Lateral Movement

by Alzrius

552 - The Servants' Quarter

“And here are the quarters we’ve prepared for you and your colleagues.”

Stuffed Shirt pursed his lips as he glanced back down the hallway that the old butler – Trotsworth, he’d introduced himself as; the head servant of the household – had led him down. “It’s rather distant from His Highness’s chambers, don’t you think? I’d hate for him to find me unavailable should he have need of me.”

“I do apologize for that,” replied Trotsworth smoothly, giving an abbreviated bow. “The, shall we say, unusual circumstances of the past few weeks have caused any number of unforeseen difficulties. As it stands, we’re still removing the storm clouds from where they’d been temporarily stockpiled.”

Stuffed Shirt blinked, aghast. “Storm clouds? Here, in a manor house?”

Trotsworth’s genteel smile took on the faintest hint of amusement. “Oh yes. As I said, the circumstances have been most unusual.” And then his mask of professionalism was back in place, his expression once again pure politeness. “We took the liberty of bringing your colleagues an evening repast twenty minutes ago. Normally we’d have invited you to use the servants’ dining area, but as we didn’t know your schedule, there was a concern regarding insufficient seating should your party and ours show up at the same time.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you.” Now it was Stuffed Shirt’s turn to bow. As he did so, he let his eyes flicker to the nearest window for just a second. It didn’t face westward, but from what he could see of the shadows being cast on the ground outside, it was somewhere between late afternoon and early evening.

That wasn’t an unusual time for an evening meal, if one preferred to dine early. Still, it seemed unlikely that a majority of the manor’s permanent staff would be having dinner now, which meant that there probably wouldn’t have been an issue if Stuffed Shirt and the rest of the royal retinue had elected to help themselves to the servants’ dining area. In fact, as the head butler, Trotsworth in all likelihood knew precisely when his staff ate their meals.

Which meant that bringing the newest ponies in service to Prince Legis dinner in their rooms, rather than inviting them to use the facilities, was in fact a message. One that Stuffed Shirt, who had been a servant all of his life, could decipher as easily as if it had been garishly scribbled upon the walls:

This is our turf.

There was no way to call the old earth stallion out on that, though. He’d already disguised his message as one of respectful attentiveness. Moreover, any sort of overt objection would have been extremely tactless; one of the cardinal rules of being a servant was that you never let your problems trouble the ponies you served, and strife among staff members was a surefire way to do exactly that. It was the same reason why Stuffed Shirt hadn’t objected to that Feather Duster mare having the place of honor as His Majesty’s left side, despite protocol dictating that the Royal Valet outranked a mere personal assistant.

But that didn’t mean Stuffed Shirt had to take this lying down.

“I truly hope I’ll have the opportunity to show similar consideration for you one day,” continued Stuffed Shirt, making sure his smile was no less polite than Trotsworth’s. “Perhaps when His Highness goes to inspect some of his many holdings around Equestria, I’ll be able to arrange for you to tag along.”

Translation: My turf is each and every one of the myriad royal properties, you provincial rube.

“A most generous offer,” acknowledged Trotsworth. “However, I suspect that I’ll not be able to take you up on it for some time. Prince Legis seems so very invested in his work here in Vanhoover that it’s hard to imagine him gallivanting around Equestria simple because he’s picked up some extraneous paraphernalia.”

Translation: Maybe so, but the prince is here, you little upstart.

“Well,” chuckled Stuffed Shirt. “I can see this is going to be a most vibrant partnership. I’m certain that between the two of us, we’ll be able to see to all of His Highness’s needs.”

Translation: Kiss my flank.

“I look forward to working with you.” With that, Trotsworth gave a polite nod before turning and heading back down the hallway.

Stuffed Shirt watched him go, knowing that the old stallion’s parting shot had been the sugarcoated equivalent of “right back at you.” It was only after Trotsworth disappeared around a corner that Stuffed Shirt relaxed, unable to hold back a small groan as the tension of the exchange slowly faded. Even then, he needed several seconds to collect himself before he straightened up and entered the new, and hopefully temporary, quarters that he’d be sharing with his compatriots.

“You’re back!”

Smiling as she saw him enter, Puff Pastry, the royal confectioner – a pudgy unicorn mare with a dull yellow coat, snowy white mane and tail, and a cutie mark of gumdrops arranged to form a candy crown – paused just long enough to call “he’s back!” over her shoulder before grabbing a tray of cupcakes in her telekinesis, all of them frosted with a swirl of green and purple, save for a dollop of bright red in the center, and waving them in front of him. “Do you think the prince will like these? I patterned them off of his, er, unique color pattern. The frosting is lime and grape mix, and the red part is strawberry. I wanted to use cherry, but Coat Tail said he couldn’t find any at the market. I think he just didn’t look hard enough-”

“If I didn’t look hard enough,” frowned Coat Tail, the royal clothier – a balding unicorn stallion with a rather flat blue coat, black mane and tail (even if his mane was now limited to a horseshoe hairline), and a cutie mark of a needle stitching a fur-trimmed cape – brushing crumbs from his muzzle as he walked in, “it was because I was also bringing our personal effects here with very little help, so an extra errand to run wasn’t exactly high on my list of priorities.” Ignoring Puff Pastry’s frown, he turned to Stuffed Shirt. “You’ve been with the prince, right? Is it true that all he wears are that tattered old cloak and a few accessories? Surely he must have a more expansive wardrobe than that?”

