337 - Burdens to Bear
As the fear from her nightmare slowly wore off, it took Fencer a moment to remember that Princess Luna’s sudden appearance might not be a good thing.
Before tonight, she’d never so much as seen any of the alicorn princesses in person, knowing them only from what was in the newspaper or whatever snippets she’d heard from other ponies. But everything she knew about them agreed that they were all very close; Celestia and Luna were sisters after all, and she was fairly sure that Cadance and Twilight were like family to them as well. Which meant that if Cadance had somehow gotten word to Luna about a certain group of five ponies that were on the run…
“From what I saw of your dream, you’re a survivor of the catastrophe that befell Vanhoover, are you not?” asked Luna.
“I…am, yes.” Fencer couldn’t help but stumble as she answered the question. Trying to parse what it indicated about what Luna knew and formulate her answer appropriately, all without giving anything away in the process, was more than she was capable of at the moment. The emotional weight of the nightmare she’d just gone through – on top of all the stress she’d experienced that evening – was simply too much.
Fortunately, Luna didn’t seem to notice the catch in her voice, shaking her head slowly. “I cannot imagine the horrors you must have experienced. The glimpse I saw just now, of your fear of turning into one of the monsters who hunted you, was more grotesque a fate than any I’ve ever witnessed. To think that so many ponies were forced to endure such a thing…” Fencer wasn’t sure what to say to that, but didn’t have a chance as the Princess stepped closer to her. “Your name is Fencer?”
The question made Fencer freeze up for a moment, unable to remember if she had said her name out loud in her dream. If she hadn’t, then that would mean that Luna had just given away that Cadance had told her who she was. But if she had, then acting suspiciously would only serve to alert Luna that something was amiss. Or was there a third option? Maybe Luna had some sort of magic that let her read minds? Wasn’t entering someone’s dream sort of the same thing anyway? Or was it completely different? Despite being a unicorn, Fencer hadn’t learned any magic besides basic things such as telekinesis or conjuring a light. Maybe the smarter thing to do was to change the subject instead. She could-
Suddenly, it was all too much. Despite knowing that she was doing this for the sake of her friends, Fencer couldn’t bring herself to go any further with her suspicion and mistrust. Not when she’d just had it rubbed in her face how unbearable a life based around those vices truly was. “…it is now,” she said simply, not able to bring herself to look Princess Luna in the eyes.
“I see,” replied Luna, her tone suggesting that she didn’t. But rather than asking for an explanation, the princess sighed. “Then, Fencer, please allow me to apologize for all of the pain and hardship that you went through.”
“What?” Taken by surprise, Fencer raised her gaze, seeing that Luna had placed a hoof over her heart and was giving her a look of regret. “I mean, why? You weren’t even there.”
Luna winced, as though stung by the words. “Which is precisely why I must ask for your forgiveness. My sister and I were deceived into believing that Vanhoover’s situation was far less dire than it actually was. Because of that, we took no action while our subjects suffered and died without our knowledge. I know that is a poor excuse for all that you were made to endure, but I wanted you to know why we weren’t there for you when you needed us.”
But Fencer was less concerned with the princess’s apology than with the revelation that she’d just offered. “Wait, deceived? By who?”
“A creature most foul, from what I’ve been told,” grimaced Luna. “But you needn’t worry. I’ve been assured that it has been punished, and will never trouble Equestria again. Right now, my greater concern is you.” She gestured toward Fencer. “Do you still fear becoming a monster like those you faced?”
The question brought Fencer up short. For just a moment she said nothing, then slowly nodded. “Yes, I do.”
She knew that she should have stopped there, that she should have just let Luna think she was worried about becoming a ghoul and let that be the end of it. But she didn’t even try to stop herself as her real feelings spilled from her lips. “…because I already was one.”
Luna cocked her head. “I don’t understand.”
Fencer turned away from the princess. Though the two of them were alone now, the scenery hadn’t changed, and she walked over to the fountain at the center of the town square. Her reflection in the water was back to normal now, but that brought her only a little comfort, and on an impulse she lashed out with a hoof, striking the water and letting the ripples free her from having to look at herself. “When Vanhoover fell, I became a monster. Not like those undead ponies, I mean. I was still me but I wasn’t me. I changed. I stole from people and hurt them and didn’t care at all, telling myself that the only thing that mattered was improving my chances of survival, even if that meant hurting somepony else’s.” Unable and unwilling to stop at that, she turned around to look at Princess Luna directly. “One of the ponies I hurt didn’t survive: a crystal stallion named Pillowcase.”
