The Applicant (Mayor Mare)
I called in the new intern. He was a bright eyed colt, having had his cutie mark for a little over three years. His cutie mark was a stack of books, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what his talent was. “Yes, Mayor Mare?”
“Tell me…”
“Loose Leaf,” the yellow stallion said.
“Loose Leaf. What would you call a creature that crawls out of the Everfree Forest, and tears a chicken to shreds?”
“For the love of Celestia, I hope this doesn’t have anything to do with the Nightmare Night celebration.”
“Humor me for a moment.”
He hesitated, as though anticipating a trick question. “I would say it was some awful beast, maybe a manticore.”
“Now suppose for a moment, this awful beast came into town, started working a job, paying rent, and asked to be a full citizen of your town.”
“I’m afraid I don’t follow.”
I gestured to the three documents that have been robbing me of sleep, spread across my desk. The first, was simply an exotic pet registration form.
Name: Derpy Hooves
Address: 432 Trumblebrook ave
Species of pet: Hooman
Vaccinations: pending
Name of pet: Jerry W.
The next was a citizen registration form. The human’s. He signed the document “Jeremiah walker”, and instead of bubbling in one of the options under “race”, he crossed off the bubbles and simply wrote “Human” in the margins.
“’Human’. Is that the scientific name for griffins?” Loose leaf asked. “I mean, the only civilized race that would ever eat a chicken is a griffin.”
“This, human, my dear boy, is part monkey, part minotaur, and all carnivore.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “And it wants to be a citizen?”
“He filled out the application himself.”
“Hrmm… I guess if he’s working and paying rent, he’s kind of a citizen already. You may as well fill out the paperwork. It wouldn’t be so difficult to do that. I would probably keep him away from farms and schools though.”
“The paper work is not the difficult part. Have you heard anything about this human?” I asked. He shook his head. “It’s not flattering what they’re saying around town. That he eats cows. Allegedly, he’ll eat anything with wings, even pegasi. I’m not sure what’s fact and what’s fiction, although he hasn’t tried to eat any ponies; not that I know of, anyways.
“He also hasn’t been what one would call a model citizen in his time here. He’s been fired once for causing a public disturbance at Sweet Apple Acres. Not to mention a hoofull of general complaints. I seriously doubt that the residents of Ponyville would be thrilled about their newest neighbor gaining legal status.”
I pulled out the letter of complaint signed by three ponies. He read over the letter. “disrupting trade at the market? Scaring foals? What did this human do?” Loose Leaf asked.
I shrugged. “He walked around in broad daylight in a public area, and tried to buy some eggs.”
“I guess you can’t blame them for being scared. If he causes this much disruption, he should move somewhere else.”
“Twilight Sparkle, mentee of the one and only Princess Celestia, advised me to do just that. She says to have him 'relocated to the Everfree Forest’, where he won’t hurt anypony, and where he won’t be any trouble.” I slid Twilight’s course of action essay forward for the intern to read. “Twilight, Pokey Pierce, all of these ponies asking me to get animal control on the case, they’re worried about their chickens, or their friends or foals. But this human, he comes in here, polite as can be, and asks me what he can do to be authorized to work here. He’s not as dangerous as everypony thinks. He wants to be part of Ponyville. I can’t find it in myself to banish somepony just because ponies aren’t even giving him a chance to prove he’s not a rabid animal.”
Loose Leaf frowned. “But if you vouch for him, that will jeopardize your good standing with the town.”
“Now you’re beginning to see the issue. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, Loose Leaf.” I pulled out a bottle of bourbon, and poured myself a glass. “There’s lies the fundamental problem with democracy. Unpopular opinions lead to impeachment.” I looked at the front entrance hall. Its walls were lined with portraits of my predecessors. None of them ever had to deal with a human. Sure, maybe a diamond dog or two, but never a creature like this. I'd much rather this be somepony else's problem.
“Well, screw what the other ponies think. If you feel that he qualifies as a citizen, make him one.”
I gave a wry smile. “You mistake me for a nobler pony. I’m willing to stick my neck out, but not that far. We’re talking about a move that could potentially bring about the end of my career.” I took back the bourbon and winced. I definitely should have put ice in that. "We wouldn't just need a new form, we would have to rewrite laws, forms, and policies to include humans. Strike that; to include just one human. We’re not talking about just signing something and calling it a day. It would require rewriting laws. That would mean several meetings with the legislator, and she’s never her office in the afternoon, and she’s never on board with anything I propose. ”
“You could always write an exception for this one human. Just say that he’s entitled to all of the same rights as a pony.”