But Stuffed Shirt had no opportunity to answer before another pony joined the conversation. “Bah, you dress new prince in whole closet if you have way,” snorted Tranquila Rest, the royal leisuremeister – like Puff Pastry, she was a large mare, save for her stubby horn; unlike the confectioner, however, Tranquila was all muscle, her powerful frame covered by a drab green coat, her auburn mane and tail both cut short; only her cutie mark, showing a gem-encrusted croquet mallet hitting a diamond, really stood out on her – as she clucked her tongue in disapproval. “Fewer clothes make easier for moving, yes? Sound good to me.” Pretending not to see Coat’s scowl, she glanced at Stuffed Shirt next. “I hearing talk. New prince is, how you say, tightup? Work hard but no play hard, even with beauty that call herself ‘nighttime snuggling bunny’?”

“Her and her sister,” corrected Color Palette, the royal painter – his blush making his freckles stand out even more against his cream-colored coat, contrasting even more sharply with his dark blue mane and tail, as well as with his cutie mark, which consisted of a portrait of a regal throne in an ornate frame – with a self-conscious wince. The youngest member of the group, the unicorn colt was still in his mid-teens, and was painfully shy around even moderately-attractive mares, something that the older ladies in the royal entourage loved to tease him about. “I sketched a few outlines of the prince’s, um, lady-friend,” he mumbled, turning over a sketchpad to reveal a rather flattering image of a smiling Sonata. “I know I should have started making some of His Highness himself, but I thought maybe he’d like this more?”

“Does he have any sort of family crest or personal emblem?” called Flag Staff, the royal vexillologist. “I want to start working up some basic designs if he wants to amend the seal of his office.”

“Forget that,” interrupted Constance Halation, the royal magician. “Did you happen to find out his birthday? I’m certain that he must have been born under a truly auspicious stellar conjunction!”

“Is he partial to animals of any kind?”

“Does he have a favorite type of music?”

The barrage of questions only grew heavier as more and more of Stuffed Shirt’s associates came rushing in, eager to find out what the valet – the highest-ranking among them – had learned about the new prince that they all worked for. But just like with Trotsworth, Stuffed Shirt knew that they weren’t really asking what they wanted to know. Except where the old butler had been exercising nuance, everypony yelling questions right now was deliberately dancing around the most fundamental question, afraid to give voice to it directly:

Would Lex Legis see fit to retain their services, or would he let them go?

So it’s finally sunk in, sighed Stuffed Shirt to himself as he tried to get everypony to quiet down.

While everyone on the royal retinue, himself included, had been deliriously happy to see Blueblood lose his royal title – while they were all consummate professionals, years of service to someone who had gone out of his way to denigrate each and every one of them on a daily basis, regardless of how hard they’d tried to please him, had led to them all privately despising their now-former employer – Stuffed Shirt was keenly aware that the sense of euphoria which had caused them all to only belatedly realize that they knew next to nothing about the pony who held their fate in his hooves was starting to fade. And while the joy of seeing Blueblood get what he so richly deserved was a pleasure that wouldn’t fade away quickly, it was no cure for the creeping uncertainty about the future that was now dawning on them all. Answers were needed, even if they were scared of what those answers would be.

It was a nervousness that he could relate to. As odious as Blueblood had been, nopony on his staff had seriously considered quitting their job. Not when royal service was part of their destiny, as depicted on their cutie marks. While Puff Pastry could have gotten a job in any bakery on Equestria – or even started her own – it wasn’t simply making sweets that gave her a sense of fulfillment. Rather, it was knowing that she’d made things just a little better for somepony who did so much for so many; whose service to Equestria was just a tiny bit easier because she, and all the rest of them, were there to help.

Naturally, that had made working for Blueblood all the more galling. But even with his overwhelming ego, constant narcissism, and complete self-absorption, he’d still served a function. Or at least, he’d seemed to, since rich and influential ponies had kept flocking to him, and most of them had seemed, if not uplifted for having dealt with Blueblood, then at least satisfied. And so his entourage had all quietly resigned themselves to enduring the prince’s constant put-downs as best they could, taking solace in the fact that – while they couldn’t take pleasure in their jobs the way the servants of the princesses (all of whom, like Trotsworth, weren’t eager to let someone else move in and try to displace them; servants who transferred between royals were almost unheard of) could – the sacrifice of their happiness was not without meaning. Even if they didn’t like who they worked for, they all knew they were still needed.