Luna’s eyes widened. “You’re one of the ponies Cadance wrote to us about!”
Somehow that didn’t surprise Fencer at all, and she laughed humorlessly. “She was worried about what my friends and I would do, huh?”
Luna didn’t speak, giving Fencer a penetrating look. Finally, after long seconds had passed, she let out a slow breath. “It is appropriate that of all the ponies that need me to safeguard their dreams this night, I should venture into yours.” Again she stepped closer to Fencer, who tensed as the princess drew near and raised a hoof. But when the limb reached out a moment later, it was to touch her chest in a gentle gesture.
“I, too, know what it is like to become a monster,” confessed Luna. “To be, as you said, me but not me, and do horrible things to the ones I care most deeply for. Like you, I carry those regrets with me, along with the fear that I might someday fall victim to the same mistakes again.”
For a second Fencer didn’t know what she meant, only for the obvious answer to come to her a moment later. “Nightmare Moon. I almost forgot.”
“There are some days when I wish I could forget, but to do so would not only be a grave injustice to those I wronged, but would make it possible for me to become her again. That’s why I’ve taken measures to ensure that I will always remember what I’ve done, and what the consequences were.”
Finally realizing that she was talking to the one pony in all of Equestria who could truly understand how she felt, Fencer felt her lip quiver. “How do you deal with it? Knowing that you did something terrible that you can never take back? Pillowcase and Cozy both forgave me, but it’s like…it’s like I don’t want to believe them! What kind of sense does that make?!”
“It makes perfect sense,” smiled Luna wanly. “They forgave you so that they could let go of what happened, and move on with their lives unburdened by what they went through. But as the ones who fell to darkness, you and I must always carry the burdens I mentioned – of responsibility and remembrance – so that we never make those mistakes again, even when we’re forgiven for them. That’s why you feel confused in your heart: because you want to move on as they have, but know that you cannot, at least not completely.”
Fencer looked down. “…so it never stops feeling like this?”
This time Luna’s smile was more compassionate. “It grows easier to bear with time, as you remember that while the blemishes on your spirit will always be a part of you, they need not define you. And it helps to have people in your life who care deeply for you to remind you of that.” Placing a hoof under her chin, Luna slowly raised Fencer’s face. “You mentioned that you have friends. Never forget that they are your strength, because they see the very best parts of you. My sister’s friendship was what brought me back from being Nightmare Moon; would I be wrong to assume that it was your friends that brought you back from your dark side?”
Pursing her lips, Fencer nodded her head. “Yes, actually.”
Luna blinked. “I beg your pardon?”
“My friends didn’t remind me of my better self.” Fencer’s voice was equal parts bitterness and resignation. “The opposite happened: I dragged them down with me, making them as selfish and awful as I was.”
Luna frowned, confusion written all over her face. “But your dream and everything you’ve said now demonstrate that you regret what happened to you. If it wasn’t your friends who saved you, then who did?”
A wry look crossed Fencer’s face then. “Believe it or not, it was a pony we tried to rob, named Lex.”
Luna’s jaw dropped. “Lex?! Lex Legis?!”
Fencer’s eyebrows rose at the princess’s reaction. “You know Lex?”
“Indeed!” Luna’s wings flared. “I saw him in your dream, but I didn’t think…you say he was a source of inspiration for you?” Her voice dripped with incredulity, making it clear how difficult she found it to believe that.
In another circumstance Fencer might have laughed at how shocked the princess looked, but now she simply nodded. “I know it sounds crazy, since he’s so harsh and unfriendly all the time-”
“To put it mildly,” interjected Luna, slowly folding her wings.
“-but that was what I needed. The way I was, a speech or a party or anything normal wouldn’t have reached me, and he didn’t try any of that. Instead, he forced me into a situation where I had to acknowledge all the evil I’d done. It was like,” she rolled a hoof in the air, as though the words were just out of reach, “it was like he knew I needed to be snapped out of it. And it worked. I mean, being punished so harshly was awful, but it felt like I deserved to be cursed for everything that-”
“Wait, cursed?!” Luna’s wings snapped back out again. “Lex cursed you for what you’d done?!”
