Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLII · 10:06pm Dec 13th, 2018
Before I say anything else, a big thank you to Shrink Laureate for helping me resolve my image woes. This blog can continue to look at least somewhat professional now.
Speaking of blogs… This one. This blog. Remember all that whining I did in the last four months or so about having trouble keeping my releases on time? This blog is 100% responsible for that. Granted, it’s my own fault for scheduling so many big stories to be released at the same time. But regardless, it’s settled me into a frustrating bind that continues to plague my schedule to this day, forcing me to rearrange what comes out when in order to keep up. It’s just a little annoying.
In other, more cheerful news, I think I’m about to hit a wave of productivity. Yes, yes, I know, it’s silly that I don’t consider 1,500 words a day ‘productive’. I do, actually. But in the last few days I’ve gone back to a certain, older system of writing, something I abandoned around a year ago on account of wanting to try something new. In the last two days I’ve pulled out 2,000 words easily, and could have written even more than that if I’d not told myself ‘that’s enough’.
And then I realized that I have no reason to say that. At least, not right now.
So yeah, I might be getting back to my old ways for a little while, at least until something comes along and interrupts it. I’m looking forward to it.
Which brings me to the final topic of today: I’ve decided to work on a small fourth project in addition to my three major ones. While Fortune, Life of Pie, and Bulletproof Heart: Famous Last Words will remain my top priorities for now, this fourth story will be written in bits and pieces in between, like I often handle my short stories. This will be a bit bigger than a short story, though, so I’m referring to it as a “medium” story. I won’t say much about it except that it will star Aria Blaze and I’ve enlisted the brainstorming and probably pre-reading assistance of NaiadSagaIotaOar for the project. I know I probably shouldn’t be working on something like this right now, but the idea was just too good to pass up.
And that’s that. No, wait! One more thing: No blog next week. Yeap, break week time.
Okay, that’s that. Revews!
Stories for This Week:
Fame by SleepIsforTheWeak
The Mane Six get a Boyfriend by Jay David
Hench by theycallmejub
Delirium by Fabby
The Fishbowl by Shrink Laureate
Bathophobia by Ice Star
Tastes Like Heresy by Bugsydor
A Dream of Sunny Days by Roranicus
Love, Sugar, and Sails by DSNesmith
The Not-So-Normal Adventures of King Sombra and Pinkie Pie by Harmony Charmer
Total Word Count: 783,799
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 4
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Fame
1,325 Words
By SleepIsforTheWeak
In this tale, we learn that Soarin’s life has been ruined by his job, particularly in that it destroyed his family. Or at least, that’s what he thinks. The bitter reality is that he’s unable to make the right decision, and blames that on his job instead of himself. Either way, he’s miserable and self-loathing, and for good reason.
I was miffed when the story started. It isn’t direct at all. It’s all told in that frustrating ‘after the fact’ manner that can really take away from the emotion of a story. Fortunately, SleepIsforTheWeak manages to make it work well. It’s exceedingly rare that I’ll read a story written in this hazy, ‘there but not really’ style and still pull off everything the author intended. So good job, Sleepy!
I’ve pondered over just why it works this time, and I think I’ve got it. This story isn’t just a steady, step-by-step revisiting of past events, as these things usually go. Instead it maintains a certain nebulousness, jumping around from present events to past events to dreams. The method is far more evocative and, by its very nature, forces the reader to pay attention. It won’t appeal to everyone, but for what the author is trying to do here? I think it’s most effective.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Just Give Me a Reason — WHYRTY?
Title Unimpressive — WHYRTY?
Legend of the Shotgun — Pretty Good
Try — Pretty Good
The Mane Six get a Boyfriend
4,160 Words
By Jay David
This was everything I expected, both from the concept and from the author. Essentially, Celestia decides to try playing matchmaker for Twilight and her friends. To this end, she creates a homunculus pony and ships it to Twilight’s library (this was post-ascension, pre-Tirek). The stallion, incapable of speech and literally made to be affectionate, quickly becomes quite the handful.
This was silliness for silliness’s sake, but it is written in a fairly straight-laced manner. Ignoring that Celestia would never do this, I thought it went very well, with each of the Mane 6 reacting appropriately given their individual personalities. It’s not designed to slap you with utterly nonsensical, over-the-top antics, which in my book is a good thing. I suppose the comedy could have been a little more blatant, but with the realistic reaction of Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie, I think there’s enough there to work. Rarity’s moment of weakness was a highlight for me.
Of course, the fact Jay David made no attempt to proof this story before publication works against it. Yet for what it is I am generally fine with what we got. It might not be memorable, but for the time invested and the quality of the writing? Good enough.
Bookshelf: Worth It
EDIT: As I come back to put this story in my database (as I do every Thursday), I find two more chapters added. Not cool, bro. If the story’s not complete, don’t have it labelled as such! Then again, if you got entirely new ideas and decided to throw them on here instead of making new stories, I’d be willing to accept the excuse. But wait! If that’s the case, why are there other stories by the same author that act as sequels/continuations of what I’ve read here?
Make new stories or put them all under one, author. Not both.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Hench
6,099 Words
By theycallmejub
And so we come back to the crazed mind of theycallmejub with their somewhat disturbing love of psychopaths, misery, and bloody violence. The author returns to form with this story of one of the Maniac’s henchmen (and also Saddle Rager’s boyfriend) doing a shampoo run through the Matte District of Maretropolis on Nightmare Night. Apparently, Maretropolis’s Nightmare Night is the Power Pony equivalent of The Purge where anyone can do anything with zero consequences. Just walking down the street is liable to get you killed.
What we witness is a story of extreme violence seemingly for violence’s sake. Clip constantly gets his ass handed to him by everyone he meets, from diamond dog gangsters to a psychopathic Hum Drum to a scheming Mistress Marvellous who takes the ‘Mistress’ part of her name in its more perverted direction. Clip is also clearly a sadomasochist considering he seems to find the pain he receives from Marvellous to be a big turn on. In fact, much like Eyes Without A Face, the story is thick with theming of the sexuality of brutality. Whether that makes it fascinating or disgusting is up to you.
