This story did not explode! What a relief and/or letdown.

Part of OPERATION CRACKFIC STORM 2024 ( group | stories ).

Thanks to Silk Rose for coming up with the idea, writing chapters 22 and 9, and developing the code; thanks also to Meadowsys for general code help.

Thanks to IrradiatedPirateBooty ( tumblr ) for the awesome character art.

And thanks to everyone in the comments who stuck around for the final countdown!

Flurry Heart learns some new words. Shining Armor is worried.

Cadance just wants to make sure she's not going to make her foal a mute.

Luna just wants to buy nuclear laxatives.

Was going to be a submission to Muggonny's Princess Cadance is a Terrible Mother contest. Shitpost galore inbound. Hope you all enjoy!

Pre-read by FamousLastWords.

First part written on my birthday. Second part written the day after.

The Cuddler is on the loose!

He is wanted for such crimes as head pats, ear scritches, mane and coat brushing, back scratches...and the worst of all, belly rubs!

Princess Celestia has put one million bit bounty for information that leads to the apprehension of The Cuddler.

Autumn Blaze takes a human history class. The professor deserves a pay raise.

I thank the pre-readers, but won't implicate them by name.

Audio reading!

At a speech before the General Assembly of the United Nations, Celestia learns why humans usually wear clothes.

29/05/2020 - Now with a reading! https://youtu.be/0qmgcZGUbio

Twilight Sparkle gathers her friends after receiving a rather distressing letter from her mentor, Princess Celestia. She's not happy about the contents, at all.

It seems her friends all went on some magical adventure without her. And now they're all in a lot of trouble.

Sex tag and Teen rating for some crude humor.

Spike, while browsing his selection of naughty magazines, accidentally coughs and breathes flames. The magazine gets sent to Princess Celestia. Panic ensues.

Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns is famous across Equestria as a center of academic excellence. Only the best and brightest unicorns are offered places, selected by their academic merit, magical ability and passion for study. To make the admissions process as fair and reliable as possible, all candidates are given three exams by different teams of examiners, who then meet in private to decide which students are most deserving of a place.

Winner of the December 2014 Writeoff competition: Behind Closed Doors.

The local human, finding himself possessed of strength beyond measure in this strange world, decides to be a brutish nuisance. You know, running around half-naked, stealing cider and that sort of thing.

When his behaviour lands him in jail he casually breaks out and - more on a whim than anything else - breaks out the other jailbird too. Because that's mischief, and she had to have done something wrong, right?

They then run from Twilight, sit around a fire and sleep in a cave.

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Ahahaha I got featured and I don't even have a picture what even is this.

It was a bright sunny day when Princess Celestia was taken from us by three very familiar fillies... Or was she?

Idea from Rated Ponystar and Edited by Jumbled