Nov
16th
2015
Okay, I thing I've got it. Still think something is missing, though. · 3:43pm Nov 16th, 2015
So, the next chapter is pretty much ready, it's just... I still think something is missing. On top of that, I'm afraid that my muse ran away with my keyboard this time, so I really want some input before I post this sucker.
Honestly, as soon as I started, it was like the words were already there. I just needed to physically type them. I know that some might think this chapter a little preachy, but I think you guys will like it.
Well, if you want to be my wingponies (and tell me I'm full of crap), please check it out here.
The way monster is used here rubs me the wrong way. I get where Luna is coming from, and the definition is apt enough (any animal or human grotesquely deviating from the normal shape, behavior, or character,) but that word comes with a lot of baggage. If Luna wants to call herself a monster that is fine, but saying that the guards are 'monsters trained to fight monsters' is pretty fucked up.
Not saying you need to change it, but you asked if anything felt off, and that tweaked my sensibilities a bit. Other than that the only issue is that it was too short.
3545629 That was rather the point. She was purposefully trying to rub them the wrong way, to further drive home her point that the word monster isn't something that should be thrown around lightly.
3545629 but I do get what you mean, that I may have gone a bit too far.
Read the chapter and everything feels good to me.
I can understand the feeling of something being missing from a creation, but not being the creator makes it rather difficult to perceive that something that should be there, isn't.
It looks good bro! Many great and awesome parts. It needs to be just a little bit longer though. That isn't even a joke. I feel like you can keep going. It just seems right fit it to be a little longer.
Where indeed?
Well, I finally signed up to patreon, the weight of expectation on Pinkie at this point is more than any pony should have to bear.
Though to be fair, I only pledged a dollar. Still, it is my first pledge, and now that I have lost my Patreon virginity, I daresay there will be further pledges, in which I throw my meagre pennies into the electronic aether.
I have a beer in my hand (a pint obviously, the only civilised way to drink beer), and I wish you all the best. May the belly of your woman grow fat with the seed of your loins.
I salute you sir.
3546491
FTFY
3546582 You naughty stallion.
I believe I spelled woman correctly. Lord knows, I am familiar with their kind.
Unless, of course, you employ pluralism to showcase your ambition.