- Member Since 18th Mar, 2015
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
Lon35hadow
A gamer for as long as I can remember, and always willing to help my friends; gamer or non gamer; Xbox, Playstation, or PC: if I can help, I will.
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- U7VK7VOVV7V · 3.6k words · 28 2 · 1.1k views
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Was I really the first to view this? Meh, whatever. This thing is about average for a story in it's current state.
As long as the story doesnt take 50 years for each update, i think it will go ok. Especially since the chapter is this small.
i like the idea
Just flip the two bolded letters and it should be good. Hopefully the ponies that did this enjoy the trip to tartarus that they just signed up for.
Since you had asked for some proofreading, here's the current list of errors I was able to spot:
1. Of course, if one knew Ponyville, than they knew at the
2. "Twilight sighed. "Yeah, I know, (there shouldn't be a "before Twilight.
3. about everypony here; since I have been living here, has at least realized the Princesses
4. her shirt and shorts torn
So far that's the really major stuff I saw.
ALSO I DID NOT EXPECT WHAT HAPPENED TO HAPPEN. Pretty neat story so far!
Good story, I like the topic you wrote for. I also loved how you wrote the ending, leaving it on a hook. Have a like!
Why is she asking twilight to join yea she's powerful but I don't think she can do what needs to be done like killing or actual fighting
Oh, because of her willingness to use dark magic in saving the Crystal Empire from King Sombra? That's my guess...
So when or if Sunset Returns she would be considered for placement in the agency? Interesting developments here, so I hope that you will update this story far more often.
7408223 Next chapter will explain.
Wait let me guess the Acolytes are the mane 6. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it.
7422355 Nope. Well, not all of the mane six. Keep in mind who has used dark magic before.
7422401
Oh my God. How is this organization still standing?!
I'm still confused sure she'll get combat training but she still doesn't have what it takes to put an enemy down for good and her stance wasn't detailed are you saying practicing dark magic will ease her mind on killing?
7422673 No, it's a side effect of having dark magic in her to begin with.
7422710 see you've split my mind in half 1 half says since it's a story she has to do it at some point and the other half has doubts and doesn't believe she can do it maybe she can in training but I guess until I see real world applications where she has to actually go through with ending a life I'll remain conflicted
Twilight is too trusting for her own good. Then again she is the mother bucking princess of friendship. So hopefully she can pickup the slack and get ready of what this group needs her for.
7485548 That's the main reason behind the current training things- to make her suspicious to the point where the soundproofing spell is second nature. Well, that, and a reason to be revealed next chapter.
i cant wait to see which of her friends are in this
So it is either Starlight Glimmer or Trixie. Darn it I was hoping it actually was Sunset Shimmer.
7532598 . . .Starlight was confirmed as of the second chapter, and do you really think Trixe, a showmare, would fit well with the secretive nature of the group?
7532631
Yes, via Kansas City Shuffle. While everypony is paying attention to her they can do there jobs. Plus Trixie would love it as everyone would be paying attention to her, perfect for her ego.
7532651 In an earlier comment-one which was a reply to you, btw- I said that one of the mane six was in the Shadow Guard.
It got to be Pinkie.
7532676
7532725
It was Rarity?! I could not get that from what was said. I just can never see her as one to do something like this. Still let's see where the story will take her.
I think Lone needs to get laid. Preferably more than once. Also fun chapter! I would have gone with either a scimitar or a kopesh.
7570882 Trust me, the reason he's the way he is is going to be revealed, and it's connected to but not a result of the incident Shade talked about, but rather a result of what made him the Shadow Guard leader.
So Sunset Shimmer will be joking the guard, interesting. So it was Rarity in the bar, so it make me think that the CMC are definitely a part after the whole love poison incident.
7646664 Uh, what? The only part I got was Sunset joining the guard-which is true- but the rest, I don't understand with how you worded it. The CMC have nothing to do with the story right now, and Rarity's been in Ponyville.
7646674
I am throwing darts at the wall with the CMC. After that whole love poison incident I felt that those three might have been recruited also.
7646689 The Guard wants people who can be stealthy, not those who can blow stuff up just because they think it'll help when it may turn out worse. Plus they're still kids, not old enough.
Wow... I was not expecting that.
Well somebody wanted to prevent Twilight from becoming powerful. I bet that is why they tried to kill Twilight because she became an alicorn. Hopefully Twilight can have a daughter fast enough if the book is recovered so she can takeover for Twilight Velvet.
8524469
(evil chuckle) Somebody's on the right path. Next chapter will give an idea as to who it is.
What the fuck did Starlight see!?!