I'm Captain of the Wonderbolts. Master of the Sonic Rainboom. Undeafeated Champion of the Young Fliers Competition. But I don't deserve any of this when it should belong to somepony else...
Sure, I'm awesome and all that and everypony wants to be me... But they shouldn't want to be me.
She's the one that should be here right now. It should be Her name they're screaming. Her they're praising.
This applause? Would sound a whole lot better if I knew she was up here and I was down there...
Chapters (2)
Mind fuck.... Simple as that laddies and gents... The best I have had the pleasure to read yet!
Great job guys, this story was extraordinary! The build up! The cloak and dagger feel.... The slight innuendoes that added some minor humors.... I loved it!
Decent, Rainbow was a bit full of herself for somepony who thought they shouldn't be there. Where were the other wonderbolts in the show besides the 500 laps? and i don't think clouds can creak, creaking is the sound of something dense and solid bending beyond what its supposed to, and clouds are quickly moving H2o particles with H+ and O- floating around in it, not Fe(II)C or any other metals.
5350243 There was an error in punctuation. If you read the last line again and make note of the Semi-Colon, you'll find your answer...
5350962 That wasn't what i was talking about, and it also doesnt answer to the rest. Good story, but a few psychological and material errors
5353371 Do you understand who the main character actually is? I don't want to say who it is so as to avoid spoiling that for future readers. And I would appreciate it if you didn't either, please. It was explicitly stated where the Wonderbolts were and those not mentioned, obviously, could be assumed to have participated in the other events. The MC also stated that the last show was "Her" show. An explicit statement that this was the first time they performed solo in the event. And as for the clouds creaking... This is a world of Magic. Literally anything is possible and THAT bugs you? I'm not trying to sound like an asshole, but I'm genuinely confused as to what your criticizing... Could you please clarify to help me help you?
5353941 Reading through it again, i didn't find anything explaining why Dash was the only one, or where the other wonderbolts were, but with short term memory loss i could be mistaken. The writing suggests towards only one logical main character, because the other wouldn't make sense. The story could be base around a character, but that character still not be the main character, it depends on the terms. And suppose clouds could creak, what would that sound like?
5354813 The Main Character is Scootaloo.
Clouds creak in this world because magic. They would sound like this.
as for where the Wonderbolts are, here is that exact passage where it tells youse...
I hope that answers your questions...
5356094 Okay, what happened to the main character? is there a story for that or is this just a quick story to put down an idea?
5359364
Ma gerd this is so good!
5668763 Thanks a lot! It helps to hear these kinds of praises! We hope you'll keep reading as we keep writing!
5668769 I'm definitely gonna keep reading
5668774 Well, Sir/Madam, that means we'll most certainly keep writing.
This is good stuff.
5676904 Thank you. That means a lot to us. We hope to keep your interests with our story!