This is an extremely dark look at a much more Gotham-y version of the Power Ponies universe. It’s easy to forget that this isn’t Roseluck’s Manehattan. It also shows a more refined writing style compared to the author’s long-winded, rambling descriptions in Eyes. I don’t know that I’d say any of the characters are likeable, but they are certainly interesting.
Needless to say, this won’t appeal to everyone. It’s probably more a niche piece than anything. Some would say it’s pain for pain’s sake, even with the debatably happy ending. Others will find it poetically sad. Others may simply wish to study the vicious characters in an effort to know how such characters can be handled. One thing’s clear: this isn’t your average ponyfic. I lean towards liking it, and so will rate it positively, but I must emphasize that stuff like this is an… ‘acquired taste’.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Where the heck is my completed Pagliacci, Jub? 
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Eyes Without a Face — WHYRTY?
Sweet Apple Acres: A Love Story — Worth It
A warning: For the first time ever, I’m going to use spoilertext in this one. You all know what to do.
An accident at the Clousdale Weather Factory leads to the death of Scootaloo, and Rainbow takes it hard. So hard, in fact, that she begins to have hallucinations of the filly being a ghost. But are they really hallucinations?
This story was curious. Very curious. It ends with quite a few questions left unanswered, mostly involving the afterlife. It’s told in what, at least at first, appears to be non-chronological order, shifting perspectives between Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash regularly. This is precisely what leads to the big questions. If Scootaloo is dead and we’re getting to see her perspective, surely that means she’s a ghost, but if her existence depends on Rainbow’s perspective, does that mean that the ongoing existence of the soul has nothing to do with that individual person’s life, opinions, anything? Do we continue to exist only so long as our closest loved one says we do? We don’t get any say in it?
That is scary.
What? Fabby didn’t intend it to be viewed that way? Rainbow is the only one who is real after Scootaloo’s death?
Then why give Scootaloo a perspective at all? The fact that we are allowed to see things from her eyes strongly suggests that she is real in every sense of the word, at least until Rainbow Dash decides she isn’t.
Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the spoilers. For those of you who didn’t take a peek, my point is that, with Delirium, Fabby is either opening up a delightfully philosophical can of worms… or has no idea what they’re doing, making their decisions with no awareness of the implications. If it’s the former, I’m impressed. If the latter… well, we’ve all made those kinds of mistakes at some point, or so I’d like to think. I won’t hold it against the author because those implications are still quite fascinating. But I think it’s the latter, because the story is told at too fast a pace and with no effort to expand upon the ideas brought forward by the potential implications. This leads me to think Fabby didn’t have them in mind in the first place.
Then again, Fabby could have known exactly what they were trying to do but handled it with kiddie gloves. Or boxing gloves. Whichever.
Ultimately, this is a story that opens up – intentionally or otherwise – a lot of curious and somewhat frightening concepts for the afterlife. If that’s something you’re interested in, by all means give it a go. Just beware that its opening premise is based on Scootabuse, so you’ll have to put up with that too. In Fabby’s defense, they don’t overwork it for the story, simply using it as a backdrop.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
This marks the first time I’ve bothered to use spoilertext in a review, so I’m looking for opinions. Do people want to see more material like this, or would they rather I stick to avoiding spoilers entirely? I went with it this time because it was impossible to talk about what really bothered me in this one without some clarification, but I don’t know if it is something I want to repeat in the future.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Silent Night — Worth It
The Fishbowl
84,404 Words
By Shrink Laureate
Requested by Shrink Laureate
Vinyl Scratch once had a doll named Smarty Pants. It had an exact design that she remembers perfectly, as it was a staple of her childhood. So when she discovers that her best friend Octavia also has a Smarty Pants that matches hers in every possible way, she’s a little confused. Then she learns that Trixie also had a Smarty Pants, perfectly identical. And now she’s seeing a guy around town who looks like Smarty Pants! No, Vinyl hasn’t gone crazy.
It’s just the way the world works.
The most frustrating part about this story is that if I go into what it’s really about, I end up spoiling it. And this is a story that should not be spoiled under any circumstances. It dances through a variety of themes and topics with an effortlessness that is amazing, and does it all while giving us reasons behind certain things in the show that are startlingly plausible. It gives us three main characters (arguably four) who are unique and interesting individuals with their own specialized reasons for everything they do, giving us a steady stream of character and relationship growth as Vinyl, Octavia, and Trixie struggle to understand their situation, one another, and themselves.
Really, this story does so much that it’s astounding Shrink Laureate managed to fit it all into a mere 84k words. It’s nothing short of brilliant. It’s got adventure, mystery, romance, moral and existential crises, all this and more while somehow managing to slide neatly into canon and giving the readers so much to think about. To read a story with so many pieces that fit so neatly together in such a small package is nothing short of humbling.
In the end I only have a small handful of complaints. The first is the Pie Family backstory scenes. I don’t really understand why they exist. What was the goal, the reason, the overarching addition to the story created by these two scenes? They appear completely unrelated to everything that’s happening and left me feeling like I missed something important. Which I may have.
Next is that there were one or two moments that didn’t quite fit the canon bill that the author was clearly going for. I’m mostly willing to let this slide simply because, let’s face it, getting it all down perfectly would have been a beast. Hell, I’m phenomenally impressed Shrink Laureate got as much as they did, so it’s really a petty complaint.
The last and most subjective issue: what now? I get that the main point of the story is over, and that’s fine, but I’d grown to really appreciate the characters of Vinyl, Octavia, and Trixie. It was a fascinating journey they went on and I really wanted to know how it all ended for them. As such, making the epilogue a joke that gives us absolutely none of the ‘what’s next’ implications was a total let down. There’s still so much to know, so much possibility, and Shrink Laureate ends it with a bit of pointless violence? Come on, author. This entire story is proof positive that you’re better than that.
