Half way through the party. (Revised)
Walking with Apple Bloom in an akward silence is giving me a lot of time to think. Before I can even do something to that extent out of the corner of my eye I can see the Cmc walking to us. Wait... did they over hear us? I mean they weren't that far. Oh no, no, no, this is bad. Apple Bloom had finally closed her mouth as we stopped and looked at each other, I can hear an odd noise, they're trying to catch our attention. We both looked up still in shock at what happened, walking and scared. What do I do. No one to comfort me, do I just run away or ignore what happened. I need to do something and fast. I don't want to know what they have to say. I was so harsh. I need to hurry and look at the ground maybe they won't notice me... wait, there not dinosaurs. I fell so ashamed, what if they hate me now?
"So you told off Diamond Tiara?" Being stared down by the orange pegasus I couldn't take it anymore. In one instant I made up my mind. Smiling I look up at the short haired Cmc, as I chuckle the rest join in. I can't believe myself, am I stupid? No, I should be proud. D.T and Silver had done much more horrid things and I said I'd be there friend in the future anyway.
"That was totally amazing! Did Silver look hurt though? I mean I know Diamond certainly was. " Sweetie Belle looks a little bit worried, I put my hoof on her shoulder, she seems to have calmed down slightly. I look at her and nod my head no, to lessen her worries.
"I'm surprised you could do that. You know they're bullies. They LOVE to pick on us cause were blank flanks. I want my cutie mark now but it's been talking us time." Distraught and a bit upset each of them hold out there flanks a little, and look at them. I turn my head to my own, then again looking to them they look at the floor saddened due to the fact it was taking long.
"Yeah Apple Bloom's right. You did a good job there." Looking a bit more cheerful we laugh and smile.
"Wow thanks! I mean I said the truth. I'm good with my thoughts." I'm gonna help them get there Cutie Marks soon. A little push, I'll ask Twilight if that's okay.
The crusaders and me began having a nice time enjoying the party, after the little incident. A quick blinding flash is what caught my attention. Two of them, so quick as if they were bullets. I turn to look right and a grey blur moves quickly, a smaller flash of light and it was gone as quickly as it came. Looking on to my left, I almost jump out of my skin. Close to my face is a light fuschia pony with violet swirling eyes. I look behind her and see Fluttershy with Discord. Discord with his arm around her. I walked up to them, ready with a few questions. The Cmc smile as I walk to them, giggling a little, they turn to leave. Looking for Spike as I had wished to do soon.
"So your the Human Pony I've heard about! Nice to meet you. This is my beautiful Fluttershy, and my adorable daughter Screwball." He roughly shook my hand. Then points at the two ponies. I definitely have a look of surprise. He smiled as he saw it, I then put the pieces together.
"Oh I know everything my dear Fluttershy told me everything and I promise not to tell." He made vivid claw and hoof motions. When he promised he did the Pinkie Promise hoof shake, I laughed worriely.
"Ok thank you?. I'm surprised that you and Fluttershy are together though. Although may I ask about Screwball?" Trying to be true and not hurtful. Screwball! Finally real information about this background pony.
"Oh me and Discord may have had a few falling outs, but he's just so nice and adorable. He tries his hardest to be his best, and has improved greatly. I don't even mind Topsy Turvy she's a kind and we'll mannered step daughter. I hope when and if me and Discord have a child it's this well mannered." Looking kind she looks up at her special somepony, caring eyes. She has deep emotions for him.
"Thank you dear, couldn't have said it better myself. As for little Screwball, she was made. With caos magic and a little boredom. I took a small stroll one day through a wonderfully wild forest, and ended up conjuring her. She is quite amazing." Laughing almost evilly, he slyly pats his said daughter on the head.
"Fluttershy is a nice step mother. She's really great, so helpful and kind. She calls me by my real name rather then my nickname, and I only let special ponies do that. Discords a good daddy too, he does whatever he can to do his best and improve me too. He and Step- Mother care for one another a lot." I smiled Screwball may be slow at moments but after a while she seems to process things much better. She also sounds proper, that's the nicest surprise so far.
"Well Fluttershy, I hope he remains such a gentlemen. It's nice to meet the two of you, see you around." I smile and trot away. Looking at beautiful decorations, and for Spike, a passing Screwball runs past me in a bit of a rush. Only left with a flowing sorry. It seems she is looking for somepony. As I walk again a pretty pink pony trots past with a hurried look on her mussel and a small gust of wind as her excuse. Is she looking for somepony too? I move up wards on a nice little balcony made of almost transparent lavender crystal. I watch as Diamond looks for her lost treasure. I mean it has to be some type of important treasure, why else would she do so much to find it. An suddenly an very odd pairing catches my sight. A laughing and hugging Silver Spoon and Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle giving her adorable smile and Silver with a real sincere one. I saw as Diamond quickly found her lost treasure. It's name Screwball, and or Topsy Turvy. It was adorable because I knew what it ment. Two adorable couples. What else could I ask for from this wonderful party..
