Twilight was terrified. The figure which stood over her slashed at her chest, and the blood joined paths with the already free-flowing liquid from her first wound. She tried to concentrate, to focus her magic. But to her misfortune, the diamond dog noticed her glowing horn. He swiped a heavy paw over the top of her head, smacking her horn.
Now, it is a well-known fact among the pony community that a Unicorn's horn is the most delicate and sensitive part of his or her body. To touch a unicorn's horn is normally considered a romantic gesture, but for Twilight, it had been quite clear that the diamond dog was not fond of her.
A loud Crack! was heard followed by a purple cone falling to the ground. Twilight screamed in agony, for nothing could describe the extreme pain she felt at that moment. Blood now poured out of the hole in her head where her horn once sat. Even the diamond dog recoiled at the sight of the vein like structures which sprawled out of her head. The horn itself briefly surged with energy before rolling lifelessly away from its owner. Tears were flowing from Twilight's eyes. The pain didn't go away or die down. All she could do was open her eyes to see Applejack being treated in a similar manner, except that there were at least twenty dogs around her now, trying to hold down the thrashing pony. All three of the dogs around Twilight jumped on her, stopping at nothing to produce fresh scratches on every part of her they could find. If there was a hell, she was experiencing taste of it. Every time a claw dug into her soft skin, every time she jerked in pain, the torture got even worse.
"Gak!" She coughed up blood as a paw punched her stomach.
"Kill her! Let's kill her now!"
"No! We must kill them as painfully as possible! They must pay for what they did. I want to take pleasure in ripping them apart, limb by limb. Bring over the orange one! They'll die together."
******
"See anything yet?" asked Rainbow Dash, poking her head through clouds.
"Nope!" yelled Pinkie from down below, perched on the tip of a pine tree.
"Ah, this is pointless! How are we gonna find such a small dragon in such a big forest?"
"He's not that small remember?"
"Well, yeah. I know that now. I just meant-"
"RAINBOW! MY PINKIE SENSE IS TINGLING!"
"WHAT!?" Rainbow Dash quickly dived down until she was eye to eye with the pink pony. "What's wrong? Did something happen? Is something going to happen!?" Rainbow dashed into a nearby bush, holding a rock above her head.
"No, no! Hang on," Pinkie's body then proceeded to make one of the most irregular series of movements imaginable, including an eye twitch, a tail shake, a head bobble and three flicks of an ear. "Something's happened...to...Twilight! And...Applejack!" She hopped down from the tree and bounced over to the bush where her search-partner was hiding. "SOMETHING'S HAPPENED TO TWILIGHT AND APPLEJACK!" she screeched, sending Rainbow Dash tumbling on her flank.
"What?" she asked in alarm, getting back on her hooves. "What happened to them?"
"Oh, I don't know, but it's something bad!" Pinkie grabbed Rainbow and shook her by the shoulders vigorously. "WE NEED TO FIND THEM!" She screeched before putting her down.
"Well they said that they were heading north, right? Up the path? Well let's go over-" Rainbow stopped to see a pink spot bouncing over trees in the distance, leaving behind a bush with its leaves still rustling as any hint that the pony she was talking to had been there a second ago. "How did she-oh, never mind." Rainbow quickly sped into the air and chased after her friend, leaving her own confusion on the ground.
******
Spike sprinted in towards forest path as fast as he could, with Rarity following close behind and moving branches in her path with magic as she galloped. They burst through a large shrub onto the North Trail; a path which meandered around and through trees and rocks as far as the eye could see. It was the only path that anypony dare use to venture through the largely uncharted areas of what was possibly the largest forest in that quarter of Equestria.
"Here it is!" exclaimed Spike. His excitement was quickly interrupted by a yellow pegasus as she tumbled out of the same bush which Spike and Rarity had jumped through, and landed flat on her face.
"Fluttershy, dear, when did you start chasing after us?" asked Rarity, offering her a hoof.
Fluttershy took it and stood up uneasily.
"Never mind about that right now Rarity!" said Spike, slightly annoyed. "How do we know if Twilight and Applejack have already passed through here or not?"
"Well," said Fluttershy. "There's a big clearing up ahead, and there's just trees the other way. It looks like these-" She lowered herself to the ground and pointed at a group of stones. "-were misplaced by hooves. And the distance between the two pieces of this broken twig also suggest that hooves have been here." She darted to the center of the path. "Over here, you can clearly see these faint hoofprints, and, judging by the fact that these two side-by-side pairs are close together, and that their counterparts are further away, we can say that, not only have there been two ponies down this path, but they have both been galloping. Now to figure out the direction, we merely have to look at the difference in depth from one side of a print lengthwise and the other. Since these ones have their indents on the north side, we know that both ponies are going that way." she finished, pointing north.
