You lick your lips, salivating wildly as you look at the mountain of food presented to you in celebration of your excellentness. “Let the feast begin!” you scream as you leap into a huge trifle, swimming in the cream as you guzzle it all down.
“Hurrah Brony Hero!” All the ponies cheer as they seat themselves around the massive table, each politely taking a plate of food as you swim through the dessert. Surfacing for breath, you grab a handful of donuts and stuff them into your mouth.
“This feast is amazing!” you mumble through a full mouth at the mayor. “All this food!” You pick up a pineapple and start to gnaw on it as your eyes rove across the selection of sweets, cakes, fruit and vegetables. Something is missing. “Hmm, do you have any bacon?”
“Bacon?” The mayor raises an eyebrow. “What’s bacon?”
You roll your eyes at the silly pony, happy to teach her the wise ways of humanity. “Oh, bacon is meat from pigs, cut into thin strips and fried!” You drool slightly at the thought of sizzling bacon. “It goes with anything!”
The room falls silent as all the ponies drop what they are eating and stare at you.
“Is… is the pig okay?” Carrot Top is the first to speak, hiding behind a pile of broccoli.
You laugh heartily. “Of course not, it gets cut up into choice cuts of meat! Hey, I could really do with some pork now! Or chicken! Or beef! Oh, or black pudding!” You notice the ponies staring you. “That’s congealed pigs blood in a sausage shape,” you clarify helpfully.
The ponies start to clutch at their faces in horror. “You mean… you eat animals?” the mayor squeaks, jaw drooping open.
“Well, yes…” you look at the ponies in confusion. “Of course I do. But don’t worry!” you quickly say. “I don’t eat ponies. I’m not French!”
“Monster! A monster!” There is a kerfuffle of motion as the ponies start to scream, kicking away from the table and running about the room in panic.
“No, I’m not a monster! I just enjoy eating the flesh of fellow living creatures!” You attempt to salvage the situation but it is too late! As you run after individual ponies to explain, others start to retaliate, throwing fruit and plates at your head. Throwing your arms over your head for protection, you run out of the main doors to freedom.
There is a sickening crunch, and you black out.
***
You awaken feeling oddly numb. You can dimly hear the beeping of a heart monitor, and a bright white ceiling above your head. You try to move your neck to get a better view of the room but to your horror you find that you are unable to. In fact, you can’t move anything!
“Aha, he’s awake!” You glimpse the face of a male pony wearing a stethoscope in the corner of your available vision. “You’re lucky you know!” he chides. “In order to stop you escaping, a pony dropped a piano on your head, shattering your spine. Don’t worry; you should be up and about in a day or so.”
Beads of sweat prick at your forehead. “Humans don’t work the same as cartoon ponies!” you gasp out, every word causing you agony. “We don’t heal like that!”
“Oh.” The doctor’s face falls. “I guess we’re in for the long haul then.” His large, clumsy hooves fumble with a large plastic tube. “I’ll just fit a catheter.”
BAD END
FAIL
Really? Doing the obvious, most potentially safest thing there gets me a Bad End?
Ya know this brony is pretty stupid that fact that ponies are herbivores HE SHUD KNOW THAT
ouch
Curse you human anatomy! CURSE YOU!!!
damn it! I knew it was a stupid Idea to go to eat in a moment like this
I'm pretty sure none of us would be stupid enough to mention bacon...i mean, thats just sick.
As soon as he said bacon I was like...... *flips several tables and throws tv out window* I'm a frigen retard in. This
516270
I know what you mean this guy is so stupid
what a luck this story has so many bad ends
“I’ll just fit a catheter.”
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.
shouldn't you have the option of either explaining bacon or saying "oh crap" and making something up?
511337 Eeyup.
WOOOOOOO YEAH! DEATH NUMBER 13! DEATH NUMBER 13!
519417 Agreed.
BACON! My first comment on this story was about the bacon! Of course, I wouldn't be dumb enough to do what he did. I think they might have been okay if he didn't mention the blood pudding. I mean, they were sort of okay with Griffons that eat meat. But I think the blood eating put it over the top.
Actually, I've found that since I started watching ponies I am more inclined to eat vegetables. It's a mind altering cartoon!
{“Well, yes…” you look at the ponies in confusion. “Of course I do. But don’t worry!” you quickly ass. “I don’t eat ponies. I’m not French!”}
^
522263that kinda looks deliberate...
I actually have a catheter right now. Its not fun Thank Celestia i'm getting it removed next week.
That would have been funny if the ponies just passed him a plate of pork products.
I had:
1>4>32>5>12>5>9>34>56>50>58
Cool story.
WOAH pony. He better not be eating me. Wait, how am I typing with hooves?
Man, if there was an option, i'd be drinking all the fruit juice around Equestria.
I dunno about this bacon stuff....
well if Nicholas Cage likes I try!
Dafuq?
"I’m not French!”
Oh, God! It takes a lot for the internet to make me laugh out loud, but this story has done it at least 15 times now!
511337
EXACTLY WHAT I SAY! Darned ponies...
511880
Well obviously the brony here is a blithering idiot as evidenced by chapters one through everything else. I am puzzled by surprise?
Damn it, I'm trying again
bad endings so far:
1. become brain washed by fluttershy
2. get rabies from RD
3. get shot by a cop
4. become the new discord
5. become AJ wife in exchange for doing all her work
6. get my spine broken by a piano
“I don’t eat ponies. I’m not French!”
You know, I'm part french! I feel insulted!!!!!!! *Cries into a pillow and goes back*
893715 Um... I don't know if going to see rd is the best idea now...
Oh well!
This is the best thing on this site without a shadow of a doubt.
WHAT THE HECK is that supposed to mean ?!!
(I'm french)
Didn`t I just say I DON`T eat ponies?
Dafaq piano guy?!
This is the ad I got from reading this chapter.
i.imgur.com/8UhThDM.jpg
I guess Brony Earo doesn't know what a catheter is and thought Doctor Stallion said "cat eater", which I'm sure Borny Heero would've been okay with.
Also Bromy Herro fails his armour save a lot. Then again, it's just a shirt and boxers, so maybe it's a 6+, but you have to reroll passed saves. His plot armour roll isn't too good either.
You don't get to seduce Doctor Stallion? I am disappoint.
My first bad end...
I really thought this would be the safest option.
At least till he mentioned bacon...
518387
Same.
Well... carp.
Endings: 17/21
Bad: 12
Decent: 2
Kinda-good: 1
Slightly creepy: 1
Best: 1