I draw, write, youtube commentate, dance, and livestream whenever.
Looking for Editors3,382 stories ·5,420 members
I Just Want a Comment15,758 stories ·3,685 members
Shining Armor and Cadence1,014 stories ·764 members
This is where Starlight embraces the foal side of her and learns how to relax and what she missed out on due to her being made of magic. She learns how to approach others better and makes more of life. ( I know the photo isn't amazing but my friend recolored it and I like how she does things. But the stories better trust me.)
Page generated in 0.12 seconds
Total duration
670 users online
793,145 hits today, 1,870,739 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
who?....
Sorry my OC I guess I shoulda made it much more clear than this. My bad I'll fix it.
2715148 Is it any better? I added in a description if not I can tweak it in my free time. I'm terribly sorry!
Cute as buck. Keep it up
2715189 Thank you I've been trying. It's been in the works for some time just havent gotten around to it and most of my fanfiction.
2715177 what did you do to the description? it's the same as it was before?....
2715243 No I meant about my OC in the story I described her as I forgot to do.
2715252 ah....
2715260 Yes earlier you said "who?...." and I realized I forgot to describe my OC in the story.
It was a silly mistake
2715809 Sorry gotta get over it! I didn't make this for my OC I made for other ponies to enjoy. If you read further you would see it's not bad. Don't judge a book by it's cover
2715809 Sorry gotta get over it! I didn't make this for my OC I made for other ponies to enjoy. If you read further you would see it's not bad. Don't judge a book by it's cover
2715809 Sorry gotta get over it! I didn't make this for my OC I made for other ponies to enjoy. If you read further you would see it's not bad. Don't judge a book by it's cover
oops.... I didnt mean to delete his comment!
I'm so sorry! My comment duplicated and It disappear and I mis clicked I'm so so sorry 
Not bad but kind of rushed. I'd like it if you could slow down and flesh things out a little.
2716656 There were also a lot of grammatical errors from the very beginning; the "whats" in the first sentence should have an apostrophe and Starlight should have a comma after it, as should a LOT of words here. Commas are being missed out left, right and centre and with all due respect they're not too hard to put in. Just read your sentence out loud and where you naturally put in a pause is where a comma should go. For example, if you say "I don't know but I can't it's not something I can just do out of nowhere!" you will most likely naturally pause after "know" and "can't". In fact, the pause after the latter is great enough to warrant a full stop. Don't take this the wrong way if it is but I get the feeling that English isn't your first language. There were also some homonym errors e.g. "Lower your voice your gonna tell everypony" should have "you're" in place of the second "your", the whole baby talk is, quite frankly, impossible to comprehend. No-one says "wis is gwoing to bwe a wong dway." Not babies, toddlers or anyone else, save perhaps for those who've had their jaws horribly damaged or have mental difficulties. In general for baby talk, replace l and r sounds (not letters) with a w e.g. "Sowwy." and "Hewwo." Finally, dialogue should always start with a capital letter and where it ends with the verb e.g. ""wis is gwoing to bwe a wong dway." Says Starlight." you end with a comma and use a lower case letter to start the verb.
All in all, my point is that these errors, combined with the immediately repugnant OC who also just happens to be friends with all of the main six, really yank me out of the story which is not conductive to good story-telling; I can't believe it and so I can't read it.
PS. I still stand by not letting Darkentrophy see this. If you think I'm disparaging he will make you cry.
2716676 Yea second chapter will be different for sure plan to drag it out to 4000 words or more.
2716804 One this dark person will never make me cry. I take critism very well and this takes place where my OC is far into her own fanfiction. I appreciate the grammer point outs. I will fix them immediately I was just very excited to get it out that's why there are many grammer issues. Thank you for help! But heres a little advice try not to focus on the OC but on the story. Thanks though
2718133 I focused on the character because characters are a main part of every story.
2718144 Well played. I'm sorry though Starlight stays as she is. It would ruin the entire story if I changed her.
A very good Story. I know why I fav this^^
Maybe the next Time, Celestia wants a Playdate for her daughter with other foals. But her daughter is a little bit to big for other foals, so she must find other adult foals for her daughter to Play with. And why not her most Loyal Subjects?
2836411 Hmm that could work. I can add that, but I'm gonna need more thing because I kinda shortened the story by like 300 words so now I gotta make it like 4,000 words long. I just hope everypony enjoys this while it lasts. The next one won't come out for some time till I have an exact idea on what I'm doing. I usually think out the story line for things not making up as I go. But I am glad you enjoy the story I worked hard on it.
Still kind of lacking.
I think you might need an editor.
2839666 Well tell me what its lacking and I then I can fix!
2842325 The details. The pacing is also very akward and the sentence structure is confusing.
2842476 Mmm k I'll look into it with my friend then.
Good story. I want more chapters. Maybe introduce Luna into the story. Or make a scene where Starlight messes herself. I don't care, me just weewy want more storwies. :-)
3116885 I really should get back to the this. I have put all my stories on hiatus temporarily, but I will get back to them.
Good luck Starlight Dash ;-)
3121042 Its just Starlight I just use the Dash because no pony else would think of ever using a mane 6 name
3125579
Thanks for letting me know Starlight. Anyway, good luck on any further chapters :-)
3125617 I am working on a rewrite right now.
3125691
Thanks ;-)
3128181 anytime
3251349 I am trying to make another chapter and I know what I want to do its just I have been busy with school and I am going to draw this girls Alicorn OC cause other ponies where bullying her cause she was an Alicorn and I don't ignore that stuff!
More chapters I'm tired of waiting!
3305218 Sorry its been really hard cause school has been piling me with work. I just became a senior on top of that I have been losing inspiration a lot so I am not writing as much. I'd rather have a good written story then a crappy one. I'm terribly sorry to all I wasn't expecting to be this busy cause another thing is on top of this I am a drawer, animator, youtube commentator, anime clubs treasurer at my school, and I have been running a lot of facebook pages. again very sorry I am trying though its more than halfway done.
3315829 Not in the mood have a lot to do and one of them is not dealing with hate.
Is there going to be a new chapter?
3375388 Yes I've been very busy is all.
I guess this is an improvement.
3388181 Its an addition to the story like I said I've just been losing inspiration lately I haven't been wanting to write very much pony related fanfiction lately and I just dont know why. I love the show to death I guess its just so much hate I've gotten on everything I've done lately has gotten me a little well discouraged.
3388302 Well hopefully inspiration will strike soon. There's already a really good idea in the comments section.
how long Intel the next chapter?
3391767 Depends on how inspired I am and how much free time I do.
3116885 Messing might bump the rating up. Even if it's not descriptive.
I think Pinkie Pie's going to join in first. She'll love every moment of it.