After hearing how people say how they think the Cutie Mark Crusaders will get their marks, I'm was disappointed with the results they get. Not only from how they get their cutie marks, but also what their talent will be. So I will tell my own story to be the finally to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
It's the last week of school for Cheerilee's class before the little foals move up one their learning and develop their talents. CMC, despite all their heard efforts and did everything that they can, still haven't got their cutie marks. But fortunately, Cheerilee had requested the help of a "Cutie Mark Consoler", someone who's job is to find little ponies cutie marks.
But will this consoler help achieve the little crusader's dreams, or will he bring a nightmare that they themselves haven't already discover
I am intrigued of the idea to descibe the scenes like the series.
Though - you should let someone let proof-read your story. There are some typos your spellcheck may get. But there are some time-errors aswell or just the fals word (this are errors your spellcheck won't get).
Trying to proof read by oneself is hard, as you know what you want to tell (and your brain therefor fills the gaps automaticly)
but there are a few groups dedicated for editing and proofreading.
You seem to try writing in - gosh, hoe reads this again... *google* *Twilight-style "aha!"* Third person omniscent p.o.v.
Meaning you write from an incorporeal narrators point of view who could even read the minds of the characters.
Some writers love this style for its cool to add much informations and different thoughts to a scene without diving into one character directly.
Other writers dislike this style for it drags the reader away from the characters.
Either way - it is hard to write this style and there are some pits along the road.
A few tweaks on the characters a bit more of description would help aswell.
All in all your story isn't bad. Yep, call me interested... *let story wander to the tracking-shelf*
I agree the story is good in concept however there are numerous instances of the wrong word used or full on grammatical errors. If you get those fixed it will help make this story stand out.
5636318 My greatest skill is making good concepts. My weakness however is actually "projecting" them (I hope I use that word correctly)
I understand, recommend a proof reader for the story. I often when I write reports have someone else read over it and point out issues. Sometimes I leave out a word or mess up an idea. Having that second or third set of eyes really really really helps.
As for the writing, keep trying. There is only one way to get better at something and that is to keep trying.
5639361
I agree. I love the story's concept of a Cutie Mark Counselor, but some of the conventions are hard to look past. Keep practicing, and reading other stories to get a good feel for how it's done!
stares.
and you just have to say crusade, not cutie mark getting crusade.
Interesting idea but you really need to go through and read this chapter outloud. You used life's where you should have used lives' and Cheerilee wouldn't have called the CMC the CMC. Also the part about Trixie and the interns you could have instead showed dialuoge. Snips and Snails would have mentioned Trixie at some point.
Once again read this chapter outloud. Also the transistion to 'imagine this like a book' doesn't in literature like it does in visual media. You may also want to make the Little Cutie's story longer and include one of the princesses to make it actually fit with the world.
Once again read this chapter aloud. You have a lot of problems with word order and tense agreement.
OK I enjoyed your story the only thing I wasn't a big fan of was the ending for sir mark sure he was a dick and bit of an ass but he was doing his job and he did do it well they learned their talents and more who they where. But him getting that seemed off the way it seemed he lost sight of his past and all and needed to learn seemed to be an ass for the sake of the story. But its good everyone's in character but sir mark the only nitpick