A/N: Sorry about the wait! Computer kind of died on me, so not only did it take a week to fix, I then had to recover all my files which took a few days...still not even done with that, but I managed to at least get this one back, so I wanted to upload it!
Anyways, special thanks to ShyHeart, Nethalar, Lyrken, Whitedorumon, and Tzeentch for leaving their thoughts with me last chapter, and also to those who have favorited, liked and followed this story! Your support really means a lot to me, and I would love to hear more from everyone about what you think!
Now, enjoy and thanks again for reading!
A lack of good rest might perturb some and alter their moods or attitude, possibly influence their actions. For the proclaimed god of mischief, however, this was far from the case. Countless hours spent slaving over some tome or scroll and entire days without rest made the prospect nothing more than an annoyance.
What was more aggravating to the god was that he must suffer through it as well as his own twisted dreams, only to wake and find himself in an unfamiliar land in a body unlike his own. The prince of Asgard had attempted one morning to revert to his true form...or rather the form he saw as his true self, that of an Æsir.
He was not very surprised when he remained an equine. Whatever magics this land held caused their inhabitants to assume a certain form, he theorized. His change hadn’t been voluntary, after all, and even a sorcerer as skilled as him not shapeshift in their sleep. It took concentration...
Is that why he could not shift back though? Was his concentration plagued by what he had experienced back in his own realm? Loki shook the thoughts away. He had been wandering the forest too long for his taste, but a problem plagued the large green equine. Through a pain in one of them, he fully realized the wings located on his back. This would be a decent enough feature, a pro to having this form, if he hadn’t somehow damaged the right one.
Had the damned wolves brought harm to it? Had his fall done it, and the major pain only beginning to set in after an attempt at using it? He could not tell, but what he could tell was that the the feathery appendage was no use to him right then. He would have to travel on hoof, as he had been.
While shuffling through some brush on his aimless journey, the former King of Asgard noticed something: where he once would have had to worry about his cape snagging on something, there was no such burden for him to face then. He noted just how addled he was for not noticing sooner, but he honestly could care less...
A quick check soon revealed to the green horse that he was, in fact, naked. A less savory aspect of transformation, he reckoned, but at least such a thing ought to be the norm should there be other creatures like the one that had disturbed his dreams. He would have to see about conjuring up his regal gear once he escaped the forest. No use dragging it now.
Inwardly, Loki hoped that not all the inhabitants of this land who the “Princess” implied existed could do such reality altering sorcery...one equine poking around in his head was more than enough, and any more trying to do so would make his years of practice in magic seem commonplace. Run of the mill, as compared to its previously unique status in Asgard.
The entire morning passed as Loki wandered through the woods, with not a single notable encounter with any of the creatures. It was almost if the woodland creatures were all elsewhere, possibly all shacked up together in some unknown cottage, for nothing disturbed Loki. Except the birds. There was this one blue one flitting about the trees that particularly irked him, for while the others were humming their songs, this one saw fit to do so in an off-key manner that countered what otherwise may have been a peaceful and relaxing melody.
As soon as he had grown used to its annoying tune, the bird’s shrill call disappeared. Loki secretly prayed the cause was an eagle or other predatory bird, but found that he soon missed the sound of the other birds who he had left behind too. Even one who preferred solitude and quiet enjoyed some occasional companionship, he reckoned, and he had listened to the song of birds while he studied for days on end. A soothing touch to an otherwise monotonous activity.
The absence of noise reminded the former Giant to grow cautious once more, his pace picking up as his eyes scoured the area near him for some impending threat. None appeared though, and the quickened trotting brought pain to the leg the wolves of timber had injured. Loki slowed down to his former pace, only to find himself walking into a clearing not unlike the one he had started in.
Before he could groan about going in circles, the addled prince took note of something on the other end of the clearing: a massive statue of what appeared to be a large equine being. Curiosity piqued and having nothing better to investigate, Loki altered his journey to satiate his wonder about this mysterious statue.
Upon approaching it, he soon could see that it was far larger than even the mare that he had encountered. At full height she wouldn’t likely even stand above the stone base it was upon, the grey figurine rearing up with a look on its face likely meant to convey disgust and instill fear. In total, Loki marveled at how such an intricate creation was made in a land of beings without hands. The figure had detailed armor and a most odd mane, both curly and containing glowing orbs like the stars of the night sky. They reminded Loki somewhat of the mare he encountered in his dreams, who he thought had a similar mane while having a very different appearance...well, mostly different, as this statue too held the attributes of both a pegasus and a unicorn...