Both unicorn and dragon stared at her, open-mouthed.
Fluttershy sheepishly retracted her head into her mane. "Uh, tracking...animals. I kinda have to know that to find them in case...one gets lost..."
Spike quickly shook his head and returned to the topic at hand. "Okay, let's hurry!" he said, running in the appointed direction on the path. Fluttershy and Rarity quickly did the same. The path, although rough and unpleasant, was much easier to travel on than the forest floor, and within a matter of minutes, the two ponies and Spike found themselves running into a bare area where there were no trees within a radius of about two hundred metres. Off to their left side, Spike could see a small group of animals spread out along a thin patch of grass. In a few seconds, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie appeared at the other end of the clearing.
"Hey, those are diamond dogs!" said Spike worriedly. "But what are they-" Spike gasped and they all ran (or in Dashie's case, flew) over to what was a pile of lavender and orange on the ground. Spike quickly recognised Twilight and Applejack as he neared. Diamond dogs loomed over their bodies. There were over fifty of them, each one more menacing than the next.
"Oh, look, we've got company!" said the largest dog.
Spike was horrified by Twilight's condition. She was bleeding all over, with cuts and scratches on her legs, face and belly. Her mane was a mess, and her misshapen body was sprawled out on the floor. He gasped upon noticing a purple object near her hoof.
"Her horn!?" His eyes darted to her head. There was a mess of dried up blood and an enormous scab where her horn used to be. He briefly looked over and saw that Applejack was in a similar condition. He shut his eyes tightly for a second, but he found he could not keep them closed.
"Came to watch your friend die?" asked the dog. "Or perhaps you've come to die with her?"
Spike's eyes were once again glued to Twilight's scarred body. Pinkie Pie fell to the floor upon seeing her two friends, with her mane's signature poof deflated.
Rainbow Dash was right beside the bodies. "Wha-Are they DEAD?!" she shrieked.
"Dead? No, they're not dead...yet." A villainous grin spread across the diamond dog's face.
"You-Twilight...you," He was at a loss for words. He stared in horror at his closest friend's form. He felt something strong begin to build up in his chest. He started breathing heavily and puffs of smoke began to escape his nostrils. It was, unmistakably, rage. He had experienced rage before, but never like this. "You...dare touch her..." A flame was literally forming in his belly. He concentrated hard, summoning everything he could. His eyes became slits, and his claws extended. A snake-like tongue slid in and out of his mouth as fangs began to appear on his upper jaw. "I...will kill you..." His voice dissolved into a sinister hiss.
"Spike!" Fluttershy started towards him, but, before anyone could do anything, their vision met the largest display of fire any of them had ever seen; it was easily larger than Pinkie's party room. All of the ponies stared in awe at the red blaze coming from the dragon's mouth as the crisp smell of burnt flesh filled the air. Fluttershy gazed in horror at the inferno produced which was flowing steadily from a Spike she had never seen before. He blew for twenty seconds straight before stopping. As the smoke cleared, roasted canine corpses became visible on the ground. Rarity and Pinkie Pie were stunned, and Rainbow Dash had literally fallen out of the sky. Half of the diamond dogs had been completely immersed in the fire, and were lying lifeless and smoking on the ground. Many others had been severely burned, and their yelps filled the air as they scurried to find shelter or run away.
But Spike wasn't finished yet. They must die! All of them! For... this... His thoughts ran rampant; he had never felt like this before. He felt the urge, the desire to kill. And he was completely immersed in it. He wanted to see their blood, he wanted to hear them scream.
He chased after them, blowing fire in their directions, at any sign of movement. He whipped his head around to see a burned dog trying to leap behind a log. Spike ran towards him and jumped onto his weak body as he sank his teeth into the creature's neck. Yes... A venom that he didn't even know existed, spurted out of his fangs and into the body. But the next thing he did, the next scene that his stunned and horrified friends saw him do, was the most shocking yet.
