You're a pony. A space ship crashed. What can you figure out about the species?

Now I'm thinking of what Twilight can tell about us ‘Hewmanz’ from simple observation.

Oh, and in this scenario, Twilight only has a spaceship with 12 human crew members for reference.

For instance, Twilight could probably figure out that all the humans on board are considered adults by our own culture, that the ship is not a nursery for progenitor aliens who happen to not be present. Each human has tasks to do, not many of which seem especially thrilling, so they must not be engaged in 'play.'

Twilight could look at computer parts (from computers that she has taken apart, thus fucking with the previously mentioned spaceship crew… that b*tch) and figure out that humans have the concept of "factory standard." From how regular and perfect all the pieces look, she could probably tell that they weren't made by hand by an artisan, but were produced in mass from a mold or at a factory.

So, from this, she knows that humans have factories; that some humans are skilled in metallurgy; that metal products are either sold, given, or stolen for ship parts; and that metals would probably be considered valuable to humans.

So… pretend you’re a pony, you’ve found a hoof-ful of these two legged fuckers nursing their wounds after their space-house carved a groove through the Everfree. What can you tell us about humanity?

Comments

[Azreon]

No it's hew-mons

[ObeyBunny]

2285603 "Hew-Mons?" Damn it, these creatures have weird enough names already. And now there's alternate spellings?!

If I ever see one of those creatures, unlikely though that is, I'm gonna punch it in the face for having such a small species name that's small but impossible to roll off the tongue.

[Fluttershade5200]

Based on how well they "lick there wounds" they could be used to such things, reflecting possibly violent tendencies.

[KaBar42]

They can obviously travel through space.

Which means they may have technology that can mimic magic and are obviously technologically superior.

[Balthasar999]

How advanced is this ship? Is it a present-day aluminum putt-putt job that somehow got swept there, or is this a sleek spike of nanotech and antimatter?

[Azreon]

It's from Star Trek lol

[ObeyBunny]

2285639 Uh... somewhere in between. It's only been 5 years since the first extrasolar flight, and pioneering tech is still quite... shit. I mean, it's better shit than what we used to have back in the year 2014, but it's not we can "beam" people on board like on Star trek or fly harmlessly though an asteroid belt.

It's like a turn of the century space shuttle, plus about 70 years.

[ObeyBunny]

2285634 Since hewmons have technology that preform functions that are eerily similar to normal spells, do you think that they draw inspiration from magic? Even if they can't preform magic themselves, is there a race of beings who can and the hewmons are reverse engineering their spells?

[KaBar42]

2285775

It would all be assumptions at this point. Why don't we just ask the Hew-mons themselves?

[ObeyBunny]

2285626
Hmm... now there's something I hadn't considered. A species that has little in the way of preventative medicine, but is damn skilled in wound clean up is probably a violent or territorial species.

How much preventative care they have might be a worthwhile measure of how empathetic, diplomatic, and peaceable they are.

Hmmm... I need to think more about this. Mind if I shamelessly steal this idea?

[Stiggerzz]

They have no fur...
THEY HAVE NO FUR!!!

[ObeyBunny]

2285667 Wait, which part is from Star Trek? If there's an episode that deals with figuring out what an entire race is like based on a small number of individuals, I will watch the shit out of it!

[Fluttershade5200]

2285793 Its just an idea. Run with it, it may do you more good than me.

[Fluttershade5200]

2285783 They're from outer space and it would be a HUGE coincidence if they used the same language.

[Azreon]

2285802 no hew-mons are what the ferengi call humans

[KaBar42]

2285820

Doesn't mean we can't figure out how to communicate.

[Fluttershade5200]

2285835 That's true but could take months, but it's still doable.

[ObeyBunny]

2285783 Learning their language kinda implies that we expose ourselves to them for long periods of time and that we maintain peaceful enough relations to do so. As much as I hope these outer space beings are amiable enough, I'm not going to blunder into such a delicate situation without knowing a few things about them first.

We wait and watch from the shadows until we think it's safe enough to approach.

[ObeyBunny]

2285807 Permission to steal the idea has been granted. Stealing in progress. Idea stolen.

Thank you very much for your cooperation.

[ObeyBunny]

2285826 Okay, I see. Cool!

[ObeyBunny]

2285839 2285835 Actually, I'm curious. How much of the language can an observer glean without directly exposing themselves to the aliens in question?