A glance upward and Loki remembered the horn that lay atop his head, a device he supposed may be able to channel some magic...if the inhabitants of this land were able to do such a thing, as he could. He hadn’t tried since his attempt at transforming, but the expert of magic had no doubt he could channel his powers if he so pleased. He just was waiting for a time where it made sense to do so, he told himself.
Still, the fact that the creatures of the land may have crafted this with magic did not specify its purpose or its specific creator, and Loki remained curious about the structure, ‘Who made this, and what is it for?’ he wondered, and a glance down to a plaque on it revealed a title of sorts: Nightmare Moon. No creator was listed, but for the moment the Æsir was appeased as he stood in its shadow, despite the time of day meaning the shadow should be off to the side instead of straight ahead of the structure. Most peculiar, he noted.
Loki sneered at the plaque before looking back up to the statue itself, “Nightmare Moon...I believe even those of Midgard can boast better puns,” observing the face, Loki shook his head and let out a long sigh, “Is this figure supposed to be threatening? To scare he who dare crosses it?”
He snorted derisively at that notion. He had seen Hell Wolves and worse, so some large horse was not a particular worry to him. Even Thor was-
Loki stopped his self amusement when something nearby caused his ears to perk. Noise... Movement...
Hoof trotting.
Loki could only smugly smirk to himself. His wandering paid off, it seemed.
“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! You must be new around here, because I know everypony in Ponyville and I don’t know you!”
A certain green horse had not taken more than five steps into the candy colored town he had seen from the forest before a pink blur had appeared to greet him. A talking pink pony with a pink mane and an annoying voice.
Loki questioned silently what he had done to deserve this particular fate.
When he didn’t respond, this Pinkie Pie went on blathering and hopped around the area cheerfully, “Ooooh, the silent type, huh? Bet you’re all smart and stuff! So what’s your name, huh?” defying what he considered logic, the pink creature reared up on its back legs and snaked a front hoof around him in a manner he was quite sure horses could not move, “I can’t throw you a welcome to Ponyville party without knowing your name, silly!”
Using one of his own hooves to brush her hoof away, Loki started to walk on into the town: he desired to learn more about this place and its oddities, “Go away, pink one. I do not wish to converse with you.”
As Pinkie Pie hopped to catch up with him, she realized how she had to look up to look him in the eye and giggled at the fact, “Wow, I just realized how big you are! You’re no regular pony, that’s for sure! You’re as big as the Princesses, and they’re super-”
“Loki.”
The pink mare, which Loki noted did not have wings nor a horn as he did, stopped hopping and tilted her head and pulled her face into one of confusion, “What?”
Loki did not even look back at her as he trotted on, instead observing the irregular architecture of this quaint town, “My name is Loki. Will that end your endless procession of nonsense? May I be left in peace?”
“Okey doki, Loki!” She replied with enough enthusiasm to shame Thor when he ordered another drink, only to then up the ante with a bout of laughter before hopping off to annoy some other creature, “Hey, that’s a fun rhyme!”
Passing by what appeared to be gypsy tents on the outskirts of the town, Loki muttered, “Note to self, the pink one goes first.”
Loki could see ahead of him that the inner town had some large crowd going about, with only a few stragglers moving around elsewhere. He did not realize his luck, as if a large crowd were to have witnessed his entrance to the town they may have mistaken him for one of their royalty given his appearance.
Loki decided not to go towards where the crowd lay, instead heading in another direction that if his eyesight was true led to a farm. A small body of water ran through the town though, so Loki aimed his path to cross that of the bridge leading towards the farm, not noticing the murmuring of the few ponies who saw him and noticed his Alicorn form.
Loki observed a shadow cast by a tree flicker as he passed by it, but before he could examine it further a cry of “Watch out!” interrupted him.
Loki had been about to step on the bridge when he felt two things crash into his side, nearly sweeping him from his feet from the sudden impact and the momentum carried by the things assaulting his side. Loki grunted, not feeling much pain at all, but steadied himself before looking down at what had hit him.
