Yoshimitsu's P.O.V, present day.
I grabbed the map that the unicorns had left, examining it.
"Right, sempai, where do we go first?" I hmmed, tapping the map.
A thousand and fifty years ago, Ponykind had only inhabited or lived right next to the forest. Then Tobi and I came and fucked shit up. Well, made it so that they had to finally spread out amongst the plains of Equestria. Maybe we made the castle of the Pony Sisters harder to reach, and maybe we accidentally caused the Everfree Forest to grow gigantic, but that was in self defence.
But enough about the past, road trip! I snagged a donut and chewed it, savouring the flavour.
"Shit, that guy makes good donuts." Tobi nodded, cheeks filled with delectable pastry.
"You're probably going to choke yourself, you know that?" Tobi shook his head. I sighed. Leave it to me to be the more rational of our little pair. Someone had to be- even though I was enjoying the pretty colours that occasionally flashed through my mouth, I was supposedly the saner one.
I pondered over everything, and pointed at a destination.
"How about this 'Ponyville,' then?" Tobi looked at it.
"Think it's like Ponyham?"
"God I hope not." Couldn't find Ponyham on the map, but I had a sneaking suspicion that this 'Ponyville Lake' was one of my creations. Ah well, sometimes you have to own up to mistakes.
"Sempai, I'm bored."
"So am I."
"Sempai."
"Yes?"
"Want to sing a song?"
"Sure, why not?"
With that, we started to sing:
Tobi's P.O.v, 1,050 years ago.
We rounded a corner and sprinted on, a blast of yellow magic tearing through a wall.
"STAND THY GROUND, KNAVES!" Wow, Mighty Whitey was pissed. Beside me, I got the feeling that Josh was glaring at me.
"What? This isn't my fault."
"Right, clapping your hands together, which previously PRACTICALLY DESTROYED A VILLAGE, in the presence of Inspector Lestrade himself, wasn't your fault." I started sobbing in fear as I heard the beating of mighty wings get closer.
"I'm SOR-REE-HEE-HEE!" Behind us, we heard another zap sound, and I blinked as a blast just phased through me harmlessly.
"You'd think they'd learn to stop doing that." I heard Josh mutter. I was busy running like all hell. I spotted a staircase and, not caring for breaking my legs, quickly jumped down without a thought. I screamed, before remembering that I could just phase through objects. With that, I quickly sank through the floor, disappearing without a trace.
Yoshimitsu's P.O.V, 1,050 years ago.
I facepalmed as Toby just jumped off a stairwell. Honestly, they weren't that scary-
I looked behind me and recalculated that.
The white one was the very picture of rage, sizzling yellow energy gathering in a corona around her horn.
"At last, knave, thou hast reached the end of the line. Now, stand right there, and thy death shall be quick and without pain." In response, I flipped her the bird and jumped.
God I hope this works.
I gripped my sword in my left hand, and spun it like a little helicopter. It seemed to be working- at least I was slowing down a bit. I spun it harder. I was pretty terrified. If I broke my legs, then I was a sitting duck for them.
Success.
I was flying under my own power, robotic arm supporting my full body weight. The Princesses were just looking at me. I thumbed my nose at them and fell the last couple of feet, rolling away from a stray blast.
I gripped my sword.
"Hate to do this, but I need to counterattack now." With that, my sword glowed green in agreement. I swung it in their general direction, watching them teleport out of the way. The blast- a comparatively minor one- scythed through the wall of the castle, leaving a nice little window for them. It was enough. With that, I scrambled away, running as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Then, the ground beneath me collapsed. I screamed as I plummeted through the darkness, about to spin my sword again before I felt something cushion me. It felt like... a tree? I checked my mysterious rescuer. Yep, definitely a tree.
"I got you, man!" Oh, it was just Toby. Sticking myself to the tree, I ran down it.
"Man, you gotta check this out." I followed his pointing finger.
In the chamber with us was a gigantic tree, seemingly made of one piece of flawless amethyst. I gazed at it, spellbound. Toby chuckled.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" I nodded dumbly. Something about this tree seemed a bit... off. I mean, really, this tree was giving me a bad vibe. Beautiful, but dangerous, and exceedingly powerful. This was NOT something we should mess with.
I shook myself. Knowing our luck...
Speaking of our luck, I was reminded that I really, really needed to piss.
"Tobi, I need to go to the toilet."
"Aw! Dude, really?" I nodded, already looking for a suitable place to piss. The wall? No, too much like a hobo. That only left... I stared at the giant gemstone and gulped.
"Well, call of nature and all that."
I nervously approached the tree, emboldened by my full bladder. I saw that there were marks on the tree- odd. Still, the Call of Nature waits for no man, and I felt the pressure mounting. With that, I unzipped my fly.