Simple greetings, I'm sure, would be picked up. Perhaps you can pick up their "panic words" if you secretly introduce small dangers into their environment, such as removing a wall panel and cutting some wires when no one's looking.

[KaBar42]

2286040

Names for objects, maybe.

[MrZJunior]

How would Twilight figure out that the humans are doing things they don't consider fun? How dare she apply her standards of enjoyment to our drudge tasks.

You might be able to observe that the creatures have a hierarchical organization. You might be able to draw some conclusions from the uniforms they are wearing, though these conclusions could very easily be incorrect.

They are obviously curious about the world around themselves, they have learned enough to build machines capable of traveling in space and are interested in traveling off their planet.

2285793
I think there would be too small a sample size to draw any serious conclusions about human medical technology.

[Fluttershade5200]

2286040 Names for things such as fire. And know I thought of observing their reactions and actions to the planet around them. like picking flowers, or eating berries and hunting (cause humans)
Actually Twilight might have to watch out cause if they could,t immediately tell she was sentient, they may eat her. or attempt too. And by the way they would freak out about magic you could tell they had none.

[Officer Hotpants]

Report #11

They clearly have advanced metalworking capabilities given the size and uniformity of the vessel's skeleton and paneling (and the fact that it survived reentry and crashing at all). As if that was ever in doubt, samples from the wreckage suggest it may, in fact, be constructed largely from titanium. As anypony who knows anything about metallurgy can tell you, that's frankly unthinkable by our current standards. There's also a great abundance of an as yet unidentified material present inside, used to make everything from containers to cutlery to furniture. Whatever it is, it's durable stuff for the most part. Easy to bend and scratch but difficult to break or dent. Doesn't seem to take heat too well, though; we've found puddles of the stuff where it melted from indirect exposure to fire all over the place. Something of a mixed blessing, though, as in several cases this revealed the presence of electronics within (more on those shortly).

That they were able to successfully leave their world and travel the stars (and, somewhat less successfully, land on another planet) suggests an intimate knowledge of astronomy and physics, as well. Their electronic technology appears to be far superior to ours but there are no signs of even the most basic magical engineering. Either they eschew the use of magic or they manipulate it in ways with which we have no experience. Unfortunately the site is relatively close to the Everfree and the wreckage has been contaminated by the exceptional background thaumic radiation characteristic of the place, rendering any spells to locate sources of raw magic useless. Give the incredible prevalence of electronics and wiring throughout the vessel, however, it is this pony's suspicion that the aliens either don't rely upon magic like we do or possibly manipulate it a way similar to how our pegasi manipulate storms and lightning.

See attached copy of report #24 for observations regarding the aliens, themselves.

Apollo Booster
Department of Engineering, Royal Academy

---

Report #24

The piloting creatures, a race of tall bipeds, don't exhibit the diverse coloration of ponies, in body or mane, and seem to be limited to shades of earth tones. They have a mostly flat, rounded face with the exception of a protruding nose and possess small, forward-facing eyes which display a palette limitation similar to that of their skin and manes (with the sole exception of one creature whose eyes are a bright green). Their barrel and upper appendages are reminiscent of a minotaur's. They possess hands, complete with opposable thumbs, but the hands are larger with slightly longer fingers and possess an additional digit. The arms are also less muscular, giving a more streamlined appearance. Their lower bodies, however, are nothing at all like a minotaur's. The legs are considerably more muscular and bend in a way more in keeping with our own. The appendages at the ends appear to be a mutated form of the upper, adapted to give greater balance on flat surfaces at the cost of manipulative capability. This would suggest an arboreal ancestor in their the distant past, who would have benefited greatly from having grasping limbs. Without a proper autopsy we can only speculate based on surface observations but the all around impression is of a ground-dwelling creature built more for mobility and range & precision of movement than for strength or stability.

The bodies appear to be largely covered in very thin fur that would do little to trap heat, suggesting they either originate from a relatively warm habitat or have issues with heat buildup. Examination of the dental structure indicates an omnivorous diet, which investigations of suspected food stock confirmed. Given observations regarding their general physique, this would suggest hunters rather than scavengers. If true, it would perhaps explain their suspected transition from a life in the branches of trees to a life on the ground; as their numbers grew they would have likely had trouble finding sufficient prey. That or a competing species drove them away. Sadly the only way to know for sure would be to ask the creatures themselves and, assuming that we can develop any significant exchange with the creatures, it may take years to bridge the language gap.