A sheepish grin on an orange muzzle met his gaze, and a device with wheels on it lay next to the orange filly. Loki could remember what it was like to be a child and do childish things; the Lady Sif still had not fully gotten over him cutting off all her hair, despite centuries to have done so. But still, Loki was not about to enable this child’s reckless abandon, and turned to face the filly with a stern face.
“Careless child. If you are going to ride around on a,” he swore there was a Midgardian word for this thing, but he couldn’t come up with it even after pausing a moment, “wheeled contraption, then at least go at a respectable and controllable speed.”
The orange filly rubbed the back of the helmet she wore, obviously a bit embarrassed and to Loki’s interest, repentant, “Sorry mister. I promise it won’t happen again.”
He nodded down to the filly as she got back up and mounted her...scooter, that was the word he wanted before, “Good. Be off then and leave me be,” a flapping noise behind him caught his attention, and when he looked he could see that the orange creature was flapping the two wings on its back to seemingly propel itself, “Wait. If you have wings, then what use is this wheeled device?”
The filly hung her head, seemingly in shame Loki noted, and took a moment to form her words, “I can’t fly...yet, at least,” the sad look disappeared from her face quickly though, and the filly grinned cheerfully in a full emotional 180 as she spoke chipperly, “My big sis says she can get me flying in no time though! She’s learning all of the best tricks from her training camp, so I’ll be able to fly like a pro soon!”
The logic behind her statement felt faulty to Loki, who admittedly had no idea how this society’s customs worked or how a horse could even take flight with wings too small to carry its proportionally large body, “If you have an older sibling, why did they not teach you before now?”
The filly glanced to the side and tried to think of how to explain her situation, “Well, you see, she’s not really my big sister, but she kind of took me under her wing...” again, the young equine spoke in a very cheerful voice as she spoke of her sister, “She’s still like the most awesome thing ever though!”
This gave Loki pause. Sibling adoration...before he had envied his brother Thor, Loki had admired him for his strengths. Had reveled in how strong and skillful his brother was. It was only after he noticed how his father, like their realm, put value in these traits over those he himself had exhibited that the love had become melded with envy. But, even after everything, Loki knew that he held some lingering emotion for his sibling...even if they were not related by any blood.
“You love her like your own sibling, even though they are not your blood?”
The child nodded feverishly, a genuine smile on their face that made Loki’s previous annoyance fade, a mixture of other emotions taking its place, “Yeah, of course! Rainbow Dash is my idol and she means everything to me!”
“Interesting. Well then, what is your name, child?” Loki stated with care as he observed them and their scooter. The child seemed fine, likely used to crashing into things, but the device seemed to have a busted wheel while the wood was chipped. The crash had hurt it more than it had him.
“Scootaloo. What is your name, mister?”
“I am Loki. Loki Odinson,” another look at the scooter gave the magic user an idea, “Here, how’s this to make up for the time I’ve squandered?”
The contraption the filly stood on (in an anthropomorphic fashion that made all of Loki’s beliefs in physics crumble) glowed a light blue, as well as the wood fragments around it. The wood rejoined itself perfectly as it all glowed, and to Scootaloo’s amazement her scooter was fixed within mere moments.
Loki smirked as he saw the orange pony observe his magic gleefully, deciding mentally to do a second spell as he spoke, “Now run along, and be careful this time.”
“Woah, thanks mister Loki!” the filly thanked before rolling away in the direction Loki had originally been heading. Loki felt the beginning traces of a smile grace his muzzle as he observed them leave, but he quickly silenced this trace of emotion as he turned towards the nearby forest with a wary eye.
“Reveal yourself. I know you’ve been following me for quite some time now.”
Loki took a step towards the woods, and now not but ten feet from it he could see a figure emerge: a familiar one.
The mare who had been visiting his dreams stood before him in the flesh, as compared to their mental projection he supposed. They stood at about the same height as him, and their dark coat blended into the darkness of the forest they were taking refuge in. She was the one to speak next, her expression and inflection curious, “I am astonished thou art able to track our shadows so easily.”
“Shadow manipulation isn’t that hard a trick,” Loki stated, smugly pleased with himself that his second spell had done as he intended. He took some steps towards her so that he too was in the edge of the forest, now only a breath away from the
The self proclaimed Princess of the Night blinked, taking a more neutral tone as she spoke to the very close stranger to the land, “You must a powerful mage if such a thing is paltry to thou. Thy countrymen must be proud.”
