After losing his right arm and eye, Crank Shaft, a brilliant inventor and his parents move to Ponyville to get away from the busy city of Manehattan. His folks enroll him in the local high school in an attempt to bring back some normalcy into the teenager's life. What happens when a certain flyer takes a liking to the young Unicorn and what secret is he keeping from his new friends?
Dash X O.C.
(All ponies are Humanized. They have horns and wings. No tails.)
(Sex will happen much later in the story.)
Chapters (14)
Looks good so far. Keep it up.
moar!
I like this. It's like a cross between Deus Ex: Human Revolution and Iron Man
This guy has the most awesome name eva, Crank Shaft! That will be the name of my grandchildren.
pretty good
This is going to be very interesting.
Things, are getting interesting...
Dweeb = crank.
So... He's a cyborg....
Great...
In his right arm is probably weapons of Mass destruction...... I hope
Only now do I notice that he lost his arm... And eye...
Man I'm slow...
was this intentional lol
Needs more updates...
Despite the rampant Mary-Stu-ness of this OC, I'm engrossed in the story. I eagerly await the inevitable chapter where Dash and the other girls find out about his cybernetics, everyone comforts him, and the harem begins.
Loving the Doctor Who references.
So, you have another HiE story?(your not even done with the other two.) Well it's time to analyze this story with a review:
Chapter 1:
First off, the name Crank Shaft(
) Your serious? You know how easy it is to use that name out of context?
So basically Cortana made up of the Matrix(cant really picture it). Is D short for something?(does she have some DD's? lol)
I have a Sonic Screwdriver too(10th), still wondering if I should get the 11th(I wonder what the 12th will be like)
Is this guy a hacker? Do I detect some felonies in the future.
I'm getting a Full Metal Alchemist reference vibe here, with a touch of Iron Man.
Sounds like my life before MLP.
Chapter 2:
So basically a shadow clone. I'm guessing when the clone disappears, she'll know everything that her clone knows.
I loved it when Ed did that everytime(I would clap my hands too and pretend I'm doing shit at the same time he did)
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/188/2/9/edwardelric_by_bichettedu73-d3lb537.gif
animeotakus.org/image/anime/1304/one-clap-edward-elric-fullmetal-alchemist-clap-trasmutation-anime-otakus-1364803622.jpg
Of course, this only applies to pegasi, so tough luck earth ponies and unicorns.
Just like the Doctor(I bet his glasses doesn't have lens either.)
And thus the Bass Cannon was born.
Maybe just a coincidence, but I was getting a X-men vibe here.
First, shock to hear that from Twilight(didn't take her for an Otaku) and second, so true.
Why is Celestia telling her this shit? It's none of her business for her to go tell people about their lives.
One last Naruto reference for the day. *end of review*
Got to say, this story is different from your others, but it's still so awesome.
I do like how you introduce technology in this world.(Just don't go off speaking some sciencey mumbo jumbo that nobody is going to understand.
) So keep up the good work and I'll be keeping my EYE on this story(SEE what I did there? Oops did it again. lol
)
Good. Just keep an eye on your possessives like in two following examples in this chapter:
Should be "across the mare's body."
Should have "mare's" instead of mares.
Did you mean to have "Crank" there instead?
"Sass back" should be "back sass."
Otherwise this seems to be pretty solid.
Halo player. Locker number 117. Some one must have gotten Master Chief's old high school locker.
bleep bloop, achievables!
You misspelled "even" and "use" in that sentence. Just keep an eye out for that stuff before pressing that submit button. Otherwise it was pretty good.
Love this story so far! Keep it up!
House party with the Mane 6? This can only end... awesomely.
Looks good, just watch for the spelling and grammar errors.
3454449 NO HAREMS! This is strictly Dash x O.C.
3454485
Judging by the "Mature" and "Sex" tags, I believe the words "Crank" and "Shaft" will be used in such context eventually.
Character is a tad OP but hey Im reading this anyways.
Dear Celestia this story is like crack, I NEED MORE
sorry that was uncalled for
but please do continue, by the way, Sonic Screw Driver? really? I mean, come on!
Huh, you really like using the word love in your titles, don't you?
great story so far. cant wait for more.
to any readers. do you know of any stories similar to this so far? anthro with replaced limbs and new kid in town or genius or something. ive got a shit load of crap going on and I need something like this with a lot of chapters to read to unwind and relax. thanks
Awesome story!
Not yet read, but it sounds very promising.
I'll start when some more chapters are online.
I will wait when there's more to read. Hate to start reading and waiting for next chapter.
Can I submit an OC to act as a engineering rival with Crank?
3456360
Unless it is in the possessive form, which in this instance it is. What belongs to the mare? Her body. In the form I found it as in the chapter mares is the plural form.
This is good! While it seems odd that everyone and their uncle is attending this school, I don't mind too much. It just makes it easier to include the characters. Also, who doesn't want to paly dodgeball with Blueblood? And by play, I mean pummel with solid rubber spheres till he's Black-and-Blueblood!
...That was a horrible joke, I'm so sorry...
3456342 No
3456351 Just a few things. 1.) Cranks mom just got transfered to the position. 2.) His dad doesn't own THE biggest company, but it's large. 3.) STRICTLY DASH X O.C. There may be a love triangle but not a harem. In this Universe relatinships are only between two people. 4.) Crank isn't indestructable. I'll go into further depth as the story continues.
That's soooo Mary Sue to me, but hey - I'm not the bloody one fellow to judge.
Despite the latter, I like it. But! - it's a classic 'newguytotheschoolissotoughandcool' piece. It's pretty... Cut-and-dried, if I may say so. But still, I'd like to see where this one is going.
3456411 darn. Shot down
3456379 Dah-dum tisssshhh!
Best. Joke. Ever!
Hmmm...Mechromancer...Robotic arm? Genius? Able to build what he wants at the top of a hat? HELLO BORDERLANDS. Wait. Will there be a replacement for Salvador? Or maybe Zero....hm.
Put in a Salvador. Just...do it. And he works with male "Gaige". Not against him. That would make my day.
3456360 But it also shows possession. So therefore he was correct.
3457994 Oh trust me he is deffinetly scared of something and he using some 'upgrades' on his arm tax his power immensly. I'll go into further depth in the coming chapters.
3456423
not to hard to see that crank isnt indestructible. you can have the most advanced piece of tech that has gone through an unthinkable amount of tests to make sure it doesnt break, and then it breaks. his arm and eye are a disaster waiting to happen. also, while he is talented in magic, he is a machromancer. so i dont see him having a wide variety of non tech based magic outside of teleporting and levitation. and if i am correct in guessing this, the reason he can use tech based magic is because he is a genius with technology, thus giving him the in depth knowledge of how to build/alter his tech......god i could write a paper on this, so i will stop there
Initial impression is as follows:
Tony Stark + Briareos (Appleseed ex Machina) + Borg + Steve Jobs + Dexter's Lab = Protagonist
A little OP and has a "Mary Sue" feel but these are very early impressions. Nevertheless, I'll stick with this one 'cause I'd like to see where you go with this. Don't get me wrong; I like it, mostly 'cause technophiles are awesome.
I like the thought, but it goes through the events kinda fast, skips around some, and crank shows almost no emotion throughout the entire chapter. Like I said, I like the idea, but the actual writing could use some work.
Good job, though!
Better, I like how his relationships with the girls are evolving. Can't wait to see what happens next.
DOCTOR WHO refernce
My vision is augmented.
oh, it's THAT world again...