I glared at him. “The towns ponies would riot if I bent over backwards to keep him here. Besides, it’s not my job to change the laws, that’s the legislator’s department. I just enforce them.”
“Personally, it just seems like your making excuses,” Loose Leaf said.
I was about to contest that point, but there was too much truth to it. I sighed. “Well then. What do you propose, barring career suicide?”
“How am I supposed to know, I’ve just been working in government for a couple of weeks. I don’t even know what the laws in this place are.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t you have any experience from working back from Baltimare?”
“I’m from Los Pegasus. And this is my first time working anywhere.”
“Then how’d you get this job?”
“My aunt Quill Weave.”
I took another swig. “Good to know that nepotism is alive and well.”
“You’re not going to find an answer at the bottom of your glass.”
He was right. I was secretly hoping to get drunk enough justify putting off the decision until tomorrow. So much for that plan. Reluctantly, I put the bourbon back, and rubbed my temples. Why did I have to be in charge of these kind of decisions? “All right then. Let’s figure something out.”
“Maybe a pro and con list?”
“That wouldn't work. He’s neither here nor there. He’s certainly not a pony, or a griffin, but he’s on the same level. He just doesn’t fit into any of the boxes.” I gestured to all the notes he wrote on the side of his citizenship application in lieu of filling out the bubbles. "We need a sort of third option." I got out a pad of paper, and pen. I proceeded to stare at it for five minutes, but to no avail; no words appeared on the page. "Maybe I could do this tomorrow. I'm fairly busy today, after all." I began reaching for the bourbon again.
Loose Leaf looked up from the filing cabinet he was sorting. "How long has that citizenship application been on your desk?"
"About a month."
The intern rolled his eyes.
The bell above the door jingled. I looked as the door closed, but I didn’t see anypony. Instead I heard the pitter patter of little feet. Spike, Twilight’s dragon, marched into my view and straight in front of my desk. He had a serious, defiant look on his face.
“Hello, Spike. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“I want to be registered as a citizen.”
I nearly laughed at the idea, but something on the look of the little dragon’s face warned me against doing so. “Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“We were actually just discussing some issues with the citizenship process, weren’t we?”
“Kind of,” Loose Leaf replied.
I hoofed over a copy of the citizen’s registration form. The dragon’s disappointment was palpable as he read the form. “I have to be a pony to be a citizen?”
I tapped my hooves together. “Well, you’re a special case. You’re certainly the first dragon to be in ponyville, and we do value your contributions to our community. I’m certain your legal status is already covered. Loose Leaf? Would you search the town records for a Mr. Spike?”
“Spike the Dragon,” Spike said. The earth pony nodded and left the room.
“Spike, if you don’t mind me prodding, what lead to you coming here? This certainly is an unusual request.”
The little dragon looked away. “I just want to make sure I have all the rights of any citizen of Equestria,” he mumbled. Loose Leaf returned, and gave the document to Spike. “An exotic pet? Is that all I am?” Loose Leaf elected to go back to the archive room, and see if there were any more records for Spike. He excused himself, leaving me alone with the sulking dragon. “Can’t you do anything about this?”
“I’m sorry, but by law, only ponies are allowed to become full-fledged citizens. You saw the forms. My hooves are tied.”
“Can’t you change the law?”
“Actually, that’s the legislator’s job.” I tapped my hooves together nervously. “You know the princess personally, correct? You could ask her to issue a royal pardon to make you an honorary citizen.”
“I don’t want to be honorary. I want to be an actual citizen. Besides, Princess Celestia’s away on a diplomatic mission right now. I couldn’t contact her now even if I wanted to.”
“It couldn’t hurt to write her a letter. I’m sure she could handle the situation in a heartbeat, once she gets back.”
“Why do you expect the princess to fix what’s wrong with the town you’re in charge of? Non-ponies should be able to apply for citizenship of Ponyville.”
I sat in stunned silence. It took all of my will power to not pull out my bourbon and suckle it like a newborn foal.
Loose Leaf called out from the back. “I think I found something that might be of use.” He walked back, and placed a file on my desk.
“What are these?” I opened the folder, and examined the forms.
“Non-Equine Work Visas, for griffin contractors, and the like.” He hoofed one of the forms to Spike. “Here you go, little guy. All you need is some basic contact and demographic information, and then statements from three different character references, and from your employer. “
“Will this make me a full citizen?” He turned the paper over in his claws.
“Well, no, but it entitles you to own property, join unions, and pay income taxes for six months.”
“And then what? Will I be able to vote? Can I get married?”
