaction instead of showing the scene itself would be way more worthwhile and fun. Somebody probably disagrees with me on that though, I dunno.
I ahve to say...so far so good, dood. But I'm sure I'm not alone when I ask... more please? I read the first 600 words, blinked and found out I was at the end and was filled with dread that I have to wait till the next update, dood.
FORGOT TO FAV THIS, DAMMIT, DOOD..... sorry.