Flora Fauna
Department of Biology, Royal Academy

[MrZJunior]

You could tell some things about the environment they are suited to. How do they react in Equestria's gravity? Can they breath the air? What sort of things do they seem to eat?

[ObeyBunny]

2286054

How would Twilight figure out that the humans are doing things they don't consider fun?

Humans who are talking to each other are more likely to smile, either because they're enjoying the discussion or they're putting on social masks. I think Twilight would pick up that humans and ponies (and dogs and, to a lesser extent, gorillas) share the same facial expression set. And that humans long ago evolved from some social, but language-lacking ancestor that had a just a limited set of vocalizations like laughing and crying (called a "call system.")

We don't smile while doing work, we don't laugh, we sometimes groan, we sometimes bang our fists against tables and other objects. When moving from these "work" activities to a meal, we walk faster. When moving from the lunch room back to these "work" activities, we walk slower.

This is how I think she'd know the difference between what we consider a chore and what we consider fun.

[MrZJunior]

2286170
An awful lot of assumptions there, but I suppose it would work.

[ObeyBunny]

2286055 And watching them over the course of months as they go from exiting their ship in hermetically sealed suits (which they then sterilize on their way back in), to leaving with nothing on but a tee-shirt and shorts indicates that they do have consents of germ based danger... but that they tend to be either lazy when it comes to following rules.

This implies that they are risk takers, not because it's thrilling, but because cutting corners is easier.

[Fluttershade5200]

2286246 Oh what about if Hydras or any other hostile things attacks then they could see just how well they are adapted to dealing with threats. and guns and tactics and whatnot.

[ObeyBunny]

2286141 Where in Celestia's great white beard did you find this!? This is EXACTLY the kind of fic that makes my girly parts tingle! Jesus the anthropology in this so delicious!

[Officer Hotpants]

2286283
I just wrote it. I don't know if I was too late with my edit but I added in a bit on plastic to the first part.

[ObeyBunny]

2286152 Hmm... assuming the livable areas inside the ship are intact, you might be able to see what they consider an optimal environment, temperature wise, anyway. And from there, how observant they are on outside excursions, how often they tend to glance up versus at the horizon might indicate the general location of dangerous or interesting things in their home environment.

Glancing upwards often might indicate that humans expect predators or fruit to be above them, which indicates that they live in a jungle (or perhaps a modern city like Fillydelphia). Considering they are ground based, I've ruled out the possibility of humans hunting in a 3 dimensional environment. With their long gangly limbs, it's possible that they can climb for fruit and lizards and whatever else an omnivore likes.

[ObeyBunny]

2286298 You wrote this orgasmic thing?! Well, hot damn, I'm glad I'm subscribed to you! Field reports like these are exactly what I'm trying to write, though I couldn't think of what Twilight would take away from her observations. I mean... what do your eyes land on when you're from a different culture?

And I was able to figure out you were talking about plastic, even though you didn't name drop the material.

[ObeyBunny]

2286273 Hmmm... They DID crash in the Everfree forest... would anypony truly notice if I maybe spread a little manticor urine around the edges of their camp? I might as well set up the scrying spell and watch from a safe distance.

If any of them die, I've got a body to autopsy.

[Officer Hotpants]

2286351
My pleasure to please.

You've a got a story coming out, do you? Guess I'll have to pay closer attention to my feed.

[ObeyBunny]

2286402 Well, a lot of the pony half of it will be discussions between Lyra and Twilight, at least in the first few chapters.

“Not a call system, they have more than just a limited set of vocalizations.” Twilight said. “Although I did notice 4 or 5 extant non-verbal calls sprinkling their language. Laughing, groaning, screaming, sighing, and possibly one instance of crying from pain.”

“So… just to be clear, true language?” Lyra hesitated, feeling embarrassment at having to ask for confirmation. For the life of her, Lyra didn’t know why she even considered the stupid possibility that their entire communicative capacity would come up as short as simple grunts or hisses, since of course beings who could build walls that could keep out the vacuum would have the tool of language.