Loose Leaf looked at the document, and then frowned. “Technically, no. Unfortunately, you can only reapply for the NEWV. after those two years.”
“So I can’t ever be a citizen, no matter what I do,” Spike said flatly.
“I’ll be sure to address the matter at the next town council meeting,” I offered lamely.
Spike crumpled the paper into a ball, and left the building without a word.
Loose Leaf turned to me. “So anyone that isn’t a pony can’t become a citizen? I guess that explains why there are no Griffins in the town registry.” He frowned. “Or any griffins around town.”
“It’s called Ponyville for a reason.”
"That’d be easy to fix. All you would have to do is draft a new copy of the citizenship documentation to have an ‘other’ box. A fill in the blank. Frankly, I’m surprised your forms don’t already have that."
"I’m not sure how the residents of Ponyville would react if we opened citizenship to just any animal."
"What do you folks do when a mule or donkey moves into town?"
"I’m not sure. I think we usually give them one the Standard Work Visas."
I looked down at the NEWV forms. There was an open line for the race section. Something clicked. “I just may have a solution to one of our problems.” It was weasely for sure, but it was my best bet of coming out of this fiasco scot free.
I folded one into an envelope and addressed a quick note to to Mr. Walker.
Walker,
Unfortunately, I am not at liberty to grant you full citizenship for your continued employment. However, this work visa will allow you to work and stay in Ponyville for the next six months. Please have the appropriate areas of the form filled out by three character references and your current employer. Should you prove to be honest, law-abiding, and trouble free, you may be considered for a renewed visa.
At the last moment, I debated adding a final line. The letter seemed a little unfriendly.
Welcome to Ponyville, and have a nice day.
Mayor Dariana Mare
I sealed the envelope. “Loose Leaf, would you be so kind as to deliver this to Ms. Hoove’s house?”
“Where is that?”
“Off of Drury Lane. You can’t miss it.” I watched him leave, and I said a silent prayer for my re-election.
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Do you know the Muffin Mare who lives off Drury Lane?
Do you know the muffin mare, The muffin mare, the muffin mare?
the mayor is actually the most reasonable one here
unlike the ones who claim to be the wielders of virtue
2755557 yes, I know the muffin mare
Nice Muffin Man reference!
im glad spike's started to question his place in pony society i wonder if he's going to bring up the whole exotic pet thing to twilight because wouldn't having another sapient being as a pet technically be a form of slavery
Poor Spike...
Good chapter, good bourbon, good God what a read.
Ever hear of this fic: Frienship is bigoted?
Every sensible pony I see warms my heart some
I'm glad some of them are looking at the situation rationally, without succumbing to fears born of ill communication.
That being said, I'm not sure if Jerry is even going to be able to get the form filled in. Lyra, Derpy and Cherilee (maybe?) could provide the character references, but somehow I doubt Lucky is going to pass up on a chance to ruin the guy who 'stole his mare'.
Ohhhh hey I remember you... SlipperPutty reviewed OC Hunt. You're cool.
Still disgusted at Twilight. And of course, Celestia is conveniently absent.
I have this feeling that if Walker is forced to leave town, Spike will leave too.
I see what you did there.
Another chapter, this early? WOO!
Also, is Loose Leaf a reference to the Prequel webcomic? I figured that it was, due to what would otherwise be rather uncanny coincidences: "aunt" Quill Weave, zero work experience, mistaken birthplace and an aversion to alcohol.
I can't say that I caught the Muffin Man reference, which everyone and their dog seems to have caught.
Poor Spike. Poor Walker. Celestia damned, bigoted, panicky, xenophobic ponies.
Aaaanyway, wonderful chapter, as always.
In regards to the human breaking into someone's home and killing a chicken. I always figured that he ate something in the Everfree forest that really screwed up his mind. Any other time he would have knocked.
2755861
Wow, I didn't even notice. I guess I was reading it so much, some of it carried over into my writing. I did intentionally use the name Quill Weave, though. But yeah, most of that was unplanned.
Ah, Yes i know the muffin mare, she lives off Drury Lane. XD
Well that would explain part of the problem, idiotic bureaucracy, which seems to be a problem wherever you go. And they think Jerry is a full blown carnivore? Really do one has noticed him eating vegetables or fruits at all? Le sigh, just one thing after another.
Keep it up!
"Current employer"?
Jerry's screwed.
Pretty much the whole town are xenophobes and racists. I'd like to see that change.
2755909
He was starving to death, literally.
This does in fact screw up your brain, lower any inhibitions, and just plain make a person not think clearly when there's even the tiniest chance to get food.
