Emerald Essence grinned, her newest assistant begrudgingly tagging along. Today, she would finally get Arcane out of her mane once and for all, by taking her case to the biggest Alchemy guild in Equestria, the Royal Alchemy Guild, and requesting they audit him and his practices. The guild hall was, she had to admit, magnificent, a massive three-story construction with sculptures and artwork that would put even the finest collections of the nobility to shame. Ponies from all walks of life gathered there to study, train in, and discuss the finer points and intricate details of the art of alchemy, and many of the world's greatest alchemists started here in it's long, storied history. Seven hundred years of work in the field, and some of the most influential alchemists in existence would make bringing the hammer of judgement down on that mad pony easy. It was still early in the day, though, and their annual meeting had not started yet, so she sat down on a bench to relax.
“NO!”
Emerald's ears shot up. She knew that voice, as much as she hated it.
“NO NO NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!”
Sure enough, there was Arcane Catalyst, the only obstacle between her and a great property value for her shop. Oddly enough, his back legs were tied up, several magic dampening rings were on his horn, and he was being pulled along by a rope tied around his midsection that was attached to a harness worn by his assistant Juniper.
“Boss, I'm afraid not even you can get out of this one,” she told him grimly. “There's no escaping your fate this time.”
“NO! YOU CAN'T MOVE ME, I'M PARALYZED!” Arca rolled over like a dog throwing a temper tantrum, refusing to move and forcing Juniper to drag him down the path to the guild.
“I can do this just as long as you can, Boss. Don't make me carry you up the steps.”
“I REFUSE! YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME IN THERE, JUNIPER!”
“I have my orders.”
“NO!”
“Yes.”
“NO NO!”
“Yes, yes, Boss.”
“YES! And then you say…”
“Glad we agree.”
“No, you're supposed to say no, then I say no also and we go home!” The green pegasus finally pulled her mentor to the short set of steps leading to the grand entrance, the doors swinging wide as though inviting Arca to his doom.
“Come on, Boss. Time to go.” Juniper grabbed Arca's tail in her mouth and pulled the stallion up the steps, as he gave up the paralysis act and started digging into the stonework with his forehooves.
“NO! NO WAY IN TARTARUS AM I GOING IN THERE!” As a last ditch effort, he lunged to the side and grabbed hold of the entrance door frame, crying for help. “NO! NOT LIKE THIS! PLEASE, SOMEPONY SAVE MEEEEEEEEE ooh, this carpet is super soft.”
The doors slammed shut, sealing off Emerald's view of the inside.
“Well, it seems they beat me to the punch on that one!” Emerald cheered. “Normally I'd be upset somepony got ahead of me, but for a common enemy I don't mind at all! Assistant, be a dear and make a note to make a generous donation to the Royal Alchemy Guild… but not too generous! Maybe ten bits, does that sound fair? On second thought, make it eleven! They deserve it.”
Her assistant sighed. “Yes, ma'am…”
“Order, order! This annual meeting of the Royal Alchemy Guild will now commence!” Bunsen Burner, representative of the Manehattan branch of the guild, let his voice echo through the chamber as those present quieted down. “Today, we will discuss some of the bigger breakthroughs in the field, allocate funds for future research, investigate those who perform illegal actions in the field, and ensure that Equestria has a brighter future!”
The other representatives stomped their hooves in applause.
“It is a shame, though, that our founder is not here with us to see our progress. He pioneered many of our chosen areas of research, and his presence is missed dearly here every year. If he were here, though, I am sure he would look upon us and proclaim-”
“JUNIPER, I SWEAR TO CELESTIA'S SUN COVERED FLANKS I'M NOT GOING IN THERE!”
“Nevermind, it seems he actually showed up this year. Hello, Arca.”
Tied up on the floor, Arcane Catalyst glared up at the stallion. “Hello, Bunsen. Can I go home now?”
“Not until the meeting is over.”
“But you guys are so BORING these days! I remember when I started this in my laundry room, me and my old apprentices would get together and play roulette with unlabeled potions! You guys don't even play the club theme song!”
“We stopped being a ‘club’ 650 years ago, Arca. We have funding from the crown and guild chapters nationwide. Sit down and behave for five hours, please? For once? And hello miss Berry, I hope he didn't give you too much trouble.”
“Jumped him before he woke up. Piece of cake, and my dear old Boss isn't getting any later unless he behaves.”
“Fine. Let's get this over with.”