But I digress. In the end, this story is all-around amazing. There’s so much ‘yes’ involved that the ‘no’ bits make for a drop in the ocean. Shrink Laureate has cemented their place as a great storyteller with this one, and I’m looking forward to whatever comes next, even if it’s not in this story’s universe.
What the heck are you five people complaining about?
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Cold — Worth It
Bathophobia
1,913 Words
By Ice Star
Requested by Ice Star
Oh, boy, more poetry. And this time without rhythm or rhyme. I once read, long ago, that some people consider poetry without rhyme to be a more challenging format worthy of respect. Does that make Bathophobia superior to Autophobia, to which this is meant to be a spiritual companion?
I have no idea. All I know is I had to read this one twice in an effort to understand all I was seeing because, as I’ve said before, poetry is not my game.
At any rate, this story is an attempt to enter the mind of Cadance while she was trapped beneath Canterlot awaiting rescue. The style seems to be an attempt to showcase her panic, growing terror, and eventual surrender to defeat. The poetry’s lack of rhythm or rhyme was frustrating, but I’ll not hold that against the story because that could be indicative of poetic genius or ignorance and I wouldn’t know the difference.
Ditto for how Ice Star irregularly shifts between poetry and prose, but I will note that I liked the switching because it felt like a good emphasis for the shifts in Cadance’s thinking. But was it the right thing to do? I can only shrug.
I’m sorry, Ice Star, but I may be the last person you’d want judging your experimental poetry. I can see what you’re going for – the moments of panic, the attempts to think straight, the hints at when and how Cadance was captured, the reasoning behind her inability to escape on her own – and I think those parts are all well and good. But as far as the style, the form, technicalities? I’m lost.
I can safely praise this because there are elements I like. The experimentation, the underlying plot, the effort to get into Cadance’s head with so few words, all are things I approve of. But I can’t in good conscience rate it highly because of my woeful inability to judge it on its technical presentation.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Autophobia — Pretty Good
All That Lingers — Worth It
Tastes Like Heresy
39,145 Words
By Bugsydor
Recommended by j-grizz
Once, while publically pondering the nature of pony cuisine in one of my prior blogs, j-grizz recommended this as a means of letting me explore the subject a little more. As one who loves food and is developing a fondness for its preparation, I was intrigued.
The story is about Amber Spice, royal chef to the unicorn throne in the age before Equestria. Actually, there is no Equestria, as this is apparently an AU where the Unicorns, Earth Ponies, and Pegasi never resolved their differences (but did manage to prevent the Eternal Winter through unspecified means). When the story takes place in this new timeline is nebulous. What isn’t nebulous is that Amber Spice has committed some form of heresy that is getting her exiled from Unicornia. This, then, is the story of exactly why she’s been banished.
Bugsydor takes an unusual direction with this one. Rather than give a steady chronological retelling of events or pretty much any other normal, natural storytelling methodology, the entire story is told in a stream of consciousness as Amber Spice, in the midst of packing for her exile, retells the events leading to this point. And I do mean ‘stream of consciousness’, in that it is loaded with flashbacks, distractions, tangents, opinions, and assorted other things. At first glance, you’d think this would be a problem. Somehow, Bugsydor manages to make it work as every tangent and sudden interruption and entire chapter of seemingly unrelated information serves to create a proper and interesting whole. What we end up with is a character study of our outspoken, strange perfectionist of a protagonist.
In the end we find ourselves with a story of wit, humor, culinary experimentation, and abhorrent cultural backwardness. We get a great view of unicorn culture, particularly their absolute dedication to the idea that they are inherently superior and holy beings and all others are savage barbarians unworthy of anything save ridicule and mockery. We’re also given a brief hint of how the world came to remain divided as it is, although Amber Spice frustratingly skips out of the most important parts to leave most of it unknown.
There’s also a great devotion to Unicornia’s cuisine – which makes sense considering that the main character is a chef and culinary experimentation is the cause of her professional doom. I’ve not seen a horse story that goes quite into the concept of pony food as this story has, and I appreciated the extra touch. I get the impression Bugsydor knows food fairly well.
All in all, this was an entertaining tale starring a fun central character engaging in her personal ride of uwitting self-destruction. I loved it from beginning to end! Ultimately, I only had one problem: that the sequel appears to have been abandoned. For shame, Bugsydor. You’ve created a thoroughly interesting and intriguing universe with tons of character-driven, worldbuilding potential and you just quit?
Bah. I guess I shall relegate myself to exploring the rest of your library in hopes of similarly good, not-aborted gems. Assuming I can find something that is actually finished.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
A Dream of Sunny Days
344,455 Words
By Roranicus
When illness takes the life of Princess Celestia, everypony expects Princess Luna and Princess Twilight to take over joint rulership of Equestria. Or they did until Luna is accused of Celestia’s murder by poisoning and forced to flee Canterlot. With Equestria in political turmoil, all eyes turn to Twilight to take the reins of power and bring forth solutions. But the machinations of enemies without and within have barely begun, and it’s going to take a lot more than a few pretty speeches to calm things down. If Twilight can’t handle this correctly, the country may begin an unstoppable spiral towards civil war.
This is one of those big stories that tries to take a realistic slant to Equestria at war. And the first rule of business for Roranicus was apparently to ensure to us that nopony is safe. Be ready for a lot of death, and know that nopony – not the favorite side characters, not the beloved background ponies, not the royalty, not even the Mane 6 – are given special treatment. Ponies will die. It will be violent, it won’t be glorious, and you might become infuriated.
And here’s the point where I remind everyone that there are things worse than death. Roranicus kept that in mind, too.