You know, there is no feeling quite like having a long-awaited piss. I sighed in blissful release, sprinkling the crystalline surface with my bodily fluids.
"Oh man, feels good..."
"Uh, dude? Dude?"
"What is it?" I turned around, finished sprinkling the crystalline onion. Then, I froze.
Standing there, frozen with shock, were Mighty Whitey and Big Blue. I gulped.
"It's not what it looks like. Trust me." Still frozen. Then, their eyes glowed white.
Five minutes later, and we were running even more frantically. Beside me, Tobi looked at me smugly.
"I'm not the only one now, am I?"
"Shut up and keep running!"
"Thou villains! Thou hast desecrated the Tree of Harmony with thine urine! STAND STILL FOR OUR JUDGEMENT!" Crap, Big Blue was pissed off even more than her sister.
"RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Oh, wait, no. At least Big Blue was still articulate, not a screaming ball of white hot wrath.
Eventually, we found a wall. Not even hesitating, I blasted it, cutting a freedom hole through to the outside forest. We jumped through, running off into the forest.
Celestia's P.O.V, present Day.
"...and that's when we were wholly convinced that they meant ill." Twilight looked a little ill, and honestly, looking at myself I couldn't blame her. Still, it needed to be said. I laughed bitterly.
"I tried to free them later, about five hundred years ago. No luck; it was only then that I truly realised that my bond with the Elements of Harmony had shattered when I turned on my own sister. Before then, I was convoked that their not responding to me was just their way, but I do not know why they did not respond to me. Maybe they took personal offence to their progenitor being urinated on, I do not know. All I know is that I have done them an immense disservice." I bowed my head in shame. Twilight looked at me, then hugged. How ironic, I mused, that it is Twilight comforting me, not the other way around. I just hugged her for a few more seconds, then broke.
"This is my mistake, and I intend to find them and apologise for my actions." With that, I soared off.
I closed my eyes, trying to find them.
"Sister." I turned to Luna. She looked guilty as well.
"Thou needst not take this burden alone. We- we mean, I- am just as guilty as you."
"Luna-" She held up a hoof.
"Save your breath, Tia. I can help you find them." She closed her eyes, and dropped onto a cloud. She focused, the glow of her horn growing brighter and brighter. Then, she opened her eyes.
"What is this?"
Tobi's P.O.V, Present Day.
I started up as I felt somebody scrying on us. That's the great thing about the Sharingan- somehow, you can see magic with it. Scrying spells were easier then pie to spot with my special eyes. I nudged Yoshimitsu.
"Yoshimitsu, we're being scried on." Yoshimitsu nodded.
"Shall we?"
"Yes." With that, we stopped our car and stared at our target creepily. Once you know how to look at it, you realise that a basic scrying spell is a two-sided mirror; anybody with a Sharingan could just look in.
Luna's P.O.V, Present Day.
I rubbed my eyes to make sure that I wasn't seeing this. No, I was.
Tobi and Yoshimitsu were... looking at me, somehow. Not just looking at the scrying spell, but at the cloud that I was using to spy on them. How could they even detect it?
"Hey, Princess, want to see a real show?" Before I could stop the scrying spell, he flashed through a couple of signs, and then...
A most bizarre image appeared in the screen.
I just stared.
"What is this?"
Beside me, Tia looked just as confused. Then, she face hoofed.
"Did you forget about their strange tendency to be able to detect scrying?" I nodded mutely. A thousand years means that you can forget a lot as well.
"It matters not. We must find those ruffians!" Tia nodded, distractedly.
"Yes..." I turned.
"Not to capture, but to talk."
"I know that." Nodding, we sped off, intent on at least trying to talk with these humans.
Yoshimitsu's P.O.V, Present Day.
I laughed myself heartily sick as the scrying portal closed shut with a snap.
"That's what you get," I said in a Southern drawl. Beside me, Tobi giggled like a schoolgirl.
"We got them good, didn't we Sempai?"
"Yes. You did well, my kohai." Tobi basked in praise. I restarted the engine with a hand-slam of magic, feeling the power flow through me.
"Let's go clubbing."
Tobi's P.O.V, 1,050 years ago.
We'd been running for about half an hour now, and our bodies were complaining. Eventually, we arrived in a clearing. I leant against a tree, panting like a dog, while Josh just collapsed inelegantly.
"That was terrifying." I glared at Josh.
"Dude, why did you have to go and do that, man?" He waved his hands defensively.
"Hey, don't go pinning this on me mate-" I interrupted him, my eyes spinning around.
"We MIGHT have been able to talk to them, had you not FUCKING PISSED ON THAT TREE THING!" Josh balked, then glared back.
