A continuation of A Distant Star: Atom and Twilight have been captured and need a way out. There is something obviously wrong going on with Celestia and they have to find out what it is before it is too late. Who are the Shrouded Conclave? How is Celestia involved? Why is she so determined to capture Atom? How the hell does Pinkie Pie actually work!? All of these will be answered in time (Except the last one... there's just no answer to that.)
Credit goes to primalcorn1 for the editing for chapters 1 and two, and then to TheScarecrow for the other chapters
Chapters (11)
awesomeness (i'm fluttershy pony on FB)
Great! The sequel is up!
Edit: OH SNAP! LOOK WHO'S BAAAAAACK!? IT'S TIME FOR SOME CHAOS!
Awesome start!
352955 Tell me what you think when you read it
352962
It's great! I'm intrigued by how Celestia's dementia(?) is getting worse, and that Luna is also in the dark about why that is so. Another key point of interest is the introduction of Discord- Perhaps he can shed some light on this?
Looking forward to what's next.
353014 Well... We are going to see Celestia getting more and more aggitated, especially with Discord back... there will be a lot of answers, and a lot more questions
What is going on here? Why is Celestia so hostile? Why is Discord back? How dangerous is Atom's knowledge?
Only time will tell...
Ugh, cliffhangers. Can't get enough of them.
Seriously though, I want to see how this develops.
I need more, it's so good. adding discord will make things more interesting.
YEAH!!!! squeal squeal we've got a squeal!!
So I take it you guys like it? Well on my blog I have a question I'd like your opinions on ^_^
For and unedited copy, that was great! I can think of a few sentences that could be phrased a bit better, but yeah! Still great!
So...What happens next? Any fire maniplators?
"In the end the only ones left around the fire were Luna, Sabre, Blade, and then Twilight cuddling up to Twilight" I presume that's a typo. Other than that part, the story is pretty enticing. Looking forward to the next chapter. What's a maniplator?
379608
380925 Thank you
I have edited it
380925
Fire manipulator- Can control fire. Pyrokinesis.
Example:I can control time- Chronokinesis
You know, I'm not sure I like Discord coming back. It takes away from the mystery of villain Celestia.
386272 Oh you'll see... he he he
386550 So Luna and Sabre had sex?
391196 No! no no no, who said that? :P Nah, but it's meant to be that they spent the night together, it's kinda like a forbidden background romance
So...Discord's helping them?
418436 I don't know... is he? You tell me
418696
Well, he isn't trolling them, or trying to kill them...
He's an ally.
418882 Well you don't know that.. hell.. Atom hasn't even moved yet... maybe he's done something to him
420841
O-O DISCORDED ATOM!?
422986 Oh... not quite yet...
423053 Ohh snap, looks like they're stuck between a rock and a hard place.
the devil and the deep blue sea.
Let's just say "stuck between 2 evils"
423098 Well Discord never turns a Pony to stone... doesn't mean he doesn't turn them into something else... like a blood model... :P But I think maybe a Discorded Atom may appear somewhere
423148 Wonder what he'll be like...
Let's see...cruel to twilight, maybe not as intelligent, and as evil as he looks. Something like a Bond villain?
423224 Quite Astute... We shall see if he actually appears... but he'll probably turn up in one of Twilight's dreams. HINT HINT
looks like they may have to pick their poison here.
I DEMAND MOAR!!!
Something is rotten in the state of Equestria
Oh shit....CREEPY GHOST FOAL I CHOOSE YOU!
HOLY SHIT! IS THAT SPIKE!?
Wrong library.
Oh...Damn, that voice is creepy.
Love the chapter.
"Fall back to the Staue!" --> Statue
"It was not ground they wanted to loose," --> lose
So Celestia already replaced, did she!? BAH!” --> "So (fix paragraph break); replaced me
Why can't Luna take out the guards? She raises the moon every night. She has a huge reservoir of power, and more skill in her fetlocks than any of the guards have in their whole selves. Why can't she just send them all to sleep? Or something?
On to Chapter 2!
"… while ensure you he is safe…" --> while I assure
Discord Tutted again --> tutted again(period)
good job I found him when I did really.” He said deep in thought. --> Good job; really(comma); he said
"The Princess nodded and smiled, but inside she was still tentative about the dangers." Why do you switch narrators here? Seeing inside Luna's head where we couldn't before is jarring. Perhaps "The Princess nodded tentatively and smiled, but she was clearly still nervous about the dangers." That way it's still Twilight who's talking.
Perhaps the records were kept inside a single, living soul? And she just let it out of its cabinet?
Now that I'm caught up, I can't wait for the next chapter!
444231 Alright, firstly thanks for the mistake spotting.
Secondly, evidently this was meant to be a quiet escape, such a massive use of magic would almost certainly have attracted Celestia's attention, something lun does not want to happen, as it would make escape all but impossible
444282 I would like to say that I write in my own style in a way that I think gets the mood and feeling of the scene along to my readers in the best possible way, I am sorry if you don't like it, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't critasize it.
Also, An interesting Idea and one I did toy with... but I have other plans right now... he he...Don't worry, I plan to have the next chapter out tonight as I managed to get some writting (or typing as it were) done while traveling
444719 I like to think I only criticize constructively. You don't have to alter the text on my account - that's your purview - but I was so used to being only in Twilight's head that to suddenly look into Luna's was as I said a bit jarring. As an effect, it's done so rarely that I thought you might have missed it in editing. Therefore I posted a small suggestion. Take it or leave it. I was only trying to help... *mumble grumble*
447057 Oh no, I do understand that and I was not criticizing.. your... criticisum... er... but I was simply explaining why I would include it. criticism is always welcome, it's something I am always happy to recieve and from now on I will try and cut down on that kind of thing
Methinks the Defiler is more than a hallucination...It's like Nightmare.
Methinks the author's real good with the cliffhangers.
447599 Yeah, still decdiding how much to tell you guys about him... but he's my 'mindfuck' tool for now, you guys aren't going to know which way is up. What did you think of Discord?
The Defiler's Atom isn't he?
448025
Hmm...Odd fellow. I knew he would know why celestia is trying to kill them, but I'm not fully buying his...alliance. He's got something planned.
shit, my friends, has not just hit, but torpedoed the fan!
480219 HNNNNG >.< You so kind
NOOOO!!!! Damn wolves!
I liked discord before he was cool... like he is here
480286 I wonder what you'll think of the Defiler...
another awesome chapter but i consistently see one mistake... "was stood"
stood is the past tense of stand and needs no 'to be' verb.
480296 he's horrible! also, I suggest having Atom be all like "F*ck no I'm not leaving Twilight alone again" after he figures out she had another nightmare. unless of course, you've already done otherwise.
480388 Oooh no... Atom didn't find out about it... but I have a plan... a most devious plan... and by the end of it... you readers wont know which way is up.. Muahahahahahaha!