At first, I was horrified and begrudgingly impressed by Roranicus’s devotion to this kind of realism. At first. The story eventually falls into a pattern: make something terrible and heartbreaking happen, let things settle, give the readers a feeling that things might start to go in a good direction, then do something else terrible and horrifying to crush their dreams and make things even worse. Repeat ad infinitum. To a certain degree, I’d even call the method effective, especially at the beginning as it all feels fresh and the wounds sting oh-so badly. Rarity’s second and third chapters combined infuriated me and actually kept me up late at night, tossing and turning as I tried not to think about all the things that could have happened or, barring that, all the things I wished could have been done to a certain pair of ponies. I assure you they were very dark daydreams. I haven’t been kept awake like that since Littlepip visited Canterlot and found Luna’s remains, which says something.
The problem is that the author overplayed their hand in this. Sure, the events range from frustrating to infuriating to disheartening. But by halfway through the story I recognized the pattern. By Scootaloo’s second chapter, I’d been rendered numb to the whole thing. No longer was I shocked or terrified by the major, terrible events. Given my preferences, what happened in that chapter should have enraged me. Instead I merely accepted it and moved on. Heck, at that point I’d lost hope that there would be such a thing as a happy ending here (which, I should add, was anticlimactic and unsatisfying, but that was almost certainly on purpose).
I’ll wager this might have been Roranicus’s intention. The overarching theme of the story seems to be either “War is hell.” or “War never changes.”, and I’ve come to suspect that the idea of growing numb to its horrors is a built in element of the story’s overarching theme. It does make the story realistic overall, that much I can acknowledge. But as a story element, I don’t know that it was beneficial. I also don’t know how the author could have handled it differently. All I can say for certain is that I think Roranicus would have benefitted by deviating from the recipe a few times to keep things unpredictable.
Another complaint is that I feel Roranicus willingly broke character behavior. Twilight, Pinkie, Rainbow, practically everypony in the story behaved perfectly in character for the entire story. This was handled so well that I can conclude with some confidence that the author really knows these characters. Why is it, then, that Rarity’s second and third chapters feature her making decisions she would never make? I begrudgingly grant the subjectivity of this because, like it or not, some people interpret Rarity incorrectlydifferently. But given that Rarity’s behavior from those chapters onwards are perfectly spot-on, I’m forced to believe that the author intentionally forced her to behave out-of-character just for the sake of putting her in a terrible position for the rest of the story, and I do not appreciate it. In fact, I’m rather offended by it. I wish I could go into more detail to defend my position, but alas, that’s spoiler territory.
More objective in nature is Twilight. Again, I can’t go into details because spoilers, but I found her behavior in the latter 4th of the story… off. I feel as though certain circumstances were overlooked and/or forgotten. I suppose this could be a testament to her character, and I’d be willing to buy that argument, but I’d feel better about it if the matter had been addressed in the story instead of neglected entirely.
But the story is delightfully character-driven, which each one having their own goals, opinions, needs, and fears put on full display. Rarity’s determination to keep Canterlot from going too far, Applejack’s struggle to protect her home, and Shining Armor’s determined effort to save as many from the war effort as possible are all deeply interesting, and they’re only the tip of the iceberg. I was disappointed that Roranicus never bothered to give us Pinkie Pie’s perspective or Princess Luna’s after the first chapter, both of which I would really liked to have witnessed.
And then there’s the true villain of the piece. I know, everyone who has read the story probably expects me to identify the obvious choice here. But no, my choice for this title is Silvermane. With the sole exception of the death of Princess Celestia, every single bad thing that happens in this story can be laid, directly or indirectly, at her hooves. Silvermane ruins everything she touches, including the lives of those she meets, and often on purpose. Rarity in particular suffers tragically at the machinations of this monster, but her other victims include Princess Luna, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash (especially), the entire town of Ponyville… ah, forget it, everyone. Her every decision deals maximum damage, whether physically or emotionally, to everyone around her and several others she’ll never even meet, and to make matters worse, she knows it and keeps doing it anyway. I can’t tell you how much I hated this character within a few short chapters.
But here’s the thing: she’s not evil. Looking at her reasons and her goals, I come away from this thinking that the phrase “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions” was coined with her in mind. All of Silvermane’s disturbing, twisted actions are done because she legitimately believes they are for the good of Equestria. And so she actively makes decisions that guarantee Equestria’s doom because, in her backwards ruin of a mind, her decisions were intended to achieve the exact opposite. So yes, I hated her with a burning passion… and yet I also pitied and sympathized with her and her every failure.
In fact, I think Silvermane encompasses the story’s dominant point. Everything is told with harsh realism, and Silvermane approaches everything with that and emotionless facts in mind. Which is exactly why she fails. Her character exists to demonstrate that the answer should always be friendship and harmony, and Silvermane’s unwillingness to embrace these elements because she deemed them too ‘naive’ brings about the total destruction of Equestria as we know it.
And that’s what makes her such a great character. She is, in a way, the soul of the story.
There are a couple other things worthy of praise here. For one, it is a common trend of these big, epic, blood-stained stories that certain key elements of Equestrian lore are conveniently neglected. I am very happy to say that Roranicus didn’t fall into such traps. For example, the most common mistake stories of this sort make is to neglect the question of the wendigoes. With so much hatred, bigotry, and bias running amok, most authors completely neglect to explain why Equestria hasn’t become a frozen wasteland. Not Roranicus; in this one, while wendigoes themselves never make an appearance their presence is felt, with appropriate theories cast around to explain such things and direct, story-driving impacts on events.
And what about Discord? Everyone forgets about this guy. But Roranicus didn’t, not only giving reasons for the draconequus not to solve everything with a snap of his fingers but actually giving him a small but important role in the overarching plot. Throw in a non-present Tirek and a briefly present Chrysalis having important impacts on the events. I am beyond impressed with this author for doing what they could to not only use all the big players known at the time of writing in some fashion, but doing so in a believable and effective way.
