Since you had asked for some proofreading, here's the current list of errors I was able to spot: 1. Of course, if one knew Ponyville, than they knew at the 2. "Twilight sighed. "Yeah, I know, (there shouldn't be a "before Twilight. 3. about everypony here; since I have been living here, has at least realized the Princesses 4. her shirt and shorts torn
So far that's the really major stuff I saw.
ALSO I DID NOT EXPECT WHAT HAPPENED TO HAPPEN. Pretty neat story so far!
Was I really the first to view this? Meh, whatever. This thing is about average for a story in it's current state.
As long as the story doesnt take 50 years for each update, i think it will go ok. Especially since the chapter is this small.
i like the idea
Just flip the two bolded letters and it should be good. Hopefully the ponies that did this enjoy the trip to tartarus that they just signed up for.
Since you had asked for some proofreading, here's the current list of errors I was able to spot:
1. Of course, if one knew Ponyville, than they knew at the
2. "Twilight sighed. "Yeah, I know, (there shouldn't be a "before Twilight.
3. about everypony here; since I have been living here, has at least realized the Princesses
4. her shirt and shorts torn
So far that's the really major stuff I saw.
ALSO I DID NOT EXPECT WHAT HAPPENED TO HAPPEN. Pretty neat story so far!
Good story, I like the topic you wrote for. I also loved how you wrote the ending, leaving it on a hook. Have a like!