There had been a change in routine. Noctilucent didn’t like changes in routine. He was just beginning to fall into the daily rhythm of life here at the Mustang Springs orphanage.
Breaking his own wing and throwing himself from a cliff had also been a change in routine, and it had not gone well for Noctilucent. As the sun began to set, the residents of the orphanage prepared to head for one of the hot springs, which had been reserved for them this evening.
The foals were excited.
There was quite a crowd. The orphans, who were now pacing impatiently and wanting to go, Holly, Princess Luna, Lethe, a zebra foal named Shady Patch, and Quirky, who had finished her rounds early, braving the sun.
Noctilucent stood apart from the others, Shortbread Cookie around his neck. She fussed and fidgeted, seeing Quirky but unable to reach her. The foal had been fed not long ago. What Shortbread wanted was Quirky herself. She squealed and kicked in frustration, blowing spit bubbles in protest of her captivity.
A troubling new thought occurred to Noctilucent as they prepared to go. “Hey, what happens if somepony rings the bell while we are gone?” he asked, feeling very disturbed.
“No matter where Holly is, she can hear it,” Princess Luna replied. “You are proving to be a very attentive caretaker, Noctilucent.”
“I want the foals safe,” Noctilucent replied, looking away.
“You are beginning to show a lot of promise,” Princess Luna said in a low voice, concern evident on her features, which Noctilucent did not see, as he was busy staring downward at his own hooves.
“Pegasi are such funny creatures. The need for protection is so deeply ingrained into their psychology. Makes for fascinating dichotomies in their personalities,” Lethe observed. “Like doing too little to look after themselves while they live to look after others.”
Noctilucent scowled and did not reply. Lethe was both an irritant and a balm. He didn’t know what to make of her, not yet.
“Sometimes even pegasi need looking after,” Cactus said, stating her own observation, moving toward Noctilucent, who felt troubled right now.
Holly began to head up the front stairs and the foals fell in line, except for Cactus Blossom and Candy Corn, who lingered near Noctilucent now. It seemed he was stuck with both of them.
They formed a long line, Holly in the front, Quirky close by with Shady Patch at her side, Noctilucent bringing up the rear, with Princess Luna and Lethe in the middle. Graves followed along just behind Holly, Arroyo just behind him, with Sassafras following Arroyo. Biscuit walked with Luna and Lethe, trying to stand in their shadows. Lethe spread her wings and formed a moving patch of shade for Biscuit.
It was still hot, but not unbearably so. The heat actually felt good, soaking into Noctilucent’s broken wing, easing the throbbing feeling, making some of the ache go away. As he walked, he saw other ponies were out, walking in the late evening sun. Some waved. Others ignored the orphan parade. Some watched in interest.
“Hey Noctilucent, you ever kissed somepony before?” Cactus asked, nearly causing Noctilucent to stumble and fall.
“I kiss Shortbread all the time,” Noctilucent replied.
“No… no… not like that,” Cactus explained. “I mean kissy kissy kissing, special somepony kissing,” she added, going into detail. “Let’s make foals kissing!”
“Uh… oh look, the sun is starting to set, how pretty,” Noctilucent said, looking at the sunset behind him.
“Ugh, you’re hopeless,” Cactus Blossom said. “You’ve never kissed a pony.”
Candy Corn began to giggle and nosed Cactus Blossom, correcting her path and keeping her going straight.
“I kissed Arroyo once. He was sad and kept saying that he was a loser. So I smooched him,” Cactus explained, her face radiating a beaming smile. “I had to make him feel better. Plus I made myself feel better. Arroyo is sweet, even if he is a little clueless sometimes.”
“I want to get my first kiss with Graves,” Candy Corn whispered. “He’s handsome. I don’t care that he’s a donkey.”
Noctilucent was not at all comfortable with this conversation. He had been about their ages when he had felt his first rejection. Poor Graves he thought to himself.
“You should try kissing Quirky,” Cactus Blossom suggested.
“What?” Noctilucent asked in alarm.
“She might let you kiss her,” Candy Corn said.
“Or she might set me on fire,” Noctilucent said in a low panicked whisper, hoping that Quirky wasn’t hearing this.
“The fires of love,” Cactus giggled.
“Both of you are horrible!” Noctilucent whispered in shock.
“Surely Luna warned you about me,” Cactus said.
“Yes, actually,” Noctilucent replied.
“I could call Quirky right now and ask her for you,” Cactus offered.
“Don’t you dare!” Noctilucent gasped in panic.
“Quirky deserves to be happy too…” Candy insisted.