I left the story with an overall positive impression. Significantly so, actually. Roranicus’s epic tale is as ambitious as it is hard-hitting, with a realistic slant that I can certainly appreciate. It’s all about the cruelty of war, the power of emotion and bias, and the need to maintain hope where none should believably remain. It features characters at their worst and their best. Beloved ones will suffer, many will die, and none are safe from either potentiality (so try not to get too attached). The writing is solid and the pacing effective, but I still think the author could have benefitted in deviating from a pattern of storytelling that grew predictable and repetitive after so long, and I can’t approve of the forced actions of some of the characters (or just one, really).
A Dream of Sunny Dayss a great story, well worth the pain and extreme length. It has its issues, and the severity of those issues almost edge it out of my highest rating. Indeed, even as I write this I’m heavily debating what rating it deserves. The nature of its flaws are significant enough to seriously tempt me to cut it down a size, but there’s so much good going on here, things I wouldn’t expect from most authors, that they might balance one another out.
But in the end I think the sheer ambition, realism, good use of so many characters, and a truly gripping plotline are enough for me to give it top honors.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
PS: Roranicus, if you’re reading this, you might wanna check out the next story in this blog.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Love, Sugar, and Sails
203,060 Words
By DSNesmith
Sequel to The Age of Wings and Steel
I gotta be honest, folks: I never thought I’d read this. DSNesmith, the author who gave us the awesome war story The Age of Wings and Steel (which may be my first, come to think of it), took an absurd five years to finish this. When I saw it updating again I half-worried the author was going to ‘hurry up and finish’ to get it out of the way.
The story takes us back to that historical period some 400 years after Luna’s banishment and four years after the Griffon Invasion of Equestria. Rye Strudel, the unsung hero of the prior story (but by no means the only hero), is now Celestia’s personal ambassador. She’s sending him to the island city of Zyre in the Carriagibbean (yeah, not sure I like that one either) to try and smooth things out with the local pirate problem. Instead he ends up in a whirlwind conspiracy as factions work to take over the single most lucrative trading port in the ocean. He has to deal with pirates, saboteurs, inclement weather, ancient monstrosities, and one old enemy with a powergrab scheme that has so many twists it’ll make one’s head spin. How fortunate that he has Firewing war hero Wheatie Specklestraw and the super cute Ensign Tyria Metrel around to help him out.
This is a very different story from its predecessor. While a big battle does occur, it’s not a steady stream of battle after battle with strategies and tactics. This is more about Rye and Tryia’s struggle to save Zyre and generally survive, with a side helping of Wheatie and Zanaya’s long investigation into where the other two have disappeared to. Despite this, it still has a lot of the flare I’ve come to enjoy from this author with long journeys full of sweeping vistas, exquisite worldbuilding, and deadly threats. And this time even Rye doesn’t come out unscathed.
Yet for all the wondrous sights given by the author, the story is also decently character-driven, more so than TAoWaS. This can only be to the author’s credit, and it works wonders in the building relationships of our two couples.
Speaking of, there is that typically unpleasant trend of love at first sight. Rye and Tyria fall for one another so quickly that I admit to having been a little annoyed at first. But then I remembered that DSNesmith gives his ponies a more ‘real world’ lifespan of only 25-30 years. As soon as I took that into consideration, I also realized it would make sense for ponies to fall in love a little more easily. Once that happened, I let the whole issue go.
That was my only complaint, so here we are. Love, Sugar, and Sails is another excellent addition to the fandom by an author with too few works to his name. It’s fun, it’s adventurous, it can get dark, and it all feels surprisingly real. I hope this isn’t the last we see of this world and these characters. I would especially like to see a story starring Wheatie on his own. I’m also very pleased to see that, despite the long breaks in writing, DSNesmith never sacrificed the quality of the story or its writing. That’s impressive considering how easy it can be to lose track of what one was doing after so long (from one who knows).
The only reason not to read this is not having read The Age of Wings and Steel, and even that’s a weak excuse since I don’t feel it’s totally necessary to do so. If you’re looking for a tropical seafaring adventure, you can’t go wrong with this one.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
It appears I am not allowed to contact DSNesmith at all. I can’t imagine why. If someone wants to inform him that this review exists for me, I’d appreciate it.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Millennium of Solitude — WHYRTY?
The Age of Wings and Steel — WHYRTY?
The Not-So-Normal Adventures of King Sombra and Pinkie Pie
91,519 Words
By Harmony Charmer
Sequel to The Cake Batter Incident
Well. that was, uh… Yeah. So this story, which picks up more or less right where the prior one stopped, has King Sombra without any magic whatsoever. He somehow ended up in Ponyville (the how is never explained). Celestia decides to give him a chance at reformation, and assigns this monumental task to Pinkie of all ponies. Thus do we begin a very random and ill-thought-out romance between the Party Pony and the former despot.
Why are Pinkie Pie and Sombra in a relationship? Because Harmony Charmer said so! No, seriously, that’s it. There’s not any real reason for them to be together, it just happens. The author tries to shoehorn in a few things towards the latter half of the story, but it’s too little too late when they’re making googoo eyes at one another within a few chapters.
Throw on top of that an unpleasant habit by Harmony Charmer to declared ‘certain events happened that you did not see but are important to the plot so I’m going to tell you they happened and you’ll just have to buy it because I said so’. The biggest example is when, at practically the end of the story, the characters reference an apparently big event where Spike briefly turned feral and attacked Twilight. Which, of course, we had no idea about because this is the first time it’s being brought up, but apparently it occured sometime during the course of this story.
Oh, and apparently Sombra has a split personality, another thing we aren’t informed of until right before it becomes a critical element. Can you say ‘villain out of nowhere?’
Yeeeah, this is not how you make a multi-story universe, HC.
All in all, the story is a bit of a mess. The writing is amateur at its very best, the romance is forced, and you have to accept most of the events with minimal or very late explanation.