"Oh yeah? Need I remind you that the only reason we are in this situation at all is because of your habit of CLAPPING YOUR HANDS TOGETHER?!"
"WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE CHASM YOU CARVED, EH?! WHAT ABOUT THAT?!" By now, we were at each others' throats. I pulled out one of my prop kunai, now a lethally sharp instrument, while he held out his bigger sword. Tempers were running high at that moment, and we were prepared to kill each other if that meant peace. Just then, a gigantic bear made of stars appeared, glaring at us.
We froze in position, like a poorly trained actor with stage fright. It looked pretty surreal- me with a knife in my hand, Josh with his sword, and the bear just looking SUPER pissed off. Anxious to not die, I tried talking to it.
"We didn't mean to disturb you, good sir!" I waved nervously at the giant bear. It regarded me with a curious air, then snorted and tromped off. I stared at him.
"Were we not important enough for it to bother killing? I'm almost offended by that." Josh snorted, lowering his sword.
"Okay, we're both responsible, how about that?" I nodded.
"Yeah, we're both responsible, Sempai." I said it as a joke, but he laughed. Now that we were friends again, we shook hands, sealing our friendship forever more.
These two men are far more evil then i have ever envisioned ... i mean the stormtrooper air hump ?
diabolical ...
OHMYGAWDMYSIDES!!!!!
3941664 no offense but your oc has one of the strongest hipster vibes ever...
3941813 Ehh.
Huh, I was expecting something weirder for some reason. Oh well, can't beat the classics.
Epic use of that good old stormtrooper humping video!
Anywho, I really really want Tobi to use his Whac-A-Mole Technique on the ponies. Especially their guard and the princesses.
There seems to be a big difference in their past and present personalities. Were they already crazy by the time they were I prisoner, or was that just a result of being a statue for a thousand years?
coulda been worse. coulda been Goatse.
3942029
Think about it.
You've been hit with the Elements of Harmony and stoned.
Now, imagine just watching EVERYTHING around you move, and you can't do a thing about it. Imagine only having your own thoughts for comfort.
That's what is was like.
Now imagine that for a thousand years.
Sweet dreams.
3942087 I have thought of that. I would probably go insane quickly for the first few hundred years, but then I get a bit bored of that and gradually come to terms with my predicament. At around the 700th year, I would have gone so far deep into my own insanity that I would gone SANE. So sane, that I would barely resemble exactly who I was before. And yet sill be exactly the same. Then I would bide my time, escape from my prison due to the weakening of the Elements of Harmony, then show all of pony kind how kind and cruel of a being I was. And once every one of those who had done me wrong in the past and present were dead or repenting, and once all who had done me good & kindness were suitably rewarded, I would leave to find my way back home. Or, if I had not thought of a way in my mellenia of entrapment, I would finnally kill myself so Equestria would not need to bear the might of a true monster without a cause.
That seems about right, don't you think?
We demand more! More hilarity!
Thanks for the update and for the laugh
3942087 If I were a statue like that for a thousand years, I'd probably devise the most ingenious revenge plan ever, develop sufficiently advanced technology, and write a low-fat cook book full of tasty recipes for the budding health enthusiast. Then I'd forget them all a few days later and imagine seagulls that can fart nuclear warheads attacking Equestria for the next nine hundred and ninety nine years and three hundred and sixty days of imprisonment.
3942171
That is fair enough. Had they been released 500 years ago, they would be total sociopaths. Empathy would be the first thing to really go.
3942355
Who's to say that they haven't?
3942377 Done what I said would happen if I was in their circumstances? Unlikely, I can devise sufficiently advanced technology on a whim. And then forget it a few minutes later.
3942377 yeah, the thousand year mark would be the sweet point in the sanity department.
And they hadn't what? Thought of a revenge plan, or thought of nuke farting birds. I got past that stage after year 539.
3942377 also, while Empathy WAS the first thing to go, it was also one of the first things to return for me. It's the reason I had that sense of justice when freed, and why I decided to kill myself instead of everybody I laid my eyes on. That stage was in the 300 years.
Man would it suck to be imprisoned for over 1000 years. And in all honesty I haven't the slightest idea of what I would do during my time as a statue. I probably would go insane after some point though, it just seems like something that would happen. Being stuck with only your thoughts for over a thousands years, who wouldn't?
By the way, I really liked where Tobi and Yoshimitsu looked at Luna through her scrying spell.
Another excellent chapter and I look forward to the next one.
~ Super-Brony12
air humping stormtrooper, a classic of the ages
i'd go all jack skellington "whats this whats this"
Beep beep I'm butter
3941664 It could be worse, they could have used various Youtube Poop videos.
4996450 they could've done this.
...
Oh god the air humping storm trooper...