With a burst of strength, Spike ripped off the neck of the corpse and the head flung metres off to the side as he swallowed the flesh that he had in his mouth in one gulp. And he loved it. He loved the feel of tearing fresh meat, he loved the way it slid down his throat. He was about to tear off another piece of flesh from the body, whose blood was now spurting out the visible blood vessels from the remainder of his throat in the litres, when he spotted another dog, who had taken shelter behind a rock. Spike blasted the area with fire once more and sheer force of the flame's blast threw both the dog and the rock into the air. He inhaled the smell of roasted meat which only heightened his hunger for slaughter. Spike didn't stop until each canine's body had been met by an enormous and deadly flame. He didn't stop until he had killed all of them. Soon enough, they were all dead as their barbecued corpses were left smoking on the ground. The surrounding plane was ablaze, and it was soon to reach the trees. But there was a limit to how much his body-and mind-could take, and it was obvious only after his rampage that he had clearly surpassed it. He blew one last puff of smoke as his pupils grew once more, and his body returned to his regular state. His vision became fuzzy and blurred and the colossal pain in his head knocked him to the ground. He coughed up smoke and once again collapsed, this time unconsciously, onto the forest floor.
Both ways that you wrote this were fine. Sorry I just did not feel strongly about rewriting it but do what you feel is right.
Oh my Primus, I wonder how Celestia will feel
>"Never mind about that right now Rarity!" said Spike, slightly annoyed. "How do we know if Ttwo ponies wilight and Applejack are already past this part of the path or not?"
Huge error. Assuming you meant to go with "two ponies" or "Twilight and Applejack".
Plus, I'm not a fan of these constant rewrites.
3085722 Statistics shows that on a scale these videos describe Spike's rage.
These videos are logical.
I liked both versions, this one just happens to be a little more fleshed out
looking forward to see how and where you take all this
Spike just had a Spec Ops The Line moment
Spike just rained Hell on those Diamond Dogs. Literally!
Hum... best. Another, I am curious for weeks heals of Twilight and AJ.
Hope ya don't make that broken horn thing with Twilight permanent.
3085913
I do believe that they physically will recover, but mentally, that's a complete nut to crack. And also, I'm afraid of it, but I have to confess: I think Twilight's no longer going to be a unicorn. Her horn was severed, and unless there is something there that says a horn can be reattached, that detachment is probably permanent.
Also I think that Spike is going to lose what connections he had with the ponies now that they know his true form. Probably draconic instinct. But instinct or not, I can't see him staying in Ponyville, even if they ultimately show that they understand his Dragon Rage. Fluttershy is probably crushed at this--that ship is sunk before it even comes out of port. I can't see her confessing her feelings to Spike after this.
But then again, that is why we wait for more!!!
3086262
Horns regen, did you knew?
I kinda find the whole murderous Diamond Dogs popping up out of nowhere thing, and the gore and violence that follows, a bit jarring. It just seems out of place when compared to the first few chapters. That being said, I don't really want you to change what you are doing. I'm very interested in seeing where this is going.
3086319
Hmm, no I didn't. If that is truly the case, great! The More you know!!
There isn't anything canon that points to it (then again Discord isn't around either) of the removal of horns, but then again, this is a little kids' show, and that's too dark for the primary demographic.
Spike used Outrage!
3086530
Discord don't like arguments, and he don't obey the logic.
maaaaaa gad !!! D: this was so hardcore u know ... its make feeli little afraid bout twi´s horn and bout spike´s rampage D: but its awesome
I hope Twilight and Applejack survive but it goes to show never provoke a dragon when his friends are in danger.
This definitely needs a dark tag, it borders on gore even.
Oh, no poor Twilight, and poor Spike. Oh, please don't fear Spike girls after seeing his rampage.
and that class is why you don't fuck with a dragon
Q: will Spike use his 'healing fire' to heal Twilight?
Ouch, my neck, I think this shift in style broke it.
Seriously though. Your writing is pretty solid, but to me you fell into one of the common and to me, kinda intolerable, fanfic traps: Suddenly dealing with waaaay too dark content, blood and death. Your premise is great, and particularly the previous chapter was pretty good and did a much better job of establishing Spike as deserving of being seen as an adult than the previous chapters. But upgrading the diamond dogs to fatally violent and capable of this kind of torture and attempted murder just doesn't sit well with me. And Spike going nuts with rage, while understandable in the context, also feels wrong.
And horn mutilation? Really? Saying it is a romantic gesture to touch her horn and then saying it gets ripped off makes this scene metaphorically rapey, with genital mutilation undertones. Not that torture and murder threats aren't bad enough.
Simply put, this feels like a showing of Narnia that changes to Saw halfway in. A thoroughly unpleasant shift, to me at least, particularly because the emotional entanglements are much more interesting than this.
Though now that I checked it, I should have seen it coming with the gore tag. I just hoped it would be one of those overtagged things.
"Even the diamond dog recoiled at the sight of the vein like structures which sprawled out of her noggin." And this sentence is just messed up. Noggin is simply not a serious enough word for head to use when we are talking about mutilation. I suggest head.