The good news is that this is one of Harmony Charmer’s earliest stories, and I know they’re way better at writing now than they were at the time this was written. Honestly, I picked it because a lot of HC’s stories take place in this AU and I wanted to see the origins. While this story isn’t going to be rated highly, I have faith that as I proceed along to the more recent stories the quality will pick up substantially.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
First Date — Pretty Good
Hidden Voices — Pretty Good
I Prefer Show Tunes — Worth It
The Cake Batter Incident — Worth It
What's This? — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
First and Last by SPark
Cadance's Educational Video by Masterweaver
Red Barn (Over Yonder) by Dash The Stampede
Featured on 08/31/1014! by alexmagnet
Conversation Piece by dungeonguy88
The Hangover: Equestria Edition by ToixStory
Late for Hearts and Hooves Day by The Wizard of Words
Stardust Bridge by Ice Star
Summer Days by Nicknack
Thweet Geniuth by JMac
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I totally understand this. The 'phobia' stories were a hit for some and a miss for others, but I'm delighted to hear everyone's thoughts on them and the little format changes with each one. (Truthfully, Autophobia is my favorite of them, but I had fun with each.) Bathophobia in particular is meant more to reflect a rougher state of mind, but both it and Autophobia were heavily inspired by the concept of outsider art, specifically that of the mentally ill and how it can try and convey how they experience the world in different states of mind. Any and all words of feedback are much appreciated!
Actually, he dropped another update on it ... last week? The week before?
It's still going!
4980739 Whenever I write poetry (or my version) I get two takes: The people who don't like poetry and don't like mine, and people who *do* like poetry, but say mine stinks. They're both right. :) Still, this is (in my option so weight accordingly, of course) pretty good.
My biggest issues were how suicidal the griffons and every other villain were in DoSD. Especially, ESPECIALLY Lightning Dust.
I suppose it may vary from person to person, but after a while, and especially after later revelations, it felt less like the characters were reacting to the plot and more that they were being forced to act according to the plot. Course that probably is because I've come to despise war fics since Celestia/Luna are so important to life on Equestria(most damning to me was how the griffons killed Celestia BEFORE they had their Sunmover ready to go!).
Got to the point where even when Pinkie died I felt nothing, where normally I'd smle that the insensitive fool got her just desserts. Also, the Deus Ex Machina at the end made absolutely no sense to me, at all.
Thank you very much for reviewing A Dream of Sunny Days. You were definitely kinder on it than I am by now, as it is my first serious writing project. I do agree that it suffered from its scope, and I did feel like I was starting to lose my readers' interest near the end. I actually toyed around with the idea of reworking it, but decided that the project is done, and I'm ready to move on to other things. I'm actually about to self-publish my first real novel. It's currently being edited. If anyone's curious, it's about a near future where a technology called "smart implants" is becoming widespread to the point of being considered an essential service. The story follows a group of activists who worry about the proprietary nature of a technology controlled by two large corporations. The title is "Opt Out", and I will publish it under the pen name "Rory Price". Sorry for the self-promotion.
I can actually explain why Pinkie wasn't a pov character. I felt like her unique perception of the world wouldn't be as interesting if we saw it first hand. I often find her at her most interesting when we just have no idea how she figured out something. One obvious example would be her knowing Twilight's entire backstory in the first Equestria Girls, even though she has no reason to. I wanted to keep that bit of mystery alive about her. Judging from your review, this wasn't entirely successful, at least as far as you're concerned. As for Luna, I actually regret giving her the prologue, hence the alternate prologue I added at the end.
Staying true to cannon was always something that was important to me. I vaguely remember listing all the major characters and lore elements, and keeping tabs on what they'd be up to. Some of it might have have contributed to the issues with the scope though. The entire changeling arc, for example, could have been cut and replaced by a throwaway line about the changelings potentially testing Equestria's borders. Still, some people enjoyed it, so it might not have been a complete waste of time. One thing I had a lot of fun doing was exploring the full ramifications of the characters' abilities. Things like how Luna uses her dream abilities, or the way the pegasi use the weather as a weapon, were super fun both to imagine and to write.
Overall, I find your review very fair, and even more positive than I would have expected for my first story. While I've ran ambitious tabletop campaigns before, Sunny Days was me learning how to be a writer. I don't know if it's as apparent for everyone else as it is to me, but I can see how my prose improves as the chapters advance.
As for the story you recommended, I haven't read it, although I have read The Age of Wings and Steel and thoroughly enjoyed it. I believe it's one of the stories I recommend on my user page. I actually remember not wanting to read the sequel at the time, because I liked the way the original ended. I might give it a shot if I ever get in the mood to read fanfiction again.
4980742
Heehee, I've gotten more overall interest with the tinier non-'phobia' series scraps and other bits I've got lying about this site, most likely because of more variation, I would think.
NO NEED, GOOD SIR. I've been watching your blog like a hawk ever since I got that "moved to reading list" notification back in spring as you know, writers subsist on reviews, brief snippets of praise, and morning dew. Not sure why you can't message me, let's agree to blame Knighty.
I'm really glad you enjoyed LSAS! I'd been worried that people who liked TAWAS wouldn't be fans of the cheerier, pulpier, romance vibe it has, or the slow burn pacing for the first third of the story, but it sounds like there was still enough crazy adventure stuff to be entertaining. I had a lot of fun with these characters, probably the most with Tyria. I'd set out to make her a real character in her own right from the beginning, rather than a device for Rye's benefit, and she wound up being the protagonist of the whole book. The scene at the end with her and the admiral was probably my favorite to write in the entire thing (although perhaps beaten by Rye meeting him).
The two-year writing gap mysteriously coincided with a two-year employment gap after I graduated--it's funny how having nothing but free time can make you too miserable to do anything productive (or maybe it was that brief stint at Mr. Sam Walton's soul processing facility). At any rate, my life's out of that short eclipse and I'm back on the writing train, though I can't even keep a 1k word/day pace for more than a month or two; your 1.5k-2k figure is enviable indeed.
