My OC, Super Trampoline, is dating all of the Elements of Harmony plus the princesses plus the major antagonists plus the minor antagonists too! That's a lot of work! Also, he's obviously the seventh element. Read on for his many amazing adventures!
I trotted into the lobby of the Friendship Castle, where Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer were currently... just chilling?
"Hey, Twilight, hey Starlight," I said, slightly glumly.
"Hey, Super," Starlight replied.
"Come on, Trampoline," Twilight huffed. "I know for a fact you're a good reader, and the sign out front clearly says to knock first. You can't just go waltzing into other ponies homes. What if Starlight and I had been having s--she caught herself just in time, remembering that this is a "rated E" story. "Uh... had been making out?"
Super perked up. "Well, first of all, I'm dating both of you, and second of all, we're friends, and friends walk unannounced into each other's homes!"
Twilight frowned. "We're barely within the parameters of what I would consider a friend. More I tolerate you mostly out of pity."
"Then why are you dating me?" I retorted smuggly.
"Because the entire premise of this story is that it's a barely mediocre deconstruction of bad tropes that appear in amateur My Little Pony fanfiction! And also you give really good back massages."
I put an ear to my hoof. "What was that?"
"N-nothing... baka" Twilight muttered, blushing.
"Alright, well Starlight's my friend. We're both communists. Right, Starlight?"
"Well," Starlight corrected, "the concept of communism doesn't really exist in a Equestria, but I am a utilitarian, which is pretty close to being a socialist, unless you're Bad Horse in which case things just get confusing. I love that guy but he can be too erudite and old fashioned for his own good sometimes."
"See, Twilight, Starlight and I are friends!"
"I mean, okay, yes, but Starlight also considers Trixie a friend, so there's clearly no accounting for bad taste."
"Hey!" Starlight snapped at Twilight. "You're my best mare for the wedding. Show some respect!"
"Oooooh" I said, "You finally popped the question! Congratulations, Starlight! I'm so happy for you and Trixie."
Starlight absolutely beamed. "Thank you! You're invited by the way. I just haven't sent out the invitations because, well, I just proposed last week. It'll be some time in the fall probably."
"Well," I said, "let me know if you want or need any help. (Wedding planning is one of my many special talents.)"
"I'll be sure to do that. Thanks, Super, you're a good friend." She leaned in and kissed me. Because, you know, she may be getting married to Trixie, but we're still dating too.
Twilight cleared her throat. "Ahem, so, Super, to what do we owe the pleasure of your surprise unannounced visit today?"
"Well," I said, "I was going to talk about my ennui and inability to write stories that aren't super meta and recognize their fictional nature, but this is actually the longest chapter of this story I've written in a while, so I figure we can probably just have that conversation next chapter. In fact, if I keep talking a little bit longer, we can even reach five hundred words! And what do you know? We did!"
Oh snap, we're back in business, folks!
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I read a bit of this from time to time and always cringe. It only gives me comfort that you do this on purpose.
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Or do I?
(I do.)
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I feal F E A R.
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As you should.media1.tenor.com/images/71bef75c6f6be159736a4e071e8c55f5/tenor.gif?itemid=13176935