Loki closed his eyes and shook his head very slightly, “Not as much as you would think,” opening them, the prince looked into the blue eyes of the mare who dared to track him both in sleep and in light, “Now, fashion me curious. Why are you stalking me, Princess of the Night, in a time of day that is not your own?”
Her tone comes off indignant at first before quickly evening out to the previous neutral quality, “We can stay up during the day if we so wish, and we have taken an interest in thou for thy uniqueness. You are an unknown who appeared from nowhere for no known reason, yet contain magical power quite formidable, if my senses are correct, and a demeanor quite curious. We do not know whether to see thou as a threat, or simply as another pony.”
Loki scoffed right in her face, but he too adopted a neutral manner after doing so. He could see this was forming to be a game of sorts, so he decided to play along, “I’m not planning on conquering your technicolor equines, if that’s what you are worried about. I would prefer to be left alone, however.”
As if she was accepting his statement, the darker colored equine gave a nonchalant shrug and turned around, her tail catching Loki’s eye: it had a pattern most like the statue he encountered earlier, where he first picked up an oddity in the shadows around him, “If thou remains on good behavior, we see no reason why we should inform sister about your existance.”
“Sister? There are really more of you giant equines?” This fact didn’t come as much of a surprise to Loki, but he had trouble recalling if he had already known it or if logic just prevailed within his mind on a subconscious level.
“You are quite large yourself, but yes, there are others. Besides myself, Princess Luna of the Night, the most noteworthy ponies are my sister Celestia of the day and our fellow princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire.”
This made the foreigner curious, for he still knew almost nothing about this realm other than he would not wish it upon even the creatures of Hell, “If you are in charge of the night as you claim, and your sister the day, then what does this Cadance control?”
Luna let out a small scoff followed by a roll of the eyes, “Love.”
Looking back to the town behind him, Loki gave a sigh as audible as a whisper but with an annoyed tone behind it, “I should have guessed it in this pink, frilly land that such a feminine being existed.”
Luna turned back to him and nodded her head, her blue and starry mane drifting in place to Loki’s fascination, “Her powers are a bit...overpowered. We art of the opinion she should have her powers lowered, for being able to force ponies to love one another is quite vexing in its potential. We art lucky she is a good soul.”
Loki lifted his muzzle up and snorted, “There we go again with the extremely butchered language.”
She too would raise her muzzle, closing her eyes in an indignant manner as she responded in a disgruntled voice, “We cannot change our entire manner of speaking in a short time, ill-mannered welp.”
Thinking back to their previous conversations, Loki laughed at the horse before him. If he was stuck in this land for the time being, why not let himself be amused and have his mind diverted from his home? “That’s the word you were looking for before. Wench is for females, as a tip,” he paused briefly before adding, “You annoying wench.”
Luna narrowed her eyes at her fellow Alicorn with a green coat, her anger rising from his insult, “One had best tread lightly. If thou asks our subjects about our temper, thou will not hear many great things.”
“Oh please, as if I should fear a talking horse.”
Her eyes remained narrowed at him, and her tone became inquisitional, “You keep speaking as if you are not one, and your dreams seem to corroborate this fact. What are you, and why are you in a form you detest if you dislike it so much?”
Not about to state his predicament of not being able to shift forms, Loki decided to answer the question without answering it, “I have my reasons, and I am indeed not some regular candy colored horse unlike yourself.”
Loki had once been the diplomatic one of his band of friends, the one who could deter unnecessary conflict with his silver tongue. But that was against true threats, not horses of varying unnatural colors. Even if this one could see his dreams, the others seemed to be nothing special and were in fact quite small compared to him.
Sensing his complete disrespect, Luna let out a breath in an attempt to calm herself, “Does thou believe dreamwalking is our only specialty?”
“Well, stalking in the shadows has been proven to be another one of your-”
His snarky words were met with a harsh glare, “Tell me, Loki, where dost thou confidence come from?”
After her words ended, she approached the stallion to lean towards him and stare him straight in the eye. When her face would have collided with his, however, she instead felt her head go through his entirely as if he were not there at all.