While it wasn't hard to remember where the story was going thanks to copious notes and thinking about it almost daily during that time period, I did lose track of a lot of the dead ends and removed ideas, which is part of the reason I didn't do another afterword section in this one--there was a lot of stuff that got cut, mostly for pacing reasons. At one point, Tyria was going to be poisoned by the big nasty critter that bites her, and she and Rye would wind up meeting Viridian's alchemist--a griffon living in a zebra coffee-bean farming village. You can see why that didn't exactly fit in with the pacing of the last act and had to join the pile of dead darlings in my closet.
Right now I plan to do two more of these before I move on to original fiction and the dubious prospects of the publishing industry. The next one's going to be a couple of characters from TAWAS having some family... issues, and the final one will be the Equestrian cast of LSAS having one last mission into griffon territory. I'd really love to have the next one out on Father's Day, but that might be optimistic. Once those are over, I've got plans for an original series about a librarian/nun-turned-Bismarckian-empire-builder that I've been mulling over for the better part of a decade. Though carts and horses tend to go best in the traditional order.
At any rate, thanks for the review, and I hope you like the next one as well!
4980746
I think it's mostly a matter of moderation. Dipping into darkness works wonderfully, but if you don't let the audience come up for air with lighter moments then the unrelenting misery tends to make them numb, and numb fingers are bad at turning pages. That applies to comedy and cuteness as well. Grimdark just has the advantage of being plot-friendly, so it can be longer and run into the problem more. If someone, god forbid, wrote a 300k story about Pinkie being random with no elements of a serious plot to tie it together, I don't think anyone could finish it.
As a note for Jay David's story, he is actually condensing a lot of sequels into one story and that is the reason for this. It is most likely that he hasn't unpublished the other stories yet.
I enjoyed "Delirium," but it never delivered on the thought-provoking setup. By the end, nothing definitive has happened, which... well, it depends on whether that means someone taking action or just changing an attitude, but it just kind of maintains the status quo, so nothing has really changed. And part of that is that neither of the most interested parties seems to care how things turned out. The philosphizing has its interest, but when you embed that in a story, the key is to have the characters do something with that instead of just presenting the concept. If it's just the philosophy, it might as well be a nonfiction paper, because there isn't a story to it. There is a plot here, but it builds up without drawing or even implying any conclusions.
I didn't read much of "A Dream of Sunny Days." Not because I got bored with it and stopped or anything like that. I'd never pick up a story that long to read for pure entertainment, because it would take me far too long to finish it, and the opportunity cost of all the other things I wouldn't read is too great. So all that's to say nothing related to the plot or characterization caused me to stop.
But from what few chapters I did read, it was off-putting how it had lots of little violations of perspective. That was my main impression, but it's been a long time.
4980746
I don't agree with that at all. Funny for funny's sake is no better than pain for pain's sake. If that weren't the case, then I'd find a joke book as engaging as a comedy story. If a story is full of funny jokes but has zero plot, I might still enjoy it, but I wouldn't regard it as good. Same with fluff. I hate fluff stories that have nothing of substance to them. Give it a good plot with consequences, and I'll enjoy it, even if it's still fluffy.
Thanks for the glowing review of Tastes Like Heresy! And I totally understand the not so much "glowing" as "incandescent" review of my punctuality. I am quite flattered by the first, and definitely deserve the latter.
And it seems I've managed to provoke my favorite sort of reaction, namely one along the lines of "That sounds like a terrible plan; how the zark did you pull it off?!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the food and the exploration thereof. That took a lot of research, but it was also an area I felt was oft underserved, so I feel it was worth it.
Again, it's an honor to appear here. Thanks!
I think I'll pick up Fishbowl sometime. That one looked interesting...
4980741
Can confirm that I dropped the latest chapter about two-and-a-half weeks ago. I didn't quit; my muse is just highly distractible.
4980828
But that's not what's at issue here. There's the general public, who may or may not be seeking a story when they open a comedy. But a blog like this is looking for literary merit, which is what I'm looking for, and shallow grimdark is as unsatisfying as shallow comedy or shallow fluff. As to why the public at large is more forgiving of shallow comedy than shallow grimdark, it's just the vagaries of taste. Who knows what makes one thing mainstream while the other supports a niche audience, but Paul and I don't really care what's popular.
That... is a lot of words reviewed....
In terms of spoiler text, I love how you never need to use it. But you certainly can. I'd say just go on a case-by-case basis depending on what you need to talk about, but primarily stick with what you do. But, you know, do whatevs you want.
4980741
4980815
Good to know!
4980743
Dues Ex Machina? I don't recall anything like that. What did I miss?
You point on war and Celestia/Luna being required for the world's survival are well taken, especially for the scope of the villains' actions in this story. But it doesn't negate 'all' war stories. Wars can be fought for things other than total conquest and seizing control of the sun and moon, after all. It's just that that's the one thing most stories relating to war go for because writers tend to be unoriginal in that vein. That's one thing I really liked about Love, Sugar, and Sails; the villain wasn't trying to conquer Equestria or kill Celestia, he just wanted to carve his own little kingdom in the ocean. Much more realistic (well, relatively speaking).
4980744
I 100% support this. I never want to see people trying to go back and fix things. I feel we really improve by moving forward with new things and leaving the old as reminders of what we should and shouldn't do.
I disagree with you regarding Pinkie Pie. You can write her without giving away that mystery. One way to do it is to make her not realize she's doing it, and that also works well with her not knowing how she knows what she knows. The specifics vary based on circumstance, of course, and there are many solutions. And I still don't understand why you'd avoid Princess Luna's perspective; to me it would be the most important of the entire story. In a way, the entire tone and feel of the story would have been 100% different if it hadn't been handled that way, and I don't think it would have been beneficial to you.