1:05 That would be me speaking
2755591
If by "reasonable" you mean "spineless."
That's it, Jerry will die at the end of this fic. I'm calling that ending right now. This is going to be one of those stories where the lesson of friendship is going to cost a life to be learned. Poor Jerry, you deserved better.
Very good story, it's riling me up very well. Will read to it's bitter end and keep my up vote.......
BUT DAMN! THOSE PONIES!
You two are okay though.
Wait if only ponies can be citizen's what is their exact definition of ponies would saddle Arabians be excluded? Plus I would like to hear Pinkie or Twilight try to explain why Cranky,Matilda and Zecora don't deserve to be citizens. I would find it funny if it turns out no one thought to include alicorns on the list of creatures that can be citizens.
So the Mayor isn't racist, she's selfish! That sadly reflects most real life politicians when it comes to racial disputes.
...
Damn, these ponies aren't just plain unreasonable, they're racist towards other species too!
Poor Spike, having been classified as "exotic pet", that's messed up.
That was good, however I am really wondering where Luna is. She has the same legal authority as Celestia so she could clean this mess up in short order, and it sounds like she is probably in Canterlot so she could come over if someone asked.
I wonder WHY Celestia is absent. My guess is that someone
doesn't quite like how speciesist her little ponies are and decided to bludgeon them over the head about that point.
Things are looking better... but I still hate them all. Meh, that's just me
Huh...say, Celestia's on a 'diplomatic mission', right? What if it's a visit to the humans? It's just a hunch, but a sole human just shows up in Equestria? And Celestia is out on diplomatic business? Maybe something bigger is going on?
First they came for the humans
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a human
Then they came for the griffons
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a griffon
Then they came for the dragons
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a dragon
Then they came for the assorted ungulates
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a donkey/zebra/mule/whatever
Then they came for the poultry
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't Scootaloo
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak for me
Jeremy needs to get an axe, a suit of armor, and some minions.
Then he needs a Dark Tower, a minion master called Gnarl, and a forge minion called Giblet.
Then the real fun could begin there.:)
2756418
ooh he could set up his own civilization were ponies get the short and of the stick and they can only be "pets" or have to get a Equine Work Visas
now that would be cool
Everytime I read a chapter of this I cant help but hate how racist some ponies are, seriously.
Man I really do hope that Walker does get a happy ending. And I do wonder where Celestia is in all of this. Is she doing some kind of first contact thing with the humans or something? I really wish someone told the ponies how speciesist they are.
2756648
"Screw it!" Jerry screamed, and flipped over the table at Sugar Cube Corner. "Me and Spike are going to make our own Ponyville, with blackjack and hookers. And It's going to be called Mansburg, and everybody gets equal rights!" He was met by vacant eyed stares. "Except for Ponies! We'll eat ponies there."
Spike nudged the human in the ribs. "Hey, buddy, you ever hear that saying about digging yourself deeper into a problem? You should probably stop digging."
Black Jack and P-21 poked their heads around the corner. "Did somebody say my name?"
So, how goes that whole "Element of Harmony" thing for Applejack now that she has started spreading lies about someone just to hurt them?
Is that voided? I'm kind of hoping her status as an Element of Harmony is voided in this story. In fact, they all should. Would be epic, the racism/specism would reach a new high, they'd be sent in to "deal with the human," and have it just not work because they've forfeited it all when they decided to purposefully go against their Element's nature.
Somewhat related to the story:
2756142
Well she is a politician being spineless is kind of what she does for a living.
Some minor grammatical errors, but this one is a biggy:
We would have to make a would mean talking to the legislator, and she’s never her office in the afternoon, and she’s never onboard with anything I propose. ”
Other than that, I enjoyed the chapter.
2756142 The sad thing about it is that she is being reasonable. Unlike almost every other pony, she's actually seeing that Jerry's trying his best to be a productive member of society. She may be spineless and selfish, but she at least uses her own eyes to see what's happening and mind to think, rather than accepting the rumors being spun around her.
2756720
too far
more like this
Twilight:*throws him into the everfree*
spike:*goes after*
spike an human:*makes a colony in bad lands or somthing*
with a ton more detais
Well, here is another error I've found. Unfortunately this one and the other mentioned by Detective Chmilewsky are big enough to prevent me having a complete understanding.
The darker side of Ponyville, as well as politics, gotta love it.
2756720
are robots also included?
Damn, I'd rather go to where the Griffons live than stay in Equestria.
FINALLY!!
I can't wait to read 
*smirk at street name at end*