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- HAZESHIFT · 216k words · 1,257 139 · 28k views
- Lucky424 · 104k words · 630 90 · 16k views
- Mr Curious Writer · 349k words · 318 28 · 12k views
- Chemtest · 18k words · 267 38 · 4.6k views
- The Fluttershy Guy · 45k words · 86 5 · 3.3k views
- Jimbob · 74k words · 370 34 · 8.1k views
- ShadowWalking18 · 99k words · 1,263 109 · 20k views
- Onomonopia · 72k words · 755 22 · 12k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.104 seconds
Total duration
1,014 users online
1,769,868 hits today, 2,237,019 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
*clears throat*
Red and black pony for cover art? Check
Poor grammar? Check.
Short chapters? Check.
Summary spoils too much with so little? Check.
Unneeded romance tag? Check.
Depressed OC human meets Main Six from the get-go? Check.
Thinking with Yukari's gaps which affect the TV for no reason at all other than to add angst? CHECK.
5273740 Well I must have passed if I got all those wonderful checks! :p lame, I say my story is going well.
5273778 Uh, no, you scored a lot of cliches in the book that makes this story BAD. Well, not bad per se, but overdone to hell and back--this is a thing very few authors who have stayed for more than a year will want to read, and even fewer still (disregarding noobs like you, since this is your first story as far as I can tell) will actually do.
And, mind you, I did one of those checks. Take a gander what that is.
5273778 Those checks are something most authors tend to... Well... Avoid.
Well it is my first mlp fIc. And I do apologize Im truly trying to do my best, but as for grammar I definitely suck with it my grades prove it. As for short chapters I'm trying to expand them but I have a problem of wanting to update as soon as possible. Sorry I'm not the best writer.
5273786 For her first story i think it is not that worse like you said, well i do know better storys, but i don´t have that much against a few cliches, as long as i don´t see it in to much storys i think.
What i mean is, i think i saw worse stuff, i already try to help a bit, and say if i think i would not do it like that,......i think what i want to say is, yo don´t have to like it, but i don´t think you have to make the story that bad.
I don´t know if i understand you right, but it doesn´t sound that nice how you said it, and yes it is her first story, i think she said it in her description.
To be honest, yeah i can´t say i like that last chapter that much. but she can still make a rewrite later, it would really help if you would make a few suggestions rather than just saying it is bad. I think you just named one thing that is bad, and then you only told us it is bad.
5277705 Say what?
5277719 i know i don´t have the best grammar, but i know that most people are still able to understand what i mean, but maybe you just don´t want to understand.
Well i guess you don´t understand it, at least i don´t know what you want to say with that short reply
5277743 I have a bit of an impairment where I can misconstrue people if they word things wrong.
5277748 ahhh okay, well then i want to say, at least sorry for my last comment. I maybe don´t have an impairment, but i speak german, so i can misunderstand something too.
Well i think i just thought you could make your comment a bit nicer, she said it was her first story and i try my best to help.
If i am honest, i don´t know enough about writing a fanfition to make this story the best fanfiction ever, but i have read enough to say if i think this or that could be better.
5277771 Oh, okay.
Oww okay dokay then ;3
Keep up the great work my friend
5295480 Will do.
5296144your Very Welcome and one more thing
scontent-b-sea.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/15904_621015198004241_4759754934094949804_n.jpg?oh=060e20b6edd869ce638f8af577ae46c4&oe=550FEEE0
Your Oc soooooo Cute every time i draw it ;3
5298790 it's adorable I love it when you draw her.
I really wish I could help you edit this but the only way for me to be able to do that is to rewrite 80% of it.
P.S: I'll try...
5305606 ok thanks. :)
6056145
Thanks for the complements I've been trying hard to improve my writing.
If you tell me that you continue this story, then I would like to keep it in my track folder again, but I need to clear up my track folder from any rather old fanfiction. Everything that is older than 6 - 8 month´is going to be tossed out.
6519434 oh yeah I'm going to continue have no doubts. I've just been working on some more revisions and the next chapter is just a bit long. It'll be up next week no worries. Happy to see people are still interested.
6529799 i just notice to of the shippings
Discord and Fluttershy which can be okay sometimes. It is just that I think because she was his first friend, that it is most of the time a bit boring, and stuff like that,
and Twilight X Blue Blood It would be nice if you could explain how that happened again, I fogot there was that pairing. I probably have to read the whole story again. well like I said, please help me to remember that part, to be honest Blue Blood X Mane six is at first a bit disgusting because of his personality, but maybe he is nice this time.
6530088
Yeah. I find them as an interesting ship due to the fact in my verse. They've known each other since she became Celestia's Apprentice. Not to spoil anything but he's still pretty much a duche. I mean, thats his best fualt.
The fact that you ship Diamond Tiara and Screwball is weird. Some fanons portray then as long lost sister's.