Wedding of the Millennium Ch.6
Written By: Eddy13
Proofread By: Frostfairy & Just A Fabulous Cat
Pinkie Pie was right. The wedding was even bigger than when Shining Armor and Princess Cadence got married. Ponies poured in from near and far, nearly every pony in Equestria coming to see the wedding of the princess of the sun, including every pony in Ponyville, as well the dignitaries from Maretonia who were at the Crystal Empire before Tirek’s rampage. Despite her hooves shaking the whole time, Fluttershy successfully managed to direct them to the ceremony hall at the front gate.
"Yes, it's down the hall on the left." She said to Lyra and Bon Bon. After they passed through the gate, she sighed before looking toward Applejack on the opposite side of the door. "Is that all of them?"
"Yep." Applejack said as she looked over the guest list Twilight had made. "They were the last two."
"Whoo." Fluttershy sighed with relief as she relaxed. "Glad that's over." She then straightened up. "Come on. Let's get ready. I can't wait to see the dresses Rarity made for us."
"I just hope she let's me wear my hat." Applejack said as she followed Fluttershy into the castle.
Meanwhile, the bride to be was in her dressing chambers preparing herself for her big day. Eventually, she was greeted by her Mare of Honor as she was putting on her veil.
“I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time, Sister,” Luna commented as she approached Celestia. “Even after I was purified by the Elements of Harmony. Could this have something to do with a certain draconequus?”
Celestia chuckled as she did her makeup telekinetically. “I know my mood today is better than usual, Luna. But I can’t help it,” she paused. “It’s just that, I never thought this day would come. The last time I was to be wed, my consort was corrupted and tried to take over Equestria,” she sighed. “Though I didn’t show it, what I had to do to stop him was just as painful to me as having to banish you to the moon.”
“I know how you feel, Sister,” Luna said consolingly, “Discord was my friend too. It was just as hard for me to turn him to stone.” She huffed. “To think I fell into the same trap that claimed him. Still, he has come a long way. When you told me of your plan to reform him, I thought it was just a foolish mare’s dream. Imagine my surprise that it worked.”
Celestia sighed as she telekinetically set down her eyeshadow for a moment.
“I know it was a selfish thing to do, not to mention dangerous to ask Twilight and her friends to carry out such a task. But after seeing the effect Fluttershy had on him, I couldn’t help but hope that maybe there was a chance to see a bit of the Discord I loved in him. And seeing how far he’s come, I feel it was a risk worth taking. I only wish that he could remember his past. That would make this day even more special.”
“Like I said before, Sister, miracles tend to happen on wedding days,” Luna said comforting before heading for the door. “I’ll see you at the ceremony.”
With that, the princess of the moon left, leaving her sister to finish getting ready.
In another changing room for the Best Mare and her friends, six certain ponies were getting dressed in outfits that Rarity had specifically designed for them for this day.
As the Best Mare, Fluttershy was wearing a pink dress that matched her hair, which itself was done up like it had been at the last wedding they were at.
Applejack was wearing an autumn orange outfit with her hair let loose. Much to her chagrin, Rarity had indeed insisted she lose her Stetson for the day.
Rainbow Dash decided to get her mane done for the occasion, much like she had the night of the Grand Galloping Gala. It complimented the red dress she wore that was similar to the gown she had worn at Shining Armor and Cadence’s wedding.
Pinkie Pie was wearing a light blue gown with frills on the skirt. However, her hair couldn’t be combed out of the wild puff that it usually was in.
Not to be outdone, Rarity had made herself a silver gown with long sleeves and had made sure her mane was done perfectly.
And finally, as the pony who would be presiding over the ceremony, Twilight was wearing a purple dress that had a similar style to the one she had worn during her coronation as princess.
“You’ve certainly outdid yourself today, Rarity,” Fluttershy commented as she watched the mare play around with her hair .
“Yeah, I don’t recall any of the other dresses you made for us being this good,” Twilight added with a curt nod.
Rarity smiled with pride. “If you think these look good, wait until you see Princess Celestia’s gown.”
"What about Scoots and the others?" Rainbow Dash inquired.
