8962219 Agreed, the "what did you do to them", line and friends being asleep when they have no good reason to be has been used far too many time to create stupid and unnecessary conflict. If the characters had functioning brains and eyes then it would never happen.
The premise of the story is good but you're telling more than showing. It could be cleaned up a bit and a few of the sentences could be gone, but it's good altogether.
I can't do this, also, unless Twilight is talking about what she did to the Diamond dogs, because
makes no sense. She could clearly see Spike and Rarity were fine, they were in plain sight.
8962219
Whoops, let me fix that.
Edit: There you go, hope it's more clear now.
8962219
Agreed, the "what did you do to them", line and friends being asleep when they have no good reason to be has been used far too many time to create stupid and unnecessary conflict. If the characters had functioning brains and eyes then it would never happen.
This story is ridiculous and i love it.
The premise of the story is good but you're telling more than showing. It could be cleaned up a bit and a few of the sentences could be gone, but it's good altogether.
Boi that intro 😂😂 wtf ? And where the next chapter at tho
8994442
Don't worry, it'll be published soon. More hilarity and maybe some backstory will ensue.
Does there happen to be a mention of being a courier somewhere here? No? Never mind I’ll just go back to massacring the legion...
8994755
Which legion exactly? There's a shit ton of them out there.
9003391
It was a Fallout joke. In the last quarter of New Vegas one of the storylines is “Wildcard.”
9003611
Oh! Okay, I forgot about that. Nice little reference you put there.
Maybe Twilight should be paired up with Angelina?