Guuh, this is the most unpleasantly violent MLP fanfic I've ever read, though that has something to do with me avoiding dark tags, which I honestly think this deserves.
In short, sorry for the harsh words, but you lost me in the horribleness that happened here. I'd like to reiterate that it's probably my own fault for ignoring the gore tag and that you're writing is still good. The shift from emotional anguish to physical violence and blood was just too much for me. I wish you all the best and continued motivation and luck with your writing. I see you have other readers that enjoy it more and that's good.
And if you ever do something lighter, I think I'll check it out. This is Frazzled Pony, signing out.
Happy writing.
Charizard-mode Spike!
Nice.
Overall it's alright, but, and maybe I missed it, when did Spike transform? I didn't see any clue in on this except
3087957 This chapter did indeed take a violent and dark shift really fast. But, honestly, there won't really be much more of this kind. As you said, this story deals with emotional entanglements, and that's its main focus. And there are reasons for the diamond dogs' sudden attack. From this point on, they are going to become a large part of this story. But anyways, you can count on the rest of the story being much less explicit than this.
Wow...
Uhh...that...
Escalated rather quickly, didn't it?
Oh word for this.. Dayum....
3122316 The show has never hinted at the magical abilities that a dragon could possess. For all we know, some species of dragon could be able to perform much more powerful magic than even an alicorn. True, Twilight is the most powerful magical prodigy that Celestia has encountered over many, many years but do you really think that she's ever trained a dragon before? She rules the ponies of Equestria, but that's only one of many civilisations that could be present in the continent. We already know that there is a Changeling Empire people, which Celestia (clearly) does not rule. I think I made it quite clear in the story that spellbreathing is entirely different from any kind of unicorn magic. I said that Spike worked with Luna, implying that both beings gained nearly the same amount of knowledge during that month. Do not think of Spike as a pony because he clearly isn't one. Spellbreathing is something that I created for this story, something I have given the reader very little information about and something that you are heavily judging on the basis of this grain of knowledge. I can and will explain much more about it, just be patient.
And Spike a Gary Stu? Really? Just because he has shown exceptional physical (and magical) abilities up to this point, he is being portrayed as perfect? Gary Stus are Gary Stus on the basis of their personality. Spike has shown negative qualities in his personality, like immaturity (running away) and limited control over his dragon instincts (being completely possessed by his violent dragon instincts and unnecessarily slaughtering fifty diamond dogs).
Have I even hinted at how much effort Spike put into learning those spells? Did you even stop to consider that *perhaps* certain spells and magical abilities could be easier to learn through spellbreathing versus unicorn magic? For all the reader knows upuntil this point, Spike could have learned the spells all on his first try simply because they aren't a very high difficulty for a spellbreather. Just saying that you're assuming quite a bunch of stuff which I have given no or very little reason to assume.
Are you implying that Spike never put time and effort into his studies? What do you think he was doing during all those years between being hatched and becoming Twilight's assistant? He was raised and trained by Princess Celestia herself. Spike has shown on many occasions that he's quite intelligent, being able to understand Twilight's scientific mumbo-jumbo and, as seen in 'Hurrocane Fluttershy', translating it into non-acadamese for other ponies.
Sorry if that seemed a little harsh, I'm not exactly the greatest at sounding friendly to other people, heh heh... Anyway, thanks for pointing out the typos. You guys might have noted quite a bunch of strange typos over the course of this story, it's because I don't actually use a laptop or desktop for typing. My device has a built in suggestion-autocorrect system, meaning that if I type a word incorrectly, it will correct it to its first suggestion after I hit space. It gets annoying sometimes...
3126035 well don't listen to that guy (which you are obviously not doing), because i, and from what it looks like others, think you are doing a cool job. i also gotta say that i really enjoyed how you wrote him going berserk here. a good old rampage is great every now and then.
3126035
Why I can't read the new chapter of your story ? Why do I have to put a password to read it ?
3188329 Sorry about that. You see, I use a tablet to type and my big fat finger accidentally hit the 'Publish' button instead of the 'Edit' button on Chapter 7. I quickly unpublished it afterwards, as it was not complete.
3188985 I was wondering, oh well back to waiting
3188985 I see
I do believe that in this instance of beserk mode,Spike would actually beat a Beserker from gears.......Which is more than most can say
3087957
Thanks for the heads up on the 'noggin' thing. I was reading this again for editing, and yeah, you're definitely right about that.
What the buck was that?..... ok now I'm scared of spike
Now that's what I'm talking about. Booyah! Dragon Powa!
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