Behind Luna came a small chuckle as the Loki doppelganger before her disappeared, his tone haughty as he spoke to her, “From the fact that you’ve been talking to that decoy for this whole time-”
His words were those that broke the proverbial camel’s back, and the green Alicorn immediately found himself and the nearby area enshrouded by darkness, cutting him off. Not only was he no longer in the forest, he found that he could not move. A fear not known since his recent altercation with his own family crept into him, leaving him momentarily speechless.
Into the darkness appeared Luna, who stared angrily at the foreign entity who dare mock her, “Again, where dost thou confidence come from? You exist here by our whim, and our whim alone.”
Instead of submitting despite his obvious disadvantage, Loki stared darkly right back at the night princess and shot her a look just as dark back, “Oh go ahead, make me submit. Make me kneel and bow down to your royal, pretentious self. It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.”
His words actually caught Luna off guard, whose countenance thusly changed from anger to confusion while her tone retained a slight edge, “I only ask that you drop thou arrogant act and listen. I have no personal qualm with thou, and do not wish to be thine enemy.”
Loki quieted and his scowl lessened, but hung on his face. Luna took this as him being willing to listen, “Better. Now, I will posit again that if you remain on good behavior we will not bring any harm to thou. But if you are to invoke our ire, or that of our people, you will find yourself in quite the predicament. Our sister is even less tolerant for dangerous wildcards, and one must understand just what it means to be in control of the sun itself.”
This managed to get a rise from the prince, who thought the idea incredulous, “You can’t really mean that your sister controls such a large and distant object.”
Luna could only roll her eyes at the newcomer to Equestria, realizing just how ignorant he was, “Seeing as she is the cause for the sun’s setting and rising each and every day, aye, she is in control of it just as I am in control of our moon. Your mistake was to think of us as simple animals. An Alicorn’s power is not a laughing matter.”
Loki decided to err on the side of caution, realizing that at the very least this entity was not one to be trifled with, and secretly worried that her claims about her family were true, “So I’ve learned. But also having learned just how candy coated this world is, I do not intend to stay in proximity to its people another time,” he paused briefly before looking to where the forest would be behind him had the area not turned pitch black, “I will however be staying on this world for the immediate future.”
His words now raised the interest Luna held in the stranger, and she questioned him quietly as she lifted her spell and the area returned to its natural state, “Are you running from your home?”
Free from her binding spell, whatever it had been, Loki turned around and began to take his leave. If she was so worried about her subjects, no good could come from interacting any more with them, so he decided his time in the treacherous forest would have to be prolonged, “No. Far from it.”
His bitter tone struck a cord in the princess, “Were you...banished?”
An abrupt turn of the head was quickly followed by a curt voice, “I do not wish to speak of my origins, and I believe you will respect my privacy in that regard. I expect that my sleep will not be interrupted, and that whatever you may have gleaned from my mind before will be the end of your journeys into the mystery of me.”
“If thou wishes it to be as such, we will not interrupt thy dreams without thy permission. We will, however, keep an eye on thee to make sure no trouble is afoot,” Luna noted with a sigh. She did not like having to be rough, and she was gleaming the notion that this fellow was in someway troubled. Not some malcontent like Discord, who had no capability for true feeling and thus could hardly be put on the receiving end of sympathy.
Loki kept walking away when he noticed that the forest beyond where he had been was covered too in darkness, despite it only being midday, “I believe we’ve reached an agreement. Now, I would appreciate if you would release the second set of seals, your highness.”
“Farewell, Loki,” Luna nodded as she complied to his wish, studying the creature before her as he left, “and we hope that whatever it is you are looking for here, you find.”
And like that, he was gone into the Everfree forest once more.
A/N: Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! Please leave your thoughts in the comments below, and if you have any questions I will answer them to the best of my non-spoiler ability!
Hey! I really enjoyed this chapter!
I like how you portrayed Loki, specifically his contradictory personality. He constantly shifts between contempt and goodwill erratically with a believable stream of consciousness. This is not only difficult to do, but is also true to the character. Throughout the legends and comics, Loki has always been portrayed as a whimsical character, one that rides the border between good and evil for reasons even he doesn't seem to understand. It also makes him misunderstood and redeemable, which is just fekking awesome! So keep it up!