“Three times over,” nodded Fencer. “He said it was justice for what I’d done.”
“I knew it!” Luna stomped a hoof, giving an angry snort. “I knew he’d been using his dark magic on the ponies under his care!”
“But he was right to do so!” protested Fencer. “That’s what brought me back! And when he lifted the curses later, and said that he was sure I was reformed, it felt-”
“I understand,” interrupted Luna, “but I need to inform my sister of what you’ve told me.” Without waiting for a reply, she flapped her wings, rising effortlessly toward the full moon still hanging in the sky. “I wish you well, Fencer. Remember that your burden is one you must bear, but you need not bear it alone so long as you have friends by your side.”
“Wait!” Feeling certain that she’d just done something she shouldn’t have, Fencer reared up on her hind legs, fore-hooves stretched out after Luna in a futile gesture. “Princess Luna!”
But a moment later Luna flew into the moon, vanishing into the glowing orb as though it were a cloud, and was gone.
Navigating the dream realm with all haste, Luna headed for her sister’s dream. Now that they had evidence that Lex was using his dark magic to curse the ponies he was supposed to be taking care of, Celestia would have to admit that something needed to be done. Using his powers to cause misery and suffering in others, even if he cloaked it in righteousness by claiming that he only used it on ponies that had performed misdeeds, wasn’t something that could be allowed to continue. On that, Luna felt certain that her sister would agree.
Spying the doorway to Celestia’s dream, Luna dived into it-
-and immediately came to a halt, eyes widening.
Unlike herself, Celestia’s magic had no affinity for dreams. For all her power, her sister was just like anypony else when it came to the dream realm, but there was one important exception to that. Celestia had a single talent when it came to dreams, though “talent” might have been the wrong word, since she had no ability to consciously invoke or control it.
Perhaps that was for the best, however; the power to see into the future was not something that should be used lightly.
It was exceedingly rare for her sister to have a prophetic vision in her dreams, but Luna had been present when Celestia had experienced them before. Such visions felt nothing like normal dreams, being completely outside of her ability to alter or manipulate. Moreover, they always came true. Which was why Luna felt herself turn pale as she looked at the scene before her.
It was daytime in the camp outside of Vanhoover, the sun shining down upon Silhouette’s unmoving form, completely still despite the ponies panicking and running in all directions nearby. Lying in a pool of his own blood, a dark scythe sheathed in a purple aura hovered over him, red liquid still dripping from its blade. A few feet away, Luna could see herself – the Luna that was part of Celestia’s vision – lying on the ground, sprawled out in a manner that suggested that she had just been pushed out of the way by Silhouette.
As she watched, the scythe reared back for another strike, the aura around it churning furiously. A few dozen feet away, a matching aura surrounded Lex Legis’s horn. Shining almost as brightly was the green glow of his eyes, purple contrails sprouting from their outer corners.
“I’LL DESTROY YOU!” screamed Lex, his features twisted into an expression of apocalyptic fury. Around him, black crystals erupted from the ground with explosive force, stabbing upward viciously. “I WILL WIPE YOU OFF THE FACE OF EQUESTRIA!”
Dimly, Luna realized that she didn’t need to worry about convincing her sister that Lex was a threat to them. This was far worse than his simply using dark magic on the ponies of Vanhoover. It was what she’d feared the most.
In a few hours, Lex was going to attack them.
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Self fulfilling prophesy. Looks like Silloette is being a total divine right arrogant idiot again? Or has something else managed to crawl up from the sea?
Grabs popcorn for 3 days from now. Or 6, if the author decides another interlude is called for
Oh dear. Not sure about the prophecy.
I will say I think Fencer was being a little hard on her friends. Yes they initially enabled her, but they were also the ones who gave her something to care about outside of herself when she was wallowing under that curse. A lot of her initial more altruistic decisions were based on protecting her friends, as I recall. If they had abandoned her, I strongly doubt she would have gotten to the point where she would have reformed on her own, even with Lex's curse. I suspect Fencer doesn't want to acknowledge how critical her friends are to her reformation because it would mean they are right to stick with her through this elaborate escape from Canterlot, even though Fencer wishes they had left her at this point to avoid bringing trouble down on themselves.
The scene with two damaged minds coming together felt very natural.