“Are you two tormenting Noctilucent?” Lethe asked, turning around, her sharp ears hearing every word spoken so far.
“Yeah,” Cactus Blossom confessed.
“Good,” Lethe replied, turning back around.
Noctilucent’s mouth fell open and he stared at Lethe agape.
“Close your mouth dear, you look like a simpleton,” Princess Luna said, not once looking backwards.
Muttering to himself, Noctilucent closed his mouth.
“You should totally kiss Quirky,” Cactus continued. “I don’t see what the big deal is. You are both about the same age I think.”
“Uh, there is more to it than that,” Noctilucent replied sullenly.
“Like what?” Cactus asked.
“I don’t know, don’t ask me,” Noctilucent replied.
“It really is that simple,” Candy Corn said.
“Says you, you keep talking about kissing Graves but you are too shy to do anything. You’re no better than Noctilucent,” Cactus chided.
Candy Corn’s face contorted into a pout. “I can do it any time I wanted to,” she muttered.
“Doubtful,” Cactus said.
“Ooh… sometimes you’re mean,” Candy accused.
“And how could you tell Quirky that I need a filly friend,” Noctilucent scolded. “That was so embarrassing.”
“Well, you do need a filly friend,” Cactus replied. “And Quirky just happens to be around.”
“But you shouldn’t say that!” Noctilucent retorted. “And it shouldn’t be just because she is around.”
“Why not?” Cactus asked.
“Because, that is just the way it is,” Noctilucent insisted.
“So standard adult answer when the adult doesn’t know squat,” Cactus groaned despondently. “I kissed Arroyo and everything turned out fine.”
“Arroyo is afraid of you,” Noctilucent said, revealing the truth.
“Oh… good,” Cactus chuckled. “See, everything is fine.”
Candy Corn giggled and walked beside Cactus Blossom.
“Look, I can’t just walk up and kiss Quirky. There are rules for adults. It wouldn’t be right. It would be… it would be harassment,” Noctilucent explained.
Lethe tittered up ahead, and Princess Luna chortled.
“Oh horseapples, everypony is laughing at me,” Noctilucent said in disgust.
“Potty mouth!” Candy Corn cried, blushing a hot shade of pink.
Noctilucent continued his walk in silence, his face and ears feeling hot, and not from the setting sun. Shortbread Cookie seemed to be enjoying the breeze blowing over her as he walked, leaning her head forward and closing her eyes.
“I think I like you just the way you are. Stay little and precious forever,” he whispered to Shortbread.
“She is going to grow up and be a very honest earth pony,” Cactus quipped, butting in to Noctilucent’s conversation. “She might tell you off as well.”
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Noctilucent retorted.
“Besides, if you want to keep her, she is going to need a mama pony,” Cactus teased.
“Who said I wanted to keep her?” Noctilucent snapped.
“Look, I am blind, not stupid,” Cactus Blossom explained. “I hear everything you say to that foal. Plus, you talk in your sleep and I hear that too.”
Noctilucent scowled and felt more than a little worried about the revelation that he talked in his sleep. That was worrying in the extreme. And Cactus Blossom could apparently hear him.
Cactus Blossom slowed and fell in step with Noctilucent. “Aww, don’t be upset, I was just teasing a bit, I didn’t want to actually hurt your feelings,” she said, her tone genuine. “I can feel your worry right now… I only wanted to be playful and get you wound up.”
“Well, you succeeded,” Noctilucent said sourly.
“You should keep Shortbread Cookie. She is going to be very close to you. It is going to be awful for her if she is ever taken away from you. And I can’t even imagine how much it would hurt you, and you’ve been hurt enough,” Cactus said.
Ahead, Princess Luna halted suddenly, causing Candy Corn to bump into her hind leg. Lethe, seeing Luna halt, also stopped, and cast a worried glance toward her friend.
Princess Luna moved towards Noctilucent’s side, a peculiar look upon her face, a mix of worry, fear, apprehension, and hope.
“Noctilucent,” Princess Luna said softly, her tone gentle beyond measure.
“Look, just shut up, I understand what is bound to happen one day,” Noctilucent said bitterly. “This is a task, and nothing more. I’m attached, but I was also attached to the foals I read to. I’ll let go if I have to. Will be hard on her though.”
“Noctilucent, please, hear me out,” Princess Luna said, her voice pleading.
Noctilucent did not feel any magical compulsion, but he did want to hear Princess Luna out. “I am listening,” he replied in harsh whisper.
Cactus Blossom, still walking near his front right leg, was oddly quiet.