I found the conversation between him and Luna to be a bit forced, and I wasn't expecting it in this chapter. You're going to have to start introducing common ground or driven character interest if you want to keep the conversation rolling smoothly. Might I recommend a scene in the next chapter where Luna mulls over why she does indeed show such interest in him? This would drive the next conversation they have. Another mechanism you could use is his injured wing to further an interaction. I would have used it to garner sympathy, particularly with Luna, which Loki is not so accustomed to considering his origins. This would obviously form a connection between the two, one where both get something they don't from others.
Otherwise I like where this is going going, moar I say!
From this chapter, it seems that Loki is slowly becoming caring towards others, after helping Scootaloo with her scooter. And I absolutely ADORE how you put in the line "Oki doki, Loki!" That made my day!
Anyway, great chapter, hope you get the computer fixed up, and I demand moar!
'and even a sorcerer as skilled as him not shapeshift in their sleep. It took concentration...' - Needs a 'Could' in there, couple of minor nitpicks with the grammar of this chapter, not sure exactly what it is but it just... Reads wrong to me. Otherwise it seems fine, pony arrogance all around, Yay...
2774388 I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! I wanted it to have a partially same feel as the first one, given that Loki is stubborn, but also reflect the contradictions that make him an interesting character.
Thank you very much for your kind words about how I portrayed Loki I was almost in tears when I read that, because it felt good to have someone appreciate how I write a character I love (not in the way his fangirls do ). I knew that Loki would need to show his flip-flop ways, so I tried to do so by giving him a variety of characters to work off of: Pinkie Pie is too energetic for him, Scootaloo is a bright eyed kid who loves her "older sibling" (similar to Loki's relationship with Thor), and Luna is a throwback to his nightmares concerning his family, while also holding a short fuse (for a pony) with the power to back it up. All let Loki display a different side: Pinkie Pie enacted the cold, logical Loki who simply wished to be rid of her, Scootaloo brought out his goodwill by reminding him of his halcyon days, and Luna brought out the anger and contempt he has been trying to ignore. I'm glad you liked him in this chapter, and I hope you continue to do so!
And yeah, sorry about the Luna conversation…it was admittedly added onto the rest after 2 weeks, since the entire rest of the chapter had already been done before my computer died, so I didn't have the same mindset and flow put into it as the rest had. And I kind of wanted to get it over with so I could upload the rest. Thanks for your suggestions and thoughts, and I will surely take them into account for the next chapter! Your insight is very helpful.
Thanks again, and hopefully I can get the next chapter out soon for you!
2776240 Sorry bout that. When I recovered the file certain parts came back wrong (for example, "I like apple Pie" would have come back "lk pplie app)...I tried fixing everything, but guess I missed that bit! Bet there are more errors I couldn't find...
Anyways, hope you enjoyed despite that!
2776231 I just had to put in the "Okey doki Loki" bit with Pinkie Pie. In fact, I had to have Pinkie Pie in it. She is obsessive about greeting newcomers, she says the above line in the show, and she is the perfect counter to Loki's calculated logic. Besides, its Pinkie Pie, who would believe her if she said she saw a green Alicorn? Glad you enjoyed her bit!
And yes, I did try to show a more caring side to Loki, but it's not a universal thing. Loki is a contradictory and complicated fellow, and I will try to keep walking the line of his chaotic morality.
And thanks about the computer! It actually is fixed now, but it's taking forever to get all my files back...that's not even mentioning the ones coming back wrong, corrupt, or not complete. Ugh. Thanks though, and I hope to get the next chapter out soon!
i love this so much
2776732 Why thank you
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=W_B3dvFMyDE]
That is all
....... I'm two chapters in- and already I am nodding my head in approval as I read.
*Sigh* I'm afraid if I keep along the line of super large comments I will begin to disappoint you dear author- so instead I shall tell you know. Do not Expect a Long as Bloody Hell, Essay from me for everything I type. I'm positive I don't need to tell you (a smart exhausted college student) of this- but just to be sure we are clear.
Now then- On with the review....
*clears throat* .....
I LIKE THIS STORY! THIS IS A GOOD STORY!- AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF IT!
