Midnight Shine loves watching PewDiePie, a unicorn who makes videos for YouTube. Everyone seems to think that's a worthless waste of time. But, when several "unfortunate events" occur, what will she do?
*If you do not like PewDiePie, then you will not enjoy this. So stay back, barrels! 
** Let's just pretend that there's YouTube in Equestria. 
Page generated in 0.091 seconds
Total duration
629 users online
800,528 hits today, 2,924,228 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/837/250/cc9.gif
Let me have your babies!
Still getting that creeper vibe
(Side note: That doesn't sound like a believable pony name)
Still getting that obsessed fangirl vibe
I'm going to be blunt with you: This is only the first two chapters and I can already tell that this is going to be a Mary Sue wish fulfillment. While your writing skills certainly hold potential, I question if this is the proper way to utilize them.
The characters aren't interesting and don't really have any personality, so I'm not driven to read this story.
I'm not even going to bother with the fact that they have YouTube and Sweden. Someone else can have fun with that.Another OC who is a ripoff off Fluttershy.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/179/f/1/fluttershy___bridlemaid_by_moongazeponies-d3kd5zc.png
I absolutely love this story. Keep it up!
How do they have YouTube? Where is Sweden?
Also, I'm getting a really weird feeling reading this. Like you're outside Felix's window right now, and you look like
data2.whicdn.com/images/34512745/original.jpg
Anyway, there's not much else I can say. It feels creepy, it sounds creepy, it is creepy, and the grammar itself is great.
Maybe this is just creepy stalker fiction. Maybe this is your dreams for the future expressed in words. I don't know.
5437974 It's always the cute one.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/323/d/b/fluttershy_the_batmare_by_emedina13-d5keoi5.png
I'm not even a bro. I love this story.
5438770
Yay! Thanks so much, I've worked so hard on this and every other comment is hate!
5439313
I'm not sure if you have a proper definition of hate. Just by searching Google, here's what comes up:
None of the comments here express that, and while there is a dislike bar, I doubt anyone had any intense or passionate feelings regarding this story. At most, I felt displeasure.
But hey, you're not whining or raging, so you're being pretty mature about it. That's always good.
5438078
Thanks!
5437963
Thanks for your opinion! This is not going to be a Mary Sue, btw, I'm going to do a major plot twist and stuff. Were there any certain phrases / sentences / whatever that you thought were Mary-Sue-like? (Well, other than the first part XD) I want to make this story interesting for everypony, and I would love it if you told me what to change / fix. I will fix those weird sentences you underlined (I didn't even know those were there I was like wtf) and yeah. Thanks for your feedback!
5438321
...
It's not meant to be creepy or whatev XD If you'd tell me which paragraphs / sentences / whatever gives you that stalker vibe.... Thanks lol
5437974
...What makes you feel that way? Not trying to be rude or anything, but just wondering
5440514 Sorry, can't help you there. It's not certain paragraphs as much as the entire thing. If I'm being blunt, no harm intended.
5439382
Heh, I guess I need to change my definition of hate XD
Well, what I meant was this story got a bunch of dislikes, and idk why...
It makes me feel kinda sad bc I've been working on this for the past few days day and night; editing and revising and typing and stuff.
5440523
Heh okay XD I'll work on some massive editing right now and try to fix the major "stalker" parts ;3
OMG I love this so much!! KEEP IT UP!!!!
5440521 The base of the character looks just like Fluttershy, except recolored and a horn added to it. Which is a rip-off off Fluttershy.
5440527 Because it's an OC story! Can you get that through your head! Nobody likes OC stories, with an OC that is a rip-off off other characters!
5440508 I'm glad to offer some assistance. In all honesty, it isn't specific parts so much as it is a general thing.
Mary Sues aren't exactly characters that don't have flaws, though that can be a major component, and it is unfortunately present in this story. Mary Sues are characters who are treated unfairly by the fictional universe they're in; everyone likes them, everything they want is practically handed to them on a silver platter, and they don't face any real challenge. Essentially, they don't have to work hard to achieve their dreams or goals, and any obstacle they face is easily overcome. These are extremely important parts of storytelling. If a character doesn't face a compelling conflict, why should I be interested in a story?
With this story, she's automatically chosen to live with Pewdiepie, her hero, in his new sky castle for no discernable reason. He also gives her her cutie mark. She doesn't work to achieve her dream, and Pewdiepie likes her for no discernable reason. The problem is that the main character didn't do anything to earn this or her cutie mark, so the reader doesn't get a sense of satisfaction.
I probably didn't cover every point about Mary Sue, so you might benefit from doing a bit of research into it yourself. Anyways, I hope you found this useful.
Wow! This is a great story idea! Please keep it up!
5441795
Okay... Maybe I should just rewrite the whole thing. I'm not trying to act like a Mary Sue, but I see your point. I'll just start on a brand new story; even I thought that the first part was a bit rushed.
I'll make it under the same name and everything...
Thanks so much for helping me realize what I was doing wrong!
To everyone that like this story, I'm starting a new one.
It will be under the same name, and I will rewrite it so it doesn't sound like a Mary Sue. (I've gotten a lot of feedback on that!)
I will make it better - written and more detailed.
Thanks for understanding!
~ Midnight Shine
This is a great story! KEEP IT UP! So, is it like a sonic paintboom? Cool!!!