"Oh, they're in another changing room for the flower girls" Rarity answered. "Trust me, Sweetie Belle and her friends will look so adorable!"
"I still can't believe the big day is here!" Pinkie Pie cried.
"I know what you mean, Pinkie" Twilight said. "Is everything in place?"
"Yep," Applejack said. "And how are you holding up?"
"I'm a little nervous." Twilight confessed. "I just hope I do okay."
"You'll be fine, Sugarcube" Applejack comforted. "You've been preparing for this moment for a week."
"Yeah!" The others agreed.
Twilight sighed with a smile. "Thanks, girls."
"Look at it this way, Twilight." Rainbow Dash pointed out. "It'll be good practiced for you for when you perform all our weddings."
That got a laugh out of the group, though for some reason, Rainbow Dash felt like she wasn't kidding.
Just then, there came a knock at the door.
“Fluttershy, are you there?” Spike spoke from the other side.
“I’ll be right there, Spike,” Fluttershy replied as she walked to the door.
“Are you crazy!?” Rarity shrieked. “We’re getting dressed!”
Applejack frowned. “Do we have to go over that again?”
Opening the door, Fluttershy was greeted by the baby dragon dressed in a top hat and suit.
“What’s the matter, Spike?” the Best Mare asked.
“It’s Discord,” Spike said with a hint of nervousness in his voice. “He’s pretty jumpy right now, and I can’t seem to calm him down!”
“It’s alright Spike, I’ll check up on him,” Fluttershy replied warmly before turning to her friends as she left. “I’ll see you girls at the altar.”
Arriving at Discord’s changing room, she found the draconequus pacing around the room with his tuxedo still on its hook.
“Discord, calm down,” she immediately said in a stern voice. “You’re going to wear a groove into the floor.”
“Oh, I’ve already done that three times.” Discord admitted. “I covered each one with a layer of concrete.”
“What are you so anxious about anyway?” Fluttershy asked with a tilt of her head. “I thought Twilight, Rainbow Dash and I helped you calm down?”
“You did…at first,” Discord admitted. “But eventually, I started feeling guilty about everything I’ve done again, which is even worse now that I know everything that happened before I became evil.”
“Discord,” Fluttershy said with the same level of seriousness from before. “It’s too late for you to back out now.”
“Oh, yeah?” Discord taunted. “Give me one good reason why.”
“Because if you do, I’ll do this,” With that, Fluttershy’s eyes narrowed in a familiar manner.
“Oh, please,” the spirit said dismissively. “You know that doesn’t work on meeeyeesh!”
Apparently Discord’s reform had robbed him of his immunity to Fluttershy’s Stare.
Eventually, Fluttershy’s expression softened. “Now listen, do you really care about Princess Celestia?”
“Of course I do, Fluttershy,” Discord mumbled angrily before he let out a sigh. “I was in love with her even before I got my memories of my past with her back. I can’t imagine myself loving any other pony than her.”
Fluttershy smiled in turn, speaking up with an encouraging voice. “Then show her. I know you can do this, Discord. I believe in you.”
Discord looked to the Pegasus before sighing once again. “Alright, Fluttershy. I’ll do my best.”
With that, he grabbed his suit off its hanger and slipped it on without magic to show he was serious. When he was finished, he looked himself over in the corner mirror.
“Alright! Lookin’ good!” he said to his reflection before turning to his Best Mare. “Let’s do this.”
Unfortunately, by the time Discord got to the altar, his nerves had returned with a vengeance.
“I think my boutonniere clashes with my cummerbund,” he muttered nervously. “Maybe I should go change.”
“Discord, stay,” Fluttershy hissed sternly from his side.
“What’s with all this standing around?” Discord asked as he sweated bullets. “Shouldn’t we get started?”
“Not for another five minutes,” she replied.
“Really?” Discord asked as he rolled up his sleeve, revealing half a dozen watches on his arm. “My watch must be running fast.”
“Calm down. We’re almost ready.”