Except now they were all worried that they might be working for somepony who didn’t need them at all.

It was a concern that Stuffed Shirt shared. Although he’d only worked for Lex Legis for a few hours, he could already tell that the new prince was not only nothing like Blueblood – a huge point in his favor, there – but also nothing like any royal he’d ever heard of. Austere, ambitious, and utterly unconcerned with overturning protocol and precedent when it served his interests to do so, it was hard for Stuffed Shirt to imagine that Prince Legis would need a clothier or a leisuremeister. Especially since he was planning to sever part of Equestria and make it his own country…

But nopony in the retinue needs to know about that, Stuffed Shirt decided uneasily. Political machinations, especially at that level, were the sort of thing servants shouldn’t get involved with. Not if they wanted to continue being servants. Instead, what he needed to do right now was reassure everyone. And the best way to do that would be to help them figure out how they could all be of service to the new prince. After all, he’d be less likely to want to dismiss servants who’d tailored their special talents to his proclivities. As much as we all can, at least.

“Everypony,” he called, trying to make himself heard over the din of overlapping voices. “Everypony, please, quiet down! Everypony!”

“EVERYPONY MAKE SHUSHING!” boomed Tranquila, quieting everyone else immediately. Nodding in satisfaction, she smiled at Stuffed Shirt. “You talk now.”

Rubbing his now-aching ears, Stuffed Shirt gave her a pained smile back. “Thank you.” Even then, he waited another few seconds to let everyone’s hearing recover before he began speaking.

“Let me tell you all what I’ve learned about Prince Legis so far…”

Author's Note:

Stuffed Shirt does his best to figure out how he and the rest of the royal retinue can be of service to Lex.

Will they find a way to make themselves useful? Or will some of them find themselves needing new jobs soon?

Comments

[terrycloth]

Just make them all priests of the Night Mare. Their philosophy of submission has a place in her worship.

[Not so New Brony]

Despite the severity of them potentially losing their jobs given how little Lex needs some of their services, I'm sure that the new prince can find new positions where their talents and specialties can be put to good use.

Putting that aside, I do admit that I chuckled at how colorful the names and personalities are and would probably love a slice of life side story of Bluebloood's ex-servants' rivalry with Trotsworth and his fellow servants. Still, I enjoyed how Stuffed Shirt wanted to spare his colleague's feelings. I mean, working with people for so long tends to bring you together despite how dysfunctional they may seem.

p,s:Tranquila is my favourite so far just because of her line...and her position leisuremiester. pfft.

[harts fire]

dang it sounds like some one has been reading the washington post.

[Booster Spice]

Hopefully Lex will have extended duration temporary use for royalty supporters, through effectively creating an Embassy, virtual personage, which is where other ambassadors etc will interact with his holdings before Lex himself has to get involved for detailed work and signatures?

[Alzrius]

10609935 That would certainly seem to be a natural fit; the issue would be more that he'd need to keep paying them for performing no useful functions (or at least, useful to him). For that matter, you have to wonder how fulfilling they'd find that, since they'd all know that they wouldn't actually be doing anything to help Lex with his princely duties.

[Alzrius]

10610094 Hopefully Lex will be able to find something for his new royal retinue. As it stands now, he's critically low on funds, so paying ponies to do jobs that he in all likelihood won't care about might be a problem. With any luck the loan will help to keep that from becoming a critical issue, but Lex not finding value in what they do will still be something that needs to be confronted either way.

That said, the friction between the manor staff and royal servants was rather fun, wasn't it? It helps that Blueblood's servants are a rather unusual bunch, which somehow seems fitting considering Blueblood himself was a rather atypical Equestrian royal (at least compared to the princesses). But they do seem like a family, bickering amongst themselves and teasing each other, all while the head of household tries to look out for them. Hopefully they won't be separated anytime soon.

And yeah, Tranquila was definitely the most fun to write!

[Alzrius]

10610312 I...don't quite follow.

[Alzrius]

10610327 Well, for the moment Lex is too busy to care much about what he's gained from being a prince, so it's unlikely that he'll tell the rest of his new servants that they're fired. But as for an embassy...let's see if the princesses so much as recognize his new status, let alone his plan to form his own country (presuming he can even pull that off).

[harts fire]

10612646
this chapter sounds like the normal day in DC politics.

[Alzrius]

10612746 Ah, now I understand. Lex is moving into the more political area of his nascent reign now; maybe that means no more knock-down drag-out fights in his future?

[harts fire]

10612761

fimfic really need to update the pony emojis