A fighter pilot crashes during a routine ferry flight. Saved from death by our favorite Princess of the Night. He's transported to Ponyville to give our favorite new Alicorn a lesson on a different type of magic of friendship, and that is...
The magic of Love.
No, not a clopfic, there might eventually be a little innuendo, but I'm going that direction. More along the lines of romantic love. I hope to get some feedback on this story.
Once again, I'd like to thank my editor Jeray2000 for his excellent work editing this story. Check him out!!!
Chapters (21)
well, at least you didn't have him crash in Equestria as most others seem to like to do
ill stay interested for now
ooh he turned pony starting to like it,
really hate it when people pair ponies and un-changed humans together
Oh, look. Yet ANOTHER "military human in Equestria" story...
4005270
I haven't had time to read, but maybe this one is different?
Gotta say though, the description doesn't inspire confidence.
4005277
Different ?
Nah, it's the same exact story everytime a pilot is the MC in a story.
He's saved for no reasons, he's ponified, he don't give a fuck about it, don't care about friends and familly left behind, don't question the motives of the aliens who abducted him, already know how to move/fly less than a day after being ponified and ...
4006395
Welp, that's a whole lotta nope.
Not going to downvote but yeah, i'm out.
Well, thank you for the feedback.
4007069
4006395
I must not have read that many fimfics of a military member ending up in Equestria. Though I am striving for the story to be my own. If you are out, not a problem, but it is nice knowing that you are responding and I can learn from the criticism of the story. If you are interested, maybe tell me what exactly you find wrong with the story and how I can improve it.
Thank You.
4008264
Well, for me certain concepts such as ponification without sutable reactions, foalcon, alicorn ocs that look like they've just come back from Mardi Gra (Screw spelling it right) and brony in Equestria just make the story un-enjoyable.
I'm not going to downvote it, because people who do that without explaining why are terrible in my opinion, but i'm not going to upvote it either as an upvote indicates that I like it. Your story is 'meh' for me, resulting in the average response that I gave.
The concept is also fairly commen, and as a fellow HIE author yes it does take some thinking to make it different but it is possible. Whether you continue is up to you, however if you do write another try a different setting like pre-unification Equestria or maybe in the Zebra nation to start off. People on this site tend to like fresh ideas (and clop, but i'm not going to touch that) and reading the description of this fic just doesn't do it for me.
4005270 oh gosh, it's that kind of story
well thanks for the warning
4008775
Thank you for an honest response. The story as I envision it isn't your cup of tea. I can respect and appreciate that. I have other stories running around in my head, so keep an eye out. Maybe I will write something that you will enjoy.
No matter what the criticism is, I'm writing the story as I envision it. I'm quite aware that everyone isn't going to fall in love with every story that I write. And I don't have a problem with it at all. On the other hoof, honest criticism is going to be read, thought about, and if workable, will be addressed in the story. Just like my first story, another reader gave me a fantastic and well thought out criticism of the story. And I've got story additions and reworks floating around in my skull based on their words. But I enjoy writing my stories. I publish them here because I know a few who do like them, and I like having an audience, as small as it is.
All that being said, keep the comments coming, and I will try to make my stories better. Thank you all.
Hmmmmmm I wonder why this is getting so many thumbs down its an excellent story
4225589 It's because, unfortunately, it's a cliche premise. Military human goes to Equestria, meets the Mane Six, and attempts to woo Twilight Sparkle, fails, possible hydra fight or something similar, actually woos Twilight Sparkle, the end. And most people cannot look past a cliche premise on this site. Other cliche premises include alicorn OCs and seventh elements of harmony.
I know the basic premise of the story seems cliche, but I'm not planning on going that direction. No big battle or anything to make Twilight fall in love with him. And Luna is going to make this more difficult than he realizes. I'm trying my hand at funny, and I hope it works out. I like the story as I've conceptualized it, and I'm going to roll with it as of right now.
Spent most of my night reading all the chapters worth it
4413378 Well, a new chapter is coming out this weekend, I hope you enjoy.
You helped me get over a pretty bad fear today, I'm still nervous, but as long as you are with me, I don't have to be truly afraid." That last part was so
cute!!!
This definitely caught my attention.