Alongside Fluttershy stood Rainbow Dash, with Applejack next to her. On the bride’s side stood Princess Luna, followed by Rarity and then Pinkie Pie. Twilight stood in the middle, with Spike beside her carrying the rings on a pillow.
Seating the guests had been difficult, but Twilight came up with a solution. Along with the dignitaries, those who had a personal relationship with Celestia were seated in the bride’s side. Naturally, this included Cadance and Shining Armor.
While Discord hadn’t had a lot of friends even after he had been reformed (not to mention there were some still sore with him over the Tirek incident), Fluttershy and the others managed to convince their families and closest friends to sit on the groom’s side. Once the last guest had been seated, Twilight gave a nod, signaling the ceremony to begin.
In the back, Angel Bunny tapped his maestro’s wand before directing the choir in the wedding march. As the birds sung, the guards used their magic to open the double doors. In came skipping were the Cutie Mark Crusaders (who indeed looked adorable in their outfits) who tossed their petals to and thro as they made their way down the aisle. After the flower girls were halfway up the aisle, everypony rose as the bride came in.
She looked more radiant than ever before. Her hair, which had been curled, sparkled in the sunlight like never before. Her gown was without a doubt Rarity’s masterpiece, consisting of the same colors as Celestia’s mane, the train being carried by Fluttershy’s trained birds.
Discord couldn’t help but be entranced by the alluring mare before him.
“Wow,” he uttered breathlessly.
“Feeling better now?” Fluttershy asked the draconequus. The smitten smile on his face gave her the answer.
Rarity, being the romantic that she was, couldn’t help but cry at the beautiful moment, stopping only for a moment to briefly glare at Applejack who had been discreetly attempting to put her Stetson back on while she wasn’t looking.
As Celestia made her way down the aisle, everypony couldn’t help but bow before her. However, the only thing the princess of the sun was focusing on was the draconequus on the altar. For some reason, he seemed different than she usually saw him. There was something in his eyes, something she hadn’t seen in a long time. Could it be? Was it possible? She had to be imagining things.
After climbing the steps of the altar, she turned to her husband to be, who chuckled.
“You look beautiful…Tia.”
Celestia gasped. She hadn’t heard that nickname in over a thousand years, not since... She then saw that glint in his eyes again. She immediately recognized that look. Now Celestia knew she wasn’t imagining things. It was true! She didn’t know how, but it was true. The Discord she had loved centuries ago had returned to her!
Still smiling at each other, the bride and groom turned to the alicorn in front of them just as Angel Bunny motioned for the birds to stop singing.
After clearing her throat, Twilight started. “Mares and Gentlecolts,” She began, remembering exactly what her book had told her to say, “We are gathered here today to witness the union of Princess Celestia and Discord. Never before have any creatures in all of Equestria endured the hardships these two have gone through. For a long time, it seemed like these two would never be together. However, they surpassed all the trials and tribulations and have proven how strong their love for each other really is.”
The alicorn then turned to her former mentor. “Do you, Princess Celestia, take this draconequus to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do,” the princess of the sun said with more seriousness and sincerity than she ever had in her whole life.
Twilight then turned to the spirit of chaos, “and do you, Discord, take this alicorn to be your lawful wedded wife?” she asked.
“Huh?” Discord asked, clearly not paying attention at first due to focusing on his bride. “Oh, yes. I’m all for it.”
“May I have the rings?” Twilight then asked. Instantly, Spike stepped forward with the rings on the pillow he was holding. The princess of friendship then used her magic to levitate them into the air.
“By the power vested in me as a princess of Equestria,” Twilight said as she affixed the rings to Celestia’s horn and Discord’s middle talon, “I now pronounce you Colt and Wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Without waiting a second, Discord grabbed his bride and fiercely yet tenderly kissed her, with her kissing him back for all she was worth.
“Yeesh,” Rainbow Dash shuddered as she held up her hooves to block the sight, “That’s going to take some getting used to.”
Most of the ponies in the audience cringed as well, but that soon was replaced by them excitedly stomping their hooves and cheering. At the same time, a magical mist swirled around the newlyweds before shooting up into the air above them and exploding like fireworks.