9517642
Either that or, since Luna is already on the warpath over the curses, nevermind the circumstances, she and/or Celestia are going to use that and/or this prophecy as an excuse to just arrest him, only for one of the girls to step in and get hurt, pissing him off and thus leading to Lex attacking them.
Either way it's probably going to be another reason why I think prophecies are bullshit.
9517642 We'll have to wait and find out! But if Celestia's prophetic visions are never wrong, then there's nothing that can be done anyway...
9517673 Will things go that fast? There's still a lot of time between now and that noon meeting, after all.
9517693 With regard to her friends, Fencer was pointing out that they weren't the ones who forced her to confront the monster she had become. Rather, they were content to follow her lead and do terrible things alongside her, reinforcing her descent into darkness rather than trying to break her out of it. Remember how, when Lex dragged her back (after she tried to ransom Pillowcase's life for Lex's horn), Turbo tried to tell her that she hadn't done anything wrong and didn't need to feel ashamed? There's a line between being supportive and being an enabler, and Fencer believes that she dragged them across it.
That isn't to say that they aren't being very supportive now. With their moral arc having been corrected, they're doing what ponies usually do, which is help and care for each other. But that correction was something that required a force greater than any of them could muster on their own, because what happened to them was completely beyond their ability to handle. It was only Lex, in his rather overbearing manner, who was able to rub Fencer's nose in just how far she'd fallen, and drag her kicking and screaming back into the light, which in turn led her friends to follow her there.
Of course, given that Lex is apparently going to cut down Silhouette in an attempt on Princess Luna's life, I doubt that what he did for Fencer will count for very much with the princesses right now.
9517717 Fencer and Luna are very much alike in that they both deeply regret what they became. Having them bond over that practically wrote itself. (Of course, it needs to be remembered that Luna still has her Tantabus torturing her in her own dreams, so she can't bring herself to tell Fencer that she should forgive herself, you'll notice.)
9517821 Issues of predicting the future - like a lot of stories involving time travel - tend to run into issues of free will vs. predestination. This might very well be a causal loop, as you noted. Or it might be something else entirely. It doesn't help that the series has shown time travel in Equestria as being self-consistent (It's About Time, season two, episode twenty) and being able to change the past (The Cutie Re-Mark - Parts 1 and 2, season five, episodes twenty-five and twenty-six), with the latter possibly being an instance of the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics (i.e. it's ambiguous if those other timelines that Twilight saw still exist or not), depending on which version of Star-Swirl's spell was used. So the entire thing is very difficult to judge.
We'll just have to sit back and watch it all unfold.
9518234
And you will use every scrap!
ok Luna is playing the fool she does not even have 1/2 of the story and she jumped right over the edge.
i wonder how she likes her eggs as they hit her right in the face.
9519938 Well, the whole "seeing a vision of Lex holding a bloody weapon over Silhouette's body and screaming threats" thing probably strikes her as being rather conclusive. Especially since she just got confirmation that he's using dark magic to enforce his will anyway.
9519955
this is true but it is still not even 1/2 of the truth.
Well, if there's any doubt about Lex not doing what he says he'll do, I think this will quash any notion of it now(though turning Aria into a pony should have been the one that silences such thoughts)
However, the absolute rage in Lex's voice and the cryptic scene in the dream (curse you, cryptic prophetic dreams...and every other unclear prophecy in general!) implies that not everything is as Luna sees it. I'd hazard a guess and say it's either Xiriel(somewhat doubtful unless he had some sort of backup resurrection scroll set up in his home dimension) or Silhouette getting too overzealous in his devotion to Luna.
p.s: Apologies for the late comment, just came back from vacation and reception was spotty out there.
9524040 Good to have you back! I was wondering what had happened to you.
The question of what exactly prompted the circumstances seen in Celestia's vision are as yet unknown, which is quite the mystery given how severe that scene is. Clearly something has set Lex off quite badly, but at this point there's not enough to determine precisely what. Though given that Lex has been weighing openly attacking the Royal Sisters (or rather, arresting them for something along the lines of "being derelict in their duties," and then attacking them when they inevitably resist), this would seem to be connected to that...right? Of course, that reason alone wouldn't account for what happened to Silhouette, nor Lex's overflowing rage, so the mystery is still unclear.
We'll just have to wait and see I suppose.