While I acknowledge that including all the major villains in some way greatly padded the length and probably could have been avoided, I still like that you took the time to reveal what they were up to. Perhaps it all could have been a mere side mention, but I'll take what you gave. Happily.
I mentioned the Love, Sugar, and Sails to you specifically because you advertised The Age of Wings and Steel on your userpage. I figured if you were a fan you might be interested in knowing that it had been completed, that's all.
4980774
So be it: it's all Knighty's fault. Somehow.
I'm really looking forward to the next entry!
4980928
Ah. Glad someone decided to address that. Honestly, the more I think about it the less I like it. I'll probably continue to not use it, unless there's a story that I feel really needs it.
4980849
Come on, bro, you're not supposed to admit that! You're supposed to slip on the cheap top hat and smoke the bubble pipe and pretend to be some deep, brooding, sophisticated genius the world just doesn't understand.
I wish I wasn't at work so I could post a relevant video here of Shining Armor thinking a trash can is art.
4981073
I dimly remember something about Twilight grabbing a comet for something, yet she couldn't move the Sun. I mostly took exception to the Elements saving the world even after Pinkie died, I think, I was pretty much ready for the story to be over by that point.
4981098
Considering a comet is inconceivably smaller than the sun, I saw nothing odd about this. I was more bothered by 'Friendship without Laughter saving the world', honestly.
4981080
Sorry if it took a while to get back to you. As far as Luna goes, I think that I might have been better off leaving her motivations as a mystery. Maybe that wouldn't have worked as well, given that this is fanfiction and most readers already have an opinion on the character, but a big part of the premise for the war is people not knowing what her motivations are. Leaving her as a more mysterious character would have left the possibility that she really did murder Celestia out there. Another thing I wish I'd have done would have been to show more of what's going on in Cloudsdale, mainly by making Octavia a pov character. This way, Luna would have been this mysterious figure that's sometimes wise, sometimes ruthless.
But again, this would have been part of that rewrite that we both agree I shouldn't waste my time on. There's always stuff we aren't satisfied with when looking back at old stories, and we could easily waste our lives reworking older projects.
4982694
That is precisely what I was referring to. Because we knew from the get-go that Luna was innocent, the entire story was seen from a very different angle than if we’d not known that, and only the true Lunaphiles (such as myself) would have believed in it regardless of the mystery. And I feel that because we all knew of her innocence, the entire story is significantly more tragic. Making it a mystery, it would have been just another war story. In summary, I feel the story would have not only changed dramatically if the first chapter had been different, I feel it would have been much less for it.
But that’s just me. I’m sure others would disagree. The fools.
Hoo boy... I was worried when I first read you were interested in reading the rest of the stories I wrote on this site. I’m not really active in the fandom anymore but I like to check in and see how everyone’s doing and I saw the review linked in my story just now. So... let’s begin shall we?
I was in high school when I wrote this story, so being in college and going through this story again was... an experience. I had a lot of moments where I stopped and said “my god did I write this?!” But I did. So many ideas I wanted to include but ended up not doing.
You know why this story (and a lot of my other early stories) wasn’t as good it could’ve been? I wanted it to be done. RainbowBob introduced an interesting ship to me, and, me being me, I just hyperfixated on it. My thought process wasn’t so much “these two would be PERFECT together” as much as it was “these two would have an interesting story to tell and I want to tell it”. But I wanted the story to be out there. I didn’t want to wait for anyone else to write it (since RainbowBob had a lot of writing he was doing and his story was never finished), so I just. Rushed it. As a result, Pinkie and Sombra were strangled by the red thread and I put so many cliches in. I also made... a lot of oneshots instead of, you know, putting it all in one story like a normal person would. I lost the characterization of Sombra and Pinkie in the process of writing this, although Sombra didn’t really have strong characterization in the show, so I just kinda got lost with him and did whatever.
Another problem with this series? I was so caught up in trying to finish this story, I didn’t know how to start it. I just copied off of RainbowBob because I was too impatient to properly plan the story out. And I feel awful about it. After I was partway through the story, I came up with my own backstory and beginning for the two of them, but because I had established RB’s fic as canon to mine, I didn’t want to change it. In that version, Sombra was a mute because he hadn’t fully healed from his injuries and his memory was full of blanks, so he got a fresh start in Ponyville and Pinkie, being Pinkie, taught him sign language so he could talk to her and she could read his expressions better than everyone else (like with Maud) so she just understood him better than everyone else did (at the beginning anyway). But, like I said, I was already too into the series to just change to that idea so I scrapped the concept (although I’m really into it now).
Lot of ideas got scrapped. Sombra learning what movies were and being dazzled by it. Sombra was originally going to be called to the Crystal Empire for his meeting with Cadence and face his victims face to face. He was slowly going to remember who he was and have to fight against the pony he was so he could be the pony he wanted to be (which manifested as his split personality my god how ableist could I have been). Pinkie was going to have an internal crisis about love because if she loved someone, it could come at the cost of her making every pony else happy so she could pursue her own happiness. Pinkie and Sombra weren’t going to be as “intimate” so early on but shock value! God I was worse than the CW. Sombra was going to interact with the Mane Six and Spike more. He was originally a blank flank! But then I ripped off of the Tale of One Shadow so... yeah. The CMC were gonna help him get his mark (or at least try their best).
I could go on and on about what I wanted to do with this story that I ended up scrapping just to get the story done. So much quality sacrificed in favor of quantity. I’m not sure when I started to get it together but... ok I’m gonna stop being so hard on myself because I was a high schooler who was still learning about story writing and planning when I wrote this series. I know what I could have done better and honestly that’s all that matters. Maybe I’ll come back to it one day in a new series with that concept I had scrapped.
Your feedback is so true, ahaha, and it’s still gonna be quite a bit rocky as you go on. I wish you luck on your future readings and reviews.
4982928
Wow. Well, we all started green once. This is one reason why I like to look at people's early works; it shows us how far they've come. And seeing your later works, I know you get there in time.