“Very well,” Bunsen began as Juniper sat Arca up in a chair and let him get relatively comfortable. “Our first order of business is the theory about the possible resistance to further alchemical reactions that iron thornfruit seems to provide, and it's possible applications for resisting curses applied via potion…”
The meeting went off without further incident, the representatives all dispersing to return to their rooms or to go teach the hundreds of alchemical prodigies that lived in the building to further their craft. Juniper noticed Arca was still sitting in his chair, staring ahead, and moved over to check on him, untying his bindings and removing the horn rings.
“Boss? The meeting's over, we can go home now.” No response. “Boss?”
Arca wobbled in place, and finally collapsed, his head landing sideways on the table.
The ancient pony's mouth opened and a loud snore erupted from his throat. Juniper jumped back in surprise as he slumped over, passed out from boredom, noting the fake eyeballs painted on his closed eyelids to give the illusion of being awake.
“Ugh, you win this round, Boss…”
Arca started the biggest alchemy guild in Equestria, How am I not surprised.
Yeah, I fully expected Arca to be the founder as soon as you said Emerald was planning to report him to the Royal Alchemy Guild. (Not that that's much of a spoiler for anyone who's been keeping up with the story...)
Ah Arca, never change. I wonder how salty/jealous are the other alchemists of his immortality? Or do they see his silliness as an unwanted side effect?
A small typo, but easily fixed to "snore".
9392063
They are half jealous, half overjoyed they dont have to go through electing new leaders, and like 1% fed the buck up with Arca's shenanigans.
Yeah, he's for all intents and purposes the almost-alicorn prince of alchemy. so no, the guilds will not be censuring him for acting in exactly the same manner he always has. the only real reason he doesn't have wings is that he's never really cared.
Though if someone asked for a flight potion, I'd lay equal odds that he could figure it out. I think part of the reason for the secrecy, is so that no one ever thinks to ask him for something, interesting.
Because Arca is somewhat lacking in common sense, yes? And might not think twice about someone asking him for a super-pony serum. I forget, are comic books allowed near him? Because I could easily see him reading Spider Mare, and taking it as a challenge.
9392144
He reads the Detective Surehoof comics every month, so he is allowed other comics.
I so want to see Emeralds reaction to this.
Left him?
9392177
Fixed.
Bunsen: Madam, you should just move your shop.
Emerald: No. Arcane Catalyst is the one who should move.
Bunsen: Madam, we cannot do anything to our Founder.
Emerald: Your Foun... *faint*
9392318
At this point it's a matter of personal pride for Emerald.
But, she still isn't aware of Arca's... medical condition. She still thinks he's just a loony, but otherwise normal unicorn.
Forms at the local doctor include the question 'are you ageless?' On thier new patient form.
9392393
Which is why her finding out will cause her to faint. And then find out again and faint again. Repeat until no longer funny.
Who wants to play potion roulette with me
It sounds like fun :D
9392595
https://youtu.be/Cqd-_fHdTyA
Size doesn't matter.
11bits how about add insult to injury and we don't even see Emerald addressing anyone with the guild
9392808
She thought Juniper was taking Arca in to be brought before the council as she planned to to, and left.
He was brought to them, just not as she expected...
9392861 Well you know what happens when you assume something
9392881
Yeah, you miss out on all the great songs I link to!
Fine boss, but if you stay here I need a raise
9392488
I got a tank potion
Fuckin Abrams
I am now curious as to WHAT the song for the Alchemy ‘club’ is...
9392892
Dammit! I fell for that...
Ooooh, Emerald's gonna lose it if she hears that Arca started the guild!
Loving this series - plenty of imagination and humor tossed into this blend.
Fave'd, thumbed-up and trackin' now. I love your depiction of Arca and Juniper and the shenanigans they get mixed in.
9393255
I didn't intend to write a song, but if i had to choose an existing one to modify to be about brewing potions? Probably Cooking by the Book from Lazytown. Arca would.
9397155
This one? (note, not exactly SFW)
Okay that was GREAT to see Juniper get her Master like that. Considering all the stress and headaches he has given her, I'm sure she enjoyed her little piece of revenge.
Not only that, but kudos to Arcas for being so devious and skilled at making his eyelids look like eyes.
Honestly, for just a moment my dirty mind thought she was talking about him getting something OTHER than cake...
They probably are
She is not gonna be happy later... especially when she finds out Arca is not only their oldest member but that he's likely also one of their more important ones
Oh so he's the founder... neat
Wel played indeed... Clever,Stallion...