Really- I'm literally only done with the second chapter and I'm already finding it hard to set down my laptop. I want to read it all- but I realize I need to take a small break in order to type up a few encouraging comments. Really- I am only TWO CHAPTERS IN and yet again I am happily finding my reading needs being met! This story- Is FAR Different that that SoarinDash fic I found you with- and I LOVE IT! I love how different it is! it is a bit Dark- but nothing morbid, or gory. Small fight scenes with little bloodshed and death. An injury, and some psychological pain of his memories. Honestly- I wish this was what happened to Loki after the Events of "Thor."
Two different creatures- Two Different beings totally unalike- yet they find similarities (BONDING similarities at that!) that bring them together! At this point- this is a great story. I don't even NEED to read the whole jist of what you got to know that it's a good story. (I'm still going to read it all though)
Dear god- This goes without saying but, KEEP ADDING! Really I am loving every single word of it.
(Also- I'm realizing I may start sounding like a broken record if I keep on praising you, so I will quickly look for a problem...)
.... Okay. So after about a good 30 mintues of looking for a flaw, I came up empty..... Sorry to dissapoint you- but I'm only giving praise where I see it to be fit. BE WARNED THOUGH: I will be looking for flaws in any of your stories that I read in the near future..... Any slight flaw and I'm a Comming for you..... ()
Hehe.... Welp! I got nothing left to say to you at the moment! Good Job! Good Detail! And ready for more!
.....
Wait a minute....
..... ....... Faust Almighty- HOW DO KEEP DOING THIS?!
I MADE YOU ANOTHER LONG COMMENT! FAUST- YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!
(I feel like the Dorito's Guy at the moment... )
(Just because it's Superbowl Time again~)
YES!!!
huh this is interesting.
I knew it.
I FREAKING KNEW IT.
"The Pink one goes first."
Good luck with that.
Pinkie has an ongoing beef with the laws of physics and lives by the phrase 'rules were made to be broken'. Even rules of reality. ESPECIALLY RULES OF REALITY!!!
Again like last chapter, why doesn't Luna question his form as an alicorn? Why isn't she confused about him being an alicorn? Especially since this is the real world now, not a dream.
Same goes for Scootaloo, despite being still very young, one little filly does not encounter an alicorn everyday.
Why isn't she bombarding him with questions about who he is, or if he is related to the royal family or anything?
You do mention that the citizens of Ponyville would think him royalty, because he is an alicorn.
YET, you make both Scootaloo and Luna ignore his appearance as an alicorn completely.
Scootaloo doesn't even say once "Cool! You have a horn and wings, are you an alicorn?" or "You are an alicorn, right? Are you related to Princess Luna?"
Imitating an alicorn isn't easy, since it took a changeling hive queen to copy the appearance of one. That implies a few things about him, things that should Luna have worried considering recent events.
Still, he isn't just impersonating an alicorn, since he is not a mirror image of any princess, instead he is a fully fledged male alicorn Equestria had never seen before, who came out of nowhere.
How can you have Luna so casually shrug that off? Or more so not react to these facts at all?EDIT: Just read your response to my earlier comment, my message system must be damaged again, cuz I didn't get any notice of your reply.
Apologies...
all my yes
and even a sorcerer as skilled as him not shapeshift in their sleep
now only a breath away from the
You must a powerful mage
ill-mannered welp
1. As skilled as him could not. Mentioned before but the correction wasn't put into place. Just a reminder.
2. From the... What? The sentence cut off there.
3. You must be a powerful mage.
4. Whelp.
"and even a sorcerer as skilled as him not shapeshift in their sleep."
Slight grammar error (around the "not"), with the solution depending on the intended meaning within the context.
(The comment before mine by "the other sans" also mentions several errors).
Ugh. As much as I love the story, hearing your Luna butcher Early Modern English is painful.
For example:
"I only ask that thou dropest thy arrogant act and listen."
(What you wrote, aside from mixing "you" and "thou" in a single sentence, is equivalent to "I only ask that you drop you arrogant act and listen.")
"Now, I will posit again that, if thou remainst on good behaviour, we shall not bring any harm to thee."
I wrote a whole blog post that explains it in simple terms:
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/309807/early-modern-english-for-authors-aka-lunaspeak
8955070
That's the point. Her manner of speech is fucked up because she's constantly flipping between modern and old English dialects, Loki even berates her for this.
I'm actually surprised, I thought Loki would be like Discord, hmm... Intersecting
...
Really? Is she psychotic or something?
Well, that was annoying
Anyone else think loki and fandom chara would get along?