Berry Punch has been feeling quite lonely these past several weeks, so she goes to one of the local bars in search of somepony to have spend the night with.
Edited by Slrvertigo and Timaeus
Chapters (1)
The Abyss
Joined 22nd Nov, 2012 ·
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This story made me laugh, it made me cry, it gave me diabeetus!
In all seriousness though, great story and I now feel very bad for old Berry Punch
Omg, this… i need more!
Congratulations, this story has good enough grammar to be included in the Good Grammar Directory, a comprehensive list of gramatically-correct stories on Fimfiction.
2894289 Thanks man!
2893418 Glad you liked it!
I did really like it, are you thinking of continuing? Maybe her getting her life back on track?
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: What Once Was
Grammar Score out of 10: 9
Pros: 1. The grammar and formatting is clean and impressive.
2. The use of backstory for justifying fanon tropes (see cons) was admirable.
3. While Berry was much like her usual fanon personality, the use of backstory and emotions do make us feel sorry for her.
Cons: 1. Some of the slurred dialogue, comined with the occasional use of asterisks, was a little hard to make out.
2. The use of fanon tropes, such as Berry being a raging alcoholic and Lyra and Bon Bon being a couple, felt cliche, although this doesn't ruin the story.
3. Certain plot points felt rushed, such as Ruby's death and how Berry lost her fiance, and overall the story felt like it was trying to hit me with the feels cannon far too often.
Notes Section: I think you're definitely on the right track with this kind of story, as writing emotions properly can be very difficult to pull off, and I do think you did an admirable job. However, please try to stray from fanon trends such as the ones I had mentioned, as they can be rather cliche and a lot of them have already been done to death. Make sure to have more build up and more character developement in sad fics such as this one. That will in turn create more of an emotional impact. Although overall, this was not half bad.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at this story: Before You Kill Me
2905716 Well the thing is that it only got fifteen favorites. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to continue this one at all, when my other stories are much popular.
Ok then, its your fiction, you decide what you do with it amiright?
2933169 Yup
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
Dem feels. Cute fic. Feel free to post this ribbon in the long description of the fic
2931255 HEY! don't talk that way
I loved one of your stories, and i know i'm gonna love the heck out of the rest! -grabs snacks- TISH IS GOING TO BE AWSHOME! -chewings on snicker-
3255471 Yeah...about that...
My other stories are all romantic clopfics, save for one, so I'm not sure if you'll like those ones...
3262881 Scratching that insatiable itch....LOVED IT! TENTACLES THAT DON'T RAPE. loveee itttt!
3263236 Well, I stand corrected...
Glad you liked it!
3263241
I love how you pair up Rainbow Dash and Twilight! GENIUS! 
3263249 If you like that, then check out There is a First Time for Everything, where Twi and RD are already in a relationship (with LOTS of sex) and The Revenge of the Sombranian Cult, where they aren't in a relationship, but Dashie wants to change that.
3263258 YAY!
While her descent to rock bottom did seem to happen very quickly, it's still tough to not feel for Berry Punch at least a little bit. It seems a shame to leave her in her current state without any hope of a turnaround. I suppose that's the Hobbesian life for you: nasty, cruel, brutish and short.
Dude, leaving it at this is just cruel. I like downers, I really do, but this is too much. That pony needs some ice cream and a hug, ASAP. But, if you really aren't going to continue then that's your decision, of course, and I won't try to tell you what to do. And I do appreciate sad stories, so leaving this alone isn't at all bad in my book. But damn, man, this one kicked me in the feels pretty hard. I almost teared up. I only got a little moisture built up in my eyes, but for a guy that people say is a robot, that's really something.
I actually liked the way you slipped in and worked with some fanon concepts, but I haven't been around long enough to be jaded by them, I guess. Poor Berry just got a lot less funny. I'm reminded of that soul-crushingly sad story about Derpy's fillyhood, "Bubbles." That's a compliment, by the way. Both left me sad and aching for even the slightest glimmer of hope... and yet there was none. Nice work.
3541810 While I'm glad to hear that you liked this story, I am not going to continue it. In the four months that it's been up, this story has only gotten 32 favorites, while most of my others have several hundred. It just wouldn't be worth the time nor the effort to continue this.
3541846
An understandable position. And like I said, this is still great, even when left by its lonesome. Not every tale has a happy ending, after all.
3541943 True. Say, if you want a better story, check out my newest one, I'll Always be here for You
It's so unfair!!
I almost cried, ..........you are a wonderful author!
You write straight shippings right? 
3917492 Yes, I do.
3917714 oh thank Allah!
Ok, my friend told me about this and said it was a sadfic, so i got a box of tissues, my laptop, some ice cream, and sat in a corner. After reading I was out of tissues, covered in ice cream, and crying like I had been tortured. Beautiful fan fiction
I love Berry Punch. ^^
Abyss, this is an absolutely beautiful work of art. I LOVED this so much! You wrote it so well and I can’t believe that this was your least popular story. Here are a couple of noteworthy moments:
First, fix this:
I found this amazing, I actually said “wow” out loud after reading that last sentence.
Can the imagery here get any deeper? There is this paradoxical contrast between the dark, once pouring rain storm and the brightly lit heavens you describe here. It’s truly amazing, the way you used this contrast to capture Berry’s life. Her bright future; her fiancé, Ruby, and her job in Canterlot all died (hence why it is bright above the clouds, where she cannot reach) while she is still on the ground, suffering in this dark scenery. For Ruby, you could say that she is literally the representation of this imagery because she died and is now in heaven. Berry later dials in her feelings when she’s in the shower crying out:
This quote was more for the emotion rather than syntax + diction, but it surely emphasizes Ruby’s departure to a different place (that would be heaven).
For some reason, the best stories are depressing tales which involve death, suffering, and sadness. Although it is not a novel, What Once Was is, in my opinion, one of the best that goes on my shelf of deserving stories.