“I have already begun preparations to ensure that Shortbread Cookie will not be taken from you. Here is your bargain, should you want to haggle. Get better. Find out what it takes to free yourself. Do what is best for both of you,” Princess Luna offered in a voice that only Noctilucent could hear. Other ears heard other words. Cactus Blossom only heard Princess Luna offering Noctilucent a chance to adopt.
Noctilucent stumbled in shock, and found himself caught up in Princess Luna’s magic. She gently placed him back down on his hooves.
“I will never take away what you love,” Princess Luna promised. “I want you better, not worse. I will never place you under conditions that you are not prepared to handle, because I love you and want what is best for you.”
“Thank you,” Noctilucent sniffled, a few tears now falling.
“I have already spoken to Holly briefly, and I will speak to her a little more now that we have spoken,” Princess Luna stated.
“So I can keep her?” Noctilucent asked.
“Find your flames again and I will sign the papers myself,” Princess Luna offered, wiping away a tear with a wingtip.
“Can you keep Candy Corn and I together?” Cactus asked, her tone pleading, the foal in an emotional state.
“I have already made provisions for that,” Princess Luna replied.
“You have?” Cactus huffed, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her.
“You did that for us?” Candy Corn asked.
“Yes, now shush, there is too much crying,” Princess Luna soothed.
I will never take away what you love. The words repeated in Noctilucent’s mind. He glanced at Luna, trying to figure out the enigmatic Moon Princess. She was clearly up to something. A deep part of him felt a stirring of resentment, Shortbread Cookie was just another means of manipulation. Another bit of leverage. A part of him hated her because it was just so effective and he had no means to resist or protest without causing serious pain to himself.
“Anything I love, you will not take away from me?” Noctilucent asked.
“No, my confused little Night Shining, I want to heal your heart, not break it,” Princess Luna replied.
A tiny flicker of hope ignited in Noctilucent’s mind. He did not understand the significance of it yet, but it was there, a faint fragile spark that had vanished so long ago.
“Cactus Blossom, I apologise if I snapped at you for what you said earlier,” Noctilucent said, stroking the filly with his good wing. “I do hope you will forgive me,” he added.
“I was kinda being a pain in the plot,” Cactus Blossom confessed. “And I guess you know why,” she admitted.
Noctilucent did know why and resolved to do something about it.
I must say, I've been following this story since the beginning and the depth of your characters never ceases to amaze me: keep up the great work
sighs....... thinking I am growing more on this story for an odd reason. just came from an incredibly badly written story to this one........... seeing something good after seeing something on the extreme opposite kinda helps better understand the nuances of the story. especially when said bad story's problems all stem from characterization and depth..........
and this story does not rely on murdering the mane six in forced ways till only two remain and the last one to die was because they were a compelte idiot who forgot the existence of stabbing things......... slams head against wall. I am a plot Nazi, and its hard not to be when people can get away with completely stupid writing like that.
4460910
Huh?
4460920 .....sorry about that. as i said i came off of a horribly story that broke my expectations by getting even worse... let us say everyone who dies in that story, which is practically all the mane six, died of too stupid to live rather than anything that makes sense. might as well been the exclamation point stabbing them in the throat considering what happens in that tripe.
was trying to say that coming off of that story to this one helps me appreciate things a bit more in this story. all the things that this story does right the other story does wrong, and is a rather ironic situation that i went from that to this one. mainly, characterization. i question the whole brainwash washy, but the characters are well written overall. ......... only thing i could say bad about the characters, whether oc or not, is that your mane character is rather......... odd in design. far from black and red alicorn bad but still rather off...... mainly mean his physical design rather than his characterization, which i feel is the more important part, characterization.
I am not sure if it was intentional or not but typo is one. Also very sweet again
I think it'd read better if it was "here at the Mustang Springs orphanage."
Don't you mean "too little"?
Okay, you did that on purpose.
4460941
Aw, are you trying to give poor Noctilucent a complex about his appearance? He's already so sensitive.
4460942
That was intentional.
4460949 so far the only bad parts of him is his design, and he tried to kill himself, so I think he is doing good so far...... outside of the whole brainwashed by the demigoddess but otherwise doing good. lol.
........... think I need to look up a certain Dr. Wolf's video about being a quality Nazi. feeling like that right now.
4460972
I went for something truly original in his design and I tried to model him after his namesake.
Blue with white dapples isn't something you see very often.
So many neon OCs or black and red OCs. **Shudder**
There are much worse OC designs out there.
You spelled typos wrong, although... That was intentional, wasn't it?