“Show off,” Rainbow scoffed before Fluttershy nudged her. “What?” Fluttershy then motioned to outside, to which her fellow Pegasus finally realized what she meant. “Oh, right.” In a flash, Rainbow Dash zoomed out of her dress and into the air, just as the newlyweds parted to see a magnificent sonic rainboom in the sky.
“Never. Gets. Old!” Dash cried happily.
After witnessing the spectacle, the new couple happily walked down the aisle. As they did, a new window in the hall of historical murals magically materialized, this one showing the newlyweds kissing with the six Bearers of the Elements of Harmony around them.
Not to be rude, but, while I like the overall concept, the entire story feels a bit rushed...and you could do with a bit more 'show don't tell' if that makes sense...
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I admit that the chapter could've been longer, but I couldn't come up with a lot of ideas. At least I put some thought into the ceremony. Besides, I'm still a rookie at writing MLP fics. Anyway, my proofreaders didn't complain why they looked over it.
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I have to agree here. The story surely did hold potential.
I also understand how much work it is to write 'just' this much and I highly doubt you would want to rewrite anything now that you're done but it HAS been rushed.
You don't need to write more actual things happen to NOT have it rushed. All you'd need to do is take it a little slower. Spent more time describing who is speaking to whom, how the speaker is feeling, the surroundings and maybe even the overall atmosphere to better communicate the 'feel of the moment'.
Trust me, I know how hard it is to write so exhaustive. I'm not much of a writer myself and do have to force myself to take it slow, too so please don't take this comment to negative the story hasn't been bad after all. The ending was a good one, that is, if this was the ending.
It was enjoyable and I think it was because it met two criteria. First off it had a good breaking point and secondly it you took it considerably slower as compared to the hectic you showed in the chapters before (which, I guess, has partly been intentional and as such a good thing. just to clarify this.).
In my personal opinion the most important things in any story are:
1) The story has to make it easy for you to get immersed. Better it has to suck you in, take you away on a journey. Your eyes have to become the eyes of the characters. That means changing perspectives too often hurts the immersion because you forcibly break a mental bond the reader has formed subconsciously.
2) Pacing. What makes a story a story is that things happen and that things get judged and categorised. If, for example, you would do nothing else beside describing it wouldn't be a story. So it is important to find an equilibrium between things happen, the reader has a feeling of time passing and people acting while still taking the time to adequately convey the characters or narrators perception of the world and other characters.
This is one of the most difficult things to do since you yourself often know pretty well what's going on and take things for granted. In that regard it's something unusual as we are not used to describe many things in real life, they just happen, they are in our heads and we take them for granted but since text can't show you images or transport feelings on it's own it's important to pay attention to that.
All in all your story was okay. It was enjoyable but it could definitely have been handled better at times.
As for your proof readers, it may be a good idea to discern proof-reading as in checking for grammar and sentence strukture from proof-reading or editing as in checking for style, plotholes and wording. I don't doubt your proofreaders have been satisfied as it's been relatively flawless in the first sector. (as far as I as non-nativespeaker am able to judge here) but in the second department there's still plenty of room for improvement.
For your first story you can be proud of yourself for having written that much.
Endurance in story-writing is always something I have great respect for.
I am sorry that this, upon the few (too few if you ask me) comments you received, is not an overly positive one but I won't lie here.
I have seen better and won't belittle those stories that had me spellbound like little else in the world. It's true, that many stories here are good, surely above average compared to other fanfiction sites but even here are few, that are true masterpieces.
I doubt that I myself could reach that high level of quality, so don't take my review as too much of a 'from above judgement'.
Anyway, I do believe, that YOU can do better. If you were going to write another story I'd make sure to read it.
Again, for your first one it wasn't bad. It's been a good story with good ideas and decent, if not necessarily good, style.
P. S.: If you felt so inclined I'd like to hear more about your thoughts on your story. Dialog with readers is important after all.
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Well, it might help that I added a few new lines to said chapter, but to make certain, any chance you can recommend it to anyone you know?
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sure can do.
YAYATHISISAWESOMEMAN/WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Need Flutterdash kiss. NOW.