“Yeah. Or, those are my thoughts anyway.” Said Twi, nodding once. “But the fact that they have the remnants of a call system suggests that they’re biologically not too far removed from some completely non-verbal ancestor. ”

“Uh…, Twilight? We laugh, groan, scream, and all those other things, too.”

“Yeah, and we’re not too biologically removed from horses.”

Lyra briefly let the insult sour her expression before getting back to business.

[Officer Hotpants]

2286440
Looks like you're off to a good start. I especially like the quick bit about Lyra's distaste for being associated with other equines. The observations seem perfectly sound, too.

[ObeyBunny]

2286479 Yay! Second opinion accepted!

[Balthasar999]

OK, I'm back home and off my phone—Time to play (for the purposes of this thought experiment the ship has performed a controlled landing after its Alcubierre Drive burned out):

Dear Princess Celestia,

It's my third day among the alien creatures who so abruptly disturbed the skies over Equestria with their fiery entrance, and I have finally begun to win trust and make progress. While I remain unable to breach the language barrier, I have come to think that their landing in the Everfree was in fact motivated by an emergency aboard their vessel. What I took to be weathering on the two large rings circling their craft seem to in fact be scorch marks indicative of damage, given the gestures the aliens make towards them and their agitated tone while doing so. They make collapsing spherical gestures with their claws, then point at the rings and make exaggeratedly dejected gestures as if that were the source of their woe.

The creatures seem at least as insatiably curious as ponies. Three of them are currently staring at my as I dictate this letter to Spike. They are also undoubtedly as affectionate: Earlier today when I was closely examining one of them during a meal (they do eat meat, as I surmised), he (I believe) abruptly tousled my mane and began scratching behind my ears [You shoulda heard the noise Twilight made! -Spike] but was fiercely scolded by what I assume is a superior and has scrupulously avoided me ever since.

Lacking horns or wings, they rely heavily on personal magical talismans, especially small rectangles of polished stone they carry in their trouser pockets, which project a plethora in information on their flattened side, but primarily they rely on intermittently glowing crystals suspended over their eyes on thin clasps around their heads. Occasionally they seem to speak to these artifacts, in accordance with Clover's theory of non-horn thaumatism, namely that verbal and gestural commands can be amplified to manipulate an ambient magical field, yet I feel no disturbance in the local magical resonances. I cannot yet explain this.

Furthermore, their vessel seems to operate on a (massively!) scaled-up principle of the fireworks rocket, namely expelling hot gas out of an opening in the bottom (eight bell-shaped openings in the case of this vessel, each large enough to drive a chariot through!) and using the force of the reaction to drive the craft in the opposite direction. It has been theorized since Starswirl's time that rockets could in principle be used to visit other heavenly bodies, but that no material could withstand the stresses involved and no fire could burn long enough inside. To overcome these challeneges their civilization is likely either vastly older than ours, or its development of the sciences has been greatly accelerated. If the latter, I shudder to speculate what pressures drove them to such single-minded focus (what if they're refugees!?), or what hidden intelligence they might possess. Given I have sensed no magical action above the level of background noise since making contact, they may have access to sources of energy of which we are completely ignorant.

We will have to be wary, however: The creatures were extremely cautious when I first approached, indicating a high awareness of the potential for danger in their environment, and I was given a wide berth to explore their vessel all I wanted, while they were herded away from me by an individual I've come to think of as their leader, indicating a high level of threat anticipation in the face of the unknown. However, I was abruptly and forcibly tackled by several of the creatures when I attempted to telekinetically bypass a barrier marked with a strip of alternating yellow and black stripes. Given their imploring tones after the fact, I remain unsure if they were trying to protect me, or trying to retain exclusive access to the unique source of their power, something apparently called "Ree-akter."

I will continue to observe and interact with the aliens, and will report in again tomorrow. Please have another shipment of parchments and ink brought in by pegasus guard, as the creatures became extremely agitated whenever High Wind would fly and I want to observe this reaction again.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle

[P.S. Twilight doesn't want to mention it, but there's a dead manticore on a table behind the ship from where our tent is. We think they killed it with those black sticks they yelled at us for trying to touch, but it doesn't look like they're going to eat it, it's just surrounded by weird little boxes with knobs on them and and that same glowy stuff the things in their pockets do.]