Anyways, keep up the good work! Just make sure to check that you continue to use the same tense throughout.
I really liked this conversation and the characterization involved.
However...
First quote: Redundant phrases (it's already obvious she's going into detail, you don't need to say it).
Second quote: Telling ("he felt disturbed") instead of showing (writing out what being disturbed feels like for him in this instance, directly or indirectly).
Third quote: Punctuation error (should be a comma after "caretaker" - even, or perhaps especially, in dialogue).
These are errors that you make pretty frequently (in many of the chapters, not just this one), and if you're having trouble, might I recommend finding an editor to help out? While I'm liking the story, it could do better on the technical points.
4460985
Did I drop the wrong tense somewhere?
Usually, I do a free floating omniscient narrative with a focus on certain characters.
4460991
No editor alive could keep up with my odd hours and the pace of my output.
Thanks though. For the input I mean. I will try to make adjustments.
cool chapter as always
I can just imagine Noctilucent living with Cactus, Candy, and Shortbread.
4461006
And I'm not an editor because of my insane hours, unreliable motivation, and... well, my being a bit cuckoo. I completely understand.
Still, here's hoping you find one who can work with you in one way or another. If you hold back chapters for editing even when they're otherwise ready, it's common practice for those with broken schedules to dump the text on a GDoc and give an editor commenting access - helps for working with someone with a very different schedule from yours. With your output, you should be able to keep updating pretty quickly due to building a heck of a buffer.
Best luck if you do decide to look for one.
4460952 Thought so.
Amazing work once again
Cactus knows...
In the best CMC unison: Awwwwww! How Cute! Nocty is guaranteed to have Shortbread Cookie.
Curse you for exploiting my love of bad puns!
4461006
media0.giphy.com/media/1zTqgW6bS2jWU/200_s.gif
. . . just let me finish catching up on all of your other ongoing work first
"Let's make foals kissing!?!" I wonder where that child learned something like that! I already thought little Cactus was adorable before, but now, I think I love that little filly.
Another wonderful chapter. Poor, poor Noctilucent. At least now, he knows he can keep Shortbread Cookie when he eventually gets better. I wonder if he will end up adopting Cactus and Candy as well?
I immediately thought of this song.
4462021
Link goes to nothing. Just the youtube homepage.
4462030 It works for me.
The song was Never Grow Up, by Taylor Swift.
4462048
It is a mobile youtube link, intended for mobile youtube apps.
4462054 Okay.
What's with the rearranging of the letters for typos?
4462106
Because making a typoe out of the word tiepo is teh funneh.
Well played Kudzu, well played.
4460982
After black-and-red, I was under the impression that blue-and-white was at least among the most common color combinations, if not the most common one. In the same way that black and red are usually used with villains and anti-heroes, blue and white often are for heroes in my experience (usually such characters have more white than blue, though).
For the record, this isn't a ding against Noctilucent in any way shape or form.
4462672
I don't see many blue OCs with white accents.
I do see a lot of white OCs with blue accents.
Meh.
It works for a cloud of night.
4462699
Certainly it does. I do quite like what you did with that, especially concerning the comparison it invites between Noctilucent and Luna
4462802
Intentional.
Um... I don't really have anything much to say today... um... thanks for another great chapter... also kudos to Cactus for kissy kissy kissing and kudos to Lethe for approving Nocty's torment at the hooves of two adorable fillies.
How old is Nonchelont?
Also, something I've been meaning to ask from the start, when does all this talk place in regards to the main series?
4462109 You want grammar Nazis to hate you for mocking them don't you?
I like Dr. Lethe. She's a character.
Wouldn't want to have her around all the time. Those people can get a bit annoying with their little mind-games that they always seem to be playing. But certainly a good person to have around for a 'fun & different' kind of afternoon.
4462672
In canon, at least, we have Shining Armor, Vinyl Scratch, and possibly Colgate and Trixie. Something of a mixed bag.
Blue, as a primary color, tends to be associated with quieter, intellectual heroism (opposed to red's extroversion and power). White can be seen as clean, pure, clinical, perhaps a little detached, but potentially wanting to be of use. A white/blue combination, particularly in strong hues, might put one in mind of a powerful, yet quiet paladin type who speaks more with their mind than their muscles. Shining Armor is a fairly good match for the type. Vinyl might even qualify - her output obeys rules, even if complex ones, and she shapes it with technical equipment. It would actually fit Twilight Sparkle's character extremely well, if she didn't have loyal-to-the-royal purple saturating every aspect of her color palette.
pytos
pytos
pytos
That couldn't have been on accident...