Woooo!! Luna!! She's a great pony XD I'm liking how this is going.
By the way... 15 dislikes?? What?? O_o I'm confused...
Read this in one sit! (Well, from first chapter up till this one). This story is awesome!!
And the writing is flowing pretty good to, and no male meet female, and then they bucked "#¤%.
(in other words its a fav for this story
)
*Luna finds almost dead guy floating in ocean*
Yes clearly the best teacher for twilight hew hew hew
4464951 I'm glad you like the story, my daughter is a big fan as well, she gripes at me whenever I'm writing on another story and not focusing on this one.
4467612 jajaja, I understand her then. It's an amazing story. Thanks for writing it XD
4468053 You are very welcome, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as I bring it out.
4468193 I'm sure I will =D
How can I put this lightly, hmm oh I know
NO FUCKING HERDS 
4476478 I respect your opinion. I'm not getting too deep into their culture, but they are equines, they form herds. But I'm not working on making a large herd here, this story is about Nick and Twilight. With some hints to something more.
4476551 ok I see what your saying
I love this story sooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!
4484045 Why thank you, I will be writing more on it this week, so look out for an update this weekend.
i sorta hope that they wont instantly make up if they ever do that day
if I was nick I say ''I call dibs on couch''.
next part when is coming out?
4540066 I sent the next chapter to my editor last night. Plan on posting it Saturday if possible.
4540066 Well, real life has invaded. So I was not even near a computer on Friday evening and all day Saturday,of most of the day today. This is the first time since the ride home from work on Friday that I was able to play with my computer. And I posted my chapter.
I was kinda surprised that Nick has turned into a dormat for abuse. The fact that he was murdered by Luna and then put under a spell of silence seems to have just been swept under the rug by everyone.
Well, it's a lot better written than most pilot-in-Equestria stories.
4553537
Just for clarification, Luna didn't murder Nick. He was transported, and a facsimile of his body was left for people to find. That being said, if Nick's life in Equestria wasn't rough, it wouldn't be a story.
4553606
Thank you very much, I actually didn't know pilot in Equestria was a common thing on here.
4553728
I'm not sure how to insert direct quotes but it was heavily implied in chapter 16 that Luna was responsible for the accident:
I look down. "Two engines failing wasn't some horrible accident from bad quality control at GE, was it?"
A long silence.
"Well, Princess?"
A long sigh, "No, Nick. I was searching for nearly a week, and focused on you very quickly. I had to find a situation to get you here."
4554746
You are right, Luna was responsible for Nick's crash. But he didn't die, he was transported to Equestria. The human world believes he is dead, but he's alive in Equestria.
O my god i need more
Pleas!
4585315 I'm working on the final chapters right now, then an epilogue, and that will be it for the adventures of Twilight and Nick. But if you want more stories coming from me, I'm working on a story based on 5 score divided by 4, I'm nearly 10k words into it, and I need 30k words to post it. If I get enough requests, I'll seriously consider a sequel to this story though.
Ok that works
4585366
Consider this a request for a sequel.
more please it just getting good.
4587191 I'll notate that, but wait until the final chapter (which I just sent off to my editor about five minutes ago) and let me know if you still want a sequel.
So... It's over? Really?
Woah...
The very first romantic story that has really made me immensely interested, never before have I encountered any romantic or love story that has, until this one if course. I give you lots of applause and a big congrats and thankyou for the amazing story. (Though it feels a little sad it is done =P). I'm looking forward to more stories of you should you make others (or check your channel in case you have more).
~Red
((Jeje, it's fun to write a little more formal Sometimes XD))
4596042 Still the epilogue.
4596042 Yes, the main story is done. I will be writing an epilogue, but since the main thrust of the story is done, I'm tagging it complete. In a month or so, I'll be posting the epilogue, once I help my daughter polish her sentence structure and grammar. And we are still figuring out how to get her story posted, since she's 12 and can't get an account on FimFiction until she's 13. I might post it, or we might wait until she's old enough (her b-day isn't THAT far away). But either way, I'm deep in writing my next story, and once I hit 30k words with it, I'll be posting it. Until then, I have 3 other stories that I've posted.
4596362 cool!! I can't wait for the epilogue XD